I don’t think the women I married knew what they were getting into. Nobody knows how the pressure of being a professional athlete affects a marriage until after you’re in it – how the media portrays you or how the fans try and grab your attention all the time.
I know there were times I was really hard to live with. If I had a bad day at the park, my wives knew when I came home – don’t talk to me for two hours. It took that long just to calm down. I didn’t forget about things that happened in the game, but I had to calm down. I mean, who wants to be around a mad guy all the time.
My first marriage was to a girl I dated in high school. I dated Kathy when I was in 12th grade, and she was in 11th. I took her to the senior prom in the spring of 1974. After I was drafted and playing in the minor leagues, we didn’t date again until two years later and I was playing AA ball in Jacksonville. That’s the year I got hurt and missed a lot of games.
She was back in Summit going to college and working. We got married in 1979. Later that same year our daughter, Shanice, was born. Our son Donnel (DJ) was born three years later in 1982 – the same year I won the batting championship.
We were two people who were nobodies when I first got into the big leagues. Within a couple of years, we had all the attention of the world – good and bad. You can’t hide.
Being a pro athlete also affects your children. I can remember one instance when Shanice was about 4 years old; we were out having dinner after a Sunday afternoon game. We lived in Blue Springs, we were having dinner on the way home.
This fan came up, and he wanted an autograph. I had the fork right at my mouth, sitting there with my wife, my daughter and my son. I just wanted to hang with them. I can remember very clearly my daughter going, “He’s MY daddy. He’s not your father. He’s MY daddy.”
Kathy also went through all the drug stuff with me. I know me not being home for Christmas of 1983 when I was in jail was really hard on our family. Things started mounting up then as well. We weren’t getting along the latter part of the 1984 season, and then we separated in 1985. We’re actually really good friends now. We were in the hospital together when Shanice had her second child. Kathy cooked Thanksgiving dinner, and I was there. That makes it much better for everyone. I’m too old to be mad. We were both pretty young and naïve when we were married.
When Kathy and I were separated I met another woman and had a child with her: Mallori.
I met my second wife, Catherine, during the 1985 playoffs when we were in Toronto. I was separated from Kathy when I met Catherine. She didn’t want anything to do with me until I was divorced. After the divorce, I started going out with her.
We were married in 1988. Our son Trevor James was born in 1992 and our son Maxwell James was born three years later in 1995. Catherine went through some stuff with me as well. She went through the business failures with me, the bankruptcy and all the downsizing we had to do with our homes.
We had a certain lifestyle when I was playing, and then the money stopped coming in. A lot of my frustration came from trying to cut down our spending and it seemed like no one even heard me talking about that. It’s hard to change your lifestyle when you are use to a certain level.
I have five grandchildren. Shanice has two children, Anisa and Kayden. Mallori has two, Mikiya and Marie. Trevor has one, Trey Shawn. I attempt to stay in my kids’ lives as much as they will let me. They each have unique qualities that I’m very proud of.