Sunlight glittered across the top of the snow in Jake’s front yard. There were several feet of it, and drifts had blown over night. Jake’s truck was covered, and the snow on the ground reached above the bumpers.
Rose stared out the window at the serene morning, grateful for the mug of hot coffee in her hands. “I haven’t seen snow like this in years.”
“Me neither.” Jake came up behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her temple. “It’s going to be a pain in the ass to clean up, though.”
“I’ll help,” she offered.
“You’ll do no such thing.” Rose nudged him but he continued, “Hell, I only went out long enough to clear a path and space for Daisy to go out and do her business.”
“When did you do that?”
“While you were sleeping in.”
Guilt over sleeping when he was out in the cold and snow crept in. “Oh. I would have helped.”
“I wouldn’t have let you. You needed the sleep after last night’s…exercises.”
She blushed and looked over and spotted the black dog on Jake’s large L-shaped couch. Daisy wasn’t curled up in a tight ball like the day before. She was on her belly, legs out in comfortable angles, her head on a pillow. Her brown eyes watched them from across the space. “She looks comfortable.”
“She settled right in, didn’t she?”
Rose leaned back against Jake and admitted, “She’s not the only one.”
“Yeah?” Jake turned Rose to face him. She smiled up at him as he brushed a hair out of her face. “You’re feeling settled in?”
“Maybe it’s crazy to say, but,” she shrugged. “Yeah. It feels like we’ve picked up where we left off, but without the teenage angst and drama.”
“I think so, too.”
“Though, you’re a lot more secure and stable than I am these days.”
Confusion etched his face. “What do you mean?”
Rose hesitated. She took a step back and leaned against the counter behind her. Jake let her step out of his arms but didn’t move otherwise.
She took a deep breath before admitting, “My life has been a mess for months. For the first time since I realized I couldn’t marry Henry, I feel — secure. Safe.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
“You are? You don’t care that if we decide this —” she motioned between them — “has staying power, I come with a lot of baggage, both literal and figurative?”
Jake shook his head. “Everyone has baggage, Rose. I’ll help you carry yours if you’ll help me with mine.”
“Of course, I’d help with yours. I just…” she trailed off as the realization of how much additional emotional labor she’d had to do in previous relationships struck her. Even with Henry.
“What, beautiful? You just…what?”
“I, I don’t know. Nobody else has ever been so willing to be an equal partner on the heavier emotional stuff that comes up.”
“Rose, I’ve known and loved you since we were teenagers, and then loved you from afar while you were with another man. Why the hell wouldn’t I be supportive and give you whatever you need from me now that you’re here?”
No other relationship, from first dates that never got to a second all the way to her almost marriage, had ever been equitable in the emotional work. There was always, always, a layer of ‘you help me with my shit, but I can’t help you the same way’ caveat. Not even Henry. While he’d been supportive of her and always had a shoulder for her to cry on, he’d never stood up to his overly-opinionated and emotionally manipulative mother until after Rose had left him at the altar.
And here was Jake, her first love, offering equal support, love, and holding space for her.
“Thank you,” she choked out, before tears welled and rolled down her cheeks. Rose let Jake wrap his arms around her and pull her against his chest. She buried her face into his soft shirt, the muscles hard beneath the flannel. Rose let herself cry and sank into the quiet strength Jake provided.
He stroked her hair and back as she sobbed, the motion comforting. She cried even harder. Jake never wavered.
Once the tears slowed and stopped, her breath still hitching, Rose stepped back. Before she could wipe her tears away, Jake cupped her face in his hands and made her look up at him. He gently brushed his thumbs across her cheeks and kissed her forehead.
Rose had never felt more cherished.
“I’m sorry I got your shirt all wet,” she sniffled.
“Not something you need to apologize for, ever.”
Tears threatened to fall again, and she cleared her throat in an attempt to stave them off. “I’m going to go wash my face. I’ll be right back.”
Jake stepped out of the way for her to pass. “I’ll make us something to eat. Egg sandwiches?”
“Perfect.” Rose disappeared before she cried again. Jake remembered one of her favorite comfort foods. The man was too good to be true.
She stepped into the bathroom, closed the door, and leaned against it. Rose wanted to be brave enough to see if they could make an actual relationship work between them as adults, to make sure they had lasting power now. To be brave enough to find out if whatever was between them wasn’t just physical attraction combined with nostalgic emotion.
She took a few minutes to breathe before she splashed cold water on her face and dried off. The scent of egg sandwiches and bacon beckoned her back to the kitchen.
“That smells delicious,” she remarked.
“Sit, sit. I’ll bring everything over in a second.” Jake busied himself plating the sandwiches and bacon. There was already a bowl of bananas on the small table in the breakfast nook.
Rose kissed his cheek as she passed him and took a seat. She flushed at the memory of what they’d done the night before, at that very table.
She looked out the window for a distraction, and spotted a female cardinal huddled in a nest in the branches of the snow-covered bush. Her mate wasn’t far, over in the next bush. She and her late grandmother shared a love for cardinals, and Rose had spent many weekends doing puzzles of the birds with her. In the years since her grandmother had passed, Rose believed spotting a cardinal was a visit or a sign from her favorite person.
Jake brought the food over and sat across from her at the table.
The over easy eggs on an everything bagel was perfect. She smiled up at him. “Thanks.”
Jake waved his hand and took a bite of his egg and plain bagel. “It’s nothing,” he said between bites.
Rose shook her head. “No, it’s not ‘nothing.’ You making me something to eat is very much something. I appreciate it.” She took a bite and the combination of toasted bagel crunch with the softness of the eggs was perfect. “It’s delicious.”
“You’re acting as if nobody’s ever cooked for you before.” Jake’s expression went from joking to incredulous as his own words hung for a moment. “Wait. Are you telling me that no other man has ever made you a meal?”
Rose couldn’t look him in the eye. “There were a lot of dinners out or ordered in - delicious food from expensive restaurants. But I was the only one who ever used the kitchen to make something.” For a long time, Rose had thought the expensive restaurants and gifts were a direct correlation of the amount of affection held by her partner. Maybe it was true for some, but the gesture of making soup for someone when they’re ill, or a comfort breakfast food after a mini breakdown in the kitchen, was much more meaningful and important to Rose.
Jake was quiet for a few heartbeats before he said, “I may not be able to compete financially with other guys out there, but I know how to use my kitchen. What do you want for dinner tonight? I have a freezer in the garage packed with different meats, vegetables in the fridge, and just about any kind of dry goods in the pantry.”
“You don’t have to—”
“Rose.” Jake reached across the table to grasp her hand. “I love to cook, and I love to cook for others. I’m not a trained chef or anything but my food hasn’t made anyone sick yet. You deserve for someone to make you a meal.”
“You made me breakfast.” She didn’t know why she kept rejecting his offer, except that it felt unbalanced between them. There wasn’t much she could offer in return, at least not while they were trapped in his house by snow.
“An egg sandwich on a toasted bagel, bacon, and some fruit is not what I’m talking about, and I think you know that.”
Rose knew Jake stared at her even as she kept her eyes averted and could almost hear the gears turning in his brain. She took another bite of her sandwich and tried to change the subject. Anything to keep him from seeing her thoughts.
“When did you learn how to cook? If memory serves, the most complex thing you used to make was grilled cheese.” She thought about the one he’d made last night and added, “A damned good grilled cheese, though.”
“When I started living on my own. I didn’t want to spend my paycheck on fast food, though there’s been plenty of that, too. It was something new to learn and pass the time. Plus, I’d get to eat what I made. And it’s a useful skill, and I like to collect those.”
“What other useful skills have you collected?” She meant the question in complete innocence, but Jake’s expression turned sinful.
“Pretty sure I’ve demonstrated a few of those skills already.” There was a promise of more in his eyes.
Her toes curled, and she wanted to match his playful energy. “Anything outside the bedroom, or have you spent so much time dedicating yourself to the pleasure of female companions that you haven’t had time?”
Rose immediately regretted her words and the unintentional meanness in her tone. She’d gotten too comfortable and forgot to keep a lid on her snark. She didn’t know how she could have forgotten it was only tolerated by a select few and that she had to tone it down with everyone else. She could smack herself for it.
Jake finished his egg bagel and took a bite of bacon. He locked his gaze on her and said quietly, “I haven’t been with anyone in over a year. And I’ve only been with three women in my life, including you.”
“Jake, I’m sorry. I was a bitch. You did nothing to deserve it.” In her rush to make amends, it took a few extra seconds for his words to sink in. “Oh, ohh.” Shame flooded her, and her cheeks heated. “I should have never said anything — it was supposed to be playful but obviously came out very wrong. I’m sorry I upset you.”
Rose barely met his gaze as she spoke but forced herself to hold it. Jake was the last person she wanted to hurt.
“I’d understand if you want me to find a way home or another place to stay.” She finally looked down at her plate, waiting for him to banish her or for him to go hide in an office or garage until he calmed down and she apologized again, like the boyfriend she’d had before Henry.
“Why would I want that?”
“Because of what I said.”
“But why would I want you to leave? I’m not hurt or offended. Sometimes things come out wrong. We’re all human.”
Rose nodded slowly, once, not quite believing him.
“Rose, I just got you back in my life. I’m not worried about a sharp tongue, accidental or not. In fact,” he stood and moved around the table to kneel next to her chair. “Look at me, please, beautiful.”
She twisted herself so she faced him, and he adjusted so he was between her legs. “There isn’t a part of you that I won’t love. There is no part of yourself that you need to hide from me. I like your sarcasm and biting wit. It keeps me on my toes, and I love never knowing what you’re going to say next. Other men might sulk and pout when confronted with a strong, intelligent, beautiful woman way out of their league, but I am not weak. I am enraptured.”
“But you were so serious, and you looked like I upset you. That’s the last thing I ever want to do,” she whispered.
Jake held her thighs and stroked with his thumbs. Not to tease, but to calm and reassure. Rose noticed some of the anxiety dissipate under his touch.
“Then that’s on me. I wasn’t - am not, upset. I was being honest and wanted you to see my sincerity.”
“Oh.” Relief inched in and she took a shaky breath. “Do you mind if I ask a question?”
“Definitely. No follow up questions allowed.” He winked, and the rest of the worry and tension in her body melted away. “What’s your question?”
“Have you really only been with two other women?”
“Yes. You were my first.”
She smiled and cupped his cheek. “I knew that. You were mine, too.” They’d been each other’s first for so many things, both sexual and not. That bond ran deep between them. Rose wanted to find a way to build it up strong enough to weather any storm that may come for them in the future.
He grinned up at her, his eyes alight with mischief. “Backseat of my truck after a movie.”
“At the lake,” she added. Rose brushed her fingers through his hair. “One of my favorite nights, though I’m not sure I could contort that way again,” she laughed.
Jake growled. “That sounds like a challenge. When it’s not freezing outside.”
“Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.”
“Hmm,” was his only response.
“Not to ruin the lovely walk down memory lane, but I have another question.”
“Sure, but can we move to the couch because this floor is hard on the knees.”