EIGHTEEN
ONCE IT WAS A NAVAL BASE FULL OF SOLDIERS. Now it is a barren land. They didn’t expect anything to be this abrupt. Just like their food menu, they had no choice. It was just done, without any rationale. Since the islanders have been dwelling for so long in a situation where they never had to do anything, it is even harder for them to suddenly create new lives for themselves; especially with a communication breakdown. It is like a greenhouse-grown orchid left in the Sahara Desert; or a house puppy left in the Serengeti with millions of huge, carnivorous animals.
The weather used always to be sweet and aromatic. But now it feels cold, even frosty, in July. It is hard to say whether any soldier would miss the islanders after all the fights and turmoil between them. One thing for sure: what they both have is freedom. The opportunity is now given to everyone to explore the rest of the world, whether they are heading back home or stuck on this island without a penny in their pockets. Any opportunity is an opportunity. The islanders must seize this moment to turn their lives around in this new territory outside the base compound; but they know nothing about this island.
Many islanders are regretful and thinking that they should have done something to leave the compound a long time ago; if they had, they wouldn’t be in this bad situation. But it was all about forced inevitability. For the islanders, it has always been too tough to digest anything that was just given. They always had to have more, and that made things worse. It is quite possible and easy to blame all this on someone else, but in fact, it wouldn’t change anything. This is not a game about who did what. As everyone knows already too well, shit happens. There is no way to prevent that.
Their emotion toward their own existence had dissipated a long time ago. Any emotion should be treated as an opulent and luxurious residue that leaves one silent. There are no more tears to shed, no more sadness to cry about, no more loneliness to scream, no more space to think, and nowhere to go. Words are coming out, but language loses its role.
“Shit!”
“They really left us, right? With nothing . . .”
“What are we going to do?”
“Are they really going to their homes?”
“Shit . . . I don’t know . . .”
“Shit . . . Shit . . . Shit . . .”
“Mom, where is everyone?”
“Are they coming back?”
“How would I know?”
“It is so empty now, maybe I should play with my friends. Can I do that, Mom?”
“Anything left for us?”
“Maybe some food in the kitchen . . . Maybe not even that . . .”
“So this is the meaning of freedom? Just about perfect timing . . .”
“Look what you have done, people! Since we were like termites, they literally left us to just die here! Is this what you wanted so bad? Ha?”
“Shut up! What — are you so righteous now? Now you want to find some generosity in a better world?”
“You did a whole bunch of shit like everyone else. What do you have to say?”
“At least I tried to stay as rational as possible.”
“Rational? Rational, my ass! I have not seen that for so long I don’t even know what it looks like. You want to show me any of that left in you? If you have any?”
“I think he is right. Because we were such a pain in their asses, maybe that is why they actually just left us here. Maybe they could have taken us with them.”
“In your dreams. Why don’t you just shut up and get out of my face before I do something.”
“How crazy do you have to be to say such things? Then why didn’t you join them?”
“I am saying that it is our fault they didn’t take us with them.”
“Really? Then why didn’t you stop us doing some stupid stuff? Were you not conscious back then? But now it just comes to you? The morality and rationality?”
“That is just a load of bullshit. You must shut up, really. I don’t care what I have to do to make you shut up at this point. If some bad shit happens to you? That will be me.”
“People! Just be quiet! It doesn’t make any difference, now. We have to focus on what we will do from now on.”
“Yeah! We need to find something.”
“Something? Like what?”
“Places to stay and something to eat!”
“Who doesn’t know that? What are you, stupid?”
“Ah! What is this shit?”
“So this was their plan? Then why the hell did they keep us here for so long? What a waste . . . If they’d been smart about it, they could have just ditched us a long time ago, so they could save some cash. And we could have been a lot better off on this island.”
“After all this time, we were just waiting and waiting . . . Look what we have now. Just great!”
“We should have fought those assholes even harder. We shouldn’t have stopped the protests.”
“That would’ve got us into this shit even earlier.”
“But if that really had happened earlier, we could have at least tried to do something and maybe picked up some of their language.”
“Yeah. I also say that we shouldn’t have stopped. It seemed stupid. But who knew that things would be this bad?”
“Shit . . . Anyway, we are now screwed up. Big time.”
“Shit . . .”
“Mommy, I am getting hungry. When can we eat?”
“I don’t know, honey. I am sorry.”
“I can wait. Just tell me when I can eat, okay?”
“Okay . . .”
A moment of silence happens after spitting out all their inner words that were buried deep down for a long time. Their words stink quite badly, since these were fermented and rotten already in their minds for way too long. It is just too harsh for them to experience such indifference; their feelings have been there quietly sitting in the corner, but never expressed in words with such fire. No one wants to admit that they never cared about anyone else but themselves and that all they wanted was to survive.
To break the thin ice of awkwardness, Anij says, “A soldier told me that there is a city right outside this base.”
“Why are you telling us now?”
“We should go there and find something.”
“Do you have any money? Why bother?”
“What are we going to do here? Ha? There is nothing left.”
“Maybe we should go out and find some work?”
“Like you speak English?”
“Maybe we were too comfortable being refugees. They screwed us up so bad — ”
“Now we can’t even do shit.”
“Maybe there are some other people from our island in the city.”
“Yeah. If the soldiers left this base, they would have probably left other bases, too, right?”
“We should go outside fast before it gets dark.”
“Assholes, they even took my bed.”
“Well, no one has a bed, now.”
“Man . . . Look at me. You are better off than me. So just shut up.”
“I will catch you guys later. I have to think about things.”
“Really? Okay . . . Whatever suits you.”
Some start to leave the compound. Some are still thinking about it. Some go to the kitchen to find some food. Some others are just walking around to find anything useful to take with them.
Anij follows the people who are going to the city. At least he has been learning English little by little from the soldiers. Even though he is too young to find a job, the mindset starts to kick in that he has to work from now on to support himself. But he is scared and doubtful that he will find anything for himself in a city with a whole bunch of white people.
With the scorching hot summer weather, lots of people are walking outside the compound. Being lazy at the compound was totally fine. They were fed and taken care of, at least to a degree. Although they are now trying to build their lives from rock bottom with nothing, it is natural to have complaints and worries about just about everything.
“I am just not sure about this.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know . . . new place to live . . . learning a new language . . . and everything else . . .”
“Well . . . what can you do? . . . Let’s just wait and see.”
“It is easy for you to say. But I got a family, man . . . I am just not sure . . . I never went outside our island before. This is all new to me.”
“Same here. But something will happen. Don’t worry too much. It is not good for you.”
“I don’t care what is good and bad anymore.”
“Mommy, where are we going?”
“We are going to a new city and find something to do. Okay?”
“Mom, I am getting hungry . . .”
“We will eat soon. Okay?”
“Just where is the city? I can’t see anything.”
“We will find it soon enough. Let’s go.”
“I just hope to find some people from our island. Then at least they can tell us what is going on and so on . . . I don’t even know what is really going on in this world anymore. That compound really screwed us over badly. It was a total isolation.”
“Those people would probably think the same shit, trying to get something from us — just like us.”
“Maybe . . .”
“They better not screw around with us, you know. I just don’t want to face another betrayal. If that happens to me again, I will write a book about it. I am pretty sure it will be a good one.”
“I can help you with a few things, then. I got some crazy stories, too.”
“Yeah. Tell me about it.”
“Hey, kid. Didn’t the soldier tell you where the city is? Like how far?”
“I don’t know. He just told me that there is a city outside the base.”
“Great . . .What can I expect from you . . .”
Anij is angry with these people, since they treat him like shit. It has been the same ever since they got here. They can’t speak English at all, so after Anij learned to speak some English, he thought people would give him a little more credit. But nothing seems to be enough for them. And Anij was blamed by many people, since he couldn’t understand the whole thing. How pathetic. They are supposed to support Anij and cheer him up. For crying out loud, he is just a kid, an orphan. Maybe the reality is too much for everyone to handle.
After walking for about an hour, it seems like there is something ahead.
“Wait — I think I see something . . .”
“Hmmm . . .”
“I guess the soldier was not really lying about this, after all.”
“I think I see some houses up on the hill.”
“Okay, let’s go.”
“What if it is not a house?”
“What is the difference? And do you care?”
“All right! It is about time.”
After another thirty minutes, they get to the spot. There are quite a few houses nearby. Behind those houses, they see the city. It is a pretty big one.
“Yeah! There is the city!”
“We found it!”
“Wow, there is something.”
“I thought he was totally bullshitting us.”
“Well, I guess not.”
“Let’s find out what they have.”
“We will eat something when we go to the city. Okay?”
“Okay . . . But I am hungry now.”
“Let’s just wait till we get there.”
“I guess that it is big enough for us to find something, right?”
“Yeah. Not too shabby . . . I expected much less . . . it is better than I thought.”
“I just hope there is something for us down there.”
“Come on, guys. It looks better than the compound, right? So I think it will be better than what we had.”
“It better be. Otherwise I will go nuts.”
“What are you guys talking about? Even if that city is like shit, there is no other option. We just have to suck it up.”
Anij is relieved that they found the city, and it is a big one. There has got to be something that he can do in the city.