Bowie stretched to loosen his muscles, then took off at an easy jog down the street to the east. Cars were parked sporadically along the road, others in slots in front of the houses.
As he jogged, Bowie scanned for any occupied vehicles and anything out of place. He’d studied several pictures of Aaron Harper. Mid-thirties, sandy hair, blue-gray eyes, even features. But he had a weak jaw, and he didn’t exactly knock himself out staying in shape. What had Alayna seen in him?
The street stretched quiet before him. He raced through the darker pools of shadow cast by the tall, mature pines growing in nearly every yard, increasing his speed after he cut around the corner, finding his rhythm.
He ran around the block and passed the house again. Lights from the television flickered against the blinds, and he imagined the girls watching cartoons. Nothing moved around their rental house or any other. Everything was as it should be.
He extended his running path to include the next block ahead, then cut back again, his thoughts cycling toward Alayna again.
It was nearly four months since he’d been with a woman. Not that he hadn’t had opportunities, but training BUD/S candidates took stamina, and by the end of the day he was tired. Partying no longer held the appeal it once did. In fact, in the past couple of years he’d partied less and less. He spent more time out on the ocean fishing with Doc than he did dating. His promotion had something to do with that…or had it just been a natural progression?
It was time to put aside that part of his life and get serious. He was more than ready for it.
It couldn’t get any more serious than Alayna’s situation. And her girls’. It wasn’t just the two of them anymore. Whoever Alayna got involved with would have to take them into account. The four of them were a package deal.
The guy who wanted to build a life with Alanya would have to be patient with them all. Alayna because even after damn near three years, she was still raw from the divorce.
Her ex had done a number on her. On the one hand, when it came to survival mode for her and the girls, she was all in. In fact, her whole world revolved around them. But even he recognized that she needed a life outside her children. Or not exactly outside, but parallel to them. Other women seemed to find a way without damaging their kids. Alayna could do it, with the right guy.
The girls weren’t an issue. They were sweethearts. Well-behaved. A little whiny at times, but hey, all kids were now and then.
Whiny kids drove guys crazy most of the time. It had triggered memories of his brother and sister for him, so he knew how to handle them and recognized why they were acting up.
But if she hooked up with some dude who didn’t understand kids, or didn’t have the patience to deal with them… Concern clouded his thoughts. He picked up the pace, his feet hitting the sidewalk with a distinctive tattoo.
His mother was never able to get it together. The guys she dragged home had always come before his or his brother and sister’s welfare. But Alayna seemed to have the mother part figured out, but not the woman part.
What if she got snowed by some SOB a second time? Or worse, what if some asshole who liked little girls targeted her? Hell, it was known to happen. She was as vulnerable as Emilia. They were both marked with kind of inner bruise left behind by Asshole Aaron.
It wasn’t Bowie’s business, though. She made it clear back in high school that she didn’t want him. But it was perfect for a while. Until she stomped his heart to shit and left him wounded. Still, he saw the regret in her face as he walked off that day at the bank, saw her mouth the words, I’m sorry.
The scratching of tires on dry ground and gravel sent his thoughts into survival mode. He glanced behind him. Headlights threw his shadow before him as he darted between two cars and rushed up onto the sidewalk to make way for the car. The driver revved the engine as he passed him, his tires squealing as he turned the corner. The interior lights of the dash etched the driver’s image in profile, but weren’t bright enough for Bowie to see details.
A sense of urgency hit him, and he turned the corner in an all-out sprint, closing in on the house like it was the finish line at the end of a race. He tried the front door and found it still locked, then darted around to the back. Everything was secure.
He forced himself to walk up and down the sidewalk, cooling his body while his breathing slowed to a normal rate. It wouldn’t do for him to burst into the house all worked up. He didn’t want to alarm Alayna, but he couldn’t shake the sudden rush of anxiety. Couldn’t shake the need to see Alayna and check on her.
But he needed to keep his distance and simply protect her kids, protect her, until the cops gave the all clear, and then he’d go on with his life.
Once at the door he stopped. He would not give her another shot at breaking his heart.
He let himself into the house, then secured the door. He jingled the keys so he wouldn’t startle her and entered the living room, eager to speak to her. The momentum of his emotions hit a wall of disappointment.
Alayna lay on the couch, fast asleep, her features relaxed for the first time all day. She’d been through a lot in the past few days. An unexpected tenderness rolled through him which he tried to ignore, but it didn’t keep him from reaching for the throw on the back of the couch and draping it over her.
Movement at the bedroom door caught his attention, and he turned to see Emilia hovering there, every line of her small body projecting indecision.
“Can I get you something, Emilia? A drink of water?”
“No.” Her large green eyes fastened on his face. “You came back.”
Her words triggered thoughts of the moment they opened the laundry room door to find her standing guard over her sisters, her face beaded with sweat, her eyes teary with anxiety, while the other two clung to each other.
Bowie knelt to her level so he could look into her eyes. “I’m here to help you and your mom, and I’m not going to leave.” The possibility of being called up flitted through his mind. If it happened, he’d deal with it. But right now Emilia needed to know she was safe.
Her measured gaze met his with a look older than her six years. “There was a big bang yesterday. It scared us, and Rosa cried, but I cuddled her and shushed her like momma does.”
His mouth went dry. They could all three have been killed. His voice came out husky. “That was a smart idea.”
“Bliss never came back.”
The question in her eyes reached down into his gut and gave it a twist. “Bliss couldn’t come back to get you, but I will, and so will your mother. There was an accident at the bank, and your mom couldn’t drive her car, but all she talked about was coming to get you. And we did. She loves you so much, she’ll never let anything happen to you or your sisters.”
Emilia nodded. She placed a hand on his shoulder, then moved in tentatively to hug him.
Emotion gripped his throat. He held her and patted her back.
She released him and wandered back into the bedroom. He watched from the doorway as she climbed into bed and curled up against Rosa. He eased the door partially shut, leaving a crack so the living room light would act as a nightlight.
He glanced at Alayna on the couch. Her gaze was focused on him, intent and thoughtful. She crooked a finger, and he tried not to read anything sexual into it as he strode over to her, but her drowsy eyes and flushed cheeks made it…and him…damn hard.
Alayna’s chest ached with emotion. Bowie sat on the edge of the couch and for several beats they stared at each other. She wanted to grab him and drag his mouth to hers and experience the heat she saw promised in his expression. He was too good to be true, and when something was too good, it always meant heartache.
“You’re so good with her,” she managed. She was using her children to keep him at bay, to keep her own emotions under control, when it was the very last thing she wanted to do. If she got involved with him, she’d have to tell him things she didn’t want to admit.
His Adam’s apple bobbed. “It doesn’t take a psychologist to figure out what’s going on. Her father left and didn’t come back, Bliss locked her in a room and didn’t come back. You’re all she has, and she’s scared.”
And she’d brought another man into their lives who would eventually leave. Why hadn’t she heeded her instincts, thanked him, and walked away? Because she felt like she owed him something for what happened after they broke up. She didn’t want to acknowledge the rest.
She was afraid for her children’s lives, for her own. She and Bowie were the only defense against the people who killed Bliss. Only Bowie and her.
Alayna shoved up and tucked a pillow behind her, then looped her arms around her knees. “All I can do is keep reassuring her, Bowie. I could tell her Bliss was hurt badly so she won’t feel like she abandoned her and her sisters.”
He lowered his voice to a rumble. “She already knows something happened to Bliss. She heard the shot. They all did. Eventually you’ll need to tell them the truth.”
Alayna ran her fingers through her hair and pulled at it. They were so young. They cared for Bliss. She was part of their lives. She wished she’d given the woman more of a chance. “I’ll tell them tomorrow.”
“I know you want to protect them, Alayna. I do too. But they’ll be okay. They’re young.”
She hoped so. “I know you practically raised your brother and sister.”
“I fed Carmelita her bottles and changed her diapers when I was seven. She was four when Ciro was born. Two years later Mom sent us to stay with our father in Mexico, hoping he’d keep us, but he couldn’t even afford to feed us, and there was no one to care for Carmelita and Ciro but me. Every summer she shipped us off, and every school year he brought us back.”
Her heart ached for those children. “I’m sorry, Bowie. I don’t remember you ever telling me about those visits.”
His dark brows knotted in a frown. “I didn’t want your pity, Alayna. Not then, and not now. We all three survived it, and we’re all responsible adults. Like I said, kids are resilient.”
“And you still insist you’re not responsible for helping your brother and sister succeed?”
Bowie shrugged one wide shoulder. “They did the work. I just tried to help as much as I could. Then when I went into the teams, they realized I needed them more than they needed me.”
“Your work…you said you’d be working long hours once these two weeks are over. And don’t SEALs get deployed a lot?”
“Sometimes. Depending on the mission, my deployments can stretch anywhere from a few days to six months. Sometimes I have to leave at a call without explanation. And I know the life isn’t for everyone.” He leaned forward to brace his elbows on his knees.
“Is that why you’re not married?”
He looked away. “Partly. I just haven’t found the right woman. She’d have to be comfortable running the show while I was gone, and willing to welcome me back after my absences.”
And the worry of the deployments would be torture. It would take a very strong woman to face that alone. She knew what alone meant all too well. She fought to keep her thoughts from going to places too painful to think about.
“Are you going to stay in until you retire?”
“I don’t know. I’ve got seven years in. Retirement is twenty. Thirteen more seems abstract right now. But I plan to re-up next year for four more.”
And what if something happened to him during one of those deployments?
She’d known he was alive and living his life, had pictured him doing just that numerous times during the five years she struggled through college, though she hadn’t known he was in the Navy. After marrying Aaron she’d refused to allow herself to think about him, because she was afraid to compare what she and Aaron had with what she’d been forced to throw away. She’d been desperate to be satisfied with her marriage.
But now, knowing Bowie put his life in danger so often…
“If you meet someone and have a family, will you continue with your team?”
“I’ll have to make that decision if it happens.”
She smoothed the blanket over her knees. “Does your family write to you, send you care packages, and things like that?”
“They rarely know where I am, Alayna. We’re not allowed to say.”
How could they bear it? And why would he choose to be isolated from his family? He had a good relationship with them.
She pressed her forehead against her updrawn knees for a moment, then forced herself to straighten. “You didn’t choose this because of what happened between us?” Please tell me you didn’t.
“Why would you think that?”
Because she made the choice to isolate herself from her family because of it.
She looked up to find him waiting for her response. “Because it’s the only thing we didn’t plan together.”