1. It hurts to be downsized. I spent a couple of decades being the leading lady; now I have a smaller role.
2. I know he’s your husband now. But he’s still my son.
3. You don’t have to call me Mom. But it would be nice if you did.
4. Thank you. I don’t always say it because I’m afraid you’ll think I’m sucking up. But I’ve never seen my son happier than he is now, married and with children.
5. A little gratitude wouldn’t hurt. Every year, I send you a birthday present, but you never even pick up the phone to thank me. This year, I said, “That’s it. No more.” Yet look at me: I’m about to send another present. I guess that’s how I am.
6. I want the best for both of us. We mothers say to our children, “I want you to be happy.” And we mean that. What we don’t say is, “But I would like to be happy, too.”
7. I know a little something. I’ve bought and sold 13 houses in my life. Why won’t you ask for my advice?
8. When I visit you, I’m just coming to see the family. I’m not coming for a white-glove inspection.
9. I’m lucky to have you! Whenever I stay at your house, you always have my room ready, my towels, everything. You do all the right things.
10. I’m truly appreciative. I’m happy that you allow my son—your husband—to visit me on Mother’s Day. It’s a long trip and a big expense.
11. I have a dirty little secret. I’m afraid that if I don’t get this right, you’ll cut me off.
12. I’ve got his number. When I really want to talk to my son privately, I don’t call your house. I call his cell phone.
13. I really want to make you happy. If you hate that green sweater I bought you, please, please tell me.
SOURCES: Susan Abel Lieberman, PhD, author of The Mother-in-Law’s Manual; Jane Angelich, author of What’s a Mother (in-Law) to Do?; and anonymous mothers-in-law in four states.