Sean
Something shifted after Tilly had come back that first time in university. She’d slid off the pedestal Evie had put her on, and that Sean had put her on too, if he was honest with himself. Their little group—for a while, anyway—fell out of step.
They fell back into step eventually.
And something incredibly solid had grown between the three of them.
But that amazing thing Sean had seen? That thing blossoming between two of his favourite people, filling his chest with warmth?
The thought of it now chilled him, and he knew the first lecture he’d given Tilly in the bar hadn’t been enough. So Sean showed up at their dorm room when he knew Evie was in class. “We need to talk.”
For a split second, he thought Tilly wasn’t going to let him in. But she stepped back, and he walked through and took his usual place at the desk. Tilly shut the door quietly and sat on the bed, crossing her legs like she always did. Neither spoke for a bit, and Sean looked around the room, taking in the stacks of books, the desks, the way the room was organised chaos, the fairy lights along a wall.
“I didn’t know.” Tilly broke the silence. “About Evie’s dad.”
Sean tilted his head to look at her.
“If I’d known…” She rubbed the back of her neck, a habit of hers he was learning to read—sheepishness. “If I’d known her dad had just disappeared, I would have, I don’t know…given her more of a head’s up. Told her. Checked in.”
“She only told me after you left.”
“Ah.”
“A week after, actually. And, well… I was already really pissed at you.” The words fired out of his mouth, angrier than he’d meant to be. But Evie, he knew, had been all soft hurt to Tilly. Sean was damn angry, and right then, he wanted her to know that. “It was obvious you’d taken off and weren’t planning it to be permanent. If you’d had an emergency, you’d check in after a day or something. But no. Nothing. Nothing for Evie, or for me. Do you have any idea how panicked she was? There are posters with your face all over the place.” He clenched his jaw, tried to take a calming breath. “To not even leave a note, Tilly?” He narrowed his eyes, and she met his glare. “What the fuck? Who does that?”
She licked her lips, once. A measured action, to take a moment. “I know. I get that was a dick move, now.”
“How did you not see that was a dick move then? Evie was convinced you were dead.”
The heartbroken look on Tilly’s face almost made Sean’s flare of anger fade. Almost.
“I—I didn’t think people would—I wasn’t thinking. I’m not used to—”
“To what?”
She bit her lip and turned her face away.
He leaned back. “To having people need to know? Caring enough to?”
She met his eyes, pink blazing high on her cheeks, eyes bright. “Not really that. More… I’m not used to having to explain. Or I didn’t realise I needed to, here. I’m sorry, Sean. I am. I didn’t… I really didn’t think. I would never hurt Evie like that.”
He crossed his arms, that flare finally flickering. “You hurt me too, you know.”
“I do know.”
“Good.” He shook his head. “But we both know you hurt her more.”
“I won’t again.”
“You won’t leave?”
Silence. She met his eyes. Brazen and bold. Tilly to a T. “I can’t promise that. Sometimes I—I need to leave.”
“Why? What’s gone on with you?”
She blinked at the rapid way he fired the question at her. “I just…do.”
He straightened, ready to scoff, and she interrupted him.
“No. I don’t—look, Sean. I don’t have to give you all my trauma.”
That made him pause. Because she didn’t. He was caught up in his righteous anger, but she didn’t have to share anything with him she wasn’t ready to. He was queer, and who knew that better than queer people?
“But I promise I’ll give a head’s up, and check in,” Tilly continued. “I—I realise, now. I get it. How much I hurt you both. I also, I have a shot here. With uni. And you two. To get my life in more order. To have a life.”
He’d wanted to push more but didn’t see the point. He’d asked her straight out and she’d knocked him back.
It wasn’t his place to say the truth, because maybe Tilly didn’t know, or maybe Evie didn’t want her to. So he couldn’t say: Evie’s in love with you and you fucking hurt her, and will continue to if you apparently like to up and run with no notice, and it makes me so, so mad at you because I can see you’re in love with her too and you two could have been so much. “Evie…” He hadn’t known how to finish that sentence.
She’d looked away again, down and to the side. “I know, Sean.” She’d looked back up. “I won’t…I can’t. I promise, okay?”
They weren’t going to speak about that.
He’d held that look again, and she hadn’t turned from it. Until finally, he’d shrugged. “Okay.”
And Tilly had given him that smile, again. Shaky, a little lost. “Promise you’ll call me on my shit?”
He’d grinned, tension draining out of him. “Always.”
“Okay.”