“I think I’m in love with her,” said Kierce.
I looked over at him, and I could tell from the bizarre dreamy look on his face that he was telling the truth. Or at least what he thought was the truth.
We were in his van, wishing there was something more fun to do than just cruise the strip. Tonight was the first time since he and Lisa had hooked up that it was just me and the guys hanging out. Lisa had rushed away after work, saying something about having promised to spend the evening with her aunt.
“Bullshit,” said Jay. “You just love getting laid.”
“No way, man. When you know, you know.”
“What happened to the rules?” I asked him. “You know, Rule Forty-five: Love ’em and leave ’em. Or Rule Eighty-one: Women—can’t live with ’em, can’t live with ’em.”
He waved his hand at me, brushing away my comments. “You guys haven’t experienced the joys of true love. When you do, you’ll understand that there’s really only one Golden Rule: All you need is love.”
“Excuse me,” said Jay. “I’m gonna go barf for a few minutes.”
The Lisa and Kierce thing hadn’t been as big a deal as I’d thought it would be. Instead of disappearing into some kind of couple’s bubble, they spent most of their time with me and Jay. I was happy to be hanging out with the guys again, but I worried Kierce was setting himself up for a big disappointment. “A summer fling.” That’s what Lisa had called it. That definitely didn’t line up with all his love talk.
“What makes you think you’re in love?” I asked him. “You’ve only been dating for a couple of weeks.”
“You just know, Dan. It’s a feeling you get when your heart and your wang are in perfect harmony.”
“Lovely,” I said.
“Oh yeah!” said Jay. “That reminds me! I was at the Spot yesterday, and you horndogs are so busted!”
“What do you mean?” asked Kierce.
“Don’t play dumb,” said Jay. “You forgot to remove the evidence.”
Kierce gave him a blank look. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“The condom wrapper? You forgot to remove your garbage after your love session.”
“Gross,” I said.
“No way,” said Kierce. “We never did it at the Spot. We haven’t even gone back there since the night our true love first bloomed.”
“I guess it was just a matter of time before someone found the place,” said Jay.
“Yeah,” I said, “but it’s pretty disgusting to think about people doing it at the Spot.”
“I don’t think it’s disgusting,” said Kierce. “I think it’s awesome. I wish I’d thought of it first.”
LISA BREEZED INTO the kitchen the next day and rummaged around in her purse before thrusting a piece of paper at me. “Look!” she said.
I unfolded the paper, which had obviously been ripped from a telephone pole.
WONDERFUL WALLBURN’S ROLLING CARNIVAL
Rides! Games! Concessions! August 11–13
“It’ll be fun!” she said. “Something to do besides driving in circles.”
It wasn’t exactly my idea of a good time. Every summer for as long as I could remember, Wallburn’s Carnival had set up in a field outside of town. It was a rip-off, but Lisa had a point—it could be fun to do something different.
“I’M NOT A BIG FAN of these things,” said Kierce a couple of nights later as we tried to find a place to park in the field. “Everyone knows carnies are a bunch of queers. I don’t like having to walk around watching my back.”
Lisa turned and looked at him with her mouth hanging open.
“Are you kidding me? Queers? What is this, the Middle Ages?”
“Who cares? I don’t like fruits. Or—what?—am I supposed to say ‘homosexuals’?” he asked. “What’s the big deal?”
“Big deal? Oh, I don’t know, except that some of my best friends are gay. Not to mention Denise.”
My heart skipped a beat. Denise was gay? I remembered what my mom had said about Denise leaving Deep Cove because of gossip, and not getting along with her parents. Why on earth had she moved back to Deep Cove?
The four of us got out of the van in an uncomfortable silence and paid for tickets at the front gate. Kierce tried to pay for Lisa, but she shot him the evil eye. “Not a chance, hillbilly.”
The carnival was pretty crappy: a few rusted-out rides and a row of games with cheap prizes hanging on pegboards behind them. Almost right away, we ran into Maisie and her friend Diana.
“Oh my god, I’m so excited to see you guys!” Maisie said. She looked right at me and smiled broadly. “I was hoping you’d be here!”
“Come on,” said Lisa, grabbing me by the hand and pulling me away into the crowd.
“What’s going on?” I asked, glancing back over my shoulder and shrugging apologetically at Maisie.
“I need to get away from Kierce for a few minutes, before I hit him or something.”
She dragged me into the lineup for the Ferris wheel, and a scruffy guy in his early twenties with bloodshot eyes grabbed our tickets and snapped us into a seat. I wondered if it was true what Kierce said about carnies being gay. I discreetly checked the guy out and decided that running away to join the circus probably wasn’t the thing for me. A few minutes later we lifted off. As the ride lurched into the air, its tinny music competed with the unsettling sound of metal grinding against metal. I did my best to ignore it.
“He’s driving me crazy,” Lisa said, pointing down into the crowd. I looked and saw Maisie cheerfully talking Jay’s ear off as they boarded the Whirl-A-Gig. They were followed closely by Diana and Kierce, who looked miserable.
“Wow, you sure are in a crappy mood, aren’t you?” I said.
“I know, I know.” She looked at me and forced a smile to her face. “Things at home totally suck. My mom is coming to stay with me at Cheryl’s house.”
“No way!” I said.
“Yeah, well, what can you do? Anyway, every time she calls, she talks about how excited she is to come spend the rest of the summer with me, and if I’m not totally enthusiastic about it, she pulls a major guilt trip. Now, to top it all off, Kierce is turning out to be such an asshole.”
“He’s not really, he just says stupid crap.” I didn’t know why I was defending him. I hated the stuff he said as much as she did.
“It’s not even that,” she said. “I’m just finding him really annoying. He wants to spend every free minute with me. It’s getting old fast.”
“Why don’t you end it then?” I asked her.
“Too much effort. Besides, he’s not totally useless, if you catch my drift.”
“Okay, great, too much information,” I said. It wasn’t fair for her to string him along like that, but I figured that part of it had to be his own fault. Besides, I couldn’t help feeling a bit of mean-spirited satisfaction that things weren’t working out for him the way he wanted them to. Maybe it would be good for Kierce to realize that the world didn’t always play by his rules.
When we met up with the group again, he immediately apologized to Lisa.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t know why I had to shoot my mouth off like that.”
“He really is sorry,” said Maisie. “He talked about it the whole time we were on the ride.”
“Don’t worry about it,” said Lisa, not bothering to look him in the eye. She still sounded pissed off, but by the time we’d all grabbed something to eat from the concession stand and found an empty picnic table, she had returned to her old self. When she told us a funny story about getting stuck in a changing room at Macy’s department store, Kierce laughed harder than the rest of us put together.
Eventually, we decided to call it a night. “So I’ll see you at work tomorrow, right?” Maisie asked me as I got into Kierce’s van.
“You got it,” I replied.
“Awesome!” she said. “I’ll see you there. Bye, guys!” She hurried away to her own car, Diana close behind.
As soon as we were on the road, Jay reached over and poked me in the arm, repeatedly. “Oooooh, Danny Boy, looks like you might finish up this summer with a bang after all.”
“Quit it!” I swatted him away. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Oh, come on, Danno,” said Kierce, rolling his eyes at me in the rearview mirror. “She’s obviously into you.” Lisa and Jay both nodded.
“Who, Maisie? I didn’t notice anything. You guys are crazy.”
“Oh my god, I’m soooooo super happy you came to the carnival, Dannypoo!” said Lisa.
“If you think she’s so stupid,” I asked her, “why are you pushing this?”
“I’m not suggesting that I sleep with her, I’m suggesting that you sleep with her. What I think of her is beside the point, and you’ve told me you like her just fine.”
“I do like her,” I said. “She’s really nice and easygoing.”
“She’s also hot, Dan,” said Kierce. “So what are you waiting for? Remember the Golden Rule, my man.”
I looked at Jay, who said, “It’s up to you, man, but I’d say that she definitely likes you. She kept talking about you. She says you’re ‘super-duper nice.’ ”
“I’m not sure I like her that way,” I managed to squeeze out.
“I understand if you don’t want to date her,” said Lisa. “She’s as dumb as a brick. But you could definitely get into her pants if you wanted to.”
“Wow, that’s classy.”
“Oh, for crying out loud, Danny, why do you have to be such a romantic?” she said. “Think with your dick for a change!”
“You sound like Kierce,” I told her.
“Rule Thirty-two million: Boobs and sex and girls and panties and sex. When in doubt, listen to the brain in your pants. Go team,” she said, in a surprisingly good imitation of Kierce.
“You got that right!” he said, reaching over to grab her hand. She snatched it away.
“Don’t get any ideas. I’m still pissed off at you, homophobe.” She turned back to me. “Danny! Everything doesn’t have to be some big huge thing. You’re seventeen. Nobody expects you to get married and have a baby. You should be trying to get laid, and if Strawberry Shortcake there is the best option, then you should take advantage of it.”
“Yeah, we’ll see,” was all I said. I was glad when they finally dropped me off at home. I’d had enough of all three of them.