“Stop,” Diana says, her nose high in the air.
I immediately do as she says and cast my eyes over the forest beside us, looking for what she can already smell.
“Zombies?” the weasel whispers in a shaking voice from behind Diana.
Diana sniffs again, a frown on her face. “No, something alive. I don’t recognize it.”
“Where?” Spike asks, her sharpened stick in her paws and pointed at the forest.
“There,” I say, pointing at a huge animal casually walking into the river ahead of us.
“What …,” Wheels sputters, “… what is that?”
“Bear,” I reply, squinting at the animal.
“A bear,” Diana repeats, wonder in her voice. “I’ve never seen one.”
I’ve never seen one in real life either, but my pet’s sister had many stuffed versions of this creature on her pink bed. This one is less cute.
I’M ASSESSING THE SITUATION. I don’t have time for wonder. The bear is nonchalantly batting fish out of the water with practiced skill. He’s a physical threat to be sure, but he seems happy with fish as a meal. We should go around him.
“Do you think we could trade for some fish?” Diana asks, licking her lips.
“Are you looking at the same monster I am?” Wheels demands. “The one with claws the size of your hamster?”
We are all looking at it now, so we have a clear view of the putrefied zombie who sits up in the middle of the riverbed next to the bear’s fishing ground.
I’m running before Diana can yell for me to stop, my brain already ticking through the ways I can win this fight. Obviously, this zombie is too wet to burn in a fire. But those rocks the bear is standing on look uneven enough to bash a zombie head. As long as you take out the head, the zombie is done for.
“Run!” Diana yells, catching up to me, the rabbit hopping at her side. “You! Bear! Run!”
Even from the shore, I can see the bear looking at the zombie stupidly, his eyes half open, his mouth still chewing on his fishy meal.
“Huh?” the bear says, his gaze swinging slowly to us, a band of crazed mammals running toward him.
“Stupid bear,” Spike and I say at the same time, not slowing down.
“Hibernation,” Diana barks. “You’ve been hibernating.”
“Get lost!” the bear says to the zombie (and maybe by extension to us); the zombie is now groaning his way out of the deeper part of the river, his arms reaching for the bear.
“He doesn’t know about zombies,” Diana says to me, her eyes wide. “Emmy, he’s been hibernating!”
The fact that the bear is grossly unaware of his imminent death is just another problem we can’t solve. Being unprepared for the coming war is his fault, not my problem. I had to learn fast. We all did. If life were fair, Vance and Ralph would still be alive. If life were fair, I wouldn’t have had to leave The Menagerie because of overly trusting do-gooder felines.
But this zombie will be my revenge. All zombies are my revenge. The only question is if it will happen before or after the bear becomes a meal for the undead.
The bear smacks at the zombie’s outstretched arm, and the arm flies off and into the river. The zombie doesn’t care, he keeps walking forward. The bear’s eyes widen. Maybe he’s starting to figure out this might not be a problem he can solve with pure brawn. I screech to a stop on the beach a couple yards behind the zombie.
“What’s wrong with it?” the bear demands, dodging the zombie and smacking it in the leg. The zombie’s leg is now bent at a weird angle, but he’s determined to taste bear. He drags himself though the water with one arm and one working leg.
“It’s dead,” Diana says, walking into the water up to her ankles, “but if it bites you, you will die.”
“What?” the bear says, backing up out of the water. “What are you talking about? It’s dead, but it’ll bite me?”
“Can we talk about this later?” Diana barks loudly, frustration clear in her voice. “Just run!”
The bear hesitates. I don’t think he’s ever run from another mammal in his life. Not with that girth. He reminds me of Trip. But bigger and slower. I get ready to let out a loud battle trill when Spike whistles sharply through her long front teeth.
The zombie twists to see us, and I grin savagely. Perfect.
“Good hunting!” I hiss at the world.
Diana runs around behind us, and the zombie slouches his way to our side of the beach.
“Rocks, Spike,” I say, not taking my eyes off the human monster for a minute.
Spike nods and says, “Bear, we’ll need your weight when we get him down.”
“My what?” he demands, sounding offended.
“Crush him. Don’t bite,” I hiss through my teeth. There’s no chance for more conversation as the zombie struggles upright on his one working leg, and the battle is on.
Spike leaps into the air, her sharpened stick poised, and slams the weapon into the zombie’s face. He swats at her as she jumps onto his head, kicking at his skull with her powerful hind legs. I run up the zombie’s leg, heading for the belt. I grab one end of the worn leather and leap back off the dead human, pulling the belt as I go. The zombie loses his balance and comes crashing down behind me, his head smacking into the rocks, just as I planned. The bear gives a massive bellow and throws himself onto the zombie. We jump free just in time.
“Don’t bite it!” Diana yells, but she’s too late: the bear is overtaken with battle furor now.
Spike lands beside me with an astonished look on her face. I’d like to say I was surprised, but those bears on that pink bedspread in my old house weren’t just cuter. They were also way smarter than this one.