Welcome to Skelterdam! If you’re human, like me, you’ll be dead before you finish reading this sen—

—WELCOME SIGN IN SKELTERDAM, WHERE NO HUMAN CAN SURVIVE

The next morning, I crossed “Save the Monster” off my to-do list. That felt both good and scary. I remembered Rufus’s angry glare and wondered if he’d snitch on me when the Girl Explorer couldn’t be found.

I had to stick to the plan. We’d decided that I should make a plea for Sara’s release, so it would look like I didn’t know she’d already escaped. I went to see Dr. Critchlore before breakfast. The secretary’s desk was empty, which made me think Professor Vodum had been reassigned to yet another job.

I walked right into Dr. Critchlore’s office.

“Dr. Critchlore, I—”

I stopped because it wasn’t Dr. Critchlore standing in front of his desk, eyeing The Top Secret Book of Minions through its glass case. It was Dr. Thiago Pravus, headmaster of the Pravus Academy, and Dr. Critchlore’s worst enemy.

Dr. Pravus looked like he’d just stepped out of a commercial for stuff that rich people buy. Everything about him looked expensive, from his blue suit and silk tie to his neatly trimmed black-and-gray hair and perfect tan. He seemed to exude power, and I took a step back before realizing what I was doing.

“Knowledge is power,” he said, tapping the glass case that held Dr. Critchlore’s prized book. “But wisdom is knowing what you don’t know.”

He turned and looked at me with an eyebrow cocked, a lip twitching to sneer at me.

“Get out,” he said.

I backed up another step before realizing that I wasn’t the trespasser here—he was. Why was he standing there, acting like he owned the place? Where was Dr. Critchlore?

“Dr. Pravus.” I gulped. “I don’t think you should be in here.”

He stepped toward me. I wanted to run, but I’d been told over and over that a minion doesn’t run.

“You don’t think so? And since when does your opinion count, minion?” He spit out the word minion as if it tasted disgusting. It sucked the confidence right out of me.

“Wh-wh-what are you doing here?” I asked. I couldn’t think of anything else to say. I just wanted to stall him until someone else arrived. Someone more adulty.

“Who do you think you are?” I noticed he wore black gloves, and the reason I noticed this was because one of his hands was reaching for my throat. “You have the audacity to speak to me, to question me? Is this how Critchlore trains his minions? Outrageous.”

He had been moving slowly, talking slowly, but all at once he lunged at me, grabbing me by the throat. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t scream. He yanked me forward so he could whisper in my ear. “I could kill you for that. I could kill you and the Evil Overlord Council would allow it. They do not appreciate acts of insubordination.”

I grabbed his arm, but he was so strong. His expression changed from outrage to pleasure. He was squeezing the life out of me and enjoying it. His scrutiny of me was intense, as if he was trying to record every bit of fear and pain I was experiencing.

My vision grew spotty and the room spun. But then he threw me to the ground. I grabbed my neck, gasping. Air, sweet air, filled my lungs.

“But then I’d owe Critchlore a minion in recompense,” he said. “And each of mine is worth ten of you. Get out.”

I got up and ran.

I told myself that running was smart because I could find a teacher or a security guard. But I knew I was running because I was scared out of my mind. That man was not sane. Every molecule in my body quivered frantically in complete terror.

As I ran, my brain finally showed up to the battle, telling me all the things that I could have done. I could have screamed for help. I could have lured him to the trapdoor and then activated it. I could have fought.

But I knew I wasn’t brave enough to do any of those things, and that made me feel worthless.

I found Dr. Critchlore in the dungeon, meeting with the marketing department in the conference room. I told Betsy, the dungeon administrator, what had happened, and she went in and told Dr. Critchlore. He ran past me, straight for his private elevator, looking furious.

I felt sick. I tried to convince myself that I’d done a good job. I had discovered the intruder and ran for help. That was the right thing to do. Dr. Critchlore would be happy with me, maybe even call me into his office to thank me.

He did call me into his office a few hours later, but it wasn’t to thank me.

“You left him in here? Alone? Are you an idiot?” It was Dr. Critchlore’s turn to rage at me.

“He choked me,” I said. “He said he could kill me and the Evil Overlord Council would allow it.”

“That’s true,” Dr. Critchlore said. “The EOC deals harshly with anything reeking of an uprising. Whether it’s an entire populace or a single minion.”

“Why was he here? Isn’t that against the Minion School Directives?”

“No. He’s very clever. He said he came for his minion, who wasn’t here to attack us but to return our Minion Saboteur. Minion kidnapping is strictly forbidden between minion schools and punishable with fines, imprisonment, and the loss of four teeth and a thumb. Banishment to Skelterdam, if it’s a repeated offense.”

I wondered how it was okay for Dr. Frankenhammer to send a Minion Saboteur to Pravus’s school, but Pravus’s sabotage of our school had been a violation of the code, according to Dr. Critchlore. “Isn’t using a Minion Saboteur a breach of some law?”

“Actually, no, if it’s done in accordance with the Spying Guidelines.” He waved his hand in the air. “Evil Overlords want their minions trained to detect saboteurs and spies. It’s complicated. Plus having contradictory laws allows the overlords to arrest anyone, anytime they want.”

“What happened when he couldn’t find her?” I asked.

“Who? His minion? He found her.”

“What?” Oh no. No, no, no.

“Pravus makes his minions wear tracking bracelets.” Dr. Critchlore snorted. “That’s a bit desperate, if you ask me. But in this case, helpful, because she escaped somehow. We found her in the grotto. Seems to have gotten on well with the flesh-eating fish monster. It’s a pity. Dr. Frankenhammer would’ve liked a closer look at her anatomy.”

Okay, maybe her going back with Pravus was a good thing. Except I still needed answers. There had to be some way to free her.

“That scoundrel,” Dr. Critchlore went on. “I’m sure he was up to something, but nothing seems out of place. My bug-detectors have detected no listening devices. No explosives, no poisons, no obscene graffiti. What was he up to?”

“He said ‘Knowledge is power, but wisdom is knowing what you don’t know.’ He was standing by The Top Secret Book of Minions when I came in.” We both looked at the book, sealed in its locked glass container.

Dr. Critchlore went over to his bookshelves, moved some books aside to reveal a safe, and opened it. He removed a key and unlocked the glass case. Carefully, he lifted the book from its perch and set it on his desk. When he opened the book, we saw what Dr. Pravus had been up to.

The pages were blank. Dr. Pravus had stolen The Top Secret Book of Minions and replaced it with a phony.

Dr. Critchlore didn’t scream. He didn’t throw anything, or yell, or hit me. He just looked at me and pushed a button on his desk, and I was sucked out of the room by gravity as the trapdoor I was standing on was activated.