––––––––
She didn’t have any tears left. Not a single one, not for Lex, not for herself, not for anyone. The three days of travel between Turnbow and the next nothing town they were playing, Cass spent sitting her trailer, bumping over the road, and staring.
Staring, thinking, and trying to come up with a plan.
I got nothing. No way to get out, no way to get revenge, no way to do anything except sit here and do exactly what he says.
Hopelessness sank in somewhere between Oklahoma City and Dallas. It turned to resentment and anger somewhere around Houston, and by the time the winding route stopped in Beeville – some tiny town an hour and a half north of Corpus Christi – it had all circled fully back to numbness.
The night before, their second on the road, she tried to sneak around the loosely circled camp to find wherever they took Lex, but had to keep slinking back in the shadows to avoid detection. Most of the other animals were kept in horrifically small trailers designed to keep them from “getting too wild” as Lyle put it so beautifully, and those box cars were usually situated at the center of wherever they camped.
It was easier, that way, for whoever was on animal slopping duty to clean.
She hadn’t heard any noises, or picked up on anyone talking about the lion at the group meals, which was the only time Cass ever appeared in public. And even then, she’d avoid them if they happened near dark, out of a well-developed sense of self preservation.
She hardly slept, and the small bit of time she did spend with her eyes closed was dreamless. Cass, with no dreams. That’s how she knew something really, really bad was going on in her head.
The truck pulling her trailer creaked to a halt, and a few moments later, the hitch dropped. As always, her dwelling squeaked, groaned, and finally settled, but not before throwing at least a handful of the few books she had onto the dirty linoleum.
Cass closed her eyes as she picked up the ratty old copy of Dracula she’d bought a year or so back at a used bookstore somewhere in Florida. She couldn’t remember the town, exactly, or much of that trip. Then again, she couldn’t remember very much of any of the trips. It had been a long, hard, often terrifying, seven years.
“Get a move on!” she heard from outside.
He’s chipper this morning, she thought. Lyle must’ve started early on the booze. Cass stood on her mattress and pulled the trash bag she’d taped to the window aside, looking out. This place was a whole lot like the last one. If she hadn’t had the physical sensation of moving for the last two and a half days, she might even be convinced they hadn’t gone anywhere at all.
The only difference, as far as she could tell, was that the scrubby little oaks of the Oklahoma panhandle had been exchanged for equally scrubby mesquite trees.
Cass sat back onto her bed, thinking about how she came here, how in the world she’d managed to stray this far from the high school sophomore with a 3.8 grade point average, and the loving—at least on the surface—family she grew up with.
Ever since she was small, darkness came over her from time to time. She felt like she didn’t see the world the same way anyone else saw it. Feeling like she couldn’t let any of it out without being an outcast from her gloriously normal upper middle class family, she kept it all bottled up inside. Deep, deep inside.
Four times thought, the pain made its way out. She’d fall into these long, horrible stretches where all she could do was read a book to stay awake. The first time, she was ten, and her parents convinced her she had the flu. That explanation worked well enough, except that she didn’t have a fever, didn’t throw up, or do any flu-things.
But denial was easier than reality.
The next time, she was thirteen and knew better, so they just told her she had a bad case of teenager attitude. Easy come, easy go. Her third funk came at sixteen and ended in a round of therapy that her father summarily dismissed as “idiot voodoo.” Terrible spell four came when she was nineteen, the year before she finally got the gumption to leave home. That one involved some pills – enough to knock her out but not enough to do any real damage – and also included a stint at a hospital that lasted until she was declared “cured” and released.
An inadvertent tear slipped down the side of Cass’s face, which she instinctively wiped away. She took a deep breath and steadied her nerves. Memories weren’t going to do her any good. None at all.
Cass stood up and stretched her back. If there was a show tonight, that meant she’d see Lex. And if she saw him, she could figure out where they kept him. And if she found that?
She shook her head, banishing the thought of some heroic rescue and running off into the night. That’s going to do about as much good for me as remembering what it was like to be a lost, scared little kid, Cass thought. Not a damn thing.
*
When Cass emerged from her lonely trailer, the sun was hanging low on the dusty, flat plane of the south Texas horizon. She took a deep breath, inhaled the scent of earth and the smell that only comes from wide open plains with nothing to block the sky.
Already visible, the stars overhead danced through her mind, making shapes that seemed almost real.
Of all Cass’s issues, imagination was a constant companion.
She tightened her thick leather belt so that it bit softly into the skin above her jeans, and closed her eyes to try and block out the lights of the bigtop and the growing noise on the makeshift midway.
A test of strength game dinged. Someone yelped with delight as a dart popped a balloon and someone won a cheap, stuffed gorilla. The sounds of laughing kids were only infrequently broken up by the shouts of someone who didn’t want to lose any more money to try and get their kid, or their sweetheart, a dumb tchotchke.
And then, with the din of noise fading as she wandered behind her trailer, Cass’s thoughts turned to Lex. What is it with those eyes? Why do I keep thinking about the way they stir my soul? Why can’t I just keep my head down and my eyes forward? Cass shook her head, theatrically oversized bandana flapping in the slightly warm, dry breeze that blew through.
Circling around to the trailer’s front, she could see the entire expanse of the carnival – the rickety rides, the barely-working games, and the canvas tent where she was about to do the duty she’d taken up. The only hope she had was Lyle wouldn’t make dance.
There’s enough people tonight. He’ll make decent money, and we’ll make some too. No need for dancing tonight probably. But in the back of her mind, all Cass could think about was how badly she missed Lex. She ran through the plan once again. I get out right after the show, I watch where they take him, and then... Yeah, well, that’s about as far as I’ve got a plan.
“Get out there!” Lyle was coming up the path to her trailer, but stopped halfway. “They got your damn lion in the tent, and he ain’t happy. You go deal with him. I’m startin’ to lose patience with both you and that damn cat.”
Cass didn’t hear him past his saying Lex was in the tent. That’s all she needed to hear.
*
“That’s bad.” Cass started running when she heard the first confused, angry roar. She’d been with him long enough to know his sounds, and this one was definitely not a good one.
Her heavy, thick-soled boots made running slightly difficult, but she forced herself to continue. The dusty breeze was starting to whip too, kicking dirt all around, through her hair and into her eyes. Another roar broke through the night, which led to a cheer rising from the crowd who had started to gather underneath the striped canvas.
“This is really, really not good.” Her foot-beats came faster, heavier. Cass knew Lex wouldn’t hurt anyone, not on purpose, but if those idiots were doing something to him, he was just an animal after all. Right?
She threw back the worker’s entrance tent flap and swept her eyes from left to right, trying to adjust to the dimness backstage.
“Lex?” she called out, “where are you?”
A soft, muffled roar was her answer. “It’s all right,” she said in a low voice intended to coax the lion into calm. Just hearing her voice was beginning to have that effect. Instead of brutal roars and screaming workers, she heard some snuffling, and relief.
She made her way along the cordoned segment of the tent, and shortly found herself standing in front of a small pen, which held Lex. The giant golden lion had been hobbled with a cuff on his back left leg, and a thick leather collar, which had been ratcheted on too tightly, restricted his breath. Seeing this, Cass shot a nasty glance at the leering man who had obviously done it, judging from the way he laughed. With a grunt of effort, she wrenched the collar looser, to the proper size, and patted Lex as he caught his breath.
“You’re damn lucky he didn’t gut you,” she spat at the man, who had begun to walk away, bored with the end of the excitement. “What kind of moron tries to pick on a lion?”
Lex nuzzled her hand, and then her hip, almost knocking her over before she knelt and hugged him. “They’re not gonna get away with this,” she said.
He let out a purr, and nudged her again. If she could understand him, he was saying exactly the same thing she just did. But before any heroics or anything, there was the small matter of a show that needed to be performed. And it had to be done in a way to make sure no one suspected anything. Lyle was the type to punish first and think later, especially when it came to Cass.
She checked her watch and settled beside Lex to wait for her cue. The lights dropped, the PA blared to life with a scream of feedback, and then the voice that she’d heard every night for the last seven years met her ears.
“And now, ladies and gentlemen,” Lyle announced, slowly at first, but growing louder and faster to match the crowd’s excitement, to bring them to a mood where they’d throw money at whatever came their way. “The moment you’ve all been waiting for, the show of a lifetime. You’re going to see things so wild, so unbelievable, that you won’t believe them. But I promise you one thing – all the stunts are real, all the acts as deadly as they are exciting . Bertram & Martin is the real deal, the true story, and you are in for a real treat.”
A murmur swept through the crowd. A handful of midway workers wormed their way through the folding chairs and portable bleachers that ringed the dirt floor. They hawked snacks and drinks, and if a person had the right amount of money, they got to go outside and buy other things. Anything a person wanted, Lyle would provide.
Cass looked at Lex.
Except safety. Except security. She scratched his ears. He looked in her direction, golden eyes sparkling. “Why do I get the feeling this is the last time we’re gonna do this?” she asked him, as soon as the thought occurred to her. She shook her head. “I’m an idiot. A wild-dreaming idiot. Why do I keep taunting myself thinking about stuff like that?”
She cast her eyes to the floor, staring at the tips of her boots. Lex nudged her with his nose, making Cass lift her face and gaze into his eyes. He let a long, slow, rumbling growl escape from his chest.
“I wish I could understand you,” she said, distractedly looking past the lion and toward the living cartoon in the middle of the spotlight. “Maybe someday I’ll figure it out. I’ll be like that guy, Cesar what’s-his-name. I’ll be the Lion Whisperer.” She laughed softly, running her fingers through Lex’s mane.
“Yes, yes, yes, my friends,” Lyle was starting to excite himself, and was taking the audience along with him. “We have quite a show for you tonight. This is a bigger group than we’ve had for a long, long time. And when big crowds show up, wild, wonderful, incredible things tend to come. So now, settle in, get a drink, get a snack, and let the show take you away. And now—”
Lex and Cass took a unified deep breath. If she had been looking, she would have seen Lex curl his lip in a smile.
“Cassiopeia, the most beautiful lion tamer in the galaxy, and Lex, a savage beast, wild, fierce and deadly. He’s eight hundred and eight pounds of nothing but muscle, teeth, and rage.”
Cass rolled her eyes, Lex let out a chuffing sound. The two exchanged one more glance. “You ready?” she asked him. He nodded.
That time she noticed. She couldn’t not notice. She asked a question and he nodded. “I must be crazy,” she said. “But I’m almost certain I just talked to a lion.”
Lex nudged her hand, prodded her side.
“Will this woman tame this beast?” Lyle was shouting now, his voice a whirlwind of excitement and power. Whatever she thought about him, if nothing else in the world, he knew how to work a damn crowd. “Or will this be the night that the monster finally sinks in his teeth? Like I said, friends, when crowds are big, wild things happen.”
As the gate flew open, Lex bounded into the ring, throwing his head back and forth, flashing his massive, dagger-like canines in the bright light that filled the ring. He gave a roar so deafening that Cass winced just slightly. She’d never seen him like this. So full of rage... or was it theatricality?
“Oh ho!” Lyle trumpeted over the loudspeaker. “I’ve never seen the lion this worked up! Cass, you better get out here and save these people from this beast!”
Lex stalked up and down, snapping his huge jaws at the audience, who were all in absolutely no danger. But they didn’t know that.
Every time the massive lion snapped or snarled, the audience recoiled, children screamed in a mixture of horror and delight, parents laughed, hugging their babies close and playing along with the fake terror.
Lex turned back to Cass, his eyes blazing. Something was there, something more than normal, something beyond what she was used to seeing. The fire in his eyes burned brighter, the flex to his muscles was tighter, harder than she’d ever seen. It was enough to put just the slightest stir of worry in the pit of Cass’s stomach. Why was he doing this? And had he really nodded to her?
The lion narrowed his flaring eyes and gave another huge, ear-splitting roar. As she took a step out into the spotlight, Cass felt, for the first time in years, a stir of excitement, of anticipation, that she couldn’t explain. Something was going to happen, she felt it in her soul. But what?
“Yah!” she cracked her whip above her head, swinging it in a circle as Lex drew nearer, snarling, and opening those soulful eyes wider. “Hyah!”
She cracked it again, and the lion feigned a wince.
He roared again, she cracked the whip and led him through a series of obstacles, through a flaming hoop and over a cement sphere. He was so intense, his muscles flexing and surging, that he seemed like a different creature altogether.
Lex tilted his head in a way that, if he were a person, would say “are you ready?” or “is it time?” and studied Cass’s face. She furrowed her brow, eyes flicking back and forth as she cracked the whip and Lex hopped onto a ball and balanced.
The crowd cheered, because the crowd always cheers. Lex roared, and they cheered again. He threw his head back and shook his mane and they broke into wild, almost furious cheers.
And then, Lex looked in Lyle’s direction.
This wasn’t part of the show.
Cass looked at him one last time. He tilted his head. “What are you saying?” she whispered. “What are you trying to say?”
As he took a step toward the MC’s booth, it started making sense. “Holy shit,” Cass swore, and clenched the whip in her fist. “What’s the point of living without some adventure, right?”
That time, she saw the smile. Saw the snarl of lips pulling back over teeth. “What are you?” she asked. Lex let out a low, dangerous growl. He snapped the air with his jaws, clapping them together with noise like a bear trap. She whipped the air, and once again the crowd erupted with boiling-over excitement.
And then, the lion feigned a move to the left before bursting out in a run in the opposite direction. As soon as he saw what was happening, Lyle went for the tranquilizer gun he habitually kept in case of something just like this.
“What’n the fuck?” he shouted.
Cass snapped her whip, popping his hand, as the sweating, warty man’s pig eyes fixed on her. “I told you – you wouldn’t get away with this,” she snarled as she yanked his arm forward and smelled his rancid cologne. “I told you.”
Lex waited just long enough for the crowd to part before he leapt the ring and looked back at Cass. She got the sense that was his way of saying “now.”
Without a second thought, she gave another hard yank on the whip, making Lyle screech in pain, and charged after Lex, with the crowd parting around them, confusion and chaos replacing the cheers.
As the two charged into the night, into the hopelessly blank, empty southern Texas desert, the last thing Cass heard from Lyle was desperate howling to the crowd to calm down, that everything was fine, that this was all part of the show.
She laughed, and so did Lex.
“What are you?” she asked, lurching over to brace her hands on her knees and catch her breath. “And what the hell just happened.”
He pulled his lips back over those massive teeth and stared at her for a moment. Then, he grumbled a sound that sounded suspiciously like he said “soon.”