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“Would it be wrong if I wanted to spend tonight with you? I promise I will not attempt to take advantage of you. I only want you to be here with me.” He searches my face, before he continues, “Every night I lay awake thinking of you. The way you walk, your smile, the tiny freckles across your perfect nose, and the smell of your hair. I think of the way I make your hands tremble, the way my heart speeds up when you are near, and how I will love you forever.” He chuckles softly, breaking the sombre mood. “So, to be honest, I need a good night’s sleep.”
Still holding his hand, I reach with my other hand into my bag to get my phone and I speed-dial my mum’s number.
Looking up at him, I ask my mum if I can stay over at Jane’s house. I smile mortified, really hoping he cannot hear what she is saying. She tells me the usual things about not doing anything to jeopardize my future. How one moment of pleasure might push me onto a path she does not want to see me on. In short, she is telling me not to go all the way with Jared if that is my reasoning for wanting to sleep at Jane's house.
I only say, “Yes,” or, “Of course not,” where appropriate and Jared smiles pleased when I eventually nod my head confirming she agreed.
When I put my phone back in my bag, he asks, “What did your mum say that made you blush such a deep shade of red?”
“Like I would ever tell you.”
“Secrets?” He jokes.
I say dismissively, “She just gave me the standard speech.”
He nods his head in understanding.
I do not call Jane, because feeling guilty I know they trust me, even though Sean would deem it appropriate to lecture me every now and again. They would only call if they have not heard from me by, at least, tomorrow lunchtime.
As I follow Jared up the large circular stairway to his room, I feel awkward. The large house is quiet. His parents are off doing their own thing – literally on their own. Jared told me earlier that Aaron is going to Connell’s house after the Winter Ball.
It is the first time I am in his room, and it reflects his personality perfectly. It is very neat, with everything in its place – there is no space in here for a mess or uncertainty.
He turns toward his cupboard and asks, “Would you like to change into something more comfortable? We would not want to mess up your nice dress.”
“Please,” I reply, feeling bashful.
He takes a grey tracksuit pants and a black t-shirt from his cupboard, and hands it to me.
After I take it from him, I go into his bathroom and am astonished that even in here everything is on its place. I get changed and when I walk out, drowning in his clothes, my dress draped over my arm, he looks me up and down.
“Very cute,” he assures me.
“Yeah, sure.” I laugh timidly.
He takes my dress from me and hangs it carefully in his cupboard as I sit down on his bed, crossing my legs in front of me. He closes his cupboard doors softly, turns, and then dives at me playfully, knocking me over gently.
I feel out of my depth being here alone with him in this big house.
Seriously he says, “I have been accepted at Trinity College in Dublin.”
“Congratulations,” I say, genuinely happy for him.
“I have decided to take a gap year though. Stay here with you for a while longer, because I don’t think I would be able to survive without seeing you each and every day. We could start at Trinity together the next year.” Then wistfully he adds, “Maybe rent an apartment together.”
I smile as he turns onto his back, and after I move closer to him, I put my head on his chest. Listening to his heartbeat, I wrap my arm around his waist, holding him tightly to me. Lifting my head, I look up at him and stretch up to kiss him.
He smiles. “I promised I would not take advantage of you, but if you persuade me otherwise, I might not be able to resist. Right now, you are tempting me?”
“I am no temptress,” I insist and kiss him, tasting the chocolate from the hot drink we had earlier on his lips.
His arms around my shoulders tighten and he turns onto his side, pulling me closer to him. He kisses me and I move myself into him, not being able to get close enough. The closer I am to him, the closer I need to be.
He pulls away slowly, but I lean into him again and say adamantly, “No. Stop stopping.”
His eyes smile and they are dreamy green, as he groans deeply and kisses me again.
After the longest, most glorious while, he draws back from me. A smile is playing on his lips, and I look him in the eyes as I ask, “You remember Sean’s story?”
“How could I not? Did you know Eilish is Gaelic for Elizabeth?”
I frown briefly. “No, I didn’t. That is weird though. Do you think Eilish is me?”
“Maybe Eilish was an ancestor of yours and perhaps of your dad?”
“That would mean somehow Sean and I shared a trickle of blood.”
“It is possible; don’t you think?”
I remain silent, and then I wonder, “That would mean though that I am reincarnated and that souls are incarnated within families?”
“What if they were and my soul belonged to Gerard and yours belonged to Eilish?”
It is as if something in my subconscious trigger acceptance. “Maybe we have tried all this time to get back together again – your soul and mine. Unknowingly we followed our hearts, or souls, and here we are – together again.”
“You being here was not by your own decision, though.”
“But you have to consider destiny as well. One night, ages ago, I was contemplating that maybe my mum and dad met so that I could be born. However, to fulfil my destiny of coming to Ireland, my dad had to die. I know it sounds callous and sometimes we feel as if life is just dragging us along aimlessly, but maybe it isn’t aimless. Maybe there is a purpose and a reason, but we just don’t understand it at the time.”
“So, you are saying that although you came here, by no choice of your own, you were meant to be here. One thing after another happened, like a process, which seemed aimless at the time, but in hindsight they make perfect sense.”
“That is exactly what I mean. For instance, that first day I saw you I loved you. I looked into your eyes and it was as if I recognized you. You were familiar to me.”
“When I saw you the first day you started school here, I was preoccupied with problems at home, but then I suddenly had this urge to look toward the gate. When I saw you, I felt a sudden, immense ache in the pit of my chest and it is indescribable how I just knew everything about your emotions, your feelings, yet I knew nothing about you.”
“But why did I not notice you there and then?”
“Maybe your own loss and pain of moving here was too great.”
“You should have talked to me.”
“I had a serious crush on you, and there was no way I could talk to you. If not for Connell’s persistent whining in my ears, I would probably still only love you from a distance.”
“I thought you said you did not like the uncertainty of not knowing.”
“Yeah, but it takes an immense amount of guts to spill your feelings to the girl you love.” He leans his forehead against mine. “You know what my greatest wish is?”
“No, tell me,” I whisper conspiratorially.
“I don’t want to ever be separated from you again, because I just know you were created to be with me.”
I smile pleased and say, “Rub my belly three times, and I will make your wish come true.”
He folds his arms tightly around my shoulders and he hugs me closely to his chest. He breathes deeply into my hair and he mumbles sleepily, “Just one wish.”
I feel him fall asleep almost immediately. For a while I listen to his relaxed breathing and then I fall asleep, wanting to be nowhere else.
