I quite like my teacher, Mr Freebs; he never shouts, he gives gold stars for being able to climb the monkey bars or run a full lap of the yard as well as for normal school stuff, and on Friday afternoons he lets us watch ‘educational’ cartoons (the cartoons aren’t always very educational, sometimes they’re just fun, but we do have to answer questions at the end of them). Mr Freebs does have one terrible, unforgivable flaw though. He wants everyone to get along. And if he thinks you’re not getting along with someone else in the classroom, he does awful things like making you work with them on a special project, or making you write down five things you like about them.

Mr Freebs has noticed that I don’t get along with Nathan Wall. This is because Nathan Wall is evil. And he’s a snob. He’s an evil snob who doesn’t have one single likeable quality. Mr Freebs forced me to write down five things I like about Nathan Wall. Here is the list:

I looked up the spelling and location of Timbuktu in an atlas, but Mr Freebs still didn’t like my list, and on Monday morning I was made to sit next to Nathan at a desk in the front row of the class.

‘You know, when people don’t like each other,’ Mr Freebs said, ‘it’s often because they don’t really know each other. One term of sitting together and I think you two are going to get along just fine.’

The whole TERM?

Mr Freebs had gone too far.

Nathan sat down next to me, took his stuff out of his bag and immediately put his pencil case on my side of the desk. I pushed it back to his side and he said, ‘Eh, I need more room for my stuff ’cos it’s more valuable. This pencil case is a Star Wars original signed by George Lucas. My mum got it at Skywalker Ranch.’ He put it back in the middle of the desk. ‘Don’t put your pencil case near it ’cos it might scrape it. It doesn’t matter if yours gets scraped, it’s just a cheapo one.’

He grinned at me, sitting there with his greasy hair that had way too much hair gel.

That’s another thing I like about Nathan Wall. His hair always looks stupid.

 

I did a bad thing. A very bad thing.

I let slip about the clubhouse.

I didn’t mean to, it was an accident. And it was a direct result of Nathan Wall being the most annoying and obnoxious human being that’s ever lived.

For the whole morning I didn’t scream or yell or hit him on the head with my pencil case or anything, for which I think I deserve a medal. But after little break, when we came in from the yard and I had to sit next to him again, I realised the torture was only beginning. I was going to be stuck next to him for months. It might as well have been forever.

‘And after Disney World we’re going to Mexico. We’ll be there for three whole weeks and we’re staying in a five-star hotel.’ Nathan had been going on about his holiday for ages, and it wasn’t til June next year. ‘Have you ever stayed in a five-star hotel? They’re the best. It’s like everybody who works there is your servant. Where are you going for your summer holidays?’

‘I don’t know,’ I said, trying to concentrate on the picture I was drawing. ‘It’s only September. The summer holidays are ages away.’

‘You have to book five-star hotels in advance,’ he said, ‘that’s why ours is booked already. And Disney World too. We booked really early to make sure we got the best rooms. We’re pretty much staying in a castle.’

‘Really.’ I was leaning so hard on the pencil that it was starting to scrape through the paper.

‘Yeah, it’ll be awesome. Where are you going on your holidays? Oh, you said, you don’t know. It’ll probably be that cottage in the west, won’t it? You write about that every year when we have to do the “What I did on my holidays” essay. Why do you always go to the same place? You should go somewhere different. You should go abroad. Five-star hotels abroad are the best.’

I finally snapped.

‘For your information,’ I said, ‘I might not even go to the cottage next summer ’cos I’ve got the coolest place in the world right here. I’ve got a secret clubhouse with my secret gang and we’re going to spend the whole summer planning cool things and having midnight feasts and making lists of all the things we don’t like about Nathan Wall.’

It was nearly worth it – nearly – to see the look on Nathan’s face. For a second he was jealous. Then he grinned his stupid grin and pretended he wasn’t.

‘Who’s in your secret gang?’

‘None of your business. It’s a secret.’

‘Is it Lex?’

‘No.’

‘And Nicholas?’

‘It’s not Lex or Nicholas.’ I said, ‘It’s nobody you know. That’s why it’s called a secret gang.’

He was still grinning.

‘It is Lex and Nicholas. Who else would it be? You’re always hanging around with them. Where’s your clubhouse?’

My face was feeling kind of prickly and hot, and I was already imagining how I was going to tell the others that I had spilled our secret.

‘I’m not telling you where it is ’cos you’re not allowed in. We’d never let someone like you in our clubhouse.’

‘I bet it’s rubbish,’ Nathan said.

‘It’s not, it’s brilliant. It’s the best clubhouse anybody’s ever had.’

‘I bet it’s not, I bet it’s rubbish. Where is it?’

I kept my mouth shut from then on, determined not to give any more away, but it was very hard work. I kind of wanted Nathan to see our clubhouse because it really is the best clubhouse anybody’s ever had. But the others would kill me if I gave away the secret location.

‘How are things at the New Friends’ Table?’ Mr Freebs came over and smiled at the two of us. ‘Getting along?’