Friday, February 14
It was good to walk along Fleet Street in the cold morning sun, thought Clarenceux. It was good to breathe the fresh air, and to see all the people coming into the city. Fifteen hundred years had passed since the Romans had invaded, and still the city thrived. And before that, it had been the city of King Lud and maybe even of Gorbodoc, whose sons had torn the country in two, fighting between themselves. So much time, so many people passed along this street, taking so much for granted, as he had done for the last thirty years. So many would walk along here in future—sometimes idly, sometimes happily, sadly, quickly, slowly, fearfully, joyfully—and more often than not, without even reflecting on what it meant to be here.
Today he was thinking about what “being here” really meant. Whatever happened on Monday, whether he lived or died in the fire, he would never be able to return to this city, never walk along this street after he left tomorrow morning. He would never be able to stand here again and look about him as he did now. Never be able to reclaim any possession of his, or call at his house, or consult a document or chronicle that had once been in his library or Cecil’s library. Even if he emerged well and healthy from Thame Abbey, not even his closest friends must know he was alive. He would have to surrender his idea of himself and give up his fascinations, accepting that there would be things he would want to know that he could not find out; people whose well-being he would want to be sure of, whom he could not contact. He would not even be able to see his friend Julius Fawcett in Chislehurst, for his house was too close to Scadbury Park, where Walsingham had grown up. Everyone had to believe that he was dead, that the last nail had been hammered into his coffin. No one could be allowed to suspect that he was the one who had hammered it in himself.
Awdrey was the exception. If he could not know her in the world he foresaw, he did not want to live. Two women had governed his emotional life for the last three years: one, Rebecca Machyn, was already dead. To be cut off from Awdrey as well would be the death of him. She confirmed what he was; she allowed him to know himself and she defined his place in the world. If he lived, he would take her away from this city and its dangers and live quietly with her somewhere, perhaps in the countryside, or maybe in a foreign country. As he looked at a well-dressed merchant’s wife walking toward the city with two female friends and a basket-carrying servant in her company, he had a picture of Awdrey walking through the Bourse in Antwerp in the same way, looking handsome and confident, with her daughters beside her.
How he prayed for her! If God judged prayers by fervor and regularity, surely He had to listen to Clarenceux’s prayers for Awdrey and their daughters.
The bells started to ring, and Clarenceux stepped faster toward Cecil House. His chest felt tight and full of strangeness, as if he had inhaled some exotic incense. But there was no more time to feel. Now was the time to act. He had only one day to put his affairs in order.
***
Cecil welcomed him in his writing room, sitting on a bench by the fire. Although fully dressed, his uncovered foot was out in front of him, propped up on a low stool. The book presses, with their brown, white, and black vellum and leather-bound volumes, provided the paneling of reason and knowledge. The portrait of Cecil was similarly reassuring.
“I apologize for not standing; it is this accursed gout. Have you been to see Annie yet?” asked Cecil after their initial formalities.
“No, I intend to do that next. I hear she is playing with Robert in the garden.”
“You should be able to see them from this window.”
Clarenceux looked out. Fifty yards from the house Annie enthusiastically threw a ball for Robert. Her aim was not good and her expectation of his catching abilities overoptimistic. She picked the ball up and tried again. Again he failed to catch it and the two of them ran to where it lay in the grass as Robert’s governess looked on.
“Thank you for looking after Annie.”
“It is the least I can do. But listen. You are upset. Take some time.”
“I have, Sir William, I have. On Monday, at noon, I am going to hand the Percy-Boleyn marriage agreement over to John Greystoke, the man who abducted my wife and who has subsequently repeatedly forced himself upon her. He has also deceived Walsingham. But I suspect you know that.”
Cecil said nothing.
Clarenceux unbuttoned the top of his doublet and pulled out the two letters he had tucked inside. He held up the first one. “You told me once that I would write a letter to my wife. Here it is. It contains my last wishes—please give it to her if the need arise.” He handed it to Cecil and raised the second letter. “This one is the instructions for Walsingham.” He handed that one too to Cecil.
“I have half a mind to throw both of these on the fire and tell you to pull yourself together, William.”
“Then you would do me a great wrong. Even if you were to surround the place on Monday, you could not guarantee my wife’s safety. Nor could you guarantee our safety in future. If you arrested all those who are after us, the Catholic plotters in this country will never accept that that document is lost to them. They will simply deny it. Even if you prove people wrong on something they collectively believe in, they will continue to have faith in it—and collectively they will deny the proof. What hope does a man have? They killed Rebecca Machyn just to teach me a lesson. If you take the document from me, I will be killed—or Awdrey will be, or one of my daughters—as a lesson to you. We’ve become symbols of a refusal to betray our monarch. As Catholics who are loyal to the crown, we are hated by the Catholics who are militant. The only way to end it is for me to be seen to destroy the document and myself. Consider it an act of purification.”
Cecil raised an eyebrow. “And this is the way you hope to save your family?”
“I have provided for my wife and daughters,” Clarenceux continued. “They should benefit from almost £300 in cash. I hope that you will reward them on my behalf and watch over them if I am successful in this endeavor and stop the document from falling into Catholic hands.”
“But the document already is in Catholic hands—yours.”
“Sir William, this is our last meeting, so I will be wholly honest with you. I have attended the same church for the last thirty years—I have not changed. I have said the same prayers in my heart and sung the same psalms. I believe that God looks after communities that look after their members, and forbids the eating of meat in Lent and the marriage of priests. I believe that the Mass is meaningful in helping the souls of the departed. And I believe it was wrong of the old king to take away the places of memorial, to destroy abbeys and churches, to desecrate all the old holy places. I look at the blank space in the church where my parents were buried—the cold, plain stonework—and I feel the loss of their memorial like a second loss of them in person. I deplore the burning of roods up and down the country. I weep to think of the altars not just unattended but destroyed, and the holy sculptures smashed. All along I have asked myself, ‘What is it that makes a man change his faith? How can a monarch command a man’s belief?’ There is nothing in the world you can say that will make me lose my belief in the old religion. For me, it is like believing in the beauty of women, or that water runs downhill. These are things beyond all persuasion—as much as trying to make me believe my hip does not ache or that I am not in my forty-ninth year. I could say that I do believe what I do not—but I would be lying. Is the rest of the kingdom lying? Some are—and the rest are forgetting. All across this kingdom, people are closing their eyes to the old religion. They see no votive offerings on altars and so they forget that this is a way we may seek divine intervention in our lives. They forget the names of the dead and the holy places of the past. There are empty stone niches in church walls where jeweled reliquaries used to be set, gleaming in the darkness with the Lord’s power. Now the young just see holes. Do you not remember the great tomb of King Henry, in the abbey? Gold, glimmering in the darkness, with the beauty of centuries of devotion from kings, even emperors. In the church of the Greyfriars, there once were the tombs of the queens—Queen Margaret, Queen Isabella, Queen Joan: they were all destroyed and the effigies sold off for the value of the alabaster. Bare stone flagstones adorn that church now. And yet it was founded by a queen of England, and a most loved queen at that—an ancestress of the present queen. Nothing you can say will make me believe that that was the Lord’s will. And yet the queen commands this shift of faith—and people all across the kingdom obey. Are we such cowards, Sir William? Not all of us. I might be in a minority but, in losing my wife and my daughter, and almost losing my other daughter, and in losing my dear friend, Rebecca, I know it must be conscience that moves me. It must be. The world will change because of cowardice and complacency—but I will not. If I must sacrifice myself to secure my family’s freedom from tyranny, I will do so gladly, in the eyes of God, and with a bleeding but unbroken heart. And those men that call themselves Catholics—those who would steal the document from me, and who would have me start a war in the name of their faith—are nothing of the sort. They are fickle players in the false religion of politics, and their saints are Lord Henry and Mary of Scotland—just as your saint is Elizabeth—and they do not follow the path of righteousness, nor the will of God, but that of self-interest, tyranny, and hatred.”
He went back to the window and rested his forehead against the leaded glass. Cecil remained silent for a long time.
“When do you want me to send this letter to Walsingham?” he asked quietly.
“Today. He will need time to prepare.”
Cecil struggled to his feet. Resting his weight on the heel of his foot, he limped over and stood beside Clarenceux looking out the window. Annie and Robert were hiding from one another behind the low bushes in the formal squares of the garden, jumping up and surprising each other.
“It is St. Valentine’s Day,” said Cecil.
“St. Valentine was a martyr too.”
“He gave his life for his faith, not his wife.”
“What brings me closer to my wife brings me closer to God.”
Cecil looked at Clarenceux, studying the face, the beard, the eyes, and thinning, graying hair. “I admire you. No one will remember me for the fact that I too love my wife. All people will remember is that I served our queen.”
Clarenceux turned away and walked to the door. “Your wife herself might remember it, Sir William. And your children. They count too.”
Cecil took the reprimand silently. “William.”
“Yes?” said Clarenceux, looking back.
“I don’t know…This cannot be our final good-bye. At least, I cannot believe it.” He shook his head in distress and looked at Clarenceux with shining eyes. “I know we have had our disagreements but…”
There was a long silence. Clarenceux came back across the room and embraced Cecil. “Some things are not even within the gift of the most powerful man in the kingdom.”
***
He walked among the box hedges of the knot garden holding Annie’s hand. The hedges turned this way and that, and back on themselves, in a square design. He himself felt similarly intricately contorted. In stark contrast to his mood, Annie had been telling him about the sort of horse she wanted to have when she grew older, and the sort of house she wanted to live in—one with lots of glass, naturally, like Sir William’s house, only gabled, like her home. She wanted two embroidered foreparts for every dress, and ruffles and slashed sleeves, as well as a velvet gown and cork-soled shoes.
“And who is going to pay for all these things?” Clarenceux asked.
“You are, Father,” she replied joyfully, turning to him and smiling up at him with her joke.
Clarenceux squeezed her hand, swallowing back the emotion. “I think you will need to find yourself a rich husband.”
“I will have nine children,” she said with the supreme confidence of a seven-year-old. “Four boys and five girls, and the girls will all marry knights and lords and earls, and the boys can be admirals and captains.”
He stopped and crouched down to look her in the eyes. “Listen, Annie, I am not going to be able to come to see you for a while. But I am sure that Sir William and Lady Cecil will look after you very well. And I hope very much that your mam will soon be back, and she will look after you.”
“Will you not be here when Mam comes?”
“I don’t know, Annie.” This was the moment he was dreading. “I don’t know what is going to happen to me.”
“Are you going to be executed?”
Clarenceux laughed. “No, my sweet, I am not going to be executed. I am going to…to…” I can never come back here. I will not see her grow up and become a young woman and marry. “I will be back before long,” he said. He ran his fingers through her hair, and then hugged her.
“Why are you crying?”
“It doesn’t matter, Annie. It doesn’t matter. Will you promise me something?”
Annie nodded.
“If I don’t see you for a long time, I want you to do three things. Be brave, always speak the truth, and be kind to those you love. Can you remember those three things?”
Annie held up her fingers. “Be brave, say the truth, and be kind to Mam.”
“And Mildred. She is your sister—you must take care of your sister.”
“And Mildred. Where are you going?”
Clarenceux stood up straight and took her hand again. “Thame Abbey. But let us not talk about that now. What are the three things you are going to do for me?”
“Be brave, say the truth, and be kind to Mam and Mildred.”
After his final good-byes, he walked away from Cecil House. He allowed himself one glance back. Annie was waving to him from the courtyard, with Lady Cecil and a number of attendants. And above them, at a window, was the watching figure of Sir William too, his hand raised.
***
Clarenceux sat at a table in a dark corner at the back of the Mermaid Tavern on Cheapside. Thomas sat opposite him, his hands folded across each other on the tablecloth. Two tankards of beer were placed before them by the landlord’s daughter who smiled at them. “Thank you,” Clarenceux said.
Thomas watched her leave. His old face was as lined as ever but his eyes were red. “I cannot believe it. After all these years of service: an end.”
“Thomas…” Clarenceux began, but then he sighed and stopped. “What am I to do? The Bible tells us we should forgive our enemies and turn the other cheek. But when I think of forgiveness I think of Awdrey’s loveliness, and I see Rebecca, and I smell the stench of the woman’s head boiled, and I see the gun pointed at Annie. I cannot turn the other cheek. My family means too much to me.”
“Then have him arrested.”
“We have been through that. We do not have much time left. The code—a summer month for good news, and a winter one for bad…”
“And then what? With Greystoke there, and the door locked and the building burning? I do not believe you are simply going to throw yourself into the flames. I know you, Mr. Clarenceux. I know you well—better than anyone except Awdrey. You are hiding something.”
Clarenceux closed his eyes.
“Look, Mr. Clarenceux, when you said before that if you survived, I could not continue to serve you, I accepted it. But I believed you would fight and not just surrender yourself. You said there was a chance. Just tell me you are not going to kill yourself.”
Clarenceux lifted the tankard and supped the beer. Thomas was staring at him, and the man’s iron frown bored into his mind.
“Tell me.”
“No.”
“Tell me—for the sake of the years I have served you, and for the sacrifice of my great-nephew, who died in your service, and for all the problems we have faced.”
“On Monday it will be the end for this Clarenceux King of Arms. No more running, no more pain, no more memories, no more heraldry, no more house in Fleet Street, no more making love with Awdrey, no more eating and drinking beer with you.”
“You told me that before. But your obligation to the truth makes you a very poor liar. This is not the whole truth.”
Clarenceux sighed. “No.”
“I will never tell a soul.”
Clarenceux was silent for a long time. He drank again and looked around. No one was near. Eventually he said, “Let me tell you a story. One hundred and fifty years ago, in the time of the Lollards, there were a number of these men gathered at a house in London. Several of them were knights and very well connected. On the night in question they heard their host, a rich merchant, speak of the pope as the antichrist—and they heard passages read to them from a heretical book. A servant boy was listening secretly, and it so happened that he knew how to read. The boy also knew that these men were breaking the law. When his master dismissed him for some minor infringement of a house rule, which the boy considered most unfair, he went to the mayor and reported the things he had heard that night. He also produced his master’s book, which proved to be scandalous. Three bishops read it, condemned it, and ordered it to be burned. The boy also named those who had heard the book read aloud. The merchant himself was arrested, tried, and burned at the stake. A search was undertaken for the others. Some were caught, but two knights were tipped off just in time and they escaped. They rode toward Oxford. But at Thame they turned off the road and went to the abbey. There they spoke to the almoner, saying they needed sanctuary. The almoner spoke to the abbot and the abbot, suspecting they were heretics, denied them entrance. Desperate, one of the men threatened to reveal a secret hiding place built inside the abbey, which had been constructed a generation or two earlier, to hide the precious objects of the abbey from the king’s tax gatherers. Only the abbot and the treasurer knew about it; when one died, the survivor was supposed to tell the new abbot or treasurer and no one else. The abbot was thus appalled that their hiding place was known. In order to keep it secret, therefore, the abbot allowed the men to take shelter on condition that, if they got away, they were never to repeat what they knew. They swore solemn oaths. They hid, and the abbey was searched, but they were not found.”
“I am glad to hear it. I am so glad.” A smile spread across Thomas’s face, and he drank a large measure of his beer.
But Clarenceux shook his head. “It is one thing to tell a story, Thomas. It is quite another to kill Greystoke and then ignite a barrel of gunpowder, burn down a building, and survive. And even if it all goes according to plan, I can never come back to London. I have had my fair share of scrapes over the years. I know I have been lucky. But now, at best, everything changes. That is why I am serious when I say that this is where things really do come to an end for me. By Monday night there will be no more Mr. Clarenceux. There will be no more William Harley. I will be just another of God’s nameless creatures scavenging a living at the margins of society. If I survive.”
“You will survive, Mr. Clarenceux. You always do.”