“Well,” Zoya said, as I groggily shifted into a sitting position. “That was quite a show you put on, Tea.”
My shoulder hurt. It was heavily bandaged. The rest of me was numb on lemon balm and lilybrew, and I wasn’t sure I could even feel my head. “How is everyone?” I mumbled.
“Doing fairly well, considering.” Zoya was the last person I wanted telling me what I’d done wrong, and she was probably at my bedside for that very reason. “Considering you woke every dead critter to have ever lived inside Mithra’s Wall. We had quite the time getting out of the cave with your dead weight while skeletal insects and bats flew all over the place. I reckon I’ll have nightmares of beetle corpses crawling up my hair after this.”
“Did I—?”
“Kill anyone? Oh, thankfully no. You did the exact opposite. We endured the half-formed bats and undead roaches and rats, and we fought our way out of the mountain only to discover that you’d also summoned the bones of every animal that had ever walked this part of the plains, including the Drychta we’d already killed.”
I tried to lurch out of the cot, ignoring my burning pain, but Wind held me in place.
“Stop that,” Zoya said impatiently, flicking another rune in my direction, “especially after all the trouble it took to get you here. Everything’s under control. I thought they’d remain dead after I knocked you out and after Althy destroyed the Seeking Stone, but I guess a few corpses had a bit more agency than we thought. You’ve made peaceful yogis out of the surviving Drychta soldiers though. I’d bet all my hua they’ll never lift a sword again. That’s one way to scare fighters into farmers.”
I touched my wound gingerly and flinched. “How did I get this?”
Zoya’s mirth faded. She looked worried. “You don’t remember?”
“Should I?”
“I would think so, since you’re the one to go and stab yourself, which was why I punched you. I suppose you thought it was the only way to keep yourself from drawing in more Dark. Never do that again. It was rather unfair to Kalen, as he had to carry you with your blood dripping all over him. He’s been guarding you the last two days, and it’s only my wonderful skills of persuasion that finally convinced him to get some rest.”
“I was out for two days?” I felt drained but also strangely restless. I had taken in more of the Dark than I’d ever done, but part of me yearned for more.
“You really don’t remember?”
“My memory has been bad as of late.”
“Tea?” Kalen entered the tent, relaxing upon seeing me awake. He looked exhausted. “How are you?”
“Doing much better, as you can see.” Zoya stood and rearranged her skirts. “I’ll be off now. Althy intends to return to Kion soon, and I suppose I’ll be forced to do the same.” Her voice softened. “I’m glad to see you’re better.”
“You have to ward me,” I whispered, the instant Zoya was out of the tent.
“Tea?”
“You have to, Kalen.” I trembled, staring at my sheets. “I don’t remember. I don’t remember stabbing myself. Just like I don’t remember stabbing Daisy. I seem to lose more and more of myself every time I wield the Dark, and I don’t know what I might do next time. I’m starting to crave it. I can’t risk…”
The bed dipped as Kalen pressed a knee onto the mattress, tugging me forward until I was in his arms. “You scared me today,” he said quietly.
“That appears to be a habit of late.”
“Do you really want to do this, Tea?”
I nodded, my face buried against his chest. “Just for now. Please?”
He said nothing else, but I could feel his runes wrapping around me, solidifying into barriers. The Dark slipped away. I was grateful that he didn’t argue for once—perhaps he’d sensed the fear I had and understood the reality behind it.
I wanted to fuel my body with the Dark until I could lever the world with it. Druj wanted me a slave to power like an addict to opioids. Neither Aenah nor Usij would have dared. How could Druj channel that much power and not succumb to darkrot himself?
Questions swirled inside of me, then were placated as Kalen’s wards did their work. The craving abated, though was not fully diminished. He said nothing, content to hold me close. And for the moment, that was all I wanted.
• • •
Kance visited me hours later. I had fallen asleep again and woke to find the Odalian king sitting beside me, holding my hand. He allowed himself a brief smile at my confusion. “I asked Kalen to stay with General Lode while he interrogates Aadil, as he would need my cousin’s expertise.” He watched me relax, and a small, sad smile crossed his lips. “How long have you two been together?”
I looked away, embarrassed. “We became aware of each other’s feelings in Daanoris, Your Majesty.”
“While searching for a cure to my sickness?” When I nodded, he sighed. “Thank you. It occurred to me that I had not yet shown you any gratitude for those efforts.”
“Many things happened in the interim, Your Majesty.”
“That’s no excuse. You frightened me, Tea. Kalen tells me that you have no memories of what transpired after Aadil’s capture. He also tells me that you chose to have yourself warded.”
“I was fortunate that no one was injured this time, Your Majesty. I cannot take the same risks again.”
“How many times have I told you not to call me by titles? ‘Kance’ will do.”
I kept my gaze down, disentangling my fingers from his. “I didn’t think I deserved that honor,” I admitted. “Not anymore.”
“I remain wary of your abilities, Tea. I always will. But that doesn’t mean I’m not concerned for your well-being.” He leaned forward and gripped my hand, refusing to let go. “I suspected that there was something between you and Kalen soon after my engagement to Inessa.”
“Your Majes—Kance—I hadn’t even realized then.”
“But Kalen did. I know him well enough to see. He was good at keeping his emotions in check, but he always lost that composure whenever you were involved.” Kance chuckled. “I teased him about you—it was a day or two before I fell sick, I think. He didn’t even bother to deny it, just stared at me like I was a ghost. It made me jealous.”
I looked at him, puzzled. I was certain he’d felt no romantic attachment to me before.
He clarified. “I was jealous of both of you. Of how easy it was to choose to be with someone you loved, of how there was no burden on either of you as there was on me. I would have married Inessa out of duty, you know, even if my father hadn’t forced me to. But Inessa is made of stronger stuff than I. I resent her sometimes, and Fox.” He sighed heavily. “You didn’t choose the Dark just as I never chose to be born into royalty. Kalen told me about shadowglass. How using the spell would rid the world of all magic. What do you intend to do?”
I closed my eyes. “What do you think I should do?”
“I understand that you have a duty to the other asha, to the kingdoms that benefit from the runes they wield. You know more than I do of how heartsglass can help people, how my brother helps people. There are ramifications to losing that power, and it will affect everyone.” Kance fell silent for several minutes, though his hand never left mine.
“But do it anyway,” he said finally. “My brother will help people whether or not he remains the Heartforger. There will no longer be beasts to roam the land and attack people. With or without heartsglass, there will always be war. The asha and the Deathseekers will fade and become like the rest of us. They will learn in time that our existence is not so bad. I beg of you, Tea—if you have the opportunity to rid yourself of the magic that will one day consume you, then do it.”
“I cannot lose my brother again, Kance.” Tears dripped down to where our hands were joined. “I cannot. If you were in my place, and the price was Khalad, could you do it?” A silver heartsglass and the Resurrecting rune, Aenah’s voice whispered in my head, as if she hadn’t been dead all these months. And a kiss from the First Harvest. That’s all you need to bring young Fox Pahlavi his own heart, my Tea. But the harvest requires shadowglass, and shadowglass requires sacrifice. Surely he is worth the risk?
Kance withdrew his hand from mine, his face immeasurably sad. He stood and drew his cloak around himself, but not before his heartsglass swung free. My eyes followed the movement and spotted a smaller crystal pendant that hung from the same chain. He saw where my gaze drifted and touched the smaller stone with a finger.
“You told me it would help with my exhaustion. You gave this to me the night my engagement to Inessa was finalized,” he said quietly. “My anger at you in the days that followed did not prevent me from drawing comfort from your gift, and I am never without it. You are right. I could not ask that of Khalad. But had I been in his or your brother’s place, I would like to believe I could offer my life willingly.”
He sighed. “Maddening, isn’t it? The bonds that tie us together are the same bonds preventing us from what we would sacrifice for ourselves. I will let Kalen know that you are awake.”
• • •
“Do you mean to tell me,” Zoya said much later, sounding incredulous, “that Druj intended to turn King Aadil over to us all along?”
“It seems that way.” Once Kalen decided I was fit enough to get out of bed, I had emerged to find the Odalians hastily erecting makeshift prisons for the compliant Drychta. “Druj knew there was no First Harvest in Mithra’s Wall yet convinced the king to invade.” To seek me out.
Zoya scowled. “I’m not sure Aadil would make a competent ally. Perhaps the Faceless was simply foisting his trouble on us.”
“Be that as it may,” Althy said sensibly, “Kance has offered to assume charge of the prisoner, so it is one less burden for us. The other asha and I must make haste to Kion. Empress Alyx will want to hear what’s happened immediately. The asha association, no doubt, will be very interested as well.”
“Are you going to arrest me?” I asked her.
“You know me better than that. However, the azi has likely been sighted by now, and Kion should be receiving independent verification from other messengers soon.”
“Won’t you get in trouble for not bringing me in?”
“If a whole city could not contain you, then what should they expect from a handful of asha?” Althy smiled sadly at me. “Everyone misses you.”
“You know that that’s a lie, Althy.”
The plump asha sighed. “He does, Tea. You will both heal from this one day, but you two must choose to. Fox has not been the same since you left, my dear.”
“I cannot stay in contact with him, Althy. The elders will use our bond. They will know the instant I break through the runic wards around him again, and Mykkie has sworn to be truthful.”
“Inessa is gaining ground. She is loved by the people, just like her mother, and she is fighting for you both. We all are.” She hugged me. “We must take our leave soon. I will look over Likh, perhaps prescribe something stronger for him to take.” Althy sighed. “Protect those two.”
“You know I will.”
She turned to Kalen. “And it is on you to protect Tea, or I will be very much put out.”
“You know I always will, Althy.”
Kance and General Lode had gone to question more of the Drychta prisoners, and they returned troubled. “King Aadil’s madness is an open secret among the people of Drycht,” the Odalian general said. “But they serve him because they knew no other way, even as they feared him. There have been attempts to overthrow him in the past, though all were unsuccessful, and the instigators were made to suffer horrible deaths. Some of the prisoners tell us that Aadil had once been a kind king, with the potential to become one of their greatest rulers. How that change happened in less than a decade is puzzling.”
“That was Druj’s doing.” It horrified me, knowing that I had inflicted King Telemaine with the same madness the Faceless had on the Drychta ruler. No. I am better than him. I am better than him. “What do they say about Druj’s role in this?”
“That he was first installed in Aadil’s court as one of his closest advisers, though he never bared his face to the public. He always presented himself as a mystery. Behind Aadil’s back, the people called him a sorcerer. Those who went so far as to publicly oppose him were either killed or imprisoned. All of Drycht lives in fear.”
“Those poor people,” Zoya said quietly. “What do we do now?”
“We are looking into who is next in line to the throne. Once we’ve found someone outside the Faceless’s influence, we can ask neutral parties to set that person in Aadil’s place as a trusted regent. I’ve heard that Adhitaya’s son was exiled from the kingdom before the purge, and he may still be alive. Barring that, some distant relatives of the last king live, though they remain in hiding. Some of Aadil’s factions remain in power, and I doubt they’re willing to relinquish their control all that easily. We can hold Aadil captive for now, demand restitution for his crimes, but that’s the extent of what we can do. We don’t want to be accused of intervening in Drychta affairs more than we already have.”
“We must leave soon,” I added abruptly. “My presence complicates the situation, and I’m sure people from Kion already know I’m here, if sightings of the azi haven’t already given me away. Althy is an ally, but the asha association will send their own representatives after me.”
Kance hesitated. “You can claim sanctuary in Odalia,” he said slowly. “They believe that we’re not on good terms, and we can use that to our advantage.”
“You told me my exile still stands, Your Ma—Kance.”
“I am the king. I am allowed to change my mind.”
I smiled weakly. “I’m a target in many different ways, Kance. I refuse to put your kingdom at further risk the way I did with the Yadoshans.”
“But where will you go?”
“Somewhere they won’t find us. It’s a big world. There must be a small spot in it for us.”
“But surely there’s something else I can do?”
“There is.” Kalen slipped his hand in mine. “Feign ignorance when you are asked where we are. Tell people we are still estranged and told you nothing. We want to live out the rest of our lives in peace, Kance, and we can only do so if we are hidden away.”
“But will the elders stop sending people after you?”
“Wars come sooner or later, but they come all the same. There are no guarantees, but we have to try.”
“I will do my best.” Kance gripped Kalen’s other hand in a firm handshake. “Blessings be upon you then, Kalen. Take care of yourselves, and look after Tea and Khalad for me.”
“Without question, Your Majesty.”
It took less than an hour for Likh and Khalad to get ready, both in noticeably better spirits. It was a good decision to make our departure immediate; the Yadoshans, Drychta, and Odalians were uncomfortable around me now, and even Knox seemed a shade awed, though not fearful, like most. “It was a good fight,” the dark-skinned Yadoshan told us reverently. “I will remember it to the end of my days. I know I may not necessarily speak for my kinsmen, but should you ever find your way back to Yadosha, feel free to look me up. I owe you a tankard or two.”
The azi was also eager to be off, its wings braced for flight. Once we had loaded the rest of our belongings on its back, it was quick to take to the air, and I watched as Kance stared up after us, an indecipherable expression on his face until he disappeared in the distance.
• • •
“There’s something on your mind,” Kalen said once we had set up camp. After much discussion, we had decided that time away from the Odalian-Kion-Yadoshan continent was needed, and when Likh had proposed staying overnight by the Sea of Skulls while we planned our next moves, we found little to protest. Khalad and Likh had caught enough fish for dinner, but I spent most of the evening staring into the campfire, lost in thought.
“There’s something I’m missing,” I confessed. “It’s been nagging at me ever since we left.”
“You need to give your body time to heal, Tea,” Likh said with a smile, stirring a small pot.
I wrinkled my nose. “That doesn’t smell like soup.”
“It’s some herbs Althy gave me before we left. My supplies were running low, and she offered some of her share.” Likh blushed and lowered her voice. “She suggested that you take some. She mentioned that it was good for, ah…for preventing…when men and women have relations. It’s for the woman to not…”
I blushed in turn. “I have my own herbs for that. But I’m not sure how you would benefit from, um…”
Likh was bright red. “O-of course not! She says it’s also good for keeping up one’s strength, and I thought I could brew you some as well.”
“Thank you.” I accepted a cup, breathing in the slightly bitter aroma. Althy had always favored quality over taste. Wryly, I recalled the terrible-tasting concoctions she had administered to me over the years, though they did a good job of healing me quickly enough, whether it was coughs or—
I froze, staring down at the herbal drink. The steam rising from the brown liquid felt hot against my face. Fallowroot and winter ginger, I thought almost absently, mixed in with juniper berries and lacrow flowers…
“It’s not quite the cha-khana,” Likh sighed, raising her own brew to her lips. “But this is better than nothing.”
My arm whipped forward, dislodging the cup from her hands. The earthen bowl fell to the ground, shattering into pieces.
“Tea?” Khalad rushed forward at the sound, and Kalen turned from his cooking. “What’s wrong?”
“Don’t drink that!” I staggered to my feet.
“What—”
I delved. The rune stood, bleeding red, in the air. Likh’s jaw dropped.
“All this time we’d wondered if the Blight rune affected silver heartsglass worse than it did others. We thought we were watching what we ate and drank. We were wrong.” Shaking, I upended the contents of my bowl on the ground, liquid sloshing everywhere. I felt sick to my stomach, my appetite gone. “Likh, how long have you been drinking this?”
The poor girl was shaking. Khalad pulled her closer, and she all but collapsed against his chest. “Ever since we left Kion. Althy told me to take it every day, that it would be good for long journeys, especially now that I’d been blighted…”
I remembered Kance, the headaches and pain plaguing him in the days before his engagement to Inessa had been announced. How his father’s death gave him the peace to chase them away; how he stopped drinking the herbs after that. Who had brewed his tea, during those long months?
Hadn’t I been drinking her concoctions as well? Strange dreams and visions had swirled my days together. Dreams that made me want to jump from high Isteran towers, that taught me how Kion should burn. Nightmares that drew my knife into my hands and stabbed my sister with my anger. Those nightmares had lessened after leaving Kion, but I had prepared my own herbs by hand since then.
Had Kance been blighted during those months as well? Was it a last resort, an unfulfilled threat?
I was wrong. I must be wrong. I would give up almost everything, not to be right.
“Tea.” Kalen’s face was strained. “Surely you don’t think…”
“I don’t know what to think. But you need to take the runic wards off me, Kalen. We need answers, and there’s only one person I know who can give us them now.”