11

 

Lost in sin and found by grace. That’s exactly how I feel.

Aiden sat at the picnic bench, Beth’s Bible open in front of him. Beth. He was more her equal now.

Life had been quiet for three days, no hint of Barton Littlefield.

She stepped through the cabin door onto the porch where she’d been sawing laminate flooring. “Want something to drink?”

“I’m fine, thanks,” he answered.

He was more than fine. And finally OK with not helping her work. She’d told him it was more important for him to read.

I get it. I’m a Christian now. Thank You, Jesus, for paving the way. Thank You for showing me I was born a sinner. Thank you for giving me new life. Thank You for having Beth and her wolf cross my path. And especially for showing me how much I need You.

The heavenly Father had replaced that need Aiden had been unaware of with a peaceful assurance that had no words. Now he was beginning to recognize what he had inherited as a child of God. He no longer had to be so hard on himself, expecting some kind of greatness, always striving to prove himself, always battling for clear truth. And he hoped to goodness he could accept others for who they were, learn to trust them by their actions, forgetting the untrustworthy standard set by his father, Leroy Holt.

As a result, he thirsted for the Word of God as surely as a stranger roaming the desert in need of an oasis. He smoothed a reverent hand over the fine pages of Beth’s Bible, mimicking the motion he’d seen her make, scanning for words to jump out at him.

He stopped at Romans 12:2, and read: “‘Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing, and perfect will.’”

Aiden had succumbed to the pattern of this world. He’d snuffed out a life before that life could see the light of day. Oh, my Father, forgive me for taking my baby’s future.

If he sat anywhere other than where Beth could see him, he’d fall to his face and cry. Somewhere along the way, he’d heard God could forgive anything. From this day forward, he’d strive to make choices that were pleasing to God.

He willed back the tears. Start with me today, Lord; show me the way. We’ll meet challenges together, Lord. Keep me from ever making such a grave error again. I long for Your pleasing and perfect will.

A peace that could only come from his heavenly Father suffused his system. He might just turn into a good man, after all. With God’s help. The words spoke to his heart and cooled his burning brain.

He felt healed and renewed and just plain like a different man, deep within his soul.

It was possible to become a changed man.

He wanted to leap and dance, his heart was so carefree.

Aiden lifted off the bench.

He had the urge to shout from the treetops, to tell others they needn’t live where he had been, without hope. He fully understood what it meant to be born again.

From the cabin, Beth’s chop-saw whined into silence. It still tickled him that she had refused his help when he offered to give her a hand in finishing the laminate flooring for the back rooms. That had given him time to dig into his hobby of nomenclature. He discovered Beth is Hebrew, meaning House of God.

Please forgive me, Lord. I wronged Beth by passing judgment earlier. Please help me look for the good in others from here on out.

He followed the compulsion to go to her. “Do-it do-it,” scolded a blue jay, flying across the clearing. Aiden never wanted to be as cross as that bird sounded.

When he lowered his head to enter the cabin, he found her in the doorway across the span of the main room. Her beauty sucked the strength from his knees. A stifling pressure punched him the chest. He strode towards her.

When all that separated them was inches of air, he took the measuring pencil from between her teeth and perched it on an ear. His chest rose and fell. He focused on calm, but he was full to bursting with myriad emotions. His muscles twitched with the urge to draw her into himself.

“What?” Beth surveyed his extremities as though expecting to find an injury.

“I thank you that I believe. When you explained about only two choices, I realized I couldn’t make a third choice when it comes to eternity.” He searched the depths of her eyes, so intent on communicating his feelings. “I feel like bursting. Never experienced such a high, simply being alive.”

“Oh,” she sighed, clearly relieved. Her laugh was as musical as a meadowlark’s song. “You’ll be euphoric for a while on your Jesus high. Enjoy the feeling because it won’t last forever. Life has a way of souring our perspectives. Especially when we look at the way of things and what we need to overcome.”

“Doesn’t matter. The old Aiden Holt doesn’t really matter at all, does he?” He answered his own question. “Jesus wiped it all away and used it to point me in the direction of who I am this moment.”

He wiped moisture from her hairline. “And He used you to get me to this point in my life. Who we were before is done away with. It makes sense, Beth. And I’m beyond grateful that you helped show me the way. God’s grace is all I need to enable me to accept my whole life, especially what I cannot change.”

She reached her arms around him and laid her head over his heart. But he couldn’t get close enough to draw her in for a good cuddle. The tools hanging around her middle dangled in the way.

He settled for a lofty comment. “Isn’t it a relief to know God is in control and we don’t have to stress about tomorrow?”

“But people still make choices that can mess up anybody’s plans. And I’m so thankful you made the only choice that has eternal significance.”

“Wouldn’t it be something if we didn’t get in the way of God’s choices?” He ruffled her already messy hair. Something fruity hit his nostrils. “Often the behavior of others impacts our lives more than we care for. Like Littlefield. And my dad.”

“And my stepdad. Talk about reality. People are imperfect, and they’ll always disappoint. But God will never disappoint. He knows what is perfect for us and at the right time in our lives. He knew the days of our salvation.”

His cell phone chirped and died.

“And that’s today’s reality. You better check it out.” Beth tapped his chest and went back to her flooring.

“Excuse me? I know you have work to do, but I’m not leaving you alone again. Come with me to the road so I can try to figure out who called.”

“OK, Mr. In-charge Man. This time I won’t leave my purse, and I’ll lock the door.”

“Took the words right out of my mouth. I’ll wait. Shall we walk?”

Talk about crashing back to earth. Their banter couldn’t cover interruptions from the world outside their woods.

Their woods? He swallowed a chuckle at the idea of remaining there with Beth.

 

****

 

They tramped through the woods as quietly as possible. While Beth attended to where she stepped, she let the thoughts flow. Aiden’s new belief was cause for celebration. She tried to picture the angels in heaven rejoicing over his newfound faith.

But for the here and now, she lived on earth and had to make the best of it. Would it be a perfect world once Barton was again contained behind bars?

The thought of Barton brought Lakota’s near-lifeless form to her mind’s eye. Her fault. The wolf’s injury was all her fault.

The cabin renovation neared completion. Where would she go from here? She wanted it to be in Platteville. She had to follow the calling to help girls like Grace.

Grace. Was she safe? Things had been quiet from the direction of her home. Do You want me to attempt to befriend her again, Lord?

Aiden halted, a step in front, and reached back for her hand. “You’ve really been quiet.”

“I was thinking there is still so much I’d like to know about you. You said your mother was killed in a car accident?”

“Yes. I was thirteen.”

“Tough age.”

“Aren’t all the teen years tough? Before that, our family did so much together. We’d go to sporting events on Saturday. Lunch and movies on Sunday.” He named specific outings, painted vivid pictures of what home and secure family were all about.

She’d never known such a thing. Well, maybe with her real father. But she was too young to remember.

Aiden’s talk of childhood before his mom was killed revived the sorrow she’d been aware of as a child. She’d lacked such security in her own background. “You know, I feel kind of guilty about it now, but I used to envy the closeness Eric and Moselle shared when they were kids. I felt cheated because I didn’t have that kind of love.”

“I lost such security when my mom was killed by a drunk driver.”

“People always say they’re sorry. I’m sorry for your loss. It leaves an empty place in your heart. At least you created memories with her. My mother let me down when she didn’t believe me about her husband. I never knew my biological father.”

Sometime during his reminiscing, they’d stopped walking. Aiden faced her and trilled his fingers down her bare arm, leaving goose bumps in their wake. “I know you understand the void. Sometimes, inside, I felt like the sky on a moonless night. A vast nothing. Black. But now, with Jesus, I have the Light. And I thank Him for having met you.”

“But that darkness can be lit up like the sun brightens day. When the Spirit opens up your heart and your mind and soul, God’s love replaces any unwelcome images of an earthly father.”

His eyes turned the color of mud. “I don’t want to think about my earthly father.”

“For your own peace of mind, you’ll have to forgive him. In order to grow, maybe even face him. Who knows? Maybe he’s mellowed with age.”

“You’re fortunate, the way you have faced your fears. I don’t know if I have your courage.”

“Oh, my dear Aiden, you do.” She loved to say his name. “God gives you the ability to do anything within His will. Besides, I once heard that the phrase ‘Do not be afraid’ is the most repeated command in the Bible.”

He grasped her hand and held on as though she was the larger of the two. “It’s all so new to me. I know I’m supposed to do things different, now. Guess I’ll have to rely on my faith to let me know what and how and when.”

“Baby steps.” His belief created another link, another reason to spend time with him. “Whatever happens to us in this life, God is bigger than anything we’ll face!”

She accepted his touch, grasped his warmth like a warm fire on a cold night, but stayed where she was. For some reason she couldn’t name, she was shy all of a sudden, enough to avoid looking him in the eye.

“I’ve been wondering about something. What did you do when you finally left Barton?”

“We’d been living in Council Bluffs, Iowa. Somehow, the Lord guided me into the city. Omaha. I know I was in shock, probably shaking. I zigzagged through an older residential area and finally parked in the shade. I remember a calm peace settling over me before I became aware of my surroundings. I just sat there. Watching. Waiting for the world to come to a standstill and wait for me to catch up.” The street came clearly to mind.

“I can relate. Did the same thing once in St. Paul. My father came to my dorm room. He wanted to spend time with me. I told him we were beyond that. We argued. I just stomped away and got in my car. I finally pulled over on a side street until I had it together enough to get behind the wheel again.”

Caught up in the vivid memory of the scene, she went on, as though Aiden hadn’t commented.

“The streets and sidewalks were active with busy neighbors and their day-to-day comings and goings. I wondered what went on behind those closed doors, if it was normal family life. I asked myself if I’d ever live like that. But what’s normal?”

She stayed where she was, still connected, but looking off over his shoulder. “I just sat there in my rusty, red car. Parked car doors slammed. An Irish setter let out into one yard didn’t like where he was. He whined and paced and leaped on the chain-link fence. If someone walked by, he went noise crazy. On the other side of the fence a young woman, probably in her twenties, used a bent snow shovel in one hand, to pull dead vines off the house. All the while, she cradled a cell phone. I thought surely she’d get a crick in her neck. I can still see the way her hair was knotted on top of her head, even now, maybe since I had reached a crossroads.

“A delivery truck rumbled to a stop, a noise so familiar I didn’t have to look behind me to know what it was. He crossed the street so fast, he almost ran down a fragile-looking old lady, even though she was at a fast–paced walk.”

“What are we talking about here, Beth? Sounds like life to me.”

“Exactly. That’s when I realized life goes on. Each of those people was doing his or her thing. God gave them the grace to continue living. As goofy or pointless as some of it looked to me, I wondered if I would ever find a place to belong. Then I found that place in a relationship with the Lord. He reached out to me, called me to Himself while I was in rehab.”

She hugged his arm and leaned against his shoulder. “I’m so thankful you’ve accepted His free gift.”

“Amen to that. Let’s get moving.”

They continued on for a time, side by side, holding hands. Aiden stepped in front to hold back a branch for her. She took it slow, watching her steps. All of a sudden, she bumped her nose into a solid mass, unaware he no longer moved. She inhaled through her nose instead of making a vocal sound of surprise.

He reached for her hand, grasped her wrist, and pointed. A pair of fledgling mourning doves nestled near an exposed tree root, their gray-brown bodies so camouflaged, she wondered how he’d ever kept from tromping them.

The birds didn’t move. Aiden sidestepped and they hiked on.

Her musings moved on as well. Aiden. As long as Barton was on the loose, Beth endangered the dear man as much as she had Lakota. The men may be physically matched, but she believed Barton was capable of killing.

She refused to go there.

The touch of Aiden’s hand resurrected teen hormones. She accepted the jittery, quivery, goose bumpy bundle of nerve endings and gave in to impulse.

She planted her feet. He cut her a questioning glance over his shoulder.

She walked her fingers up his arm, followed the bony point of his shoulder; explored the cord in his neck, whispered over his jawbone.

And got no further with her exploratory journey.

Aiden yanked her high against him and pressed his mouth over hers.

She returned as good as she received. Lost in the moment, the sensations of physical awakening threatened to rage out of control.

Caution swam to the surface. Not a fear compared to threats she was used to, but a fear caused by her own primal reaction.

Reality intruded on euphoria.

Shaken, she stiffened and pulled back. Lips were the last point of contact.

Wow. Talk about visceral.

“Wanna tell me what that was all about?”

“I could ask you the same. Living in the moment. Just living in the moment.” And she’d have to find somewhere else to live her moments as soon as possible. She cared too much for Aiden’s safety to stay in Platteville with the looming threat of Barton endangering her loved ones.

His puzzled look cleared. “I believe I can get a cell signal now, let’s see how our Lakota is living in the moment.”

She stayed inside the tree line while Aiden went close to the road to use his phone. As much as she loved it here, she’d have to somehow let her relatives know she was leaving, without telling them where she was going. Just in case Barton tried to track her down through them. She wouldn’t put any more people she cared for in harm’s way.

She thought of her part-time work at Frivolities. Even though Moselle, Geneva, and Lanae counted on her, there was surely someone in Platteville looking for a part-time job.

At least the cabin was at a point where teenagers could do the finish work under a carpenter’s guidance. She wouldn’t be letting down Pastor Rick if she left now.

Beth watched Aiden turn towards her as he ended his call. At the flip of his phone, his troubled look snared hers.

“What?” she croaked.

“That was the vet. Lakota got to his feet and paced the cage. Dr. Maahs said the wolf had been drugged enough. The transport van came and took him.” He looked aside and blew a gush of air. “Can’t blame the man for wanting the wolf gone.”

“What?” This time the word quivered as it escaped. “But Dr. Maahs said, to use his words, he had the impression Lakota was comfortable around people.”

“You and Grace may have had the impression he wouldn’t do you harm. Beth, as close as you believe you became to Lakota, wolves are wild. Even those raised in captivity can’t totally be trusted.”

Her eyes pooled.

“Come on. I did my best here. Please don’t cry. He’ll be just fine. Everything is taken care of. He’s safe, now.” He reached for her hand, she jerked it back. “He’ll recuperate in a separate kennel and dine on raw ground beef and trout, same as the pack.”

She clenched her teeth. “I wanted to say goodbye!”

“Honey, I know you care for Lakota. But please realize that his safety, and those he comes in contact with, is not about you.”

“But it was, don’t you see? He was hurt because of me. I endangered an endangered animal.”

“And I put you in harm’s way by not being nearby to take the knife instead of the wolf.”

She stiffened. Her tears dried on her cheek. “Keeping me safe is not your job, Aiden.”

“I should have been here, all the same.”