Dear Pal Ted:
Well Pal I suppose you did not hear that yrs. truly the undersigned and to-wit has manage to build up a following so that they are borrowing the money wherewith to enlarge the joint and take care of the bigger and higher class clintele which followed on the heels of when I put over “Waiter with the Water”? But it is good news that you are banging them right over every where you go. I hear nothing but the best reports of you and the band and it is no secret that when you played the Palomar in Los Angeles, for a fairly recent band you broke the house record. Maybe you did not break the Goodman or Artie Shaw record but they made their record with an establish band and of course you went in there with scarcely if any radio build-up and still did terrific business. I am sure you glorify in your success and believe me when I say nothing could make me happier than you being right up there where you belong and am sure will not change in regard to your old pals. Might like to know later developments on how I am doing. Well here goes.
I told you the details and how I got creamed out of the hotel spot in Ohio & came here and made this connecton. For a while I was from hunger but suddenly clicked as it were over night. With me it was one of those things, just one of those crazy things. One nite singing a lung out for dopes that wouldn’t know it if I was Toscanini, Al Rinker, or Brooks John or myself. All they cared about was if I sang Deep Purple 75 times a nite and they were satisfied. Female lushes that they would stand right under me while their escorts were giving them a little going over and I and the band were not suppose to see it. Oh no, just dumb, is what we were. I use to stand up there giving them Deep Purple and all the time the tho’t kept cropping up in my mind “I only wish I had a water pistol, an old fashon water pistol such as we played with as a child and wouldn’t I like to squirt you right in the eye with it Madam right in the mist of your memory Madam.” But one nite I happen to get a small slice of Phil Harris broadcasting from Los Angeles and happen to tune in when he was polishing off Hold Tight. I said this can not be the guy that formerly I use to consider a road company Richman but it was. I knew there would be no trouble at all so I polished off his Hold Tight and practicly over nite I was the one man attracton of this joint. Then I caught Harris again one nite doing Fishes and from then on I and the joint were but set. The owner (only fronting for one of the many mobs they still got left here in Chi) gave me a quick hist in pay and began to talking contract but no said I. No contract now. Let’s wait? (Meaning maybe some advertising agency might grab me off and did not want to be stuck with any contract.) So I let on like I was very happy at this joint & the only reason I was saying no contract was because I was coresponding with my agent in N. Y. and my hands were tied until hearing from him. That is a laugh, my agent. After they tied a can to my tail in Ohio there wasnt an agent in the U.S. that would give me a tumble. However that is neither here nor there but is a sample. So they put my name outside in lights and I was in but good.
Well I started out to tell you a little experience I had which just goes to show you how the leaches fasten upon a person practicly before they have time to turn on the lights that spell out his name. This one nite after I began clicking there was this large party given by a bowling club consisting of people in the neighborhood that belong to this neighborhood bowling club and met some nite every wk. in order to indulge themselves in their silly pastime and this nite was the nite when they had their annual get-together for the purpose of the distributon of the awards & prizes and of course they had about 40 or more there, men & women. Well the press agent of this joint said to me it would make a nice gesture if I would make a few reference to this club when I introduced my numbers and dedicate some numbers to them. He kept talking about cagling. The only Cagle I ever heard of was a football player that use to play for West Point years ago but Cagling is also the name for bowling so I made a few wise cracks about Cagling that the p.a. gave me and I also put one of my own in about Keg-lined beer cans altho why I should give a plug to Bernie’s ex-sponsor I do not know only that it occured to me at the time. It went over big and they liked me and soon were standing around asking for request no’s.
I happen to notice in the sea of faces this one kisser that stood out in the crowd. About 21 and naturally blonde hair and complected and most likely a Swede I tho’t. So then when they all insisted that I join them I naturally obliged them and this mouse named Herta Gersdorf was the one I gradually sat next to. One word let to another and it turned out she would like to be a singer and so to make a nice gesture to the club and for good will etc. I said I have an announcement to make and Miss Herta Gersdorf will sing. She pretend to be surprised but did not fool me as I knew she was working on me to do that very thing, so I brought her up to the mike and asked her what she wanted to sing and what key but she did not know what key, only the name of the song. Three guesses. Day in Day Out. I encouraged her and got her started and to my amazement she turned out to have a voice not of course a trained voice and had no experence in singing in public but I detected possibilities in the voice and began to think to myself I had a find. Well she got a big hand of course being a member of the cagle club and they did not detect the rough edges and amateur touches or if they did they forgave her owing to her youth and lack of experence singing in public. So I helped her with an encore and of course I made a lot of friends for the joint and also increased my own following by the gesture. Well I talked to her and inquired did she ever consider doing it professionally (singing I mean) and she said she always use to dream of it but knew there was no chance. So I said I would gladly help her and got her phone no. and she said she would have to ask her parents and the next day or 2 days later she called me up and said they would like it if she could take lessons from me but could not afford to pay anything and I said that would be o. k. So for a week I went to her house every nite when she got home from stenogging in the real estate office where she worked and showed her a few things then after the 1st wk. I brought her to the joint and late every afternoon I would show her some mike technique and the difference between singing in front of a mike & without it. She was a dumb little mouse but willing to learn. So all the time I was thinking this was going to be my favorite dish but at the time did not do anything about it as I was being taken care of but too good by a dame that had a little dress shop in the neighborhood. Anyway I never made a pitch with Herta. I was afraid it would Herta. So what I did was find out she was 21 and looked up an old agreement I had with an agent the 1st time I ever had an agent and copied it down and she signed it making me her agent in case she clicked. Therefore I went to the “owner” of the joint and said I had this mouse and told him she was popular and had a voice which I was training and of course the 1st thing that heel did was he said he wanted to warn me to watch my step and dont get any bad reputaton in the neighborhood for fooling around with the neighborhood kids or there would be hell to pay and the patrons would stop coming in imagine! I said to him he could let me worry about my conduct, morals, etc and he said Oh if there was any worrying to do I better do it which sounded pretty sinistre but he was not throwing any scare into me for I replied to him let us pass over that phase of it and get down to business, did he or did he not want this mouse she being under contract to me in a strictly business legitamite deal and showed him the contract. I said acting as artists representative for the girl I wanted $35 a wk. for her services and we dickered until he came up to 25 and then I said its a deal so I swung the job for her. It was about time something like that happen to me after all the hard luck I been having and also it was about time Herta was getting around to paying something on acc’t as she never paid me a nickel for my instructon and lessons and rehearsals and my time, etc, and her parents never offer to pay anything either so it was a lucky thing for her I got her the job as it enabled her to pay me back $25 a wk. for the instructon & time and lessons etc. and I was about to continue giving her lessons while she worked. I shamed her mother into getting up $30 for an evening dress. I took one look at the dress they picked out for her and said to them “May I inquire if you think Herta is singing for a choir?” I did not want to lose my temper therefore the gag. The kid was built on the order of Babs whatever her name was that worked with the band when you use to play horn with Joe and here they were trying to make her wear a dress for a convent of sisters. So I entered into the situaton and informed them that I would take care of the clothes dept. and out of my own pocket advanced her $9.50 so she could pour herself into a $39.50 no. that showed everything but her scar where she had the appendisetis if she ever had it (some spelling I admit). Also advanced her $5 to get her hair fixed up and fingernails etc. Well I put her over but big and she only fumbled one no. a little and I tho’t at the time after the 1st nite she was going to be grateful as she seemed grateful at the time. I was of course going on with the instructon etc. and let her have for nothing a couple arrangements I was thinking of polishing off for myself. Also featured her in my own duets and also gave her a swell break when I would introduce her nos. I would introduce her as my protege Herta (I dropped her last name but only used Herta like Hildegard the singer that doesn’t say her last name either because it is some name from Milwaukee or some place.) It went over. But little did I know.
Low and behold one nite before she went on she said to me she had to be good that nite because her boss & his wife would be there that nite. I said what boss, forgetting. She meant the boss at the real estate office where she stennoged. I forgot she was still working there. So I gave her a big intro. and also gave her 2 more nos to sing than usual so she could impress her boss. Well I tho’t no more of it till the next nite she was there early & said she wanted to talk to me and I said o.k. and what she wanted to talk about was dough and I tho’t being innocent I tho’t she wanted to pay me back the sums I advance to her but oh no. She said her boss asked her how much she was getting and she told him our arrangement about me coaching her etc. So the heel went to the “owner” of the joint because he (Herta’s boss) handled the real estate deal on the property and knew Lang, the “owner.” He found out Lang was giving me the 25 for Herta and so he wanted to know why I didn’t give her the 25 and put ideas in her head that she should get the 25 less $2.50 for my commission. $2.50!!! my commission for teaching her everything she ever knew. Anyway I told her I said I had a little matter of a contract and that stopped her but the next nite who should come in but Martin the name of her boss and Lang was also there, just before the joint opened for the nite. I do not wish to bore you with the details but dont let anybody tell you they got rid of the muscle boys in Chi. because we argued pro & con and finally I got mad and said I have a contract with Herta and Martin said let me see it & I showed it to him and right before my two eyes he slowly tore it up. He turn to Lang and said “I guess everything is satisfactory now?” and Lang laughed. I saw I was licked as those gorills do not care anything about law and what was the use of me a stranger trying to do anything. Then I said “Mr. Martin just what is yr. angle?” Meaning what, he replied. I said “Oh nothing but I sure do admire yr. nerve.” Oh my nerve is o. k. he said. I have nothing to fear from a punk crooner like you. I said with a smile “Go ahead and insult me as much as you care to, Mr. Martin, but I was not referring to that. All I was referring to was yr. nerve the way you bro’t your wife here to hear the little girl friend the office wife sing.” With that he burned and came at me but I had a bottle in my hand under the table all the time he was talking & anyway Lang stopped him. Not because Lang likes me any more than Martin but a couple people came in while we were sitting there and the joint use to have a reputaton for 3 shootings they had there a couple years ago and Lang was told to keep his nose clean by the cops if he wanted to operate in that neighborhood as they did not want more complaints. “Oh well he is not worth brusing my knuckles on” said Martin and I laughed in his face and he went out.
Well Martin has something on Lang o.k. because I found out from the cashier that Herta is getting 50 now. The nerve of this Martin, he still brings his wife to the joint and Herta often goes & sits with Mrs. M. and she is old enough to be her mother, so I guess it is one of those things where a woman would rather have her husband chasing around after young girls just as long as he don’t get a divorce. You cant tell me any different. I see it all too clear why I could not move in on Herta. These “innocent” ones are the ones alright. If I was a little more innocent maybe I would be right up there getting 2 grand a wk. etc.
Well Ted, give my love to everybody in 802 except about 5000 heels that all think that all they need is just a little 8 piece combinaton and they would have the best little band etc. etc. Drop me a line but be careful who you give my address to.
Pal Joey