Gunjin Chokuyu
Duty is heavier than a mountain;
Death is lighter than a feather.
When Hideki was released yet again from medical care, he was not fully recovered. He walked slowly and with a slight stoop. Four broken ribs nagged at him; fractures and contusions stayed unhealed. Again, the staff were very friendly, compassionate, even funny.
“We’ll have to provide your own room,” a nurse quipped. “Or put in a revolving door!”
He couldn’t laugh as pain would stab at him.
The day before he left, an army captain appeared bedside. Captain Inouye Shinobu was a career officer; he was a tall man, with such distinctive features as shining eyes and strong jawline. His body was well-sculpted and strong. Hideki thought women would think him handsome.
“Private Akamatsu. I hope you are feeling well, or at least, better.”
“Y…y…yes,” he stuttered. “Sir.”
“I want to assure you, the men who assaulted you are being pursued and will be captured and punished.”
“Thank…you.”
“I have a few questions, however. Feel up to answering?”
“Hai.”
“What were you doing there?”
He thought for a moment and then let the truth out. What was the point hiding anything? “I was looking for a girl…actually, her name.”
“A girl in that neighbourhood?”
“Not for what you’re thinking,” he said quickly.
The captain stood up straight, insulted perhaps.
“No, I was there with my friend for a girl who was arrested and executed—”
“Stop right there,” ordered the captain. “I’m sorry, such information shall remain unsaid. Do you understand?”
Hideki nodded.
“I see then, nothing more needs to be said.”
“What happened to my friend, Private Tsujiyama?”
“I’m afraid he was killed,” he said and paused. “That’s why it is imperative that we find the perpetrators.”
Another friend dead? Hideki squeezed his eyes shut before asking, “Why didn’t they kill me?”
“Nearly did. I think it was a matter of killing one and punishing the other…as a kind of warning. Can you tell me who they were?”
“The Axe Men,” Hideki said.
“No, that’s impossible. They were eliminated shortly after the Snake River Incident. And that was in Shanghai. Quite a distance from here.”
Double Snake River, Hideki corrected to himself. So, these men were not the Axe Gang. Who were they then?
Capt. Inouye turned on his heels to leave, but he stopped when Hideki called to him. “Sir, can you tell me what happened to my senninbari? I wore it that night.”
“I don’t know, it’s probably with your belongings. Ask the nurse.”
***
After Hideki left to resume his duties, his face drooped with fatigue and depression; his pained back curved with some indistinct burden. Not embarrassment over his height.
It was not a happy reunion. No one really talked to him or even acknowledged his absence. His friends or those he chummed around with were no more. Hideki kept to himself and shied away from any conversation that may have come up. He couldn’t sleep.
One night, he bolted from his bed and started yelling to no one in particular.
“It’s my responsibility. I’m to blame…”
He flailed about, ignoring his own body pain, and pulling up blankets, throwing them to the floor. Whatever possessions he came across, he grabbed them too and smashed them against the wall. His face contorted and strained against the anger. He continued his frenzied rant.
“Shigeru! Shigeru! I could’ve done more! The girl! The girl! I should’ve left well enough alone. Now she’s dead. If I had done nothing…”
Desertion means disgrace for the family.
***
By the time his raving descended into incoherence and blubbering, men in their underclothing grabbed him by the arms to try and calm him down. Or at least, control him. Hideki twisted and struggled to get free, swinging his arms wildly. He struck one or two men, but they were too many and too strong. The soldiers finally pinned him to the ground.
Sergeant Akiyoshi, Hayashi’s replacement, rushed forward and saw what had happened. “Take him to the infirmary,” he ordered.
After a few days of treatment and isolation, Hideki returned to the barracks. Some mercy was shown the young soldier; he was assigned light duty. But he soon found out that his division had been ordered to cross the Yangtze River and move towards Peking. Again, they were charged with “cleaning out” any resistance.
“Can’t have an able man wasting the hours away doing nothing,” said the new Sergeant, pointing to Hideki and grinning in a friendly manner. He delivered the fresh orders to the assembled men.
Sergeant Akiyoshi continued, “Men, we are boarding a troopship just outside the city. It’ll take us up and across the Yangtze where we’ll disembark and begin our task. You’ll be in full battle dress.”
His face was filled with something unfamiliar to Hideki: kindness and humour. He was taller than Hayashi and probably heavier. He wore a mustache, which was highly unusual for a non-commissioned officer. Gave him a distinguished air, designed to impress the men, no doubt.
Hideki heard that the sergeant was a teacher in civilian life. Could be why he was compassionate.
“Maybe he came from the Samurai class or he’s the son of a Baron or something,” someone offered. “Otherwise, they would’ve ordered him to shave it off!”
The speculation meant nothing to Hideki. Instead, he prepared for the voyage and march. While packing his equipment and clothes, he searched for his senninbari. The captain’s words were true: the amulet was among Hideki’s possessions, soiled and a little blood stained, but the red stitches were intact. He wrapped and tied it around his abdomen; it gave him the comfort of a rare sister’s hug.
***
The short voyage across the river was pleasant enough for Hideki. Reminded him of the trip from Japan. It was a substantial operation since there was a significant number of men and equipment. The five troop carriers on hand had to make several trips back and forth. The time gave Hideki a chance to think, ideal in his weakened state.
His mind drifted to the spectre that had stood beside his cot on that night seemingly so long ago. He decided it was an hallucination, brought on by his lunacy, something no one ever mentioned about him. But there was something so familiar about it. Maybe it was his father.
He wondered if his sisters and mother had the same experience. Writing home would’ve been out of the question. A letter from him out of the blue? He hadn’t sent one since he couldn’t remember when. And with such a ridiculous message! They would just worry. He decided against it while listening to the lapping grey-green water and watching birds gently flying near the ship as if accompanying them. The cold wind made him shiver but he didn’t mind. It was refreshing somehow.
He didn’t think the censors would allow it anyway.
Once upon solid ground, Hideki’s body nearly gave out. He stumbled and, if not for a nearby compatriot’s quick reaction, he would’ve been on the ground. What was surprising was Sgt. Akiyoshi’s reaction.
As the sergeant rushed over, Hideki expected a scolding, maybe even a beating. Instead, he heard a note of concern.
“Is Akamatsu all right?”
“He’s fine, sir. Just slipped on the wet dock,” Sato explained, a long-time soldier with a young face but a lot of experience. He was new to the unit.
“Okay, but I know he’s been injured,” Akiyoshi smiled as if he cared. “Akamatsu, if you need medical attention, just ask. Sato, keep an eye on him.”
Lifted by his comments, Hideki couldn’t believe what he just heard. The ghost of a grinning Sgt. Hayashi materialized and faded in his mind.
***
The countryside was either barren, scorched by the military, or filled with bombed-out buildings and homes. Skeletal trees, scrawny bushes, and other vegetation dotted the landscape. They acted like sentinels along the dirt road. Mysterious smoke curled into the air, some of it was dust but some, he was sure, came from hidden fires. At least, he could see no bodies strewn about. He tasted bile at the back of his mouth.
Hideki did note how peaceful war seemed at that time. His fellow soldiers were mute, heads hung low as if exhausted. He thought they were on the verge of tears. Oh, there were those still caught in the patriotism and Emperor worship, but most looked…well, defeated.
That night, something happened that played in his mind. The battalion pitched tents by the side of the road. It was unseasonably warm, especially for December. Sleep was not easy to come by, but Hideki did close his eyes and felt himself drift.
But then something woke him; he didn’t know what, a cold, stray wind, noise outside. He opened the tent flap, and he encountered a strange world. Fog rolled along the ground to invade the campsite. A cold gauze wrapped itself around the rocks, trees, bushes, ruins and tent canvas. It was so thick Hideki couldn’t see the guards standing nearby.
But something emerged from the fog. Before his eyes, ghost soldiers, their faces pale and gaunt, moved forward in formation toward him. His mouth fell open, but he didn’t recognize anyone. They were the nameless dead marching out of the clouds of the world beyond. The spirits started to spin, slow at first but then faster and faster until blurring their bodies in a mess of sad and distorted faces.
An invisible shime rapped just once. The sound of wood, the manifestation of the Buddha. And music rose in the air, surrounding the translucent figures before him. A harmonious choir chanted the Heart Sutra with a peaceful beauty.
...in emptiness no form, no feelings,
perceptions, impulses, consciousness.
No eyes, no ears, no nose, no tongue, no body, no mind;
no color, no sound, no smell, no taste, no touch,
no object of mind; no realm of eyes
and so forth until no realm of consciousness.
Hideki fell back into the tent and shook into merciful unconsciousness.
***
Just south of Chuzhou, an ancient city near Hefei, the capital of Anhui Province, rifle shots rang out. They came from nearby ruined buildings, perfect for snipers. Hideki’s unit scattered, taking cover wherever they could. A couple of men died instantly.
Hideki was behind some protruding rocks. He strained his eyes looking for the enemy riflemen. Nothing. He then looked to the road. There were a few bodies, still and bleeding, he guessed. He glanced around him and found that Sato was missing.
“Oh no,” he said. He stood and attempted to move out from behind his cover.
Sgt. Akiyoshi grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back.
“Akamatsu, stay here,” he commanded.
“But Sato is out there. He needs my help!”
“Your help will mean your death. Stay!”
“But Sergeant…”
“I said, Stay!” His voice was stern, almost callous. He threatened with his baton.
Hideki’s lower lip trembled; his eyes closed with the realization that this new man and potential friend was probably dead.
More shots were heard. Dirt and rock fragments flew into the air while pings of bullets could be heard. Hideki lowered his head, but he saw men had started to maneuver to get to an advantageous spot. Return fire finally came. A familiar chant rose in the air mixing with screams and then groans somewhere in the distance. An incantation to flush out the enemy combatants.
The battle went on for what seemed like an eternity. In truth, it was maybe half an hour before everything came to a standstill. Time had lengthened.
After several men worked their way across the open road and fields to the buildings, chaos and confusion reigned: gunfire, smoke, the acrid smell of cordite, and more screams rose in the air. When it was declared safe, Hideki and his fellow soldiers stood and walked into the open.
He looked and realized the extent of the destruction around him. The land had been scorched, vegetation smouldering, bare tree trunks with bark singed off swayed in the wind. Bomb craters gaped open at the smoky air above. The devastation was endless.
We have destroyed everything. Where is the glory?
He rushed to Sato’s side, hoping against hope. His suspicion was right. Sato was on the ground with a bullet wound in the middle of his forehead, the cap flung away. A minimal amount of blood stained his face, the eyes were open, surprised to be killed. Death must’ve been instantaneous.
Something made Hideki look up. Before him and in the distance, ghosts, shadows of the past, rose from the ground. Their faces grey, their bodies translucent, no legs. They were a scattered army of unknown dead, raggedly clothed, slumping towards him. They slowly evaporated into the air, clouds like breath in the cold formed and dissipated.
Hideki lowered his bayoneted rifle. He thought of the spirits that had visited him the other night. The dead. Added to them were the 400,000 of Nanking combatants and civilians, all equal now, all without thought or emotion, all nameless and without a story, all extinguished from the earth. Form is emptiness, emptiness is form. He imagined Japan laughing at him and at all the war dead: soldiers and civilians, Japanese and Chinese.
There was no honour in death, except only for the Emperor. He unconsciously bowed to the sun. He reached for the senninbari underneath his shirt, but it was not there. Nirvana awaited.
He could feel the white eyes of the Buddha on the back of his neck. He felt his own eyes liquefy.
***
His ears pricked up to a soft, indistinct sound. He twisted around to see a tiny figure with hands in the air running towards him. But not in capitulation, not to surrender. Hideki’s body froze, and then swayed, hardening and cracking like ice during a late winter thaw.
As the figure drew closer, Hideki could make out a boy, dressed in well-worn peasant clothing. He was barefooted and bore a determined look. He was not an illusion.
We are all ant soldiers.
***
Even closer, Hideki noticed something gripped in both of his hands. Couldn’t tell what they were holding. He thought he heard his comrades’ voices saying something. But their voices were muffled by his thoughts. He stood alone in the battlefield with the boy charging toward him.
It was the Double Snake River Incident again. Hideki raised his rifle to defend himself, ready to shoot, but the memory of his young victim’s face became stronger and stronger. It was replaced by the young girl, Shigeru, Tsujiyama in a sullen Nanking street, Sato, freshly dead, and then Sgt. Hayashi in his moment of shock and death. The images grew stronger before him as the hordes of ghosts in the fog came to mind. He shivered on the spot as he lowered his rifle until the long bayonet touched the ground.
Tears began to flow down his cheeks. Chiemi. Chisato. Okaasan. His sisters and mother materialized before him. He wanted to embrace them, tell them how much he missed them, how much he loved them. The childhood arguments. The laughter. The comfort of a mother’s wisdom. His free hand sought the feel of the senninbari again, but it was still not there. Had he forgotten to wear it? He ignored the mystery as the Hiroshima bag of soil his sister had given him in the garden floated into his consciousness. He yearned to stand in the pile of soil in bare feet, to feel its softness, its familiarity of…of home.
His father’s shadow then appeared in front of him, emerging as it did out of thin air. The edges reached out for him, and a smile appeared.
But when I give thought to the
Moment of death,
I grow sad at the loss of
Warm family memories.
He understood the poem. Just then the boy leapt onto his body in a tight hug. Hideki heard two metallic clicks and realized the boy held two hand grenades. They detonated, obliterating their bodies.
All are dead.