She parked in the open space in front of Adrian’s apartment and killed the headlights immediately. A hot pizza sat in the passenger seat. She figured Adrian’s favorite food could lift his spirit. She also brought a two-liter of Coke, his favorite soda, and realized how much she had learned about him during their quick week together in Vegas.
He loved horror movies and video games, and she’d suggest they do both. At the very least, he’d have a couple hours of not feeling down on himself. Just maybe, she could provide a bit of normalcy for what had been an awful day.
Why do I do this? Always taking care of others. Always worried about making everyone else happy. What about me?
Natalia had long been this way. As the oldest of three siblings, she was the natural caretaker for her younger brother and sister. Even outside of the family, people had always come to her for advice. Since middle school all the way through college, dealing with friendships, romance, roommates, and even her extended network in the university’s color guard and engineering program, everyone always came to her.
She shouldered the burden, figuring the world simply needed people like her. She was the strong one, and that attracted other people’s problems, because as far as they were concerned, she didn’t have problems of her own.
Natalia needed her own Natalia in her life, and that was something she hadn’t found. She was only strong because she had to put on that façade, often worried what people would think if she didn’t appear to have her life together.
She had never been entirely sure she wanted a career in engineering. Her parents had simply suggested the profession because it made good money, but did that even matter if her life wasn’t fulfilled by what she would do on a daily basis? She could have gone anywhere in the world for college, but stayed close to home. Doing so resulted in less college debt, which, looking back on now, hardly made a difference. The receipts were just as astronomical as if she had gone out of state.
If she could go back and start all over, she probably would have done something entirely different. Perhaps something in the arts or literature. Something that didn’t guarantee a high-paying job, but who cared? What did it matter what was in her bank account?
The biggest hole in her life right now was not having someone to speak about these things with. She had a few close friends who were in her same situation, but that resulted in more of a shared venting.
Adrian had opened up to her about his goals and dreams, and even though she didn’t reciprocate, she felt she could have. He was focused on his future, and had a plan for how to get there. It even included working in an industry that paid near poverty level for most positions until you reached the top. No money, but a purpose. A calling. For someone who had difficulties approaching and speaking to new people, Adrian was intensely comfortable with himself as a person. He understood who he was to the core, and where he was going, something Natalia wasn’t sure she had ever felt.
Stop it, I’m just building him up more. I’m here to help him through a tough time, not praise him.
She had spoken enough to herself, grabbing the pizza and stepping out of the car with determination. When she knocked on the door, she only had to wait a few seconds before Adrian swung it open, dressed in baggy sweatpants and a hoodie, with dark, heavy circles under his bloodshot eyes.
“Hey,” he said, looking at her, then down to the pizza. “What’s that?”
“Dinner,” she said, offering a grin. “I hope you don’t mind, but I thought maybe you hadn’t eaten much today.”
Adrian smiled, an expression that radiated gratitude. “I actually haven’t eaten since Pop-Tarts for breakfast. Is it already dinner time?” He slapped a hand against his forehead. “My God, this is so embarrassing. I’ve literally lost track of time.”
“Can I come in?”
“Of course. I’m sorry.” He moved aside in a hurry, clearing the way for Natalia.
She stepped into his apartment for the first time, entering the living room where a leather couch faced a TV in the corner. The dining table and kitchen were both straight ahead, a pile of messy dishes in the sink, a couple of greasy fast food bags on the counter.
Adrian must have caught her looking at the mess, and said, “Don’t mind all that. My roommate is kind of a slob.”
“It’s fine.”
“I mean it when I say kind of. He actually cleans up like a pro, but only does it like once a week. Let’s everything stack up and get messy first. Just how he operates, I guess.” He shuffled to the dining table and cleared it of magazines and random junk mail. “Would you like something to drink?”
“Oh shoot! I brought a bottle of Coke and left it in the car.” Natalia scurried to the table and placed the pizza box down.
“Oh? I’ll go get it,” Adrian said, putting up a hand like a stop sign. “I could use the three seconds of fresh air. You get settled in. Grab a couple of glasses—they’re in the cupboard to the left of the sink. Just unlock your car for me.”
“Take my keys. I need to use the restroom anyway.”
Adrian’s eyes jumped to the open door on the other side of the dining table and filled with worry. “Just use my bathroom. It’s in my bedroom. I’m sure the main one isn’t too clean, because you know…my roommate.”
“You have your own bathroom in your room? That must be nice.”
Adrian chuckled and reached for the keys Natalia had pulled out of her jacket pocket. “I can’t complain. Help yourself and I’ll be right back with the soda.
He disappeared through the front door before she could even respond, running with a surprising grace and speed.
Two minutes later, they convened in the kitchen, where Natalia rummaged through the cupboards for the glasses, bringing them to the table as Adrian had returned with the Coke.
“Plates?” she asked.
“We have paper plates next to the microwave,” he said, a grin on his face as he brought the soda to the table, pulling out a seat for Natalia. “This is so nice of you. Thank you.”
“It’s nothing,” Natalia said, trying to play it off. “Melissa told me what happened this morning, and when I called you on my lunch break, you sounded in pretty rough shape.”
“But you just got out of a relationship yourself. Have you even had time to come to terms with that?”
Natalia shrugged. Even Adrian questioned why she prioritized others before herself.
“Like I said, we were on and off for years. Wasn’t anywhere near the relationship you had. If anything, this breakup with Brett is just part of the routine.”
“If it’s routine, then you might get back with him?”
She shrugged again. “I don’t have any plans for that. Right now, I’m just happy to be focused on me. Except for tonight, it’s all about you. What do you want to do after we eat? Play some 2K? Watch a scary movie?”
Adrian furrowed his brow and smirked. “Who are you, and what did you do with the girl who was only worried about writing her thesis?”
“Ha! I graduated!” Natalia laughed as they flipped open the pizza box and dug in. “I’m just here to hang out and have a quiet evening.”
“And what do you know about NBA 2K?” he asked, crossing his arms and leaning back. “You play?”
Natalia had heard plenty of stories about the guys from the call center having intense 2K tournaments at each other’s places. “I’m not any good, but I played basketball through high school. How hard can the video game be?”
Adrian threw his head back and let out an exaggerated laugh. “Let the excuses begin.”
Over the next three hours, they finished dinner, played a game of 2K where Adrian blew her out of the water, and talked until nine o’clock.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” Adrian said once the electronics had been turned off. They sat next to each other on the living room couch. “My life has been a certain way for the last five years. It had a routine. And now that’s all changed, literally overnight. I’m not too concerned about being single again, even though the thought of dating horrifies me. I guess I’m more bothered by what to do with all my free time. My weekends and evenings are entirely mine again.”
“I’m finding myself in that same predicament—just now feel like I’m finally getting the chance to settle into a new routine.”
“And what are you doing with your time?” Adrian pulled his feet onto the couch as he curled into a ball, and turned to face Natalia straight on.
“That’s the thing. I haven’t done anything yet. I work during the day, then go home and start applying for engineering jobs. Job hunting is just awful—it takes up so much time. And it’s not really an industry where you can just blast applications. Different firms have different specialties, different qualifications, locations, all sorts of little things. I usually spend a couple hours before dinner researching companies, then a couple hours after dinner to actually submit the applications. By the time I’m done with all that, my brain is fried, so I lay in bed watching TV until I fall asleep. All to wake up the next day and do it again. Wow, I never realized how boring my life is until breaking it down that way.”
Adrian laughed. “It’s not boring. It’s just the necessary parts of life that lead you to the fun stuff, right? We all have to do it. Applying for colleges, then jobs, then eventually houses. There’s no way around it, so it’s best to just accept the struggles, let them be a part of your growth, and move on.”
Not much flustered Adrian. Even as he sat here, worried about his future after an emotional roller coaster had rattled his life, he kept a calm mind and listened to Natalia, offering her useful advice.
“I can try that,” she said. “I don’t know if you knew, but I do some modeling for my friend. She has her own fashion line.”
The change of subject caught Adrian off guard. “Oh? That’s pretty cool. What do you do, exactly? Photo shoots for magazines?”
“Fashion shows, actually. I’m doing one this Saturday night downtown. Would you be interested in coming?”
Adrian raised his eyebrows. “I can’t say I’ve ever been to a fashion show.”
Too soon. Dammit, why did I have to invite him the same week of his breakup?! Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
“I’d love to go,” he said. “I can’t exactly complain about having a wide open schedule then do nothing about it. And what better time than now to try something new? Count me in.”
“Great!” Relief flooded her as soon as she heard the enthusiasm in his response. “I’ll get you a ticket. We’ll probably go out for drinks afterwards, too.”
“Even better.”
The mood had veered an entirely different direction from what she had walked into earlier. Adrian asked many questions about her past modeling gigs, showing genuine interest in everything she had to say.
Vegas no longer seemed like a fluke. After a few days of tiptoeing around the lingering awkwardness, they were reconnecting tonight, opening up and sharing more details about their lives.
After another hour passed, Natalia needed to head home. There were still two more days of work left in the week, and she couldn’t fall behind on sleep heading into the fashion show on Saturday night.
Adrian led her outside, and they paused in the open doorway.
“I’m really glad you came over tonight,” Adrian said. He brushed a hand over her forearm. “I didn’t know how much I needed this. No one has ever done anything like this for me, so thank you. You’re incredible.”
Those words made Natalia’s heart race. That heat from Vegas returned so suddenly, she thought it might knock them both over. It had somehow avoided them during their evening together, but now, as they said goodbye, she sensed the mutual urge for a farewell kiss.
Definitely too soon, she reminded herself.
Adrian had been single for twenty-four hours. Now was not the time to complicate matters.
“Good night,” she said, giving a warm grin. She could see the same thoughts swimming behind Adrian’s green eyes. If he wanted the same thing as her, he was showing even greater restraint. If he leaned in toward her, Natalia didn’t know how she’d react.
“Good night,” Adrian said, lips pinched tight together. “Drive safe. I’ll see you at work tomorrow?”
Natalia nodded and turned around to her car.
Rain started falling. Adrian stood in the doorway until Natalia started up her car and pulled out of the parking lot, only closing the door once she was out of sight.
Her cell phone started ringing in her cupholder, and she immediately thought it was Adrian. Maybe he was inviting her to come back. Maybe he wanted to throw caution to the wind and have that goodbye kiss. Or maybe he just wanted to keep talking.
She snatched up her phone and saw the name on the flashing screen.
“No,” she huffed, shaking the phone in her hand. “Why?”
It was Brett.
She drew a deep breath and answered the phone.