Really Cross Stitch

Fight like a girl? Oh you mean smart, strategic, funny & fearless? Yeah I’ll wear that.

For far too long girls have carried this slur as an insult. Our fight has always been one for survival and some of the world’s greatest heroes have been girls who’ve fought back against their oppressors. Here’s looking at you Malala Yousafzai!

Girls and women are reclaiming this slur with gusto. As the fearless Sophie Cruz (age 6) declared at the Women’s March in Washington, “Let us fight with love and courage”. Can I get a “Hell Yeah!”?

Careful now

DESIGN SIZE

139 x 99 mm (5½ x 4") | 456 stitches

DMC COLOUR

606	Orange Red BRIGHT
700	Green BRIGHT
158	Blue DK
310	Black

Aside from tractors, colour photography and whiskey, Ireland’s greatest contribution to the world has to be Father Ted. Set on a fictional remote island, the television series revolves around three priests banished for previous misdemeanours. One episode stood out from the rest, when the local cinema screens a “blasphemous” film. Father Ted leads the defence of community values.

“Down With This Sort Of Thing” was Father Ted’s placard, and has become an old faithful on the Irish protest circuit. It can be used for any occasion, to be shure, to be shure.

Designed for the relentlessly indeterminate protester, use this pattern next time some gobshite politician puts up some eejit policy.

whitespace

So much anger

Find your emotion centre

DESIGN SIZE

203 x 136 mm (8 x 5½") | 750 stitches

DMC COLOUR

581	Moss Green
519	Sky Blue
312	Baby Blue VY DK
310	Black

Sometimes, the state of the world really is quite rage-inducing, and five minutes watching the news can leave you feeling very stabby indeed.

Channel your rage into this project! There have been countless studies expounding the mental health benefits of craft. Something about the gentle repetitive nature of creating with your hands calms and balances the mind. One thing’s for sure, by the time you’ve stabbed your needle through these 750 stitches you’re bound to feel much better. There’s a reason it’s not called “happy stitch”.

whitespace

No planet b

We speak for the trees

DESIGN SIZE

171 x 144 mm (7 x 6") | 1382 stitches

DMC COLOUR

598	Turquoise LT
597	Turquoise
3846	Bright Turquoise LT
996	Electric Blue MED
312	Baby Blue VY DK

Indigenous peoples worldwide are the first to pay the price for climate change, yet contribute the least to its causes. Luckily for the future survival of our lovely planet, indigenous peoples are also the first to stand up and defend this beautiful place we call Earth.

The battle lines of the war against climate change are being defended daily as people take direct action to save forests, rivers and oceans. From Standing Rock to the Galilee Basin, from the tar sands to the trade summits; the fight to stop climate change is shaping up to be the most creative and effective movement in our history.

#waterislife #fightformotherearth

whitespace

Rebel rousing

Stick it to The Man

DESIGN SIZE

206 x 158 mm (8 x 6½") | 690 stitches

DMC COLOUR

721	Orange Spice MED
444	Lemon DK
581	Moss Green
519	Sky Blue
312	Baby Blue VY DK

Are you pretty rebellious? This pattern is rebellious and pretty!

Were you one of those kids whose teacher used to complain because you asked too many questions? Excellent. My favourite kind of human. Never, ever stop questioning.

Do you know what I ask myself when faced with a big political challenge? What would Pippi Longstocking do? Well, the world’s favourite feisty nine-year-old would probably throw a few politicians up a tree, while turning cartwheels and mocking gender roles!

whitespace

It’s blizzard time

DESIGN SIZE

214 x 158 mm (8½ x 6½") | 765 stitches

DMC COLOUR

598	Turquoise LT
322	Baby Blue
312	Baby Blue VY DK

The thing about snowflakes is, get enough of them in one place, add a bit of fury and you’ve got yourself a blizzard. Blizzards may begin with a flutter but once they get going they have the power to bring cities to a standstill.

When the best response the entitled can come up with is to compare you to a benign and beautiful natural phenomenon, it’s a pretty good sign you’re winning the argument. And that their binary macho principles are ridiculous.

Alternatively, try white thread on blue Aida for extra ice

whitespace

Act your rage

We’ve got this stitched up

DESIGN SIZE

211 x 125 mm (8½ x 5") | 727 stitches

DMC COLOUR

157	Blue LT
334	Baby Blue MED
562	Jade MED
310	Black

The best thing about this pattern is its versatility. No matter what the issue of the day is, you’ll be ready!

Before photography, a protest sign was made in order to inform passers-by of the reason and logic of your protest. They were often lengthy and rather verbose. The advent of photojournalism and then television meant signs got shorter and snappier. Now we have social media, the humble placard has evolved into a locus of wit.

Sometimes, however, the rage is too intense for puns. In that case, this pattern is perfect.

whitespace

Hell no!

We won’t go

DESIGN SIZE

136 x 152 mm (5½ x 6") | 615 stitches

DMC COLOUR

210	Lavender MED
894	Carnation VY LT
316	Antique Mauve MED
602	Cranberry MED

Those who hark back to “simpler times” seem to conveniently forget that said times were a pretty shitty place for women and minorities. It was common policy for women to be paid less than men FOR THE SAME JOB.

Around the world women weren’t allowed to make contracts, sell property without male permission, or refuse sex from their husband. For women of colour, the situation was worse. Identify as LGBTIQA+? Forget it. A whole generation of women were sedated thanks to medical “advances” and doctors ‘treated’ dissent with Valium. Don’t even get me started on abortion... If someone tries to tell you life was better back then, just give them a hand-powered washing machine.

whitespace

#battlecry

Don’t give up

DESIGN SIZE

200 x 163 mm (8 x 6½") | 1404 stitches

DMC COLOUR

894	Carnation VY LT
727	Topaz VY LT
598	Turquoise LT
334	Baby Blue MED
703	Chartreuse
561	Jade VY DK

“She was warned. She was given an explanation.” Such chilling words when you consider their intent: to silence a woman’s political voice.

Fortunately, it takes a lot more than that pitiful attempt at bullying to silence Sen. Elizabeth Warren, whose refusal to stay silent energised a movement.

These three words have become a rallying cry for women fighting to be heard in male-dominated spaces. The knack for persistence is a requirement for any activist, just like cross stitch. So consider this pattern part of your revolutionary workout routine.

whitespace

Enough already

This is my stop sign

DESIGN SIZE

179 x 179 mm (7 x 7") | 1078 stitches

DMC COLOUR

728	Golden Yellow
471	Avocado Green VY LT
469	Avocado Green
310	Black

Language can be used to persuade, amuse, insult, and mobilise action. Few formats can accomplish these goals as ably or succinctly as the protest sign.

Of course, sometimes the words just won’t come. Or there are too many of them to fit on one sign. Or you’re just so tired of being angry and upset that you just want to go UGH; which is fine. “Just, Ugh” conveys all the despair, rage and hopelessness in just seven easy letters, and of course, can be used for virtually any occasion as it works for anything. Plus, it’s nice and easy to stitch.

whitespace

Nanacore

With age comes wisdom

DESIGN SIZE

192 x 147 mm (7½ x 6") | 833 stitches

DMC COLOUR

891	Carnation DK
563	Jade LT
310	Black

#1 slogan of the nanacore.

Once upon a time, a long, long, long time ago, and then a bit before that, women took to the streets to march for the right to have control over their own bodies.

My body, my choice, has always seemed a pretty basic concept to grasp. For some gobsmackingly unbelievable reason, there are still men in this world who believe they’re better placed to make these decisions. Who are these people? Don’t they have something better to do with their lives? It would be nice if some bro gangs would pull them to one side and remind them that women aren’t property anymore.

whitespace

Ye are many

They are few

DESIGN SIZE

176 x 142 mm (7 x 6") | 734 stitches

DMC COLOUR

168	Silver Gray
602	Cranberry MED
604	Cranberry LT
151	Pink
310	Black

The thing about bigotry is that it leads to a blindness.

The more you base your beliefs on false ideals of power and control, the less you understand what’s really going on around you. Makes things easier for the resistance, because flying under the radar is always possible when you know where the shadow zone is.

Craft has played a superb role in human history. Dismissed as women’s work, political messages have been hidden in handmade objects since at least the time of abolition. Maps hidden in quilts, stories of disappearances disguised in arpilleras, morse code stitched into samplers; the simple needle and thread has changed the course of history.

whitespace

Fight dem back

Bash the Fash

DESIGN SIZE

203 x 125 mm (8 x 5") | 1027 stitches

DMC COLOUR

726	Topaz LT
320	Pistachio Green MED
632	Desert Sand ULT VY DK
310	Black

“We will be the thorn in your side. The glass in your bread. The pain in your ass.” Anti Racist Action

The needle in your eye...

Last time I checked, there were a grand total of zero feminists advocating for the rounding up of men and stuffing them into gas chambers. There are however, thousands of white supremacists organising around the world for the elimination of interesting people. Standing up against fascism is really important (see: the 20th century). They’re not normally a smart bunch so it’s not actually that hard.

whitespace

I’m pro fact

Reject BS

DESIGN SIZE

160 x 110 mm (6½ x 4½") | 583 stitches

DMC COLOUR

503	Blue Green MED
562	Jade MED
310	Black

The moment Monty Python took over C-Span...

Never has such an oxymoronic statement ever passed the lips of a political spin doctor. First there was Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull’s famous call for “Continuity and Change”, now it’s almost certain the writers from Veep have snuck in and taken over the autocue.

Thankfully, scientists also have some pretty good senses of humour and are countering the muddying of the public debate by coming up with some real fact-based solutions to our global problems. Time for some red hats that say “Make Earth Cool Again”.

whitespace

Hey bro!

Your pussy envy’s showing

DESIGN SIZE

187 x 163 mm (7½ x 6½") | 954 stitches

DMC COLOUR

162	Baby Blue LT
161	Petrol Blue DK
550	Violet VY DK
601	Cranberry DK
700	Green BRIGHT

“Don’t play stupid, don’t play dumb, vagina’s where you’re really from!” Pussy Riot

Contending for the misogynist comment of the millennium, a presidential candidate’s suggestion that he was at liberty to grab female genitalia due to his privilege was dismissed as “locker room talk”. Whilst this overheard vulgarity wasn’t enough to kill an election campaign, it certainly put feminists on a war footing well before Trump took office.

This pattern attests to the fact that kitty has claws. The only pricks we will tolerate come from our cross stitch needle.

whitespace

Break it down

The world’s too small for walls

DESIGN SIZE

211 x 163 mm (8½ x 6½") | 841 stitches

DMC COLOUR

225	Shell Pink ULT VY LT
501	Blue Green DK
310	Black

Compassioning: verb; the act of choosing not to be an asshole to your fellow humans.

Call me a Buddhist if you must, but is there any evidence anywhere that building walls makes people safer? If they work so well, why do people make such a big deal out of tearing them down?

Here’s an idea, how about we introduce a new measure for governments: the National Index of Compassionate Elected Representatives. Let’s rank all politicians and see who truly tops the NICER list.

whitespace

Get ready

The time is right now

DESIGN SIZE

198 x 165 mm (8 x 6½") | 758 stitches

DMC COLOUR

153	Lilac
316	Antique Mauve MED
503	Blue Green MED
501	Blue Green DK
310	Black

Patti Smith is the punk rock grandmother everyone wishes they had. I saw her last ever Australian tour and by the time she got to the 20 minute encore performance of My Generation, which concluded in her shredding a guitar to bits, she’d managed to outrock half the audience. She’s 70. Patti doesn’t just talk about revolution, she fucking lives it. Every. Single. Day. Not content with stopping there - Patti’s whole creative life has been dedicated to provoking and inspiring us all to make change.

As she screamed at the end of her last concert, “You have rights! Don’t ever let anyone take them away!” Preach.

whitespace

No borders

Unless they’re pretty & floral

DESIGN SIZE

198 x 152 mm (8 x 6") | 728 stitches

DMC COLOUR

894	Carnation VY LT
602	Cranberry MED
562	Jade MED
310	Black

This pattern is dedicated to people fleeing persecution, who despite all obstacles still strive to create a clean, tidy, safe space for their loved ones to rest before facing another day.

The women who sew together rags for their wee ones ’cause they know how important it is for a two-year-old to have a cuddly friend. The women who dress in black and march for peace amid gunfire and tear gas. All the while carrying giant handbags with keys and snacks and hankies for small runny noses.

whitespace

I’m bigly mad!

Unfair!

DESIGN SIZE

192 x 117 mm (7½ x 5") | 458 stitches

DMC COLOUR

152	Tawny DK
606	Orange Red BRIGHT
309	Rose DK
470	Avocado Green LT

Politicians act like children an awful lot. I have actually witnessed first-hand a group of school children leaving Parliament’s public gallery shaking their heads at the terrible behaviour they had just observed.

Politicians and toddlers have a lot in common. They are both prone to tantrums and act unreasonably, especially when they don’t get their own way. Every now and then – just like a toddler – you have to give them a good talking-to!

whitespace

How to human

It’s not rocket science

DESIGN SIZE

182 x 168 mm (7 x 7") | 1225 stitches

DMC COLOUR

503	Blue Green MED
562	Jade MED
581	Moss Green
307	Lemon
728	Golden Yellow
721	Orange Spice MED

The 20th century should have been a giant lesson in how not to engage in global domination. Unfortunately our world leaders aren’t very good at taking heed of historians. It would appear we’re not too great at the job of electing world leaders either...

Anyone would think there’s some kind of ruling elite with vested interest in maintaining a global military industrial complex or something. As the old saying goes: Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.

whitespace

SO not amused

*shakes fist angrily*

DESIGN SIZE

152 x 152 mm (6 x 6") | 646 stitches

DMC COLOUR

444	Lemon DK
502	Blue Green
498	Red DK
310	Black

Poverty, war, climate change, corruption, slavery, refugees, indigenous rights, education, housing, health care, child care, food prices, domestic violence, prison reform, gun control, equal pay, trade agreements, tax reform, chemical warfare, land mines, pollution, drilling, fracking, mass control of the population through the media; I could go on FOREVER.

It’d be a lot quicker and more concise just to stitch this pattern. But don’t temper your rage. As Gloria Steinem once said, “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”

whitespace

History repeats

Are we there yet?

DESIGN SIZE

206 x 206 mm (8 x 8") | 1736 stitches

DMC COLOUR

563	Jade LT
552	Violet MED

“To the wrongs that need resistance, To the right that needs assistance, To the future in the distance, Give yourselves.” Carrie Chapman Catt (Suffragette)

For over 150 years women have led movements for one basic idea: participation in democracy is a right that belongs to everyone. While the debate’s nuances have evolved, the idea remains strong. Of course the opposition to the movement is also ongoing. The anti-suffragettes of the 19th century had an appalling sense of humour and their cartoons are always good for a laugh. But the laughter turns bitter when we think about the relentless attacks on women’s rights we still face.

Best stitched whilst wearing replica suffragette outfits.

whitespace

Time after time

It’s what we really want

DESIGN SIZE

211 x 158 mm (8½ x 6½") | 846 stitches

DMC COLOUR

605	Cranberry VY LT
598	Turquoise LT
471	Avocado Green VY LT

I was a young girl of the 1980s, and like so many of my generation, this song was guaranteed to get me on my feet. The second the DJ slapped this on the turntable at our school disco, the girls would squeal and launch into four minutes of boy-taunting liberation.

We tasted freedom at primary school. When the realities of patriarchy set in as we grew older, it wasn’t hard to take our rebellion to the streets.

As Emma Goldman has been famously paraphrased - ‘I won’t be part of your revolution if there’s no dancing’. Cyndi gave us the soundtrack.

whitespace

ALL THE THINGS

What is this? Twitter?

DESIGN SIZE

198 x 192 mm (8 x 7½") | 1357 stitches

DMC COLOUR

562	Jade MED
369	Pistachio Green VY LT
519	Sky Blue
312	Baby Blue VY DK
317	Pewter Gray

The flurry of upheaval in the early weeks of the Trump Administration, coupled with the bombardment of farcical appointments was really too much to keep up with.

That was before the insanity of the “Muslim Ban” caused chaos in airports across the world. Even if you did manage to get all of your concerns on one sign, it might be out of date by the end of your next march!

Get to work stitching this pattern if you like all of your insurrectionary bases covered.

whitespace

Results are in:

Not being dead is pretty ace

DESIGN SIZE

214 x 206 mm (8½ x 8") | 1496 stitches

DMC COLOUR

996	Electric Blue MED
666	Red BRIGHT
413	Pewter Gray DK

You know politics has gone completely ridiculous when scientists have to take to the streets in the name of well, facts.

While I was writing this book my kids all went down with influenza. Thanks to antibiotics, they’re all still alive! Then there was that time I got cancer, and then got rid of it. Still alive! Thanks Science! Science is great for lots of things aside from helping us stay alive, make beer and shoot rockets into space. Science is also great for letting us know if we’re killing our planet and what we should do about it. Which it’s currently doing. Let’s listen to the experts huh?

whitespace

Bra burning

The smell of defiance

DESIGN SIZE

211 x 150 mm (8½ x 6") | 838 stitches

DMC COLOUR

211	Lavender LT
209	Lavender DK
208	Lavender VY DK
310	Black

“I am not as nasty as racism, fraud, conflict of interest, homophobia, sexual assault, transphobia, white supremacy, misogyny, ignorance, white privilege...” Nina Donovan

Funny how men in power really don’t like it when people have political opinions that challenge their domination over the world. Of course if those people happen to be women, or even worse *gasp* women with political power, the dudebros get real upset real quick and the name-calling begins. Yes, we are here to destroy the joint. Calling us names just fuels our fire.

whitespace

Trump this

So easy to needle this guy

DESIGN SIZE

182 x 206 mm (7 x 8") | 1211 stitches

DMC COLOUR

211	Lavender LT
605	Cranberry VY LT
402	Mahogany VY LT
956	Geranium
158	Blue DK

Now it’s really not nice to attack someone you don’t like politically based on their appearance. But this time the temptation was just too strong.

For someone who is world-record-breakingly quick to insult someone, Trump’s skin does appear to be diaphanously thin when it comes to people discussing the size of his hands. But in the scale of things, this is the guy that reinstated the Global Gag Rule and wants to ban the world’s 1.6 billion Muslim people from America. So there’s plenty of actual policy to organise around while you’re doing this cross stitch.

whitespace

You’re on dishes

DESIGN SIZE

198 x 136 mm (8 x 5½") | 556 stitches

DMC COLOUR

604	Cranberry LT
702	Kelly Green
310	Black

For a very long time - since ancient Greek times in fact - women have lived with the doom-laden knowledge that “a woman’s place is in the kitchen”. Since Bella Abzug famously turned this assumption on its head with her political campaign based on the slogan “A woman’s place is in the house”, feminists around the world have reclaimed this slogan for their own revolutionary needs.

Next time someone tells you a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remind them that’s also where the knives are kept.

whitespace

Love ya bits

Don’t get in a flap about it

DESIGN SIZE

176 x 139 mm (7 x 5½") | 553 stitches

DMC COLOUR

605	Cranberry VY LT
152	Tawny DK
437	Tan LT
606	Orange Red BRIGHT
221	Shell Pink DK

Vulva: what a word. It literally rolls off the tongue.

Such an enigmatic and alluring part of a body: what is mystifying is why so few people know how to name all of the parts (there’s ten; go on, look them up). Heck, most people don’t even know to call it a vulva!

In the 1970s feminists took to mass self-examinations as a way of reclaiming their bodies. These days, we embrace any form of media to represent the gloriousness of the not-so-humble-vulva. Embroidery, appliqué, quilting, mosaics, you name it, someone’s put a vulva on it. Declare your liberation and stick this baby on your wall.

whitespace

Armed & ready

Scissors sharpened

DESIGN SIZE

195 x 182 mm (8 x 7") | 1083 stitches

DMC COLOUR

676	Old Gold LT
740	Tangerine
208	Lavender VY DK

Lobbyists spend literally billions of dollars a year to keep the world’s politicians on the side of greed. Every time we optimistically sign a petition, there’s ten of these bastards lined up to open up new loopholes.

But these times are indeed a’changing. We are taking back our democracy and turning the tables on lobbyocracy.

“It took this horrific moment of darkness to wake us the fuck up. It seems as though we had all slipped into a false sense of comfort, that justice would prevail and that good would win in the end. Well, good did not win this election. But good will win in the end.”

Madonna – Washington Women’s March

whitespace

Truth be told

DESIGN SIZE

174 x 176 mm (7 x 7") | 856 stitches

DMC COLOUR

700	Green BRIGHT
519	Sky Blue
312	Baby Blue VY DK
553	Violet
310	Black

Cunts are deep, warm, and delightful; indeed the place from which the majority of us astoundingly enter this fragile world. Yet no single word creates as much division and carries as much power as this little number.

One thing activists are super-good at is dissecting the meaning of language, until letters break down into pixels. Give us another decade and everyone will know that vagina is 16th century slang for a place to keep your sword. Ouch.

whitespace

C’mon gang

Be excellent to each other

DESIGN SIZE

208 x 150 mm (8 x 6") | 766 stitches

DMC COLOUR

973	Canary BRIGHT
563	Jade LT
996	Electric Blue MED
158	Blue DK
333	Blue Violet VY DK

Stop for a moment and imagine what the world would be like if everyone did one simple act of kindness for a stranger, every single day.

Old ladies would get safely across roads, lost wallets would be returned to their owners, wars would stop breaking out all over the place. The possibilities are truly endless. Pay it forward people, I think we’re onto something here!

Fucking kindness. It just works every time.

whitespace

It’s no spin

Cell-ebrate science!

DESIGN SIZE

208 x 208 mm (8 x 8") | 1371 stitches

DMC COLOUR

563	Jade LT
996	Electric Blue MED
519	Sky Blue

If you think telling your kids there’s no Santa is hard, try telling them there’s no North Pole.

There are some corporate spin doctors that really have a lot to answer for. Honestly, imagine having the job where you have to come up with positive ways to spin total climate destruction and obliteration of life as we know it. Somehow they’ve even managed to propagate the idea that climate change is something “invented” by political activists to, I don’t know, make the world a better place or something... Next time you’re up against some skeptic, remember:

What do we want? Evidence-based science!

When do we want it? After peer-based review!

whitespace

If I must *sigh*

DESIGN SIZE

206 x 94 mm (8 x 4") | 337 stitches

DMC COLOUR

603	Cranberry
307	Lemon
310	Black

Throwing your hands in the air in despair rarely gets you anywhere. Try shaking your fist instead.

As my grandmother used to say, “It is what it is”. You’ve just got to get on with it. It’s just like weeding a garden. You pick a weed out but it’s already self-seeded so you need to weed again but also plant some wildflowers in its place. And you say, “Shit man, I already took care of that,” but the roots are already in there and it’s gonna take a few goes. Sometimes loads of goes.

So get together your small committed group of determined people and change the world already!

whitespace

UDDIG me?

DESIGN SIZE

200 x 200 mm (8 x 8") | 1424 stitches

DMC COLOUR

307	Lemon
603	Cranberry
700	Green BRIGHT

Assembling a cabinet is no easy feat, especially when your own screws are loose. There are hard-to-follow instructions available for this task, yet you can’t do it with an ineffective tool.

Is there a METOD to Trump’s madness? Is he just KLAMPEN down on corruption? Only KLOCKIS will tell if the world really needed a BLADVASS president. Maybe he is indeed SMARTA than we all thought.

whitespace

Let’s do this

Don’t get mad, get organised

DESIGN SIZE

206 x 112 mm (8 x 4½") | 460 stitches

DMC COLOUR

309	Rose DK
470	Avocado Green LT
310	Black

You know the old saying, “if you want something done, ask a busy person”. Ain’t nobody busier than a working mum, so maybe we should just hand over the business of saving the planet to the mums, huh?

“We are linked. We are not ranked. And this is a day that will change us forever because we are together. Each of us individually and collectively will never be the same again. When we elect a possible president we too often go home. We’ve elected an impossible president, we’re never going home. We’re staying together. And we’re taking over.”

Gloria Steinem – Washington Women’s March

whitespace