NINETEEN
WITH MUCH SWEAT, they finally make it to the city. There are lots of speculations about this city. All is just talk. They are standing in front of the city entrance. There is a very tall totem pole, carved meticulously and painted nicely with lots of colours. It resembles one that used to be on Bikini Island. Everyone sees the totem pole and feels more relaxed; it must be giving them comfort because it is familiar to them. Something from home, maybe. But the city itself looks very different from where they used to live. They don’t want to move in just yet. Before they set their feet in the new city, lots of thoughts are going through everyone’s mind.
They see straight, rectangular brick buildings in all directions and in all different colours; nicely paved roads everywhere; lots of cars and people; snack vendors on street corners; ice cream trucks slowly hovering; newspaper boys running around the streets; and countless shops in all sizes and shapes, selling everything that anyone can imagine. There are just way too many things that they have not seen in their old town. They are quite familiar with white people and soldiers; but the buildings, cars, and many other things on streets are a little too much for them to embrace in a day. Suddenly, a hefty load of pressure subdues the islanders physically and emotionally. The more they look at the city, the more depressed they get. It is quite hard to be quiet about this whole thing.
“Wow, it is so different.”
“I don’t understand about 95 percent of all the things here . . .”
“There are so many cars. They must be all rich.”
“Who are those dark people? They don’t look like us . . .”
“Maybe from some other islands . . .”
“Those buildings are very high. I am not sure if I want to live in there.”
“It doesn’t look natural to me at all.”
“Mom, can we eat now?”
“Let’s wait for a while. Okay?”
“But I am hungry . . .”
“Mommy is also hungry. Let’s wait a little more. Okay?”
“I am going in.”
“I will try to find some people from our island first. I will ask them questions . . .”
“I don’t even know where to start . . . Shit . . . Yet there is another problem . . .”
“Not again . . .”
They don’t speak or read any English. It feels like a completely new dimension; so only a few brave ones enter the city. They walk about and try to appear like tourists looking at the sights, constantly moving heads and rolling eyes in all directions every three seconds. They walk by grocery stores, restaurants, banks, shoe stores, home decoration shops, and many more . . . The more they look at the city, the more remotely distanced they feel. Adaptation might not be possible for them. Absolutely no similarity whatsoever to their good old town. All buildings have windows and they are all shut tight. They don’t understand the concept of windows being closed. Suspicion of danger in this town creeps up their minds. They make funny faces whenever they see anything unusual. They just keep on walking. At a street snack vendor, a kid is eating a cotton candy with his mom. They all stare at the cotton candy. They have no idea what it is. The kid’s mom pulls her son closer to her as she stares at them as well.
“Why is she angry at us?”
“Is she? I don’t care . . .”
“Don’t ask me, man. I know as much as you do.”
“Why is it so different here?”
“Yeah, nothing like our old town . . .”
“I miss my home . . .”
“Don’t get me started. Okay?”
Even after walking around the town for a while, they can’t see anything familiar. Never mind the fact that this is just out of their league; they start to worry that they would not get any food at all. Insecurity is spreading like dandelions in their heads. They finally give up and come back to where everyone is sitting.
“Shit, I can’t find anything good . . .”
“What do you mean? Nothing?”
“Well, we kind of looked almost everywhere and I just didn’t see anything.”
“So what is your plan?”
“Like you have one?”
“Just let me think . . .”
“Well, I am going in, then. I will find something.”
“Good luck.”
“It is a lot worse than you think.”
“We looked at lots of things, and everything is just so different. I didn’t know what to look for, anyway . . .”
“I am pretty sure it will get better once we settle here. But I don’t even know where to start.”
“Let’s wait for a while and look around again. Maybe we will find something better or find someone from our island.”
“Hm . . . Maybe . . .”
Anij is listening to everyone’s complaints. It makes him feel even worse after no one could find anything for themselves. He is looking at the second group that just entered the city.
The sun is still scorching hot, burning up the pavement. They can ignore the heat easily. But this time, with so much pressure and stress, the weather is playing nasty tricks on them.
Without much hope, Anij is just waiting for the second group to come back with better news.
Yet another meaningless discussion arises among the islanders.
“How come they can’t find anything?”
“Would it be that difficult?”
“Well . . . They are trying to find a new job in a different country. So I guess it is really hard . . .”
“Maybe they just don’t know what they are looking for.”
“You don’t know what it takes to get a job. So shut up about it. Okay?”
“I have a right to get angry about it. Okay?”
“No matter how much you get mad, it will just accomplish nothing . . .”
“Then why don’t you go and find something, ha?”
“I will go after they come back. Okay?”
“Yeah, right. Sure you will.”
While people are just rambling on about everything, Anij is sitting down on the ground, all curled up, with not much emotion. He is pondering lots of things that he never had to care about before. Now is the time that he needs his parents the most; but they are not here, probably won’t ever be here for him. So he will have to grow up. He realizes that he has to be a man from now on. Whatever it will take. Then he suddenly stands up and starts to walk with a determined look. People start to mumble about his action.
“Why is he walking alone?”
“Hey, kid! Where are you going?”
“You got something, kid?”
“You know someone?”
“Hey, maybe I can help you?”
“Who does he think he is?”
“You know what? Maybe he is better than us. You saw him speaking English. That is a starter, right?”
“Oh, yeah. I totally forgot about that.”
“Well . . . he is only a kid. What is he going to do?”
“You need to be a man to work. Not a kid.”
“Yeah? Then how come you couldn’t get a job there? Something wrong? You are not man enough?”
“Shut up.”
“Whatever, man . . .”
Anij just doesn’t care about what they are saying behind his back. He doesn’t want to waste even one second to reply back to them. He is quietly stilling his tears while he is walking into the city. He can’t be a baby anymore. Over and over, he is saying the same words to himself:
“I have to be a man. I have to be a man. I have to be a man . . .”
None of the islanders really cared about him anyway. There is no surprise there. They just look at Anij go and let it happen. Maybe they feel better off without Anij. Honestly, no one wants to take care of someone else’s kid. Not for free, anyway.
Anij is walking around the town. Just keeps on walking around the town. There is no particular direction to take. He is not trying to find any answers for himself or for this situation. He is just looking around to see what is out there and what would be available for him to survive.
The sun is about to set behind a big brick building. Shadows are long and thin. They show that the islanders’ lives are hanging by a thread, and it is getting thinner. Eventually they will disappear.
Anij can’t read any English, but he can understand and speak a few words. Maybe barely enough to keep him alive. But he has already made up his mind to be a real man. It is not an option for him to ignore any possibilities at this point. He just has to suck it up. Hunger strikes back. He hasn’t eaten anything since this morning at the compound. His stomach is causing a coup d’état with his brain. He has to find some food before sunset. Finally, his legs give up, and he sits down to rest on a curb. He sighs deeply a few times in a row for not being able to find anything. Disappointment washes over him once again. But his face still carries such determination. People are walking by him carelessly. He doesn’t want to be become anyone else’s burden. He never did. He knows that his life is his own burden, and it won’t leave him alone.
While Anij is fighting with his hunger, a boy sits down on the same curb beside him. He is also alone, just like Anij. The boy is eating a loaf of bread. It seems that he has more in his bag. It is almost impossible to shut Anij’s mind off from the food. It just looks too good, and that irritates him so much. Anij turns his head and looks at the boy with anger and envy.
The boy keeps eating his bread. Soon they look at each other. It is Mikael. They are surprised to find each other in a place like this. Mikael says, “Hey, I know you!”
“I know you.”
“You are from the navy base, right?”
“Yeah. You are thief.”
“Yeah, hahaha. So what are you doing here? You escaped that place?”
“What?”
“You left there?”
“No . . .”
“Then how are you outside, then?”
“Everyone left. No soldier. Go back home . . .”
“What? Really?”
“Yeah . . .”
“So what are you doing here?”
“Nobody there. So we left. I find food now.”
“Any luck?”
“I didn’t eat anything . . . I am so hungry.”
“Shit . . . That sucks. You want some of this?”
“Really? No . . . It is yours.”
“No, it is okay. Take some. Okay?”
“Thank you very much. Thank you.”
Mikael takes out some bread from his bag. Anij takes the bread and eats very fast. Mikael is just watching him eating. It must remind him of his old hungry days on the streets. Anij is done with the bread in about a minute. He is a happy kid now. Mikael gives him some more. And he keeps staring at Anij.
“You know . . . You remind me of myself . . . The good old times . . . Ha . . .”
“Me? What?”
“You know . . . I used to live like that on the streets. Every day and night . . .”
“Really?”
“Yeah. But I am now on a team.”
“Team? A thief team?”
“Hahahaha, yeah. Thief team.”
“I am nobody.”
“I hear you . . . It is very tough living on the streets like that. You can’t do that for long.”
“I don’t want to. How can I be like you?”
“Like me? Why?”
“You steal food and you eat good. I want to eat good every day.”
“Wow . . . Easy. Easy, boy . . . It is also tough to be a thief, you know. It is not easy.”
Just before Anij takes the last bite, Mikael stands up.
“Nice meeting you, man. See you later.”
“Okay. Thanks very much for this.”
“It is okay. ’Bye.”
“’Bye.”
The conversation ends just like that. Mikael doesn’t want to talk to Anij about being a thief.
It is dark. Anij is looking for a place to sleep. It really is bad that he has to find a place to sleep and find food every day. At least in the compound, all was provided. The compound was a true hell at that time, with so much shit going on. The food got worse day by day. His fear level was breaking its record every day. Plus he couldn’t sleep well, what with unidentifiable noises of grinding teeth, snoring, and mourning, and so on . . . But this is worse. Now it is a big job just to find something to eat, and he is not even sure if he will last more than two days. He is walking around the city again. Then there is a park. He simply lies on a bench for a good night’s sleep. He is set for tonight.