No one who cooks, cooks alone. Even at her most solitary, a cook in the kitchen is surrounded by generations of cooks past, the advice and menus of cooks present, the wisdom of cookbook writers.
Laurie Colwin
I fear that eating alone gets a bad rap in literature. Miss Havisham and her rotting wedding cake, Barbara’s lonely evenings at home in Notes on a Scandal, Mildred’s depressingly tasteless lunches in Excellent Women: characters eating alone (particularly female ones) are often presented as tragic figures. But there are exceptions. I’ve long been inspired by Detective Montalbano’s enjoyment of a late-night walk or swim followed by a glorious meal left out by his housekeeper. And though she’s not always happy to be on her own, Heartburn’s Rachel Samstat is an expert in delicious meals for one.
Though I make my living as a cook and have never yet lived on my own, I most often find myself cooking for one. It’s a ritual in which I find particular joy. When I cook, I do so with Colwin’s ‘generations of cooks’; inspired and encouraged by voices of writers, characters, and people I know and love. Jane Grigson gives me advice on what to do with a glut of plums. My granny nudges my hand to ensure I add the extra chilli. My dad lets me know when the barbeque is ready for a steak. Julia Child reassures me that a split hollandaise can be saved. Han Kang, in her novel The Vegetarian, introduces me to yuk hwe, ‘a kind of beef tartare’. Every act in the kitchen – every chop, or stir, or blitz – is one that someone else has done before. Standing alone at my hob, I’m merely continuing a conversation that others have already begun.
When I am at home alone, as I make sure I am in the weeks following Christmas, I have only my mood and appetite to satisfy. Some days, a tin of beans, with hot sauce and cheese stirred through, provides exactly this. On other days, I relish the chance to use ingredients I couldn’t afford, or techniques I wouldn’t bother with, if I were making more than one serving. Either way, there is endless joy to be found in a meal made for one.