Chapter 10

 

Violet

 

I’ve never been a fan of police stations. They’re always so loud; phones ringing, loud voices, commotions. Plus it always smells like takeout and right now I’m starving. It’s starting to drive me crazy and is bringing back the few times when I had to visit them while I was growing up—the few times I got into trouble and for my parents’ case. It’s unsettling and making me fidgety. And it’s not helping that it’s taking forever.

I’ve been sitting outside Detective Stephner’s office for a couple of hours, waiting for him to show up and tell me that it’s time to go back—that it’s time to get this over with. I feel bad for Luke sitting out there in his truck, probably wondering where I am. I can’t even call him since I left my phone at the apartment.

I think about going outside to tell him that maybe he should just wait for me at the apartment when Detective Stephner comes strolling up. He has a folder tucked in one hand and a cup of coffee in his other, and he’s wearing a suit, the jacket open, revealing his tie with Christmas trees on it.

“You know it’s not Christmas, right?” I elevate my eyebrows at him, sarcasm dripping from my voice.

He tosses the coffee cup into the trash bin beside me, his forehead creased as he sifts through some papers in his hand. “Huh?”

I point at his tie. “It’s October. Shouldn’t those be, like, pumpkins or something?”

He distractedly glances away from the papers and down at the tie. “Oh, that.” He laughs, scratching his head. “Yeah, my wife must have laid out the wrong one for me this morning.”

“Your wife lays out your clothes for you? How very 1950’s of you, and kind of sexist.”

He sighs because I always do this to him—press his buttons. I’m not even sure why. He’s not as bad as other detectives I’ve had to deal with in the past, but being here in the police station brings back too many painful memories for me, so this bitterness sort of spills out.

“She likes doing it,” he replies with a hint of aggravation. “I don’t ask her to.”

I gesture at his tie. “It looks really clear that she enjoys it, which is why she dressed you in Christmas stuff in October.”

“Why do you do this every time you come in?”

“What? Yank your balls?”

He gives me a blank stare. “You know, one of these days that mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble.”

I stare back at him, my expression matching his. “Thanks for the words of wisdom.”

He sighs again, giving up. “Okay, are you ready for this?”

I shake my head. “Nope.”

He sighs again. “Violet, we talked—”

I cut him off, “I’ll never be ready for it, but I’ll do it. I was just stating a simple fact.” I stand up from the chair, my knees wobbling and my stomach bouncing with nerves—a bundle of butterflies must have awoken specifically for this moment.

“All right, follow me,” he says, heading across the busy room full of cubicles and desks toward a hallway with florescent lighting.

A lot of people are at the station and I catch a few of them glancing up at me as I pass. I wonder if they know who I am, if they know my sad, depressing story. I wonder if it makes them afraid of me.

“Oh, and I wanted to let you know that I got the package with the photo and I’m looking into it.”

“Okay…” I’m barely aware of what he’s saying as the reality of what’s about to happen bears down me. With each step, it feels like the walls are closing in, crushing and suffocating me. I can barely breathe. Think. Function. This is it. I’m really going to see the woman whose song has haunted my nightmare for years. How is it going to make me feel? Can I handle it?

Whoosh.

It’s like all the air has been ripped out of my lungs. I suck in a deep breath, my vision spotting, and my knees start to buckle. I brace my hand on the cold brick wall to keep from collapsing onto the floor.

“Shit,” I say between gasps. This can’t be happening right now. “Shit. Shit. Shit.”

“What’s wrong?” Detective Stephner asks, leaning over with concern in his eyes as he studies my face. “Violet, just breathe. It’ll all be over soon.”

I shake my head and back away down the hall. I didn’t prepare myself for this massive wave of emotional turmoil. I want to be stronger. Want to have inner strength like the old Violet. But she was only a facade, a costume I’d wear to make it easier to pretend everything was okay when it wasn’t. Now, that costume has been torn to pieces and my true self is left standing vulnerable and naked. I want to run away and fix the problem the only way I know how, but after today—realizing that I don’t want to die—I’m not sure it would calm me down even if I tried.

“I can’t do this... not when I feel like this…”

“Do you want me to call someone to be here with you?” he asks, following me down the hallway. He knows I don’t have anyone, hence the hint of uneasiness on his part.

I work to catch my breath. “I need…” What do I need? “Luke.”

He appears extremely reluctant about the idea while I arrive at a strange state of calm from the statement.

“Violet, that’s not a good idea. He’s the son of the potential suspect… and…” —he shifts his weight— “having him in here could be harmful to the case.”

“Can’t he just come in and sit in a chair in the waiting room?” The air is returning to my lungs at the realization that this is what I need. Yes, it’s what I need—Luke. He always makes me feel better—at least better than what I’m feeling. I need him.

God, do I need him.

Wow, that was hard to admit. I just hope he meant what he said. That he wants this—with Mira, with us—as much as me.

“I mean, he’s out in the parking lot right now, so it wouldn’t be that much different if he just steps inside.”

Detective Stephner scratches his head as he glances at the busy cubicles around us. “Maybe… out in the waiting room, but I’ll have to ask the receptionist or someone to keep an eye on him.”

I nod with eagerness. “Okay, I’ll go get him.”

“I’ll escort you there,” he says, trailing after me as I hurry and make my way through the cubicle area.

“I’ll be fine,” I tell him as I veer left and head past the sitting area and toward the entrance doors.

“It’s not for you,” he tells me, moving forward to open one of the doors for me.

“Afraid I’ll run?” I ask, wrapping my arms around myself as I step outside into the chilly night breeze.

He shrugs, staring out at the parking lot where Luke’s rustic truck is parked. “Wouldn’t be the first time.” The door slams shut behind him as he steps outside with me. “I’ll wait for you right here.”

I trot down the stairs, my heart hammering inside my chest. I remember the many things I had to do by myself when I was younger. At doctors appointments one of my foster parents would wait for me in the waiting room. My visits with the police in the beginning, I was chaperoned by my foster mother at the time, which meant she’d sit in a nearby chair and file her nails. I remember sitting in the chair and just wanting to hold someone’s hand. I tried to hold her hand once, from which she casually slipped hers out from mine. All I wanted was someone to comfort me.

What I wanted was my mom and dad, but that wasn’t possible since the reason I was there alone was because they were dead.

As I approach Luke’s truck, I can hear music playing and see smoke lacing from the cracked window. When I open the driver’s door, he’s messing around with his stereo and I end up scaring the crap out of him. He jumps, looking as though he’s ready to hit me.

“Jesus, you scared the shit out of me.” He puts his cigarette out on the ground, caution in his eyes as his gaze elevates to me. “Are you ready to go?”

Shaking my head, I point over my shoulder at the police station. “I need you to come in there.”

He instantly frowns. “Is something wrong?”

“Not really. I just…” I chew on my bottom lip. God, asking for help can be so difficult. Just do it for God’s sake! “I just don’t want to be alone when I do this.”

As hard as it is to ask for help, his expression makes me feel the slightest bit better. “Okay.” He grabs his keys, gets out of the truck, and shuts the door.

“You have to wait in the waiting room, though… because… Well, you know.” There’s a bit of awkwardness, at least with me, having to remind him that his mother is in there.

Luke tangles his fingers with mine like it’s the simplest thing in the world. If only everything were that simple, but even walking on my own anymore is getting complicated. Still, it helps that Luke is there. Helps that he tries to make it as easy as possible when the detective makes him sit out in the waiting area as if he’s the criminal. Helps that when I get back to the room with the two-way mirror, I know that Luke is right there, in the same building, within running distance.

It makes it easier to breathe.

The room I’m standing in is small and dark except for the light coming from the other side where they’re going to bring in Mira Price. The air smells like cigarettes and coffee, and there are a few metal chairs behind me where I could probably sit down in, but I’m afraid if I move, I’ll run, so I stay planted in front of the window.

I swear to God, it feels like I’m standing there for hours when really it’s probably only been a few minutes, maybe even a few seconds before the detective joins me.

“You ready for this?” he asks, glancing down at the papers he’s been carrying around.

No. “Yes.” I fidget with the leather band on my wrist, the one I put on to cover up what I did earlier. “What exactly am I supposed to do? Just tell you yes or no if I can remember her?”

He nods, distracted by the papers. “If she was the one there that night and you can identify her, then you’ll tell me. But it’s very important that you’re sure, okay?”

I nod. Like I would ever say anything else. Falsely identifying Luke’s mom is something I’d never want to do.

“And we can get her to speak, too. You said you heard her speak, right?” he asks as a door on the other side of the window opens up.

I swallow the lump in my throat as I step up to the window. “Sing. I heard her sing…” I trail off as a woman enters the room.

This is it.

This is it.

Holy shit, this is it.

She walks awkwardly as if her feet are too heavy for her legs, her shoes dragging across the floor. Her head is tipped down, her brown hair a veil around her face. She’s wringing her hands in front of her, nervous and scared.

The first thing I think is that this can’t be the woman that was there that night. However, I quickly learn that my initial observation of Mira Price is wrong because when she reaches the center of the room and turns to face the window, her expression is calm, her shoulders squared, and those eyes…. those goddamn eyes are as hollow as my heart used to be. They’re the color of Luke’s, too. Still, she looks so different, so lacking life and emotion. No, they’re not the same eyes at all. Mira’s look hauntingly dead, her skin pale, her face expressionless, and when she smiles, it is as if she’s pleased to be on the other side of the glass.

But I’m not even sure if it was her singing in the dark that night, and sadness weeps inside me as I realize this and what it means—that I can’t identify her. A tear or two falls from my eyes, but I can’t seem to take my focus off her. Her eyes are locked right in my direction, too, even though she can’t see me. It feels like she can, though. It feels like I’m five years old again, hiding in the dark and she’s looking right at me without ever saying a word.

Then her eyes grow more intense, her posture more confident. There’s a shift in the air, an omen perhaps, one that I should run away from, but I don’t budge. Her lips start to move, twist and conform as if she’s sickly pleased with what she’s about to do. When her voice leaves her mouth, it’s as if I’ve been jerked back to my childhood home and I’m all alone. A few simple sentences—that’s all it takes—for my world to forever change.

“Lean into me. Lean into me,” she sings slowly, looking right in my direction. “Take. Help me. I need to understand. Help me. I can’t do this without you.”

Someone starts to scream. Shout. Bang on the glass. It’s hurting my ears… my hands… It feels like I’m bleeding out, gushing wounds…

“Violet! Violet! Calm down!” Arms wind around my waist, the touch bringing me back to reality.

I realize that the screaming and banging is coming from me. That I’ve lost it. Smashed my hand against the glass so hard that it feels like it’s broken.

Detective Stephner has gotten ahold of me and is trying to get me to calm down. He yells something to someone, but I can’t focus on his words. I can only concentrate on the excruciating pain, the blinding rage, the scorching hatred for the woman singing on the other side, tormenting me with her lyrics, her voice, her eyes.

My veins burn with the overpowering need to break through the window and hurt her, make her pay for what she did. I’ve never felt so much emotion in my entire life. If the detective lets me go, I don’t know what I’ll do. Break through the glass just to get to her.

Somehow Detective Stephner does manage to get me out of the room before that happens, though. And I no longer have to see the fucking devil standing ten feet away. The rage within me still blazes and scalds me from the inside, and I keep fighting to get away from him.

“Let me go!” I kick my legs, trying to break free, and end up knocking over a chair as we step into the cubicle area. I’m causing a commotion, but I don’t give a shit. Let them all stare. I’m used to it. “She killed them! That stupid fucking song!”

“Calm down. It’s going to be okay,” he tries consoling me as he maneuvers me around the desks and heads toward the front area of the building.

“Where are we going?” I gasp for air. “Are you kicking me out?” Right as I say it, we round the corner and enter the waiting room where Luke is sitting. He’s staring at the ground with his head hanging low, but his focus snaps up when we enter because I’m being extremely loud.

“What happened?” he asks as he rushes toward me, examining me from head to toe.

There’s an awkward transfer as Detective Stephner hands me over to Luke. I think, in his own way, Detective Stephner is helping me, as if he knows Luke is the one thing I need right now.

“I need you to come with us to my office.”

Luke’s arms wrap around my waist, and it takes some of the pain away, but not all of it.

“Why?” Luke asks Detective Stephner.

The detective looks at Luke. “Because I need to talk to Violet some more, but you’re the only one she seems to listen to. So calm her down and bring her back, please. So we can have a rational conversation.”

“Asshole,” I say, even though I’m not really angry at him. Just angry.

The detective shoots me a warning look then walks off.

After he vanishes around the corner, Luke pulls me closer to him with my back pressed against his chest. “What did she do?”

“She sang that stupid, fucked-up song. No one even asked her to do it. It’s like she wanted to get caught or something.” My breathing is ravenous, my heart tremulous. Everything about me is unsteady at the moment, and the only thing holding me up is him.

“No, she wanted to fuck with your head,” he says through gritted teeth. “That’s what she does.”

It’s strange to think how much he knows her, the monster standing on the other side of the glass. He’s felt her pain firsthand, felt the damage she can inflict, and as strange as it is, it makes me feel connected to him, calms me down the slightest bit.

He exhales. “The scream…”

“That was me,” I admit, struggling to breath normally again. “I lost it. I didn’t even know what happened to me. I just sort of snapped.”

“Baby… I…”

“I’m fine.”

He places a kiss on the back of my head. “No you’re not. What can I do to help?”

“You’re here… that’s enough for now.” I mean it too. Luke is having this strange, calming effect over me, like he’s holding me above water when I feel like I’m about to drown again. “We should probably go back though before Detective Stephner thinks I’ve bailed.”

He nods and then reluctantly releases me. I want to grab his arms and wrap them back around me, but he steps up to the side of me and slips his arm around my back. I look into his eyes, similar to the ones that belong to the monster on the other side of the glass, at least in the shape and color. That’s it, though, and everything else about them—him—is different. He makes me feel comforted instead of utterly terrified. He makes me feel safe when no one else can.

See, this is what I’m afraid of. Losing this. What would I become if it was gone?

The answer is terrifying to think about.