The question is how to speak about an indelicate matter in a delicate way. The question arose not very long ago when I started a trip to Guatemala. The plane was scheduled to depart at nine which meant I had to get up at five in the morning and rush through my usual morning eblutions to catch the super shuttle at seven. I had prepared some finger food the night before for the wait at the airport after passing the security check. I knew the meal on the plane would not be served for at least two hours into the flight. In the excitement of meeting the shuttle and getting to the airport on time I neglected my post breakfast visit to the bathroom; too nervous for that.
Once I got to the airport there was not much time to spare. Passengers were directed to the waiting area and everyone was focused on getting aboard. The Air Bus had one central aisle with three seats to the right and three to the left. I began to relax and in the process felt the need to go. I resisted the message for a while thinking I could outlast the trip of five-and-a-half hours. I resisted for another reason: I was apprehensive about the vibrations of the motors and the unpredictable lurching that occurs in flight. Would I ever relax enough was a nagging concern. The moment came when I felt the need to be decisive. I entered one of the two bathrooms available to second-class passengers and to my pleasant relief neither the roar of the engines nor the vibrations of the plane were intrusive: I was successful. The next concern was with the flushing. Again, the mechanism worked astonishingly well. In a flash and a swish of the suction action everything disappeared: the bathroom was as clean as I had found it. I marveled at the high tech flush and congratulated myself for having had the courage to book my flight with a company from a third world country, namely El Salvador. The country may be small, as small countries go but their aviation sector is the equal to that of any other nation on earth. Besides the schedule of the Grupo Taca is the best in service with the shortest travel time of any airline.
Once in Guatemala my bathroom problems did not disappear. My contact in Antigua found a home where I could stay. I was obliged to take this room even though it did not have a private bathroom, but a shared one that was accessible only by passing into the open air. At my age I almost always get up in the middle of the night at least once if not twice to visit the urinal. Stepping into the dark, holding on to my room key and navigating the step down and the step up to reach the bathroom door was not an easy affair. Fortunately I had a small flashlight with me so I could at least see in the dark. But after one night I knew this arrangement was untenable. The first thing on my mind the next day was to find another residence with a private loo.
For a long time Antigua was known for its many Spanish language schools. I’ve heard there are as many as ninety but surely at least seventy. All of them offer the combination of daily lessons and a home stay with a local family. The finances are handled by the schools. Three meals a day are provided for every day except Sundays when families have their homes to themselves and visitors can fend for themselves.
Another old friend in Antigua directed me to his preferred school, and when I declared my need for a private bathroom, the director of the school proposed his home where those conditions could be met. I accepted on the spot and I thought my next four weeks in Antigua were under control. I had a comfortable room in the director’s house. The director’s wife was a model of a house-mistress: in charge of the cooking, keeping tabs on her three daughters, feeding a pair of loving parakeets, minding the garden and directing the maid, and sometimes chauffeuring the family on special occasions. She was energetic and of good humor all the time. I could sit in the living room, the sala, and use the telephone whenever I needed to. The setup was quite satisfactory except for one thing. I was obliged to follow the routine of the director since he drove me three times a day between home and school. Once at home in the evenings I had very little freedom of movement since the director’s home was located in Jocotenango, a near suburb of Antigua but not near enough to go places after supper. I felt I was missing the opportunity to circulate in Antigua and to get really reacquainted with the place after my last trip some twenty years ago.
I opted for a room in a home in Antigua walking distance to and from the school. I was enchanted by the fact that the new room had a window, a real window that gave on a back yard and a garden. I wrote a hosanna of praise for a window with natural light flooding in and views of the blue sky and floating clouds without. This was in contrast to the previous room in Jocotenango where all the windows were, in effect, blind. My joy however was short-lived. The first time I laid my head down to rest I was jarred by the cries of a one-year-old baby, the landlady’s grandson: guarding the baby was her principle activity. The child was actually adorable but babies have to cry and when I was a young father any sound from my children was comforting. At a grandfatherly age the same sounds are disturbing. But that was not the major problem at the new home; food was the issue. The meals were meager, especially the suppers. The two evening meals I had there were so negligible I was on the point of jumping up in protest proclaiming the inadequacy of the offering. I thought better of that action. My Spanish was not good enough to explain the matter and English would not serve me at all in this household.
Two tacos with a smear of frijoles (or refried beans) on one and mashed avocado on the other does not a supper make. Rather than create a scene I knew the only solution was another move.
Before I move on to my next domicile I would like to share my impressions of the family. The lady of the house was a woman of solid proportions who ruled the roost like a sentinel standing in the kitchen preparing meals, such as they were. Her bearing was something like that of General de Gaulle, always upright with head slightly pulled upward and backward: there was no doubt who was running things. Her husband, on the other hand, comported himself with his head slightly inclined downward. Of the two he was more communicative. I learned from him that the property upon which the house stood was bequeathed to his wife by her father, a fact of life that she apparently could never forget. Proprietary rights were hers and her bearing projected that message loud and clear. The gentleman told me that he was unemployed for a considerable time and that his daughter, who taught in public school, was not paid for over six months so the family was surely hard pressed which explains the frugality at the table. But madam’s controlling nature extended into my room. Every day of my two day stay the woolen blanket on my bed was removed during the day, folded neatly and placed upon a shelf in my room. My slippers were also picked up from my bedside and placed on a foot rack. I had to remake my bed and rearrange my personal things every day. The conversations with the lady consisted of questions that I thought were of no concern to her. She wanted to know, for example, how much money I paid the driver of the tuc-tuc (the three wheelers) who drove me to the post office. She also wanted to know if I occupied a room on the first or second floor of my previous residence. And when I asked to use the telephone she made out not to understand my request but then asked to whom I was calling. She looked absolutely dumbfounded when I returned the key to the house as though she did not have the slightest inkling why I would want to move on. It is difficult to imagine how much contretemps could develop in so short a time. The final assault came when a large blanket was hung to dry on the clothesline just a foot from my window blocking the view of the clouds and sky I had so admired. The bathroom in this house was not the issue: it was shared by the entire household, but that fact didn’t interfere with my nighttime visits.
The fourth and last household that I shared had its problems not the least of which was the situation in the bathroom but at this point in time I decided compromise was in order. The house just a five-minute walk to the language school was also ruled by the lady of the house. She was an educated woman, well informed about the town and on a number of occasions her help was really useful. She used her cell phone to call taxis or even the little three wheelers, the tuc-tucs. High tech had reached the grassroots.
Meals were generous in the new domicile but served with military precision, that is to say, the hours for breakfast, lunch and supper were declared and the dishes on each occasion were served at the table whether anyone was there or not. I was one of five guests and we had to appear on time or face a cold plate. The rhythm of the house was paramount. We got used to being trained like Pavlovian dogs. Socializing was limited to just the time we needed to eat our meals. The maid gathered the empty dishes and table settings straight away and we, the guests got the message that we should immediately retire to our separate rooms. On several evenings we collectively rebelled and remained seated around the table in conversation for a good half hour more, much to the consternation of the household help. Regimentation was universally resented.
I said my decision to remain in this home was a matter of “compromise” because the room that I was offered was a maid’s room, there was no doubt about that. The room was on the ground level at the end of a long dark corridor situated next to the water reservoir at the back of the house. There was no natural light in the room; the windows that existed were blacked out (I suppose for privacy sake) or gave onto the interior of the house. What the room did have was its own bathroom, consisting of two tiny spaces, one for the toilet and one for the shower. I didn’t look too closely when I accepted the accommodation. I discovered, however, the first morning I used the bathroom that the commode was designed to fit the bottom and proportions of a maid, who, by force of circumstances in a Mayan society, would have been a small woman not more that four feet four inches tall. By contrast I stand six feet three inches in my stocking feet. Sitting down and getting up from that toilet seat was an ordeal and a menace to my arthritic knee. I engaged that daily encounter with the miniaturized porcelain for the next ten days with trepidation and resignation for I could not bear the thought of yet another change of residence. This was the underside of my stay in Antigua, Guatemala. (4/11/09)