…
A police officer was awaiting his wife coming out of the bath, so that he could go into the bathroom and perform the three S’s: a shave, a shower and a sh-sh-shampoo!
After a few moments, his wife entered the lounge with a turban-style towel wrapped around her damp hair and wearing a rather elegant and comfortable-looking dressing gown and sat down, whilst her husband went upstairs, swapping places with her and entering the bathroom.
A few minutes passed, when there was a knock on the front door and the wife answered it.
Standing on the doorstep was David Paisley, a former police colleague of her husband.
‘Hi Helen. Is Robert in?’ he asked her.
‘He is,’ she replied. ‘But he’s just gone upstairs for a shower.’
‘Is that right?’ he replied, his body language changing. He then said, ‘I bet you look absolutely gorgeous under that dressing gown.’ Helen was flattered but also very embarrassed at David’s personal comments and attention.
‘I’ll tell you what Helen – I’ll give you a hundred pounds, if you let me see yer tits!’ he asked her out of the blue.
‘What?! What the hell do you think I am, David Paisley?!’ she replied in disgust.
‘Woah, woah! Calm down, Helen darling. It’s not a big deal! You’re a gorgeous looking woman. I’m only asking for a wee look at yer diddies! Even just the one – just slip yer dressing gown to one side, so I can have a wee butcher’s hook at them and I’ll give ye a hundred quid!’ he pleaded.
Helen pondered for a moment while thinking over his offer.
(‘£100 pounds just to see one of my breasts …’)
‘OK!’ she said, ‘But just the one and nae groping me.’
At that she put her head to the side, making sure her husband was still in the bathroom and satisfied that he was, she pulled her dressing gown to one side exposing her bare left breast.
As she covered herself up again, David handed her over the agreed £100 in cash.
Helen quickly took possession of the money and placed it in her dressing gown pocket.
‘Helen! Helen,’ David said, shaking his head. ‘Helen, that was amazing! Better than I could ever have imagined. Please don’t be embarrassed – you have a beautiful body for your age! In fact, I’ll tell you what – you’ve excited me and turned me on that much,’ he paused! ‘I’ll give you another hundred pounds, if you give me a swatch downstairs.’
Helen was shocked and blushed at this next request.
‘C’mon, Helen, a hundred pounds just to pull yer dressing gown to one side and gie me a wee peek at yer beaver!’ he offered her.
Again she thought for a moment, before tilting her head to one side to listen out for her husband. Convinced he was still in the shower and flattered by her door step admirer, she said, ‘Aw right, but ye better no’ try and touch me, ya clatty bastert, or I’ll kick ye in the balls!’ At that, she then pulled her dressing gown up and to the side, exposing her downstairs private parts.
As she again covered up, she said, ‘Quick! Give me my money.’
David held up his side of the bargain and having paid her the money, said. ‘I’ll tell ye what, Helen, if I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me’? Cause I’ve got another hundred pounds here and it’s all yours, if ye open up yer dressing gown and let me gie ye a squeeze and a wee cuddle.’
Helen responded immediately, ‘Away you an’ bile yer heid, ya bloody sick pervert! Coming to my front door and asking me tae dae aw that! Whit dae ye take me for?’ She continued, ‘And another thing – whit if some bugger was tae see us?’
‘Aw! C’mon, Helen, nae bugger can see us here! Just a wee cuddle, that’s all. I’ve always fancied you big time! What harm can it do?’ he reasoned with her. ‘C’mon Helen!’ At that, David began to sing to her, ‘If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?’
Quick as a flash, Helen responded, ‘A hundred pounds?’
‘My hand tae God, a hundred quid, in yer hand, like before!’ replied David sincerely.
Helen again thought for a moment, pondering over David’s latest proposition, while listening out for her husband getting out of the shower and with her mind made up, she said, ‘Right!’ Putting her hand out to relieve David of his third £100 pounds, she placed it into her pocket before loosening off her dressing-gown belt and revealing her shapely, mature naked body.
At that moment, David put his hands around the inside of her dressing gown and gave her a tight squeeze and a cuddle for a brief moment.
Suddenly, she could hear her husband Robert getting out of the shower.
‘Right! Enough! Enough! she said. ‘Now bugger off.’ Pushing David away, she closed her front door over and stood for a moment, composing herself as she reflected on her easy earnings, before re-entering the lounge, where Robert was about to sit down in his armchair in front of the television.
‘Was that the front door I heard?’ he asked her.
‘The front door? No!’ replied Helen. ‘Why, are you expecting someone?’
To which Robert replied, ‘Aye! That wee sleekit bastard David Paisley! He owes me three hundred quid for my trailer and promised me faithfully, he would call at the house tonight and hand it over!’