EIGHT

“Being strong does not mean that you never fall down, but whenever you fall, you get up again.” - Confucius

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“THAT’S REALLY GOOD, Skye,” I encouraged the youngster as she showed me her moves on her skateboard. Clearly, she’d been practicing before we’d met. She was doing a great job riding the board. I’d shown Skye some beginner moves, and let her practice. Tate and I were watching Skye from a bench in the park. We had a pleasant lunch in town earlier and then headed to the skateboard park down the road. I showed the little girl a few moves—flipping my board, turns, catches—it was fun. By now, Skye had been skating for nearly an hour, and it was hot outside. I used the heat as an excuse to take a break and talk to Tate while I was still giving his daughter encouraging feedback. Tate was openly cringing every time his daughter tried to go fast or use the curb to do a trick.

“Wow, you really are nervous,” I observed. Tate’s protectiveness of his daughter was definitely an endearing trait.

“Yeah, somehow I think it would be better if Skye learned to snowboard first. Then if she fell, at least it would be in the snow.”

“She’s doing great. She’s already picked up on the nose grab. She is a tough kid. Sometimes you just have to let them fall, Tate.” I heard my dad’s voice in my head when I said the words. My dad is my biggest fan, and he let me make my mistakes so that I could learn from them. I sighed. I needed to visit my parents.

“Yeah, with a mom like Shannon, it’s probably a good thing that Skye is so tough.” Tate crossed his arms over his chest. His face looked serious.

“What’s the story with her, anyway?” To be honest, I was more than just a little curious about Tate’s former partner. I wondered what she was like. How did they meet? What happened to break them up? Were they still married?

“Shannon?” Tate leaned back on the bench and stretched his long legs. He was wearing board shorts and a t-shirt, and I couldn’t help but notice the bruises and scratches that crisscrossed his bare skin. I wondered if all of the wounds were from his Friday night adventure. “We met in a bar when I was in the service. She was smart, funny, pretty. To be fair, I hadn’t seen a girl in several months.” He laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Got it.” I didn’t need or want details about their sex life. Nope!

Tate glanced at me and then looked ahead, “No, I mean, our relationship was good at first, but then she got really possessive and anxious. I don’t know why Shannon became that way. I used to go on these trips with the guys, and one day Shannon told me that I couldn’t go unless she went too. I had the feeling that she didn’t believe me when I told her that we were in the wilderness doing a survival game. I think Shannon thought we were out chasing women or getting into trouble.”

“Were you? I already know Crater’s reputation.”

“No, not at all. We were strictly out chasing adrenaline. Sure, we did some dangerous stuff, but I wasn’t out meeting women.” I was glad that Tate didn’t seem to take offense at my question about his fidelity to Shannon. Tate didn’t seem like the kind of guy to cheat on his partner, but you never know, do you?

Tate stopped speaking and waved to his daughter. That’s when I noticed that Tate’s fingernails were messily painted red. Obviously, he let Skye paint them. I wondered how long he would leave the garish varnish on his nails. I wondered if he had any nail polish remover. I smiled inwardly at the thought of a tough guy like Tate allowing his daughter to paint his nails.

“When Shannon got pregnant, she told me I couldn’t do the guy trips anymore. She was worried I’d get killed and she’d be left alone with a kid. I guess Shannon was a bit insecure.”

I looked at Tate to see how he felt about the ultimatum Shannon gave him, but his face remained neutral. He didn’t seem a bit bothered.

“And you agreed?”

“Yeah, I mean, I was going to be a dad. It was exciting. We were going to do the whole white picket fence thing. The other guys don’t have kids. They didn’t really understand.”

“Are your outings that dangerous? Could someone get killed?”

“No one’s been killed or seriously injured, but yeah, some of the things we do can be dangerous if you aren’t careful. Jonah always liked to push the limits with us. He considered us to be elite when it came to our adventures. You’ve seen his show; I think you get it.”

“I ran into Tony at the diner this morning. I could tell he isn’t a fan of Shannon’s.”

“No. None of them are.” Clearly, Tate knew about his friends’ feelings towards his ex. “They all thought she was a nightmare. They gave her the benefit of the doubt at first, but when I stopped going on the trips, they didn’t bother hiding how they felt about Shannon. That’s why my relationship with them pretty much ended. The guys and I lost touch with each other. Until Friday.”

“How long were you and Shannon married?”

“Together you mean? We were never married. I asked her to marry me when I found out that she was pregnant, but Shannon turned me down. I don’t think she ever trusted me, and not marrying me was Shannon’s way of proving that. We were together for three years. Skye was only two when I moved out. It took months to iron out a custody arrangement. I moved around a lot, and Shannon claimed that I couldn’t be a good dad unless I settled down. She didn’t want child support, but I insisted. Shannon doesn’t make much money at her job. I think not asking for child support was Shannon’s way of justifying keeping Skye from me as much as possible.” I watched Tate’s jaw twitch. I guessed that he wasn’t happy about how little time he got to spend with his daughter.

“But even after you and Shannon separated, you didn’t go back on Crater’s trips?”

“No.” Tate looked away from me. “Not until this weekend. I lost touch with the guys over the years.”

“How often do you see Skye?”

“Some holidays and every other weekend, usually, unless Shannon changes her mind,” Tate confirmed in a low voice. “I was lucky to get a few extra days with Skye this weekend because Shannon needs a babysitter.” Tate’s face looked angry.

“Daddy look!” Skye interrupted us when she tried to do a jump on her board and completely missed it. She landed on her bottom on the ground. Tate and I both gasped at the sight. Thankfully, Skye was wearing all of her protective gear and she landed on a soft patch.

Tate jumped up from the bench and quickly jogged to his daughter.

“Hey, are you okay?” He reached out to Skye, and she grinned. This brought a smile to Tate’s face. He checked his daughter for cuts and bumps and determined that she was okay.

“Mandy said you were tough. I guess she was right.”

“I’m okay, but I’m getting tired,” Skye confirmed with a small smile.

“Oh yeah?” Tate lifted his daughter into a bear hug, then he combed his fingers through her messy brown ponytail to untangle it.

“I think ice cream might make me feel better,” Skye teased.

“Okay! Mandy, let’s get this skateboarding superstar some ice cream.”

“Hey, there’s that place at the top of the slopes. We could ride the gondola up, and get ice cream and explore a bit if you have time,” I offered. Tate smiled at me. My heart thumped.

“Daddy, can we ride the gondola?” Skye asked. I smiled happily because she liked my idea. Horrible exes aside, I started to wonder if dating a guy with a cute kid would be so difficult after all.

“Sure. Let’s fix that ponytail first, okay?” Skye turned and let Tate remove the elastic band from her long dark hair, and he skillfully adjusted her ponytail. I was impressed with Tate’s parenting skills. He even styled hair. I got the impression that he liked being a dad, and I felt a bit sorry for him. I felt badly for him because he didn’t get to see Skye more often.

We locked our skateboards up in a locker, bought our ride passes, and hopped on the gondola. The three of us occupied a single car. The gondola hummed and bumped a bit on its ascent and the cabin warmed from the bright sunshine. I love riding the gondola in the summertime, there’s so much to see from above. You can see wild animals like foxes and deer; you can watch the mountain bikers as they traverse on winding trails, and hikers climbing the slopes. I watched as Skye excitedly raised to her knees on the gondola seat to peer out the window to watch the other cars and wave at the passengers who were headed back down the mountain.

We disembarked from the gondola several minutes later and headed in the direction of the ice cream vendor. Quite a few people were congregating at the top of the mountain, which is typical for the holiday weekend. It was a bit chillier and windier at the top than it was at the bottom of the mountain. Many people were wearing jackets or hoodies. I shivered a bit in my shorts and t-shirt. Noticing my chill, Tate wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and I was a bit surprised by the intimate and unexpected move. I appreciated the heat generated by his body though.

“The ice cream is over there!” Skye happily shouted as she jogged away from us through the throngs of people milling around. I pointed towards the crowd ahead of us and tried to watch Skye as she ran off.

“Is she okay?” I asked Tate a bit worriedly. I didn’t like the idea of Skye running off alone like that. She was only eight.

“Yeah, she knows her way around up here. The kid has a great internal compass,” Tate smiled and squeezed me tighter. I decided that Tate’s response was oddly casual for a man who was so worried about his daughter 30 minutes earlier. How could he be so careless about her safety?

I wasn’t simply concerned that Skye would get lost, although that was a possibility. I worried more about stranger danger. I can’t help it, growing up, my best friend’s dad was a police officer. I am all too aware of the dangers that children face out in the world. My parents always made sure I checked in with them when I was out and made sure that I went places with friends rather than alone. Tate must have perceived the look of apprehension on my face because his flirtatious smile went flat.

“I’ll just go catch up to her,” Tate said. “We’ll meet you by the ice cream stand in a few minutes. Okay?”

I let out a sigh of relief and nodded as Tate jogged off into the crowd.

I waited by the ice cream stand for a few minutes before Tate and Mandy reappeared. I was quick to notice that Skye was sulking and Tate looked hot and exasperated. “Sorry about that,” Tate said to me as he ran his fingers through his hair to brush it off his forehead. “Skye thought she saw her mom and she chased after her.”

“I did see her, Daddy,” Skye protested. “Mommy was over there and she ran away,” She pointed out into the distance towards one of the vacant ski lifts.

Tate shook his head, “I think you saw someone who resembled your mom, honey. You know your mom is in California this weekend. She’ll be back to see you on Tuesday.”

Skye’s face grew an angry pink and her lower lip jutted out a bit. “It was her, Daddy.” The kid was adamant; she really believed she saw her mom. I felt a ping of sympathy for her.

“I know you think you saw her, but your mom would never run away from you Skye, you know that,” Tate argued.

The little girl began to sulk even more. Ugh. I decided to try to help smooth things over. “Skye, they have cookies and cream ice cream here,” I said, remembering Skye’s favorite ice cream flavor.

“I don’t want cookies and cream. I want chocolate chip,” she replied angrily. Her lip jutted out even further and she crossed her arms over her chest defiantly.

“Okay, let’s see what they have,” I turned to face the ice cream stand and bit my lower lip. I didn’t know what else to do. I was learning that cute kids can turn crabby in less than six seconds flat. Admittedly, my experience dealing with kids was limited. I don’t have any siblings and therefore, I have no nieces or nephews. My past interactions with kids were usually things like signing autographs and saying, “Hi, what’s your name?” and “Do you want to be a pro snowboarder when you grow up?” You see my point, I was a bit out of my depth when it came to dealing with an upset eight-year-old. It didn’t help that I felt guilty. I mean, I got the distinct impression that Tate was distracted by me, and that is why Skye ran off in the first place.

Tate tapped my shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay, she’s just tired,” he said in a soft voice in an attempt to pacify me.

I nodded. I wondered if every day of parenting held so many ups and downs.

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I GUESS TATE WAS RIGHT about Skye being tired because she fell asleep with her head against his shoulder practically the moment we sat on the gondola for the ride down the mountain. I was tired too, but my mind kept working. Something was bothering me. “Tate, why do you think Skye was so insistent that she saw Shannon up there?” I whispered in an effort not to wake Skye.

Tate sighed. “I don’t know. She has an active imagination, she’s a kid. Skye said the woman looked just like Mommy but she was wearing a jacket with the hood up. I think she saw someone who resembled her mom,” he whispered back. “Maybe she had the same kind of jacket.”

“There isn’t a possibility that Shannon is still in Colorado, is there?”

“Not you too!” He exclaimed softly as he shook his head. “No, Shannon sent me photos from California the other night so I could show them to Skye. She’s definitely in California.”

“Oh, okay.” I accepted Tate’s explanation, but my gut wasn’t sure that Skye was wrong. I mean, I get that she’s a little kid, but wouldn’t Skye recognize her mom if she saw her? And, Skye was really upset. I’ve never seen her act so grumpy. Then again, what do I know about the complicated workings of an 8-year-old’s brain?

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I SAID ‘GOODBYE’ TO Tate and Skye around four in the afternoon. Tate asked me if I would like to attend the fireworks with them that evening. I was free to go because I didn’t have any plans for the evening. The truth was, I was feeling a bit exhausted by our day together. I decided that maybe it would be better if I opted out. I made up an excuse about needing to see my parents, and Tate didn’t question me. He offered to give me a lift back to my townhome, but I said that I needed to stop in town. We did not kiss goodbye if you’re wondering. I convinced myself that the outing wasn’t a date and I was okay with that.

Once I was sure that Tate and Skye were gone, I hopped on my skateboard and rode it back to my lonely townhome. I was feeling a bunch of different things. Confusion, guilt, anger. In other words, it was just your typical Sunday. Cue the choir.

Actually, I did need to stop by and see my parents. My dad had called me three times the previous week, and Jill had called me twice. It had been too long since I’d checked in with them. Sometimes it was just difficult. Of course, I felt guilty about not visiting my parents more often, and we live in the same area, but seeing my parents can be stressful.

When I reached my townhome, I went inside and traded my skateboard for my car keys. I drove to the old part of town where my parents still live in my childhood home. It was just three doors down from Jed’s family home, and I knew Jed lived there now. I avoided looking at Jed’s house as I pulled onto the quiet tree-lined street and parked my car in my parents’ driveway.

I opened the backdoor—the door is usually unlocked to allow for the easy transition of my mom’s caregivers—and I walked inside.

“Hey Mandy,” greeted the day nurse, Jill. “It’s good to see you. I didn’t expect to see you today.” Jill hugged me. Jill has worked for my parents for over a year now. At first, the nurses came and went like the weather, but Jill was a true angel who stuck with us despite all of my family’s difficulties. “You picked a good day to stop in. Your mom is having a good day. She’s in the family room with your dad. She’s chipper today.”

“Thanks, Jill. I really mean it, thank you.” I fought the tears that formed in my eyes. In the past several months, my mom’s health declined rapidly. She was in and out of the hospital multiple times the month before my dad decided to have hospice care brought to our home. Mom’s visits to the hospital lessened dramatically with the help that she received at home from great nurses like Jill.

“Are you okay, honey?” Jill leveled her brown eyes to mine and rested a strong hand on my shoulder.

“I am. I just feel bad that I didn’t stop by sooner.”

“Well, don’t worry about that now. You go on in there and say hello to your parents.”

“I will.”

I walked slowly through the kitchen and down the hall toward the family room. In the past, I would always build myself up for visits. Today, though, I was visiting on a whim, and I hadn’t had the time to prepare myself. I didn’t have time to think about the wheelchair in the corner or the antiseptic smells that replaced the pleasant smells I remembered from my mom’s cooking. Gone were nights of laughing around the dinner table while my parents swapped stories about their workdays.

“Mandy!” My dad greeted me, as he stood from the kitchen chair where he was seated. “Lydia, look who it is.”

My mom didn’t stand or turn to look at me. She sat in her hospital bed with tubes in her arms and a new one at her throat. She was staring straight ahead. I walked around her bed so that she could see me, and took her hand in mine. Jill brought a chair from the kitchen and placed it behind me so that I could sit near my mom.

“Hey Mom, I’m sorry I didn’t make it out here last week. Things got a bit crazy at the Chalet. Did you hear?”

My dad spoke. “We saw it on the news. Just awful. Are you okay?”

I shrugged. “I’m trying to take it one day at a time.”

“We’re surprised to see you. You usually call before you stop by. You just missed the chaplain he was here for about an hour. Did you have the day off?”

“I did,” I replied, feeling guilty. I could have spent the day with my parents, but I spent it with Tate and Skye instead. “I went skateboarding with some friends.”

“You’re still doing that? Did you hear that, Lydia? Mandy went skateboarding today.”

My mother remained quiet.

“Yes, I was helping my friend’s daughter learn how to ride. Anyway... I missed you both, so I thought I should stop by.” I wondered how long my mom had the tube in her throat. I swallowed against the rocks that I felt in my throat.

“You have a chaplain visiting now?”

“Well, yes. I thought it might comfort your mom, and it’s part of her hospice care.”

I nodded. My mom used to like to attend the local Presbyterian church on Sundays and stay after to talk to the pastor.

“We know you’re busy with the Chalet. We saw Jed last night. Did he tell you he’s been coming by?” My dad asked.

“No. Jed? Really?” Hearing about Jed’s visits surprised me. Not because Jed hadn’t told me—we rarely spoke—I was surprised that Jed stopped by to see my parents at all. I guess I had assumed that when he ghosted me, Jed ghosted my parents too. Feelings of surprise and relief that Jed still spoke to my mom and dad filled my heart.

“Yes, he comes by at least once a week to talk. He’s a good guy. We’ll never understand why the two of you never got together, will we, Lydia?”

It hurt to hear my dad ask my mom questions with no hope of her giving him a verbal response, but I did feel the slightest sensation in my mom’s hand when Dad mentioned Jed.

“Sometimes things just aren’t meant to be, I suppose,” my dad continued.

“No, they aren’t,” I agreed. I didn’t know how to mend my relationship with Jed. It was best not to give my dad any hope. “Did Jed mention the case?”

“No. Jed doesn’t talk about work very often. We just talk about everyday things. Sometimes we play chess.”

“Really?” Jed must spend a lot of time with my parents when he visits. My dad and Jed used to have marathon chess games when I was a kid. With the time it takes for my dad and Jed to finish a game, I was surprised I hadn’t run into him on one of my visits. Then again, knowing Jed, he probably made sure he didn’t show up while I was there.

“I don’t know why you are so surprised, Mandy. Jed used to stop by all the time when you were kids. I was the one who taught him how to play chess. You never wanted to learn.”

I laughed. “You’re right. I was too busy bouncing off the walls. I couldn’t sit still long enough to play the game.” I was always the yin to Jed’s yang. I was always bright and lively, and Jed was always quiet and introspective. Dad loved me and indulged my wild side, but I knew he enjoyed having Jed’s quiet presence as well. I was an only child, and I think Jed sort of rounded out our family for my dad. He was the son my dad never had.

“Did you have a good time?” my dad asked, and I realized that he said it more than once before I registered that he was speaking to me. Furthermore, I had no idea what he was talking about. My thoughts about Jed distracted me from my dad’s conversation.

“When?” I asked, suddenly confused.

“When you went skateboarding.”

“Oh, yes, it was okay.” For a while. I decided not to mention that my friend was a single man with a child.

“It’s July fourth, are you going to see the fireworks tonight?” My dad asked me. I remembered how Dad used to pile young Jed, me, and my mom in our old Subaru station wagon and drive us down the mountain to see the fireworks. My mom would pack a picnic, and we would sit and eat on a blanket before the display began. After the picnic, Jed and I would lie on the cool grass and watch the colorful explosions overhead. I always loved those times.

“No, I think I’ll stay in and watch them from my balcony.”

“Yes, I think we’ll do the same, won’t we, Lydia?”

“I asked Jed if he wanted to go, but he said ‘no.’”

My dad frowned. Honestly, he looked a bit sad. “I don’t think Jed enjoys fireworks anymore.”

“No, he doesn’t.”

My mom remained quiet. I love my parents. I love my old home, but it was full of memories, and I was having a difficult time getting past them. I wondered if it was the same for Jed when he stopped by to see them. Did seeing the old house and my parents make Jed sad too? I doubted it, otherwise, I don’t think he would spend so much time with them. How had I not known about his visits to my parents?

Jill re-entered the room. “It’s time for Lydia’s medication, Mr. Swift.”

“Right.” My dad hopped up again so he could help Jill. “Mandy, would you like to stay for dinner? I could do a grill out, just like old times.”

“Um,” suddenly I couldn’t face things, and I made something up. “Actually, I just remembered I have a bunch of paperwork I need to get to before work tomorrow.” I jumped from my chair.

“Oh, that’s too bad, isn’t it, Lydia? We sure enjoy visiting with you. Maybe later this week then?”

“We’ll see. I’ll call you,” I promised for the millionth time. I felt awful for the millionth time as well. My chest tightened uncomfortably. I needed to leave. I wasn’t ready to see my mom like this. I shouldn’t have come. I should have answered Dad’s calls.

I rushed from the room with Jill at my heels.

“Mandy, wait, please,” Jill said softly as I reached the backdoor.

I turned and Jill set a calming hand on my shoulder. “When did she get like that, Jill?”

“Like what, honey?”

“The tubes, the stupor? Can she even hear us? Does she know we are there?”

“She’s still in there, honey, she can hear you, she just can’t say much. The feeding tube was last week. I tried to call you. Your dad did too.”

“How long does she have?” It was all I could think of at the moment. My mom couldn’t get out of bed, she couldn’t speak, and she couldn’t eat on her own. She depended on my dad and a team of nurses. When I stopped by a few weeks ago, mom wasn’t quite so bad, was she?

“Only God can say, honey. I can’t tell you what to do, but it wouldn’t hurt if you stopped by more often. Things wouldn’t be so shocking.”

I nodded. “I’ll try.”

“Trying and doing are two different things. Your dad needs you too. He’s so brave, but he could use his daughter’s support.”

“I know. It’s just the memories.”

“I know it’s difficult to watch a parent go through this. Just know that she appreciates seeing you and misses you when she doesn’t. Hey, maybe stop by while Jed is here sometimes. He just seems to have the touch, you know?” No, I didn’t know.

“I’ll think about it. I’ll call soon,” I promised as I stepped out the door.