1. We expect to sleep for eight solid hours, but that’s actually not normal compared with global populations and our own evolutionary history. People naturally wake up two or three times a night. It’s worrying about it that’s the problem.
2. Digital clocks blare time at you. If you look at the time when you awaken during the night, it’s likely to increase your anxiety about not being asleep. If you need a clock to wake you in the morning, just turn its face to the wall right before bed. You’ll hear it just as well.
3. If you’re not sleeping well, you may have acid reflux, even if you don’t feel heartburn. Try elevating your head by putting blocks under the top of the bed and sleeping on your left side.
4. If you like a firmer mattress and she likes a softer one, you don’t have to compromise. Get two singles, push them together, and use king sheets. You can also buy a strap that attaches the mattresses to each other. I also tell couples that each person should have a sheet and blanket. One of the biggest disrupters of sleep is the pulling and tugging of sheets and blankets. If you pull a big comforter or duvet over the top when you make the bed, you really can’t tell. Couples call me after I suggest that and say, “Wow—you changed our marriage.”
5. Memory foam is very temperature dependent. The foam can get a little hard in a cold bedroom. And if you’re a hot sleeper, it may make you hotter.
6. My research has found that any new smell, even one associated with relaxation, like lavender, can make you more alert and vigilant. You’re better off with a scent that makes you feel safe and comfortable. There really is something to cuddling up with your spouse’s undershirt.
TOP SECRET! Women aren’t used to putting their needs ahead of others’, but sleep is so necessary to health and happiness, they must. If the dog’s snoring wakes you up, put him in another room. If your partner’s snoring wakes you up, help him get treatment. If he refuses to cooperate, put him in another room.
7. Watching TV at night may seem relaxing, but it beams light into your eyes, which is an “alert” signal for the brain. Read a book before bed instead.
8. Give yourself an hour—the one right before bed. You need it to wind down and make the transition from the person-who-can-do-everything to the person-who-can-sleep.
9. To keep your room dark, use blackout draperies or shades—not blinds, because they never completely block out light. Install the shades as close to the glass as possible. If you don’t have the depth for an interior mount, extend the fabric several inches past the width of the window.
10. A hot bath will increase your skin temperature, which eventually decreases your core body temperature, and that’s helpful for sleep. Do the same thing for yourself that you’d do for a young child—make sure you take a bath a half hour or so before bedtime.
11. There’s no solid explanation for it, but studies have found that wearing socks to bed helps you sleep. It may be that warming your feet and legs allows your internal body temperature to drop.
12. A lot of people take bedtime pain relievers that contain caffeine and don’t even realize it. Excedrin has 65 milligrams of caffeine per tablet—if you take two, that’s as much as a cup of coffee. Check the label: Caffeine is always listed as an active ingredient.
13. I’m not a fan of sleeping with two pillows if you’re a back sleeper because it makes your upper back curve and strains the neck and back. If you need to sleep up high for medical reasons, get a wedge and put your pillow on it.
SOURCES: Tara Brass, MD, a psychiatrist in New York, New York; Pamela Dalton, PhD, odor-perception expert and sensory psychologist at Monell Chemical Senses Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania; Jan Engle, professor of pharmacy at the College of Pharmacy, University of Illinois at Chicago; Karen Erickson, a chiropractor in New York, New York; Mary Susan Esther, MD, director of the Sleep Center at South Park in Charlotte, North Carolina; Ian Gibbs, cofounder of the Shade Store in New York, New York; Colin Grey, a time-management coach in London, England; Alan Hedge, PhD, professor of ergonomics at Cornell University, Ithaca, New York; Robert Oexman, chiropractor and director of the Sleep to Live Institute in Joplin, Missouri; Patricia Raymond, MD, a gastroenterologist in Virginia Beach, Virginia; Carol Worthman, PhD, an anthropologist at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia.