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It feels as if somebody punches me in my stomach, violently expelling my breath from me and I am immediately attracted to him.
Aaron steps toward me and awkwardly he introduces me to his brother, Jared.
My eyes look up and into his grass green eyes. For some strange reason I feel as if I recognize him and although I know I have never met him before, it feels like I have known him for all my life.
Jared’s expressive green eyes hold my gaze and then one corner of his mouth lifts into a smile. He does not say a single word, while I manage a shy, “Hi.”
I am almost one hundred percent certain I used to be more confident in South Africa. What happened to me?
Jane pulls Aaron firmly by the arm into the back seat of Jared’s Jeep, so I do not have much of a choice in the matter of sitting in the front passenger seat.
Jared walks a little behind me as I walk to the door, scanning my brain for something intelligent to say. He has me on edge and I feel inexplicably nervous.
He holds the door open for me, and awkwardly I lift myself onto the seat. Once I am settled on the seat, he closes the door and then he walks around the back of the Jeep. Jane and Aaron sit silently in the back. It is as if I can feel the broodiness radiate off Aaron like heat off the sun.
When Jared slides onto his seat, he looks over at me and then suddenly, without warning, he leans toward me.
My body freezes and I stop breathing. I push myself backwards into the seat, while he leans across me and pulls my safety belt toward him. He buckles it into the slot.
Still very close to me, he looks up at me with raised eyebrows and he smiles that crooked smile. Cold air rushes into my mouth with such a gush as I gasp that I almost choke, but Jared only smiles wider and then settles back into his seat.
While clipping in his safety belt he tells Aaron and Jane to buckle up.
He starts the car and we drive off with Connell leading the way out of the school yard. We drive through the traffic in the village and then down the steep, winding back roads toward the beach.
I turn myself as much as I possibly can, with the constriction of the safety belt, so I can speak to Jane in the back seat. After a while, Aaron joins in and we laugh and joke about school, especially Mr. Halpin, with his little, eccentric habits.
I am fully aware that Jared does not speak at all. He only smiles now and again at something one of us say and when he does, he glances in my direction. This makes my stomach muscles clench in onto themselves and a flush of heat creep up my cheeks. I cannot believe how each thread of my body is aware of him.
Too soon, we stop at a parking area with high square shrubs surrounding it.
Everybody gets out of the cars and start to stroll toward an almost hidden pathway. I walk away from the Jeep first. I did not want it to look as if I am waiting for Jared.
When I step onto the beach out from between the bushes, the first thing that strikes me is the view. It is beautiful and peaceful. The water is translucent blue, with the waves calmly rolling in onto the white-pebbled sand curving around the beach in a semi-circle. Hugging the beach are huge expansive cliffs.
I stop walking and look up at the cliffs, feeling small and insignificant. From the corner of my eye, I notice Connell and Jared walk out from the pathway together. It looks as if they are discussing something important, and Jared looks stubborn in his decision.
Then, Jared is looking at me and despite how silly it sounds I am stuck in the gaze of his eyes. Like a rabbit caught in the headlights of a car, I feel a strange sensation of excited panic, but I cannot move.
I smile at him shyly, and then feeling mortified I start to turn around toward Jane further down the beach.
Jared starts running in my direction.
I flinch and turn my back to him when it looks as if he is going to run into me, but he folds his arms around my waist and lifts me off the ground. With my feet dangling in the air, he twirls me around. His voice from behind me suggests amused, “I think we should give you a proper Irish welcome and dunk you in the sea.”
Embarrassed, I laugh. “Let me go,” I insist while I try to pry his hands from my waist.
He whispers, “Never,” close to my ear and places my feet back onto the ground gently.
I frown briefly as I step away from him and, without thinking, I look around to see if Aaron saw Jared whispering in my ear and acting as if he likes me, but Aaron is having a conversation with John and has his back turned to us.
“Ah.” Jared follows my gaze. “Have I already lost out?”
Mortified I look down at my feet and feel a warm glow pushing up my neck, into my cheeks. What does he mean–lost out? I look up into his eyes and then quickly avert my eyes to look over his shoulder at the constantly rising and falling waves. Something about his eyes does something to my stomach. “No,” I whisper adamantly. My voice reaches its normal tone as I explain, “Aaron and I are great friends, but I heard he likes me, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings.”
Jared lifts his hands up in the air, his palms facing me as he steps further away from me. Smiling apologetically, he says, “Sorry.”
I feel dreadful because I do like Jared very much—too much, too soon—and now he might get the wrong impression. Frustrated I turn and walk away from him, not wanting him to see how I feel, not wanting to start gushing nonsensical, perhaps inadvertently admit I am pathetic enough to already feel as if I love him, tell him how weird it is that I feel as if I have always loved him. How naïve does he think I am, anyway, saying he will never let me go. Still my heart leaps at the prospect.
I walk toward Jane, Sarah and Siobhan sitting silently on the sand in a half circle facing the sea. I can feel tension in the air when I sit down next to Jane.
As I sink down next to Jane, she turns to look at me, smiling kindly. I assume the feeling of unease is coming from Sarah, who turns to me briefly and openly glares at me. Her eyes are throwing daggers at me, so I presume she must be into Jared.
The guys come to sit with us, and I do not know if Jared is just determined or stubborn, or not so much into Sarah, or just being spiteful, but he sits down next to me and I can now feel open hate burning behind Sarah’s eyes, as she stabs me with her glare.
Aaron sits at the far end of the half-circle next to John and looks toward me discontentedly. I do feel a little insulted because I have made it plain, in all my actions, I was not interested in being more than just his friend. I hate hurting his feelings now, but I feel an incomprehensible attraction toward his brother.
I decide to take a quick, discreet, peripheral glance at Jared, and I see him watching me inconspicuously. He is sitting with his forearms folded on top of his pulled-up knees, and his chin is resting on his arms as he faces the ocean.
Connell and John decide to build a bonfire and soon the beach has a warm glow to it, the sun is already starting to set over the ocean. John says something about the sunset and then everyone joins in, discussing the way the different colours play across the water.
Jared moves his arm and, surely unintentionally, he brushes against my arm softly. My body betrays me by sprouting goose bumps.
“Cold, Elizabeth?” He chuckles softly.
“No.” I look at him sideways.
“You must be after coming from sunny South Africa only a few months ago.” He tries to imitate my accent. “This climate takes time getting used to.”
I turn to look at him amused. “Actually, I like the cold.”
He smirks. “I have lived here my whole life and I hate it.”
I wait for him to explain himself, but he goes back to staring at the waves rolling onto the beach and, so it seems, lost in his own thoughts again. I turn away from him, feeling insulted. He moves his fingers resting on his arm closest to me, and his fingers brush against my arm softly. This time I am sure it is intentional, because it lasts longer than a moment. He starts to draw circles on my arm, his fingers barely touching my skin, floating just above it. The resident butterflies in my stomach rebel brutally.
I glance at him sideways, questioningly, but he only smiles, while returning my gaze. I get the impression he is daring me to make the next move. For a moment, I consider moving my arm away, but then I decide impulsively to enjoy the moment.
Except for Sarah, who ignores me completely, and Jared, who is looking out across the ocean, while tracing the side of my arm with feather-soft movements, we all laugh and talk about school, films we have seen, books some of us have read, music we listen to, our favourite colours and food. I am sure if they did not already know me before this, they now certainly did.
