Though Bowie attempted to put his anger behind him, the girls seemed to sense his mood and were quieter than usual. He downloaded a movie for them on his computer and hooked it to the television while he and Alayna sat at the kitchen table and decompressed.
He poured her a glass of wine while he grabbed a bottle of beer from the fridge for himself.
“They think I’m involved, don’t they?”
He couldn’t see the point in holding back a warning. “Yeah, they do.”
She shook her head. “I’m not. One minute they’re saying Aaron might have hired those men to kill me for the insurance money, the next saying someone might be attempting to use me for leverage to get their money back and now they think I’m involved with whatever he’s doing.” She shook her head. Gripping the wine glass like it was an anchor, she said, “If I had access to all the money they keep talking about, I wouldn’t be worried about making my rent.”
Bowie spoke before she got worked up. “I don’t believe he’s dead.”
Alayna’s head snapped up.
“If it was me, and I was a ruthless son of a bitch with access to bundles of cash, I’d put someone in my place and give myself time to find whatever the hell it is I’ve lost. Do you think Aaron might be capable of killing?”
She fell silent for a moment. “When we first met, I would never have believed it. It wasn’t until he started getting more and more clients, the pressure started building—”
“You have your doubts too?”
“Yeah. After everything that’s happened in the past three years, it just seems too…easy.” She raked her hair back from her face with one hand and propped her elbow on the table. “And even if it is him in the car, there are still the people looking for the money he stole. I’m the only one left they can blame.” She sucked in a deep breath.
She hadn’t shared nearly as much information with him as he wanted. “What about your ex’s family?”
“They live in Pennsylvania, and I’ve only visited with them a few times. When we first got married, and after Emilia and Addison were born, they came out for a week each time. Warren is quiet, and Gloria is…a little uppity. But California is a long way to come for a visit, and Aaron wasn’t interested in them coming out after the divorce. His mother calls now and then. And I’ve set up FaceTime for her and the girls several times. I’ve even invited them to come visit.
“Gloria wanted me to bring the girls out to see them. But the court order kept it from happening, even if I’d been so inclined. I always worried they’d be waiting on the other end of the trip with a signed custody order.”
Living with the constant fear of having her children taken from her made her wary. He couldn’t blame her. “They wouldn’t have been able to get custody. You’re a good mother, Alayna.”
“I try to be.” A weary frown crossed her features. “You know we’re going to have to go back to San Diego. Aaron’s parents will be flying in to represent their son. They’re his next of kin. They’ll want to see the kids.”
“I know. I want the girls to at least get to swim in the lake.”
“And you haven’t been fishing yet.”
“I fish all the time with Doc, one of my buddies. We were coming down mostly to play poker and drink beer. A lot of the guys have kids now, and our beer-drinking days are numbered.”
She smiled and shook her head. “All the money you’ve spent on this place will go to waste. You could stay and enjoy it. I can rent a car and drive back alone with the girls.”
He shook his head before she even finished speaking. “Not happening, Alayna. Besides, being here alone wouldn’t be nearly as entertaining.” He pointed toward the girls in front of the television. “Look at Little Bit, she’s singing along with the others and dancing.” He laughed at Addison’s butt-twitching antics and Rosa’s attempts to emulate her older sister. Even Emilia was getting in on the action, a little more gracefully than the other two.
“They’re great kids, Alayna. They wouldn’t be as great without you. If Aaron’s family doesn’t see that, it’s on them. Their son is the one who’s under investigation for embezzlement.”
“Unless they find something hidden in the apartment. Do you think he may have trashed the place to draw everyone’s attention away from something he left there?”
Bowie couldn’t deny the thought had occurred to him. “This is the second time they’ll have had access to the place. If they do find something, your lawyer will counter that the person who broke in had time to conceal it under cover of damage. They have Aaron’s fingerprints to prove it was him.”
Rosa’s soft breathing, like the distant sigh of a wave, might have soothed her to sleep, but Alayna’s thoughts dwelled on Bowie, lying upstairs in bed. Every time he touched her, whether it was just a brief, light pressure of his hand against the small of her back, or leaning down to whisper something in her ear, she ached with need.
She couldn’t block out her still-vivid, visceral memories of what they had in the past. In an attempt to turn off the feelings triggered by thinking of him, she forced herself to look at her current situation.
Was Aaron alive, or wasn’t he? Was it safe to take the girls home when the police were more interested in looking at her as a criminal than they were in looking for the men who tried to kidnap her? Why couldn’t she shake free of the stranglehold Aaron had over her life? She never had anything to do with his business. Had struggled for so long to break free of the iron hold he had on her.
He kept dragging her and the girls back. He could do whatever he wanted by using them as leverage. But now she had a chance at a life. If he was arrested…or… she couldn’t think about his death. She wouldn’t sink to Aaron’s level by thinking it was okay to move on without regret if he was dead.
But it would be a relief not to have to constantly keep her guard up every time he showed his face at her house or called her on the phone. She was so tired of him, of his anger, and his need to lash out at her. His need to manipulate and maneuver her as though they were still married.
If he was still alive, where would he hide? Who would he turn to for help? She needed to think it through, so she’d have a direction to move in. She wasn’t going to hide out and wait for something else to happen to her children or her.
Unable to lie there and stew any longer, she slipped free of the bed and padded softly to the living room, where a lamp still burned. She made certain it stayed lit every night, so if one of the girls woke in the middle of the night they’d be able to find their way to her room.
She went into the kitchen and turned the light on. Once she put the teakettle on to heat, she found a cup and a tea bag. She sat down at the kitchen table and pushed aside the collection of puzzles, coloring books, crayons, and colored pencils. Drawing a writing pad toward her, she fished through the flotsam until she found a pencil.
It had been some time since she moved in Aaron’s circle, but she knew some of his closest friends, plus his partners. She wrote down four or five names as she remembered them. She’d known some of the wives, and she thought they might be more apt to talk to her. She wrote them down too.
She remembered the teakettle just in time to keep it from screaming and poured the hot water in her cup. As she turned to take it back to the table, a large, male form appeared at the bottom of the stairs, and she nearly dropped the cup. “Jesus, Bowie. Make a little noise. You scared me.”
“Sorry. You couldn’t sleep?”
She shook her head.
He moved past her to the refrigerator and got a bottle of water. His sleep pants, tied loosely, hung low on his hips, and his tank-style T-shirt hugged his torso like a layer of skin. His shoulders looked a yard wide, the muscles in his arms bulging as he sat down across from her and cupped his water bottle in front of him.
Try as she might, she couldn’t drag her eyes away from him. He was beautiful. His body perfect. She knew from memory that his hair was thick and little coarse to the touch. His skin smooth and warm. His lips and tongue as talented as his hands. She lifted her tea and took a cautious sip to moisten a mouth so dry with desire she couldn’t have swallowed without it.
Bowie waited for her to put the cup down, then laid a hand over hers, his brown eyes focused on her intently. “What have you been working on?”
“A list of Aaron’s friends and business associates who might offer him help.”
“Put it away for a while, Alayna.” He ran his thumb over the back of her hand.
That small caress drained the strength from her limbs and had her heart leaping.
He raked his fingers through his hair from front to crown, thick, straight layers falling back into place like a sable’s pelt. “I’ve been thinking too much to sleep too.”
She glanced up. His nose was thin, the nostrils flared, his forehead broad, and his jaw strong. His mouth was a thing of beauty. She could see the imprint of his Spanish heritage on his features, but his Caucasian DNA marked them as well. She never tired of looking at him.
“I’ve never forgotten what we had before. Have you?”
“No. I haven’t forgotten.” Dear God, how could she forget?
“Do you ever think about what it could have been like for us?”
All the time. “Yes.”
Her stomach tumbled with nerves. And was that hope?
“After all this stuff is over, I’d like for us to date again. If you’re up for it.”
Could she date Bowie? She wanted him with a hunger she hadn’t felt since…since they were together in high school. Dating seemed a tame pursuit in light of the emotions roiling inside her.
The girls wouldn’t have to come into it. Would they? She was rationalizing to keep from thinking about how much the girls would be hurt if something happened to him. If he deployed, and he left them. She wanted to say yes but… “How can you forgive me so easily after what I did?”
“We were young, high school. It was a big commitment for us both. Your family has nothing to do with us now.”
They’d been in love. So in love. She’d never stopped loving the boy. But he was a man now. A man committed to the Navy and serving his country. He was different. Could she feel as deeply for him now as she had before?
And what about his family? After what Matt did to Ciro… She’d have to tell him eventually. And afterward? There was no way they’d accept her. How could he accept her?
“I haven’t had a date in three years, Bowie.”
“I’d say you’re due one, then.” His half smile flashed his dimples and punched her just beneath her heart, stealing her breath.
“I don’t suppose all the things we’ve been doing together with the girls could be called a date?”
“No. A real date would be just you and me doing something we both enjoy, together.”
She could think of one or two things right at this moment she’d like to do with him. She told herself for years that those feelings had been forever deadened by everything that happened in her marriage. But Bowie jumpstarted them again with a vengeance. It was both a blessing and a curse.
She focused on their hands, because he’d somehow captured both of hers. She loved the darker tone of his skin, so warm against her pale hands. “What if we’ve built up all those memories to something they’re not? We may not be the same with each other.”
When she met his eyes, he leaned forward, inviting her to meet him halfway. His gaze held hers, challenging, compelling. It seemed to take her forever to stand and lean across the table. His lips, warm and light, brushed hers, then separated, then came back for more.
She raised a hand to his jaw, his stubble prickling her fingertips, and she slid her hand behind his neck, drawing his mouth harder against hers. Their tongues tangled, and desire swept through her like a brushfire. With quick, darting movements, he drew her tongue into his mouth. When she thrust her tongue forward, he sucked on it.
Rivulets of sensation worked their way downward, and she hummed beneath the pressure. An ache of need built in intimate places that had been a stranger to arousal for a long time.
He broke the kiss, his lips warm against her cheek, her throat. “If you were on this side of the table with me, I’d already be inside you, Alayna.”
She couldn’t deny that. The fire of need he triggered inside her was still there. But they were adults now. Both of them had responsibilities. He to his country, his calling. Her to her children.
And then there was a past he knew nothing about. A past that might change everything between them.
She eased back down in her seat and took a sip of her cold tea. Inside, the need and frustration hammered away at her self-control and made her hand tremble. “I’d have to be in a coma not to want you.”
His quick smile flashed strong, white teeth and showed off his dimples. She wanted to grab him and drag him in for a longer duel of lips and tongues.
“But—?” He frowned, his features serious.
She wanted to tell him then, but if she did, it might destroy everything building between them. “We need to move slowly, Bowie. Make sure there’s more between us than the attraction.”
“Agreed. I don’t know why you ended it…”
She owed him at least a partial explanation. “Because Harry Wieland is the most bigoted, hard-core son of a bitch on the planet. You should know that yourself. He’s a card-carrying white supremacist, and he’s raised Matt to be the same. He’d have found a way to either put you in the ground or have you spend the rest of your adult life in jail.”
Damn. Her bitter tone said more in a few words than a long conversation could hope to.
So her father had used something against her to make her break things off. Whatever it was, she’d truly believed Harold Wieland would kill him or worse.
She continued, her hands moving nervously over the edge of the pad she’d been writing on. “In college, he kept tabs on me. He hired people to keep tabs on me. After that first semester, I went up to UT to search for you, but you’d gone to a different school. I tried to find you. Your mother wouldn’t give me your number or tell me where you were. Your sister wouldn’t either. I searched for you online. Called friends. No one could tell me how to find you.”
“I didn’t really have any friends I stayed in touch with. And you’d cut me loose.” They’d all known how torn up he was over her.
“They would never have told me where you were.”
“No, they wouldn’t have. They didn’t tell me you’d come around, either.”
Her eyes looked liquid with regret. “Why didn’t you ever try to call me?”
“I believed you were finished with me. So I moved on.” Or had he? Dating one woman after another. Sleeping with—he wasn’t sure how many women. Empty sex and a life filled with training, work, and deployments.
He ran his fingers through his hair. “It wasn’t easy. It took a while.” The admission came hard. Just because he’d forgiven her didn’t mean he wasn’t wary of leaving himself wide open to being hurt again.
“I’m so sorry, Bowie.”
“You’ve already said that.” But he was damn curious what the hell her father had done to force her to break it off. Threatened to kill him, possibly. But that wouldn’t have been anything new. He’d threatened him to his face a number of times. But for Alayna to turn her back on her whole family, it had to be something major. She’d have to tell him when she was ready. But damn, it was hard not to push.
“I have a day on the water planned for tomorrow, if you’re up for it. I thought I’d take you and the girls out in the canoe. I have life jackets for the kids and us, and small fishing rods we’ll be using off the neighbor’s dock for just a little while. Are they squeamish about worms?”
“Emilia probably, but I don’t know about the other two.”
“If we were staying longer, they could go to the water park and swim.”
“I know what a sacrifice it is for you to give up the house to return to San Diego.”
“I’ve contacted a friend, and he and his family are going to come down and take it over from us. So I won’t be out as much. They’ll be here before we leave on Wednesday. They have a son and two girls.”
“Good. I’ll strip the beds and remake them. That way they’ll be good to go.”
“I’d appreciate it. Langley and Trish are the best. You’ll like them.”
Alayna went to the sink to empty her teacup. Unable to let her go quite yet, Bowie followed her. He eased in behind her and encircled her waist with his arms. Alayna leaned back into him, and he rested his chin against her hair.
“Langley and Trish, they’re close friends?” she asked.
“Yeah, they are. They’re as much family as Carmelita and Ciro. I’ve been introduced to your world through the girls. Wednesday will be your first introduction to mine.”
“What are you going to tell them about us?” She placed her hands on his forearms and rested her head back against his shoulder. His body stirred at her nearness, the scent of her shampoo, the fragrance of the lotion she used after her shower. Because he couldn’t fight the urge to taste her, he bent his head to nip her earlobe and felt her answering shiver.
Would Langley remember him talking into his beer a time or two back in the day as he’d become maudlin over the memory of their breakup. “I’ll tell them we were involved years ago and just recently found each other again.” Then he’d catch some shit from Langley when he put two and two together and figured it out.
“Trish, his wife, was a social worker for several years, and now she’s doing something similar for the SEALs, making sure they’re getting the services they need if they’re injured, that kind of thing.”
“I’ll look forward to meeting them.”
She turned in his arms and aligned her body to his. He’d been semi-hard before, but came to full attention in a heartbeat, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.
Her voice took on a husky tone he knew for the past. “I suppose we need to go to bed. It sounds like an active day tomorrow.”
Bowie didn’t attempt to hide his smile.
A blush stained her cheeks. “Separately. Trust me, you’ll want to take things slowly. And I haven’t been on birth control in a long time. I haven’t needed to be.”
If he’d gotten her pregnant before college, her father really would have killed him. With three children already, she wouldn’t be in any hurry to have another. And he wasn’t ready for that responsibility either. He didn’t want his child to experience the same feelings of abandonment he had. He didn’t want to dish that out to Alayna’s girls, either. But he couldn’t walk away without knowing what they could have.
“I promise to spend as much time preparing for our dates as I do my missions, so there won’t be any reason to worry.” He focused single-mindedly on the bottom curve of her lip, and bent his head to catch it between his lips and nip it just a tiny bit before running his tongue over the spot. “I’ve wanted to know if we could have the same fire between us. It’s been driving me crazy.”
She caught her breath. When he took her mouth full on, she hesitated, then slowly rose on tiptoe to plaster her body to his.
He cupped her ass and held her against him, the hard heat of his erection, covered only by the thin cotton sleep pants, nestled between her thighs. Heat rose in his cheeks, and his breathing grew ragged as she pressed her hips forward to rock against him. She was so close, the sleep shirt she wore a flimsy barrier. The thin ridge of elastic at the top of her panties would only take a moment to snap. He could imagine her raising her leg over his hip and he’d be inside her in a second.
It was she who pulled back, her cheeks flushed and her mouth berry red from the pressure of his. “We’re flirting with danger here.” She hid her face against his shoulder. “And as much as I’m enjoying it, it wouldn’t do for either of us to wake up in the morning with regrets.”
She pulled away from him, but there was reluctance in the way she moved, and her color rose as she glimpsed his obvious condition. “I’m going to say good night right now, so things don’t get out of hand.”
“Sleep well, Alayna.” But he wasn’t going to sleep. She’d relit the fire in his blood, and it was going to take more than a few kisses to quench it.