21

Nick Shelton’s voice boomed across the telephone line. “Hey, lady.”

“Hey, Nick,” Sara returned, closing a chart on her desk. She had been at the clinic since eight that morning and seen patients right up until four o’clock. Sara felt as if she had been running in quicksand all day. There was a slight ache in her head and her stomach was queasy from drinking a little too much the night before, not to mention her uneasiness over the emotional drama that had unfolded. As the day wore on, Sara began to feel more drained. At lunch, Molly had commented that Sara looked as if she should be the patient today instead of the doctor.

“I showed Mark those seeds,” Nick said. “He says they’re belladonna all right, only it’s the berries, not the seeds.”

“I guess that’s good to know,” Sara managed. “He’s certain?”

“One hundred percent,” Nick returned. “He says it’s kind of funny they ate the berries. Remember, those are the least poisonous. Maybe your guy down there gives them the berries to keep them a little jazzed, then doesn’t give them the final dose until he turns ’em loose.”

“That makes sense,” Sara said, not even wanting to think about it. She did not want to be a doctor today. She did not want to be a coroner. She wanted to be in bed with some tea and mindless television. As a matter of fact, that was exactly what she was going to do as soon as she finished updating the last chart from today. Thankfully, Nelly had booked tomorrow for Sara’s day off. She would take the weekend to decompress. Monday, Sara would be back to her old self.

Sara asked, “Anything on the semen sample?”

“We’re having some problems with that, considering where you found it. I think we’ll be able to get something out of it, though.”

“That’s good news, I guess.”

Nick said, “You gonna tell Jeffrey about the berries, or should I call him?”

Sara felt her stomach drop at the mention of Jeffrey’s name.

“Sara?” Nick asked.

“Yeah,” Sara answered. “I’ll talk to him about it as soon as I get off work.”

Sara hung up the phone after the appropriate good-byes, then sat in her office, rubbing the small of her back. She reviewed the next chart at a glance, updating a change in medication as well as a follow-up visit for lab results. By the time she had finished with the last chart, it was five-thirty.

Sara crammed a couple of files into her briefcase, knowing she would have some time over the weekend where guilt would set in and she would want to do some work. Dictation was something she could do at home with a small tape recorder. There was a transcription place in Macon that would type up the notes for her and have them back in a couple of days.

She buttoned her jacket as she crossed the street, heading downtown. She took the sidewalk opposite the pharmacy, not wanting to run into Jeb. Sara kept her head down, passing the hardware store and the dress shop, not wanting to invite conversation. That she stopped in front of the police station was something of a surprise. Her mind was working without her knowing, and with each step she got more and more angry with Jeffrey for not calling. She had arguably left her soul laid out on his bathroom sink, and he had not even had the decency to call her.

Sara walked into the station house, managing a smile for Marla. “Is Jeffrey in?”

Marla frowned. “I don’t think so,” she said. “He checked out about noon or so. You might ask Frank.”

“He’s in the back?” Sara indicated the door with her briefcase.

“I think,” Marla answered, returning to the task before her.

Sara glanced down as she passed the older woman. Marla was working on a crossword puzzle.

The back room was empty, the ten or so desks normally occupied by the senior detectives vacant for the time being. Sara assumed they were out working down Jeffrey’s list or grabbing dinner. She kept her head up, strolling into Jeffrey’s office. Of course he wasn’t there.

Sara stood in the small office, resting her briefcase on his desk. She had been in this room so many times she couldn’t begin to count them. Always, she had felt safe here. Even after the divorce, Sara had felt that in this one area, Jeffrey was trustworthy. As a policeman, he had always done the right thing. He had done everything in his power to make sure the people he served were protected.

When Sara first moved back to Grant twelve years ago, no amount of reassurances from her father and her family could convince her that she was safe. Sara had known that as soon as she walked into the pawnshop, news would spread that she had purchased a weapon. What’s more, she knew that in order to register a gun, she would have to go to the police station. Ben Walker, the chief of police before Jeffrey, played poker with Eddie Linton every Friday night. There had been no way for Sara to buy it without alerting everyone who knew her.

Around that time, a gang banger had come into the Augusta hospital with his arm nearly torn off by a bullet. Sara had worked on the kid and saved his arm. He was only fourteen, and when his mother came in, she had started beating him on his head with her purse. Sara had left the room, but a few moments later, the mother had found her. The woman had given Sara her son’s weapon and asked Sara to take care of it. If Sara had been a Christian woman, she would have called the event a miracle.

The gun, Sara knew, was now in Jeffrey’s desk drawer. She checked over her shoulder before sliding it open, taking out the bag with the Ruger in it. She tucked it in her briefcase and was out the door within a few minutes.

Sara kept her head up as she walked toward the college. Her boat was docked in front of the boathouse, and she tossed her briefcase in with one hand while untying the line with the other. Her parents had given her the boat as a housewarming present, and it was an old but sturdy vessel. The engine was strong, and Sara had skied behind it many times, her father at the wheel, holding back on the throttle for fear of jerking her arms off.

After checking that she was not being watched, Sara slipped the gun out of her briefcase and locked it in the watertight glove box in front of the passenger’s seat, plastic bag and all. She stepped her leg outside the boat, using her foot to push away from the dock. The engine sputtered when she turned the key. Technically, she should have had the motor checked before using the boat again after not using it all winter, but she did not really have a choice, since the techs would not be finished with her car until Monday. Asking her father for a lift would have invited too much conversation, and Jeffrey was not an option.

After emitting a cloud of nasty-looking blue smoke, the engine caught, and Sara pulled away from the dock, allowing a small smile. She had felt like a criminal leaving with the gun in her briefcase, but she was feeling safer. Whatever Jeffrey thought when he saw the gun was gone was not really Sara’s concern.

By the time she reached the center of the lake, the boat was skipping across the water. Cold wind cut through her face, and she put her glasses on to protect her eyes. Though the sun was beating down, the water was cool from the recent rains that had fallen on Grant County. It looked ready to storm again tonight, but probably well after the sun went down.

Sara zipped her jacket closed to fight the cold. Still, by the time she could see the back of her house, her nose was running and her cheeks felt as if she had put her face into a bucket of ice cold water. Cutting a hard left, she steered away from a group of rocks under the water. There had been a sign marking the spot at one time, but it had rotted away years ago. With the recent rains, the lake was high, but Sara did not want to risk it.

She had docked into the boathouse and was using the electric winch to pull the boat out of the water when her mother appeared from the back of the house.

“Shit,” Sara mumbled, pressing the red button to stop the winch.

“I called the clinic,” Cathy said. “Nelly said you were taking tomorrow off.”

“That’s right,” Sara answered, pulling the chains to lower the door behind the boat.

“Your sister told me about your argument last night.”

Sara jerked the chain tight, sending a clattering through the metal structure. “If you’re here to threaten me, the damage has been done.”

“Meaning?”

Sara walked past her mother, stepping off the dock. “Meaning he knows,” she said, tucking her hands into her hips, waiting for her mother to follow.

“What did he say?”

“I can’t talk about it,” Sara answered, turning toward the house. Her mother followed her up the lawn but was thankfully silent.

Sara unlocked the back door, leaving it open for her mother as she went into the kitchen. She realized too late that the house was a mess.

Cathy said, “Really, Sara, you can make time to clean.”

“I’ve been very busy at work.”

“That’s not an excuse,” Cathy lectured. “Just say to yourself, ‘I’m going to do one load of laundry every other day. I’m going to make sure I put things back where I found them.’ Pretty soon you’re organized.”

Sara ignored the familiar advice as she walked into the living room. She pressed the scroll on the caller ID unit, but no calls had been logged.

“Power went off,” her mother said, pressing the buttons on the stove to set the time. “These storms are playing havoc with the cable. Your father almost had a heart attack last night when he turned on Jeopardy! and got nothing but fuzz.”

Sara felt some relief from this. Maybe Jeffrey had called. Stranger things had happened. She walked over to the sink, filling the teakettle with water. “Do you want some tea?”

Cathy shook her head.

“Me, either,” Sara mumbled, leaving the kettle in the sink. She walked to the back of the house, taking off her shirt, then her skirt as she walked into the bedroom. Cathy followed her, keeping a trained mother’s eye on her daughter.

“Are you fighting with Jeffrey again?”

Sara slipped a T-shirt over her head. “I’m always fighting with Jeffrey, Mother. It’s what we do.”

“When you’re not busy squirming in your seat over him in church.”

Sara bit her lip, feeling her cheeks turn red.

Cathy asked, “What happened this time?”

“God, Mama, I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“Then tell me about this thing with Jeb McGuire.”

“There’s no ‘thing.’ Really.” Sara slipped on a pair of sweatpants.

Cathy sat on the bed, smoothing the sheet out with the flat of her hand. “That’s good. He’s not really your type.”

Sara laughed. “What’s my type?”

“Someone who can stand up to you.”

“Maybe I like Jeb,” Sara countered, aware there was a petulant tone to her voice. “Maybe I like the fact that he’s predictable and nice and calm. God knows he’s waited long enough to go out with me. Maybe I should start seeing him.”

Cathy said, “You’re not as angry with Jeffrey as you think.”

“Oh, really?”

“You’re just hurt, and that’s making you feel angry. You so seldom open yourself up to other people,” Cathy continued. Sara noticed that her mother’s voice was soothing yet firm, as if she were coaxing a dangerous animal out of its hole. “I remember when you were little. You were always so careful about who you let be your friend.”

Sara sat on the bed so she could put on her socks. She said, “I had lots of friends.”

“Oh, you were popular, but you only let a few people in.” She stroked Sara’s hair back behind her ear. “And after what happened in Atlanta—”

Sara put her hand over her eyes. Tears came, and she mumbled, “Mama, I really can’t talk about that right now. Okay? Please, not now.”

“All right,” Cathy relented, putting her arm around Sara’s shoulder. She pulled Sara’s head to her chest. “Shh,” Cathy hushed, stroking Sara’s hair. “It’s okay.”

“I just…” Sara shook her head, unable to continue. She had forgotten how good it felt to be comforted by her mother. The last few days she had been so intent upon pushing Jeffrey away that she had managed to distance herself from her family as well.

Cathy pressed her lips to the crown of Sara’s head, saying, “There was an indiscretion between your father and me.”

Sara was so surprised that she stopped crying. “Daddy cheated on you?”

“Of course not.” Cathy frowned. A few seconds passed before she provided, “It was the other way around.”

Sara felt like an echo. “You cheated on Daddy?”

“It was never consummated, but in my heart I felt that it was.”

“What does that mean?” Sara shook her head, thinking this sounded like one of Jeffrey’s excuses: flimsy. “No, never mind.” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hands, thinking she did not really want to hear this. Her parents’ marriage was the pedestal upon which Sara had placed all her ideas about relationships and love.

Cathy seemed intent on telling her story. “I told your father that I wanted to leave him for another man.”

Sara felt silly with her mouth hanging open, but there wasn’t much she could do about it. She finally managed, “Who?”

“Just a man. He was stable, had a job over at one of the plants. Very calm. Very serious. Very different from your father.”

“What happened?”

“I told your father that I wanted to leave him.”

“And?”

“He cried and I cried. We were separated for about six months. In the end we decided to stay together.”

“Who was the other man?”

“It doesn’t matter now.”

“Is he still in town?”

Cathy shook her head. “Doesn’t matter. He’s not in my life anymore, and I’m with your father.”

Sara concentrated on her breathing for a while. She finally managed to ask, “When did this happen?”

“Before you and Tessie were born.”

Sara swallowed past the lump in her throat. “What happened?”

“What’s that?”

Sara slipped a sock on. It was like pulling teeth getting the story from her mother. She prompted, “To change your mind? What made you want to stay with Daddy?”

“Oh, about a million things,” Cathy answered, a sly smile at her lips. “I think I just got a little distracted by this other man and I didn’t realize how important your father was to me.” She sighed heavily. “I remember waking up one morning in my old room at Mama’s and all I could think was that Eddie should’ve been there with me. I wanted him so badly.” Cathy frowned at Sara’s reaction to this. “Don’t go getting your color up, there are other ways to want someone.”

Sara cringed at the scolding, slipping on her other sock. “So you called him up?”

“I went over to the house and I sat on the front porch and practically begged him to take me back. No, on second thought, I did beg. I told him that if we were both going to be miserable without each other, we might as well be miserable together and that I was so sorry and I’d never take him for granted again as long as I lived.”

“Take him for granted?”

Cathy put her hand on Sara’s arm. “That’s the part that hurts, isn’t it? The part where you feel like you don’t matter to him as much as you used to.”

Sara nodded, trying to remember to breathe. Her mother had hit the nail on the head. She prompted, “What did Daddy do when you said this?”

“Told me to get up off the porch and come in for some breakfast.” Cathy put her hand to her chest, patting it. “I don’t know how Eddie found it in his heart to forgive me, he’s such a proud man, but I’m thankful he did. It made me love him even more to know that he could forgive me for something so horrible like that; that I could hurt him to the core and he could still love me. I think starting out like that made the marriage stronger.” The smile intensified. “Of course, then, I did have a secret weapon.”

“What’s that?”

“You.”

“Me?”

Cathy stroked Sara’s cheek. “I was seeing your father again, but it was so strained. Nothing was like it was before. Then I got pregnant with you, and life just took over. I think having you between us made your father see the big picture. Next thing Tessie was here, then you were both in school, then you were both grown and off to college.” She smiled. “It just takes time. Love and time. And having a little redheaded hellion to chase after is a good distraction.”

“Well, I’m not going to get pregnant,” Sara countered, conscious of the edge to her tone.

Cathy seemed to think out her answer. “Sometimes it takes thinking you’ve lost something to realize the real value of it,” she said. “Don’t tell Tessie.”

Sara nodded her agreement. She stood, tucking her T-shirt into her pants. “I told him, Mama,” she said. “I left the transcript for him.”

Cathy asked, “The trial transcript?”

“Yeah,” Sara said, leaning against the chest of drawers. “I know he’s read it. I left it in the bathroom for him.”

“And?”

“And,” Sara said, “he hasn’t even called. He hasn’t said anything to me all day.”

“Well,” Cathy said, her mind obviously made up. “Fuck him, then. He’s trash.”