Why were mock exams even a thing? As if the pressure of an actual exam in a few months’ time wasn’t bad enough, I had to ruin Christmastime by spending the whole of December revising and doing exams. Festive cheer surrounded me, but couldn’t enjoy anything without feeling guilty and like I was meant to be studying. It wasn’t fair.
When the day of my English mock exam came, I wanted to go in even less than usual. Tessa would be there. And I really didn’t want to end up doing badly because she was distracting me the whole time, just because she could.
To my surprise, when I got into class, she was crouching down beside Josh, giving him a pep talk. As usual, he was oblivious. He stared into his dog-eared copy of Wuthering Heights, taking one last look at the source material before he had to put it in his bag for the test.
I settled into my seat at the opposite side of the room, hopeful that Tessa would have forgotten that I could see her. It’d been a few days. She’d had other things to worry about.
I could dream.
‘You’ve got this, Josh. Just remember what we talked about when we revised together a couple of weeks ago. Oh my god, was it really just a couple of weeks ago we were revising together in my bedroom?’ Tessa started making crying noises. She was shaking, floating up and down frenetically, and looking generally distraught. She’d always been so put-together that seeing her like that was almost unnerving. Up until that point, she’d seemed to be handling her death well. Maybe it was all an act, both when she’d been alive, and now that she was dead. I had always thought she’d make a great actor.
The lights flickered a few times, reflecting her intense emotions. Everyone in the room gasped and mumbled.
‘All right, all right, I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about,’ said Mrs Mitchell as she handed out the mock papers and began explaining the rules. They never changed – turn off phones, transparent pencil cases, blank copy of the book you’re writing about in front of you, don’t look at other people’s papers – but she had to reiterate them anyway.
Once she’d passed the papers out, she glanced at the tinsel-covered clock. ‘You’ve got two hours. Go.’
Go? My brain didn’t want to go. But I turned to the first page anyway and skimmed the question. My brain didn’t like the question. It didn’t like Tessa’s monologue in the background, either. She was still talking to Josh, trying to tell him what to write. Sometimes, if he wrote something she really disliked, she’d throw a tantrum like she was two. But it didn’t matter. I was the only person who could hear her.
I tried to concentrate, to write something. Something was better than nothing, right?
But Tessa’s voice was the type that carried. It was hard to block out because she was loud and wanted to be heard. And of course, it wasn’t like I could put headphones on to drown her out.
I looked up at the clock. Halfway through. How was it halfway through already? I was in so much trouble if I didn’t get more writing done soon. But how could I with Tessa in my ear?
So far, she hadn’t acknowledged me. That was good. Her acknowledging me probably would’ve been worse. But I was getting increasingly wound up by her screechy voice coming from a few feet away. If I didn’t calm down soon, I’d be too wound up to concentrate.
‘Excuse me, Mrs Mitchell? Could I got to loo, please?’
‘Sorry, Edie. No toilet breaks allowed,’ she replied.
Wasn’t that just great? What kind of place didn’t allow toilet breaks? What if I had IBS? Dysmenorrhoea? Ulcerative colitis? I didn’t, but that wasn’t the point.
Or maybe it was. If I had any of those things and she knew, she probably would’ve allowed me to go. I couldn’t exactly tell her it was because of a ghost, though.
Ugh.
The tinsel surrounding the grey wall clock was old and threadbare. In its heyday, it had been blue and silver, but now it was more like a dusty, mottled grey. The sellotape that attached it to the clock didn’t help, since it flattened some of it and would inevitably take some more tinsel with it when someone removed it after Christmas.
Oh my god, why was I analysing tinsel? I needed to focus!
I tried to write, but, at the end of the two hours, I knew I could’ve done better. It was too hard to ignore Tessa. She’d been shouting in Josh’s ear towards the end. And she really wasn’t happy with what he’d written. Nor could she accept that no amount of shouting at him would change whether or not he could hear her.
Frustrated at the end of class, I charged out, ready to go bury my sorrows in an expensive coffee.
‘Edie, wait up!’ a voice called to me as I ran down the stairs and out of the building.
I turned to see Melanie chasing after me, hugging a paperback to her chest. ‘Hey, you OK? You rushed out of the exam pretty quickly.’
She was checking up on me? She’d never done that before. Maybe there was hope for our friendship yet, now that she was out of Tessa’s clutches. It wasn’t like she could have any other underlying motive. She’d mostly kept a low profile since Tessa’s death, avoiding talking about it to pretty much anyone, even teachers and classmates. When the congregation of local press outside of the college had tried to talk to her, I’d thought she was going to break their cameras for a moment. She’d looked like a dragon ready to breathe fire. It was so different to everyone else – they seemed to seek out the media even if they barely knew Tessa.
I shook my head, trying not to cry. ‘It was a disaster.’
‘It’s just mocks. I’m sure you’ll do better in the real thing.’
‘Not if Tessa’s there.’
Frazzle. Why had I just said that?
Melanie froze. ‘What? Tessa’s ghost was in there?’
I pulled Melanie into a corner, near the far side of the building we’d just vacated. I could see Josh inside the classroom we were near, talking to one of his other teachers. Tessa floated beside him.
‘She’s haunting Josh,’ I said.
‘What? No way! Does Josh know?’
‘No,’ I said. ‘It’s not really the kind of conversation that rolls off the tongue. Especially when he can’t even look at me.’
‘No, I guess not,’ she replied. ‘Where is she now?’
‘Inside with Josh. I don’t think she can go that far away from him,’ I said.
‘Can she see us? Could she come over here?’ It almost sounded like she didn’t want Tessa to do that, but that another part of her was curious. Who wouldn’t be?
I looked back into the classroom. Tessa had disappeared from beside Josh. That was weird. I could still sense her nearby…
‘What do you think you’re doing?’
Ah, there she was.
‘Hi, Tessa,’ I said through gritted teeth. She’d appeared on my right, while Melanie was in front of me. So I looked at Melanie while I addressed Tessa. It would look more natural to anyone walking past, and annoy Tessa even more.
Melanie stiffened. ‘She’s here?’
‘Of course I’m here! Tell her I’m here!’
‘She says you look good,’ I informed Melanie.
Melanie smiled. ‘Thanks!’
‘I did not say that! Hang on. Is she wearing my Ralph Lauren scarf? I can’t believe she stole my scarf! Tell her she’s a thief!’
‘She says she hoped you did well on the exam,’ I told Melanie.
Melanie laughed, adjusting the pink woollen scarf that was tied artfully around her neck.
‘Hang on. That’s definitely my blouse under that awful coat. What, is she trying to become me or something? Please. That colour washes out her skin tone so much she looks like she belongs on The Simpsons. And that neckline makes her neck look huge.’
I rolled my eyes. Had she been like this behind her friends’ backs when she was alive? No wonder Melanie had been a lot nicer to me than I’d expected her to be after we’d exorcised her. She was probably grateful to have someone do something nice for her.
‘She likes your blouse,’ I told Melanie, a ripple of smugness flowing through me.
Tessa balled her hands into fists. ‘Why are you not telling her what I’m saying?’
I glanced over my shoulder, meeting her eye for the first time, and smirked. Revenge was sweet.
Tessa tensed her shoulders then floated away. Oh no. How would I cope without her by my side?
‘She’s gone,’ I told Melanie.
Her shoulders relaxed. She had a strange relationship with Tessa, one I really couldn’t work out. Did Tessa’s presence really put her on edge that much?
‘You don’t think she could haunt me, do you?’ said Melanie.
I looked back into the classroom. Josh was packing his things up, ready to leave. Tessa was still glaring at me. I grinned back at her. Her nostrils flared, but she didn’t come back over. Surprisingly.
I patted Melanie’s shoulder. ‘I wouldn’t worry. Tessa won’t be bothering you any time soon.’