“Things are going to change. Big-time. Just wait and see. By the end of this year, you won’t even recognize me.”
“What makes you say that?” I asked.
“Danny, everyone knows that ninth grade is when a girl blossoms into a young lady, full of spirit and vitality.”
It was Labor Day, the last day of summer vacation. In anticipation of her first year in high school, Alma had been driving us all crazy by incessantly humming “To Sir, With Love,” for almost a week. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that Mr. Blanchette, her new homeroom teacher, was less like Sidney Poitier and more like Joe Pesci.
I watched as she carefully stirred milk into a bowl of crumbled flour and butter. “You know,” she said, “this is going to be a big year for you too, big brother. One last year of tying up loose ends before hitting the big wide world, just like Jimmy Stewart in It’s a Wonderful Life.
“Careful,” I said, “don’t overmix it.” I helped her dump the dough onto the floured counter, and showed her how to knead it lightly with the palms of her hands.
“I thought the whole thing about It’s a Wonderful Life is that he never manages to get out of the town,” I said.
“Yeah, well, I’m still kind of hoping that you decide to stick around.”
“Wow, Alma, I’m touched.”
“It’s mainly selfish,” she said. “I’m not sure if I can survive three years of Mom’s food. Why do you think I asked you to teach me how to cook?”
We cut the dough into rounds and popped the biscuits into the oven. The phone rang, and I brushed off my hands on my apron and answered it. It was Jay.
“Kierce asked me to call you,” he said. “He wants us to meet him at the Spot.”
“Are you kidding me? I thought I’d be the last person he’d want to see.”
“Yeah, me too, but he’s leaving tomorrow.”
“I don’t know,” I said. I was still feeling a bit sore from the fight. “I’m not sure it’s a good idea. Maybe he’ll try to kick my ass or something.”
“Give me a break. Come on, Dan. He’s leaving for good. It’ll be fine. Clear the air a little bit.”
I didn’t know if I even cared if the air was clear, but I agreed to go with him.
Kierce was sitting under the bridge when we got there. I was secretly pleased to see that he had a major shiner and a fat lip. He laughed when he saw me.
“Man, I guess it was a pretty fair fight, hey, Dan?”
“Yeah, I guess.” I still felt a little bit weird about being there.
“Relax, man,” he said. “It was just a fight.”
“Am I going to have to break you guys up again?” said Jay.
“No, it’s cool,” I said. “We’re cool.”
“That’s my man!” said Kierce, reaching out and giving me a slap on the back.
“So you’re really leaving, hey?” asked Jay.
“Yep. Looks that way,” said Kierce. “Tomorrow morning. What a pain in the ass.” He sighed and leaned back against the wall.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” I asked.
“Shit, I don’t know. Everything went to hell when I freaked out at you guys outside the restaurant,” he said. “I was so pissed off at my parents, and then I thought I’d at least be able to hang out with you guys for my last few weeks. I guess I screwed that up pretty bad.”
“It wasn’t like we were trying to keep anything a secret, Kierce,” I said. “I tried to get Lisa to tell you.”
“Yeah, I know. I was just being stupid. She was pretty clear the whole thing with me and her didn’t mean anything to her. I was just too stubborn to believe it. Anyway, I’m sorry I blamed you guys. It was totally stupid of me. I guess I just felt like the whole world was against me.”
“S’okay,” I said.
“The worst part is, I really did like her, a lot,” he said. “I never felt that way about a girl before. I probably overdid it with the love talk, but I was into her big-time.”
He looked genuinely sad, and I found myself feeling really bad for the guy. Kierce might have talked a big game, but when you got down to it, he had his own hang-ups just like the rest of us.
“So what happens now?” asked Jay.
“We’re going to live with my jerk-ass grandparents for a while until my mom can find us a place of our own.”
“That sucks,” I said. I meant it. I didn’t know what I’d do if I had to finish high school somewhere other than Deep Cove.
“It’ll be okay,” he said. “The high school looks pretty cool. They have a football team, and there’s a lot more shit to do there. Malls, movie theaters, paintball. We’ll be pretty close to Toronto too. Think of all the girls! You guys will totally have to come visit me!”
“Sounds good, man,” said Jay. I nodded. I figured I was as likely to visit Kierce in Ontario as I was to visit Lisa in New York.
“Danny, man, I totally underestimated you,” said Kierce. “If I’d known you could throw a haymaker like that, I never would have thought you were queer. I guarantee you, after that fight, you’ll have girls hanging off you. Rule One Hundred and Six: Girls love a tough guy.”
I laughed. “So I’m a tough guy now, huh?” Kierce got so much wrong sometimes that it wasn’t even worth arguing with him. He could go on assuming that only straight guys got in fights, and that gay guys never fell for girls. If life was that simple for him, I wasn’t going to be able to teach him very much.
“Well, guys,” Kierce said, “I’d better get home. My mom will be freaking out about packing. She wants to be on the road super early tomorrow. Gross.”
We walked with him to where he’d parked his van.
“You guys want a lift?” he asked.
“Nah, I think I’ll go hang out at Jay’s place for a while,” I said.
“Well, boys, it’s been a slice,” he said. “I’m gonna miss you guys, in a totally non-gay way.”
“Of course,” I said.
“Always remember Rule Four: Don’t let the bastards grind you down.”
He gave us both brief dude hugs and then jumped in his van and pulled away, spinning his tires. He gave a quick honk of his horn before disappearing around the corner.
“What a guy, hey?” asked Jay.
“Yeah.”
“This year’s gonna be pretty different,” he said. “Kierce is gone. You and I won’t be in the same grade.”
“Different’s okay,” I said. He nodded.
I was glad I’d come to say goodbye to Kierce. He could be a real dick, and who knows how he’d react if he ever found out that I really was gay, but I knew I’d never meet anyone like him again. You could say a lot of things about the guy, but he never pretended to be anything he wasn’t. Maybe that was one thing he’d taught me, even if he’d never actually come out and said it.
“So I’ve been thinking about seeing if Maisie wants to do something with me,” Jay said as we were walking to his place. “You know, like a date, or whatever.”
I laughed. “A date? You gonna take her to the Spot?”
“Seriously, man, do you think it’s a good idea?”
I thought about it for a minute. “I don’t know for sure, but I think you should give it a shot.” I hoped she went for it. I had a feeling they’d be good for each other.
We walked along in silence for a few minutes, and then Jay stopped abruptly and turned to me.
“So—are you?” he asked.
“Am I what?” I asked. My heart started pounding furiously in my chest, and I felt my throat go dry.
“You know. Are you—gay?”
I looked at him, and for a few moments I didn’t say anything as a million things rushed through my mind at once. I thought about fighting with Kierce, about being enthralled by Lisa, about falling in love with cooking and realizing what I wanted to do with my life. I thought about me and Jay as kids, racing our bikes up and down the hill by his house. I thought about us sneaking beer to the Spot for the first time, and about slowly starting to think about life outside Deep Cove. I thought about all the secrets I’d kept and the lies I’d told to myself and everyone else for so long.
“Yeah,” I said finally. “I am.”
He thought about that for a moment.
“You know what, Dan? I’m totally cool with that. Way to go, buddy.”
I took one look at his big dumb smile and knew without a doubt that he meant it.