Chapter Eleven

On Wednesday night, Mo invites herself to my dorm to go over her progress on the website, though I’m pretty sure that’s partly a front. Sure enough, she shows me a few updated pages and asks me some general questions before she shifts to the real reason for her visit.

“Soooooo, your brother and Darryn aren’t here now,” she says, lifting her eyebrows at me. “Are you ready to tell me about this date you had Friday night?”

I manage not to blush this time. Go me.

“No big deal,” I say. “She was showing me how to swing a bat. Basic softball stuff. And then we kissed.”

“Mmm-hmm.” Mo rests her elbow on the desk and her chin in her hand. “That is not what made you blush like that at lunch the other day.”

Shit. Even if I make something up, she knows me too well. To be honest, I do want to get her input, it’s just awkward to say the things that we did out loud. I swallow my embarrassment. “Well…we were kissing, but it started storming,” I tell her. “So Eve dragged me into the dugout and, um…distracted me.”

“Oooo.” Mo’s smiling now. “Good distracting?”

“Oh my God, great distracting.” I shiver at the memory.

Mo tilts her head toward me. “More than kissing?” She stops and holds up a hand. “Wait, no. Don’t tell me if you aren’t ready.”

The giggle just comes out. “Oh, I’m ready. And it was definitely more than kissing.”

Mo grins. “Over the clothes?”

“Under,” I admit in a whisper.

“Niiice.” She lowers her voice. “How hard did you come?”

My face is burning up, and so is my body from the memories. “Hard.”

Mo sits up and claps her hands delightedly. “Congratulations! I mean—” She stops. “That was your first time, right?”

I give her a look. “I mean, kind of.” I shrug. “I’m still a virgin.”

Mo raises an eyebrow. “Not after that, you aren’t.”

My face heats again. “How do you define ‘virgin’ when it’s two women anyway? It’s so…”

“Heteronormative,” Mo finishes. “Among other things. Who cares either way? Was what you did sexual? Yes. Did you enjoy it? Yes. That’s all that matters.”

“But I don’t know what I’m doing!” I burst out, because I really don’t and my inexperience keeps triggering my anxiety in the worst ways. “I don’t want to be fumbling around trying to figure things out.”

I expect Mo to laugh at me, but she doesn’t. “We all have to start somewhere,” she says. “Remember, we don’t actually know what kind of experience Eve has or doesn’t have. I know people joke about her love of fast and hard hookups, but that’s all hearsay. And you don’t need to worry about that anyway, because whatever you do now is between you and her. If you like it, keep doing it. If you don’t, stop. Simple as that.”

“Ugh.” I drop my head into my hands. “Half of me wants to just cancel and stay in my dorm room for the rest of my life.”

Mo does laugh then. “And the other half?”

I lift my head to meet her gaze. “The other half wants to stay in my dorm room for the rest of my life—but with her here, too.”

“Best option is probably somewhere in between.” Mo tilts her head. “You watch porn?”

Heat floods my face again. “Not…really. A little clip here and there.”

Mo nods and pushes to her feet. “I’ll send you a couple of links. Women for women, none of that male gaze crap.” She grabs her laptop and slides it into her bag as she talks. “You can watch, get a little more comfortable with it, maybe get some ideas. It’s not intended to be educational, but it can be.” She shoots me a grin. “If nothing else, the homework is fun.”

Jesus. My face will go up in actual flames any second. “Get out of my room,” I retort. “I never want to talk to you again.”

Mo laughs her way out the door. I lock up behind her and flop onto my bed, where I lie staring at the ceiling and thinking about Eve. My body tingles at the memory of the way she’d touched me. I want to feel like that again and make her feel like that, too.

I might be a virgin—okay, might have been a virgin before last week—but I’m not unfamiliar with my own body. I read Deenie and some books Mom bought for us that talked about sex and sexuality. I’ve been masturbating since I was fourteen.

I guess it’s just a matter of taking what I know about my body and translating it to Eve’s body. Do what feels good to me.

But it sure would be easier if I could study for it like I would for an exam.

My phone pings with a text message, and I consider ignoring it, but it’s still early, so I reach over and snag it. It’s from Mo.

Check your email, it reads. I sent you some homework.

Well. I guess this is the studying part.

I click over to my inbox and find two links.

The first one is labeled “free, but kind of typical” and the other says “I like this one” and has a username and password after it. Even if Mo hadn’t told me what she was going to send, the URLs make it clear that they’re lesbian porn sites.

I have two immediate reactions: I blush hard, of course, but the rest of my body shivers and heats up, totally on board with getting this type of studying done.

Unfortunately, I cannot deal with this tonight. So, I set my phone aside and do my best to push it out of my mind.

I’d be lying if I said I fell asleep quickly, though.

…

When my phone rings Thursday night, I startle so hard I nearly drop the newly repaired cell phone in my hand.

My racing heart doesn’t slow at all when I see Eve’s name on the display. We haven’t texted since Monday, and although she did text see you soon, I’d started to wonder if she’d reconsidered.

I take a deep breath before I answer. “Hi.”

“Hey there.” I can hear the smile in Eve’s voice. “Good news. I got a reprieve from the early curfew, as of today. Are you free tomorrow night?”

It takes a second for my brain to process all the way to the end of that. “Oh! That’s good,” I tell her. “Great. Um, yeah, sure? I don’t have any plans.” I wince at my own awkwardness. But what are words when the butterflies in my stomach are threatening to fly me out the window?

“Great! You want to see a movie, since I missed the last one? Or whatever you want, your choice.” Eve laughs. “Honestly, I’ve lost track of who asked who out at this point. We can just go Dutch treat if you want.”

“No, no, it’s on me.” If nothing else, she paid for that very first dinner, and I want to pay her back for that. “I, um…” My mind’s gone blank. I don’t want to just go to dinner again, but sitting in a movie theater doesn’t sound that exciting either.

“Crap, I gotta go.” Eve sounds rushed. “We’re loading up to come back, and no phone calls on the bus. Whatever you decide is good with me, okay?”

I nod automatically. “Oh, okay. See you tomorrow? Seven outside the dorm?”

“I’ll be there! Good night!”

And the call ends, leaving me with my head spinning but the rest of me buzzing. It’s like everything got turned up to eleven when the phone rang, and now I can’t settle back down.

Some parts are buzzing more than others.

Oh, hell. I never did check those links Mo sent, but suddenly they’re all I can think about. Now feels like the perfect time.

I spend the next few minutes getting ready for bed, putting on my softest shorts and tank top before I pick up my laptop and climb onto my bed. I’m not all that worried about anyone overhearing any sounds—dorms are never quiet enough for that. But I do turn on the fan I keep for white noise, just in case.

I cross my legs and set the laptop on the mattress in front of me before I click on the second link Mo sent me.

The website that pops up is all soft colors and filters, the header filled with suggestive but just shy of not-safe-for-work poses. I click on the “log in” link and fill in the information Mo provided. The page reloads, this time displaying a half dozen different videos.

I take a deep breath and click on the first one.

Within a few seconds I’m watching two women kissing.

There’s no lead-in, no ridiculously thin plot, just the women sitting on the edge of a bed covered in a soft blue comforter. They kiss like they’re unaware of the camera, but it’s not long before the clothes start coming off.

The women are pretty, but in an approachable way. One woman is tall and slim with a pale complexion and short brown hair, the other shorter and fuller with darker skin and long, almost jet-black hair. I watch as they continue to kiss and touch, noting the places their fingers land, how their bodies shift and turn toward each other as they go.

I’m analytical about it, facts and figures. Taking mental notes on how to move, what to touch. It’s about learning, not about getting off.

At least, until the taller woman lies back on the mattress and the shorter one climbs on top of her.

Oh. Now that gets my body’s attention.

I lean in closer, watching as warmth runs through me. It’s a gentle sort of arousal, gradually building as the women move together. I close my eyes for a moment and picture myself on the bed, Eve moving over me.

Heat flashes through me, and I let out a breath as I open my eyes.

Oh yeah, that works for me.

I lean against the wall, pulling the laptop closer, and let my mind wander as I continue to watch. When the shorter woman slides a hand between the taller woman’s legs, I feel a ghost of a touch in the same location. Almost without thought, I spread my legs wider, sliding my own hand down to touch myself through my shorts.

Shit.

I jerk my hand away.

I’m supposed to be learning here, nothing more. I readjust, stretching my legs out in front of me so I can press my thighs together and get a little relief as I watch.

The video continues, and I do my best to stay detached.

I watch how their hands move, where their mouths travel, and how each of them reacts. I can’t see every detail, of course, but I’m pretty sure I can figure out how to suck and lick—and if not, I can learn on the fly.

The shorter woman is kissing her way down the taller woman’s stomach now, and I’m pressing my legs together again, because no matter how hard I try to ignore it, the scene has me throbbing.

And then the woman reaches her goal and buries her face between the other woman’s legs, and I give up. I shove the laptop aside and shimmy out of my shorts, and by the time I’m settled in front of the screen again, I have my fingers right where I want them.

The taller woman’s moans only drive my own arousal higher. I spread my moisture over my clit and rub in the tiny circles I like, keeping the pressure light for now. I still have another ten minutes of video to go, and I don’t want to waste a single moment of it.

The video doesn’t show much actual tongue-to-clit contact, of course. But it’s not necessary, not from the way the woman on the receiving end reacts, her moans and gasps making for a searing hot soundtrack. She’s cupping her breasts with both hands, flicking her thumbs over her hard nipples, and then she slides one hand down to grip her partner’s shoulder, crying out as her arousal spikes.

The black-haired woman lifts her head and the camera angle shifts to show her inserting two fingers into her partner’s vagina. She goes right back to work with her mouth, though, and the brunette arches her back, thrusting her hips.

Oh hell. I am not going to last much longer.

Fuck it. I can figure the rest of it out from there.

I push the laptop aside, the video still playing so I can hear the sighs and moans coming from the speakers.

I spread my legs wider and slip two fingers inside myself, just like in the video. I’ve never gotten much out of fingering, but I’m doing my homework, so I go with it. My other hand takes most of my focus, though, my fingers rubbing tight circles around my clit.

I close my eyes and picture Eve hovering over me. It’s her fingers inside me, her fingers rubbing over my clit. She smiles, and it’s all I can take.

“Oh God,” I moan. “Jesus, that’s so…”

Then words are gone as I hit my climax.

I keep my hands moving as the jolts run through me, sparks running across my skin and leaving me trembling. I let my fingers slow and then stop, bringing both hands to rest on my thighs while I try to get my breathing under control.

Holy crap.

I’ve never come this hard on my own. Yet imagining Eve doing this with me had me coming hard enough to get the world spinning. Once I’ve calmed down, I drag myself off the bed, clean up, and put my laptop away.

I crawl back in between the sheets and smile. Maybe I don’t need the videos for homework after all.

I’ve always been more of a hands-on learner anyway.