Chapter Thirty-Three

Griff

Clutching his chest, as his heart thumped out a salsa, Griff rolled over and snatched at his phone. It flew off the top of the bedside unit and thudded to the floor.

‘Man.’ He threw back the duvet, swung his legs over the edge of the bed and found the mobile with his foot. Bending to pick it up, he stopped halfway through to stretch and yawn. It was his first full day off, and he’d not had nearly enough sleep. ‘Who the …?’ He scrabbled around for a few seconds and finally got hold of his phone. There was no point looking at its screen – his eyes hadn’t joined the party yet. ‘Hendry.’

‘You look wrecked.’ Tess invited Griff into the cottage.

‘Interrupted night. What’s your excuse?’ He licked his finger and drew an imaginary number one in the air.

‘Your humour’s not affected by lack of sleep, then?’ Tess smiled and leaned round the bottom stair post, her neck craned. ‘Mum! Griff’s here. And he has flowers, the old romantic.’ She grinned, as Griff gawped at his empty hands. ‘Pick some daffs from the front,’ she said as she sauntered into the living room. ‘They’ll cheer Mum up. She seems a bit low.’

Evie’s voice travelled down from above. ‘I’m just changing Dylan. Come on up.’

‘Two minutes.’ Griff ducked through the front door onto the drive, and round to the side of the cottage. He picked seven of the largest daffodils, gathered them together and returned to the hall, all the time wondering what had brought Evie’s mood down. The other day with its intense revelations had been tiring and emotional, but Evie had been relaxed and content by the time Griff left. He’d missed her last night, leaving the cottage before she’d returned. Perhaps that was the problem. ‘You don’t mind me popping round like this, do you?’ He took the stairs two by two, his long stride coping effortlessly.

‘Of course not,’ Evie said. ‘This is your home.’

That sounded good. And promising.

He hopped over Dylan’s safety gate and checked Evie’s eyes. ‘Are you okay?’ Her sparkle wasn’t as bright as before. ‘You look done in.’

‘How to woo your wife. Thanks.’ What looked like the start of a smile was hijacked by a yawn. ‘Sorry. Late night. I’ll tell you about it later. I’m better now you’re here.’

‘Good. I’m glad.’ That’s all Griff wanted – to be there for his family. ‘How far through changing Dylan are you? Shall I take over?’ The odour of a full and well-fibred nappy reached him a fraction later. ‘Can I retract my offer?’ Griff laughed as Evie shook her head and passed him the baby wipes. He tendered the flowers in exchange.

‘I grow a good daff, don’t I?’ Evie pressed the gift to her breast. ‘Remind me to thank Tess later.’ For a brief moment, she held Griff’s hand. ‘I know they come from your heart. Thank you.’

‘There are seven,’ he said. ‘One for each member of our family – you, me, Tess, Dylan and my dad. And one for Ozzy.’

‘That’s six,’ Evie said, separating the tallest one and showing it to Griff. ‘Who’s this for?’

‘Ah.’ He hesitated, debating whether or not to speak the line he’d thought of when he was in the garden. He didn’t understand the language of flowers, but daffodils bloomed in the spring, and that signified rebirth; another chance to get life right. ‘That one is for love,’ he said. ‘And the promise of new beginnings.’

‘I like that.’ Evie drew close. ‘New beginnings.’ After a tender kiss on Griff’s lips, she released a sigh, tapped the packet of wipes in his possession, and directed his attention to their son. ‘It’s an end you have to deal with now.’

‘Daddy.’ A pair of chubby legs and two arms waved from the changing mat as Griff attended to his parental duties.

He wafted his hand in front of his nose and pulled a face. ‘Phew! Dylan! That’s disgusting.’ His exaggerated expression sent Dylan into a fit of giggles. ‘What’s Mum been feeding you? Cabbage? Brussels sprouts? Beans?’ He pinched his nostrils together. ‘Please. Not beans.’

The clown act produced delightful belly laughter from Dylan, which in turn produced a not-so-delightful bout of wind, and the possibility of a perpetual circle of toilet humour, grimaces and giggles.

‘Boys,’ Griff heard Evie say. He stiffened his jaw, and widened his eyes.

‘Let’s get you sorted,’ he said, taking pleasure from the joy on Dylan’s face. ‘Do you have plans today?’ He peered over his shoulder at Evie. She had the tiniest of smiles playing on her lips. ‘Once you’ve fixed Dad’s lunch.’

‘I’m not going in today.’ Her tone changed. ‘It’s the first day of the new care system.’

Griff didn’t miss the pointed emphasis. He raised his brows at his son. ‘It’s bound to feel strange to start with. Are you working a rota?’ He threw a dirty wipe in the nappy sack.

‘Yes. It was Imogen’s idea. She has a lot of those. We’re taking alternative weekends, but she’s taken Wednesday evenings and everything on Thursdays and Fridays.’

‘So you have two whole days off?’ Having dried and dressed Dylan, Griff scooped him into his arms, squeezed him and then set him down on the floor. ‘You know, now Dad and I are heading in the right direction, perhaps I could add my name to your schedule.’ He didn’t look at Evie. She had every reason to read him the Riot Act and accuse him of only stepping in now that Logan’s care was divided. Instead, he tidied away the nappy paraphernalia and trotted out of the bedroom into the bathroom.

Evie was close on his tail. ‘You’d do that?’ She perched on the closed toilet seat, her face a picture of wonder.

The Riot Act would have caused less guilt.

Griff washed and dried his hands, and propped himself against the basin. ‘I should have been doing it already. I’ve been pig-headed and stupid, and I misread my dad’s situation. Now I’d like the chance to do something right. I’d have to work around my shifts, but that won’t be a problem.’

He fell quiet, giving Evie the opportunity to consider the logistics of adding his name to the rota. He tilted the mirror on the windowsill and inspected his chin for bristles. After his early morning phone call, he’d shaved in a hurry. It was debatable whether or not he’d been awake enough to wield a razor, but he’d heard somewhere people should do one thing each day that scared the living daylights out of them.

‘I think Logan would love for you to help.’ Evie’s reflection joined Griff’s and it mimicked his moves. ‘I find a wet shave’s the only way to go.’ She smiled as she transferred her finger from her jawline to his.

‘I agree,’ he said. ‘About that and Dad. I should have been here for you and him before.’

His face was gently angled towards Evie’s.

‘You’re here now, and that’s what matters. Where you and I are concerned, what’s past is past. We’ve already established that.’ Her eyes creased at the corners; fine, delicate maps guiding those she’d taught to read them to a world of brilliance and intensity.

Griff pressed his lips to her forehead. ‘If I wasn’t already in love with you, I’d fall, right here, right now.’ He stepped behind her, bringing their bodies together, acutely aware she’d feel how much he wanted her. ‘We’ve never made love in here.’ He arched to kiss behind her ear and at first she yielded, rolling her head onto his shoulder, but as he swept her hair into his hand, she quickly reclaimed it and recoiled. He released her immediately.

‘Not here,’ she said. ‘Not the bathroom.’ She held her flower-free hand in the air and backed onto the landing. ‘Neil … It’s not a good place.’

Out of sight, it was the clunk of a safety gate that gave away her bolthole. She’d retreated into Dylan’s room.

Griff waited outside.

Clearly where Neil was concerned, some things weren’t past.

‘Evie?’ Griff knocked on the door. ‘Are you okay?’

‘I’m fine. I’ll see you downstairs.’

Her voice was steady and calm. If she was crying, Griff determined, it would be breathy and stilted. That had to be a positive sign. ‘Would you like me to take Dylan?’

Silence.

‘Evie?’

‘He’s not in here. Tess must have got him when we were talking.’

Griff swished the toe of his shoe over the carpet, watching the loose pile form into a thin sausage. ‘So … Don’t you think you should come out?’

His gentle persuasion was rewarded. As the door opened, he released the gate handle, and Evie stepped through.

Relieving her of the daffodils, he took her hand and led her to the stairs. With the top gate already open, they descended the first few steps.

‘It’s not that I didn’t want to, you know …?’ Evie cast her eyes towards the bathroom. ‘I did. I do. Just not there.’ She rubbed Griff’s arm. ‘Sorry.’

‘Hey. No more. We need to get ready to go out, anyway.’ She’d talk to him when she was ready. For now Griff was satisfied Evie was handling things her way.

‘We’re going out?’

‘I’m off, you’re off, Tess is on holiday and Dylan’s clean, what’s stopping us? It’s a little breezy, but we can wrap up.’ He tipped Tess’s hat off the coat stand on the way past, catching it before it hit the floor. ‘And I could use a little support when I collect Ozzy’s ashes.’ He halted and looked at Evie. ‘The vet called this morning.’

‘If you don’t mind me saying, Griff, I’d have expected the urn to be bigger.’ Sitting at a picnic table at Portland Bill, Tess lifted the rectangular, maple box, and tested the weight. ‘And it’s not really an urn, is it? I expected it to be like a vase.’ She put it back down on the slatted surface. ‘Is that really Ozzy inside?’

Evie draped a protective hand over the box. ‘Perhaps you should take Dylan over to the swings, Tess?’ Dylan’s face lit up and he wriggled excitedly on the bench.

With their legs already touching, Griff nudged Evie’s knee. ‘It’s okay. Tess is right. The size surprised me, too.’ He slid the box from under her hand. ‘Yep. It’s Ozzy.’ For a large dog with a huge character, Griff had expected the container to be bigger. ‘There were these great, elaborate, ornamental urns, but it started to get a bit Aladdin. And what would we have done with it once we’d scattered the ashes?’

Tess hauled a fidgeting Dylan onto her lap. ‘Plant a shrub in it, in Ozzy’s memory.’

‘Nice idea. Perhaps we could do something similar with the box.’ Griff had considered launching it out to sea – a vessel to sail Ozzy safely to his next adventure – but it went against Griff’s principles and his love of the ocean. ‘I don’t think we should keep it inside though.’ He found the custom of having an urn on display a little macabre. ‘And there’s no garden where I’m living.’

‘The corner with the white roses was a favourite spot,’ Evie said, her hand disappearing under the table. ‘We could plant a second bush there in his honour.’

‘At the cottage?’ Griff’s thigh was instantly warmed as Evie laid her hand on top.

‘Of course,’ she said, a quizzical frown overshadowing her smile. ‘It’s your home.’

The statement was ambiguous – it lay somewhere between a fact and an open invitation to return. Before Griff had time to pursue it, Tess diverted his attention.

‘Mum said I could have a piercing in Ozzy’s honour.’

Griff lifted an eyebrow. ‘That’s … sweet.’

‘You don’t mind?’

This was new – Tess seeking Griff’s say-so. ‘Well, as you know I’m not a huge fan of body art,’ he began, cautious not to annihilate Tess’s enthusiasm, ‘but it’s not my body and it’s not my art.’ He hesitated, reviewing his answer. ‘You were asking for my blessing, right? And that was nothing like a blessing, was it?’ No wonder Tess was giving him the death stare. He held up an index finger, indicating he had more to say. ‘But I do understand it’s a form of self-expression and it’s a touching gesture, so if your mum says it’s okay, then …’ He paused, searching for the right words. ‘I thank you for loving Ozzy so much that you’d like to mark his time with us.’ He nodded in a self-confident manner, smiled, and waited for Tess to reply.

The death stare had morphed into a gape of sympathy. ‘Do you get how truly tragic you are?’ Tess lifted Dylan off her lap, took his hand and then grinned at Griff. ‘That’s exactly how a step-dad should be.’ She blew him a cheeky kiss, showed Dylan how to do the same, and then they took off, racing towards the swings.

‘I do believe she’s given you her blessing.’ Evie squeezed Griff’s leg.

He reached under the table and gripped her hand. For three years he’d hoped Tess would accept him as part of her family. There were no words for such an incredible moment.

He pinched and cuffed his nose, rubbed his fingers over his mouth, and rested his chin in the crook of his palm, watching his children … his children run across the grass. ‘She’s a good kid,’ he said, once he felt his voice wasn’t going to crack.

‘She is.’

Pulling their hands up from under the table, Griff straddled the bench and looked at Evie. ‘Why am I sensing a but?’

‘It’s not a but.’ She stopped, giving Griff even more cause for concern, then she released a rapid breath, picked up Ozzy’s urn and skimmed a thumb over his name. ‘Where would you like to scatter his ashes?’

She’d changed the subject. That didn’t bode well.

‘I was thinking here,’ said Griff. ‘On The Bill. What do you think?’

‘I don’t know. Are you allowed to?’

‘I hadn’t given it any thought.’ It wasn’t a concern of Griff’s. Ozzy’s dusty remains weren’t going to hurt the ecosystem. Ashes to ashes and all that. ‘Who’s going to know, except us?’

Evie surveyed the land and pointed to a group of people posing for photographs next to the lighthouse. ‘They’d know.’ She turned towards the café. ‘And the man coming out of there – he’d know.’ She twisted to see behind and nodded to a lone elderly man, sitting on a bench looking out to sea. ‘And he’d know, too. It’s pretty busy, Griff.’

‘I wasn’t planning on doing it right now.’ He enclosed Evie’s hand in his and settled it on her lap. ‘We could do it tomorrow morning, before the world awakes.’

‘We?’

‘Of course we. Tess and Dylan too.’

Evie’s eyes enlarged. Their brightness would save ships, Griff thought.

‘I guarantee Dylan will be awake,’ she said. ‘But Tess won’t stir before the birds. She’s a teen, she’s on school holidays and she’s already had a couple of early starts helping your dad with his breakfast.’ She restored Ozzy’s urn to the table.

‘Still, I’d like to ask.’ Griff’s intuition was telling him Tess would want to be involved. ‘And I’d like to ask Dad, too. He was fond of Ozzy. Do you think he’d come?’

‘Your father’s a law unto himself. He went out to lunch with Imogen, so anything is possible.’ Evie swung her legs round the end of the bench so she was facing out, leaned back, and propped herself up with her elbows.

The pose gave definition to her breasts.

Lost for a moment in a wild fantasy of taking Evie right there, Griff inhaled a fresh, purifying breath, and redistributed his energy. ‘Do you think she’d mind if we stole him away on her second day on the job?’

‘She’s his carer, not his wife.’ Evie thrust forward. If she’d had any weight to her, the entire unit of the table and benches would have rocked with the force. ‘She’s not even related.’

Griff backed away and held up both hands. ‘Steady on.’ It took intense pressure for Evie to work up a head of steam. It was rare to see her angry. ‘Why’s Imogen got you rattled?’

Evie sighed, left her seat and extended a hand to Griff. ‘Can we walk? I need to talk to you about something … about lots of things, really, and I realise this isn’t the best time or the most appropriate place, but if I don’t tell you now, and there are consequences, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.’

This was serious. Griff was on his feet in an instant. He grabbed the urn and dropped it into his pocket. ‘Walk,’ he said, forging a course to Tess and Dylan. ‘We’ll talk.’

Twenty minutes later, his head spinning with Imogen’s lies, insinuations and veiled threats, Griff sunk onto the swing next to Tess. Practising discretion, he monitored her arms as she pushed forward and fell back. Her coat was doing its job of keeping her covered.

Evie had given him plenty to think about, his main concern being Tess, and the intimation she was harming herself. Evie was equally as shocked, but she’d had the benefit of an evening’s online research. Not that it had reassured her.

‘There are so many sites,’ she’d said. ‘And there are all these people posting messages and questions, desperate to reach out, desperate for someone to hear them, and I’m thinking, is that what Tess is doing? Has her past damaged her … have I damaged her so much she’s had to reach out to someone distinctly unconnected to Neil? Is that why she’s confided in Imogen?’

Griff had no answers and the questions crashing through his head would only add to Evie’s anxiety.

He kick-started his swing and set a rhythm to fall in with Tess.

‘I’m surprised your hips fit,’ she said, propelling her legs in front.

‘It’s snug,’ Griff conceded, trying to catch up, the frame complaining and creaking in time with his efforts.

‘I’m not sure it can take your weight.’ Tess’s voice advanced and retreated as she shot past and flew back.

‘I’m not sure, either.’ Griff forced out a smile, and ran his feet along the black, spongy floor, bringing his swing to an abrupt halt. ‘Maybe I’ll just sit.’

He saluted Dylan and Evie, who were taking a placid approach to the roundabout.

She’d said there was more to tell, but having reached the playground, the conversation had stopped. What more could there be? Griff had learned of Tess’s issues, heard of Imogen’s strange, and whacky plan to cut Evie out of the new care schedule, and rightly or wrongly, been amused by Imogen’s story of her and Griff being a couple. His laugh, though derisory, had scored him a reproachful scowl from Evie.

‘Oh, come on,’ he’d said, finding himself walking alone. ‘I know you don’t believe her. She’s winding you up. Having a little fun at your expense.’

The fleeting attraction towards Imogen he experienced in the Harbour Inn counted for nothing. He was the only person aware of it and it had faded as rapidly as it had developed. It hadn’t crossed his mind since. It was an aberration and one he had no desire to repeat.

‘Evie,’ he’d pleaded. ‘It’s cold without you.’ He’d opened his arms and she’d relented, cuddling into his body. ‘I don’t know what Imogen’s game is,’ he’d said, ‘but she’s not the malicious sort. Perhaps she thinks she’s helping you by being a friend to Tess. And to be fair, if she’s right about Tess harming herself, we should be thanking her for telling us.’

He was with Evie on the topic of Tess’s sexuality, however. It was no one’s business but Tess’s and he was upset Imogen had taken it upon herself to out her, even though Evie said she wasn’t surprised by the news.

‘How are you getting on with Imogen?’ he asked as Tess brought her swing to a gentle stop.

‘She’s a bit full-on, but I like her. And she gets muddled easily, which I find funny.’

‘Muddled?’

‘Yeah. Says one thing one minute and contradicts it the next. I reckon it’s all those aroma stick things she uses at work. Fogged her brain.’ Tess climbed off the swing. ‘I’m going to push the roundabout for Dylan. I’ll send Mum over.’

Tess baffled him. She was chilled and happy, engaging with him, chatting about Ozzy, enquiring, inquisitive. Was it all a front? If she did self-harm, where did she do it and with what?

Her bedroom was the likely answer to where, and she did spend a lot of time there, but that was part and parcel of being a teenager. They liked their own company, especially Tess. When they’d first met she’d made that clear, impressing upon Griff that her room was private and he was to keep out. He’d have fixed that squeaky floorboard by now if it wasn’t for the fact its repaired state of silence would inform Tess of his unlawful entry.

She had panicked the other day when he’d knocked on her door. It was the day she’d come home from school upset. What was that about?

‘Hey.’ Evie took Tess’s vacated swing. ‘What are you thinking?’

‘If it’s true, she hides it well.’

‘She does.’ Evie wrapped her arms around the metal chains and linked her fingers together. ‘My understanding is it’s not about attention seeking otherwise she wouldn’t cover up. She’d make it obvious, like Neil did. Is it possible finding him with his arm slashed has embedded the idea in her brain? It says on the web, cutting’s a symptom of an underlying issue, and Tess has been carrying all this unresolved stuff around in her head for years.’

‘I don’t know. I’m as lost as you. But we’ll work it out. As a family.’ Griff reached across the divide and brushed his hand on Evie’s cheek. ‘Don’t start blaming yourself.’ She was doing that already, it was obvious. ‘I think the first thing is not to overreact. We can carry on researching, we can speak to the doctor and we can learn how to help.’ It was all he had, but it was constructive and it was positive. ‘In the meantime, we should establish whether or not Imogen is telling the truth.’

His instinct was spurring him into questioning Imogen’s integrity, and his opinion of the woman he’d known since childhood was shifting. He’d believed everything Evie had said about her, but he’d been certain there was an explanation for Imogen’s actions. Now, with Tess using the words muddled and contradicts in her description, he was having second thoughts. ‘I’ve a funny suspicion Imogen could be playing us for a pair of fools,’ he said. ‘I just wish I knew why.’

Up until then, Evie had been swaying as if blown by a gentle breeze. ‘I might be able to answer that.’ Still holding the chains within her arms, she bowed her head and let it drop onto her hands.

‘Go on.’ It was unlike Evie not to look at Griff while speaking with him. She hadn’t averted her eyes when she’d told him about Neil, or half an hour ago when they were discussing Imogen and Tess, and they were difficult conversations. ‘Evie? You have to tell me now, whatever it is.’

‘I know.’ Her sleeves muffled her voice. ‘Are the children okay?’

Griff gave Tess a thumbs-up, which she returned once she’d popped Dylan on the end of the playground see-saw. She was lifting him up and down, telling him to jump every time his feet touched the floor. She was laughing and Dylan was giggling. ‘They’re good,’ Griff said. ‘Now, look at me and tell me what you know.’

Raising her head and freeing her arms of the chains, Evie straightened her back and began. ‘This is something I’ve wanted to tell you from the start.’

‘Okay.’ Griff maintained an open posture, his feet as wide apart as the swing allowed, and his hands resting on his knees – anything to ease Evie’s journey. ‘The start of what?’

‘The start of our troubles.’ She bit down on her lip. ‘I’ve never stopped loving you, and I never wanted us to be apart, you knew that, didn’t you? Despite the curve balls I threw.’

‘We covered that the other day.’ Griff dipped his head and smiled. He wanted Evie to keep going until everything, whatever that turned out to be, was out there. ‘Nothing can be worse than what you’ve already told me.’

‘This isn’t about me, though. This is about Logan.’ Evie paused and filled her lungs. ‘And you.’