JOEY’S apartment. He is on love seat, left, reading his notices. VERA enters from left at rise.
VERA
Well, Beauty, how did they treat you?
JOEY
They all said I was there. That’s something, I guess. (VERA eases to behind JOEY) They didn’t even say I stink. They didn’t say anything except this newcomer from New York drew a fashionable crowd, and so forth. You got more out of it than me. Mrs. Prentiss Simpson gave a large party! And then the names of those jerks. Mrs. Prentiss Simpson was ravishing in a dirty old suit of tired overalls. Then the names of some more jerks. Yeah? When do I get my notices? I need my notices when I talk about my radio job.
VERA
I wouldn’t worry about the job, Beauty.
JOEY
(Turns to her)
I’m thinking that over. That Beauty. I’m not sure I like it. I’m not exactly beautiful.
VERA
Listen. I’m over twenty-one. I know what’s beautiful.
JOEY
Oh—I see what you mean. You—me . . .
VERA
Don’t analyze it. If you take it apart you might not be able to put it together again.
JOEY
Beauty, hey—nobody ever put it that way before.
VERA
I can believe that. Your average conquest—I imagine they were rather unthinking. Or else they never thought of anything else. And judging by the way some of my friends were looking at you last night . . .
JOEY
(Eagerly)
Yeah? Which ones?
VERA
Oh, no. (Rises) Maybe not any place else—but here it’s just you and I. While we’re here I can be reasonably sure of you. That’s why I’m really beginning to like this terrible apartment.
JOEY
Terrible apartment? Why, this is the nuts.
VERA
Yes, dear.
In Our Little Den
VERA: Just two little love birds all alone
In a little cozy nest
With a little secret telephone,
That’s the place to rest.
JOEY: Artificial roses ’round the door—
They are never out of bloom—
VERA: And a flowered carpet on the floor
In the living room.
REFRAIN
BOTH: In our little den of iniquity
Our arrangement is good.
VERA: It’s much more healthy living here,
This rushing back home is bad, my dear,
JOEY: I haven’t caught a cold all year:
VERA: Knock on wood!
BOTH: It was ever thus, since antiquity,
Down to you and me.
VERA: The chambermaid is very kind,
She always thinks we’re so refined,
JOEY: Of course, she’s deaf and dumb and
blind—
BOTH: No fools, we—
In our little den of iniquity.
SECOND REFRAIN
BOTH: In our little den of iniquity
For a girly and boy,
VERA: We’ll sit and let the hours pass,
A canopy bed has so much class,
JOEY: And so’s a ceiling made of glass—
Oh, what a joy!
BOTH: Love has been that way, since antiquity,
All the poets agree
VERA: The radio, I used to hate,
But now when it is dark and late
Ravel’s Bolero works just great.
That’s for me.
BOTH: In our little den of iniquity.
(Dance)
BOTH: Oh what joy
(Dance)
JOEY: We’re very proper folks you know.
VERA: We’ve separate bedrooms comme il faut.
There’s one for play and one for show.
BOTH: You chase me
In our little den of iniquity.