A government man
dug a government hole
in government ground
and buried Janey
in a government grave
1 – 2 – 3 government graves
Janey in the middle
A small grave each side
Little ones coughed
till they stopped
just like Janey
Me and Tim
stand at Janey’s grave
Hands shaking
Legs wobbly
Why didn’t they send her home, Annie?
Dunno, Tim
Tim kneels
pulls Janey’s laughing stone
from his pocket
lays it down
I kneel
pull my bush doll
from my pocket
lay her down
Tim leans against me
shivering
I put my arm round him
We cry and cry
and cry
and cry
Bye, sister
Then we cry lots more
Me and Tim
have a big bunch of wildflowers
for Janey
Nancy and Emmy and Dot
cried themselves sick
helping us pick them
We spread out the flowers
and I lay some boronia
on the little graves
Tim says
They baby graves, Annie
I come here as a baby
They took me from the hospital
Janey told me
Me heart’s busted
busted wide open
Hurts real bad, Annie
Poor Tim
I can’t fix him
I can’t stop him hurting
I can’t bring Janey back
But I can be a big sister
I hug him tight
Hours are days
days are weeks
weeks are months
without Janey
Everything is slow
without Janey
Everything is dull
without Janey
World’s too sad
without Janey
I do the same things
Sleep in Margy’s bed
do jobs
go to school
eat stinky soup
help Tim
get bossed by Nancy
but not the same
Not without Janey
I dream I tell Mum about Janey
Dream she holds me
Dream I am crying
I wake up
Crying
I sit in the crying tree
looking out at the bush
watching birds
insects
lizards
Like I used to
with Janey
Wildflowers are fading
No more billy buttons
pepper and salt
bacon and eggs
boronia
No more Janey
talking
giggling
whispering in my ear
crying for home
crying for family
crying for Janey
crying for him
crying for me
He slips in beside me
You watchin’ the bush, Annie?
Won’t see no more flowers
they all gone
Look, Tim
I open my hand
He gasps
The last billy button!
Tim looks at me
eyes wet and shining
We gunna give it to Janey?
We lay the last billy button
on Janey’s grave
So bright
here
in this place
It’s a smile
A sad smile
but a good sad smile
Like Janey
smiling at us for the last time
Like us
crying our hearts out
but smiling back
I ain’t a baby no more!
I don’t forget what Janey told me
I got country
I got family
Dad’s tall as a gum tree
and he’s a good bushman
Mum likes blue dresses and cuddles
Granny Alice sings real sweet
and drinks black tea
I remember, Annie!
I nod
I remember my family too
Mum’s high voice
bright as the stars
Little sister’s sloppy kisses
Aunty’s hugs
Uncle’s bush food
Grandpa’s jokes
Granny’s stories
My mum will tell little sister
Big sister has curly hair
And she’s a fine singer
My mum will tell her
like Janey told Tim
They won’t forget me
I won’t forget them
A kookaburra calls
KOO – KOO – KAA – KAA
The bird skims the treetops
swoops low over me and Tim
soars away
Tim’s eyes go big
Janey loved kookaburras
They special to her
like mudlarks are special to me
What you think, Annie?
Is sister flyin’ home?
Tears stream down my cheeks
Yeah, Tim
she’s gone home
You know what, Annie?
Someday
I’ll grow me own feathers
Fly home to Mum and Dad
and Granny Alice
like Janey wanted
I give Tim a shaky smile
If birds have wings
so do songs
Tonight
when all the girls are sleeping
I will send a song
on the moonlight
to my mum
She will hear my song in a dream
Listen to my voice
Know it’s me
I am not lost, Mum
Watch for me
Someday
I am coming home
Tim looks up at me
Home’s waitin’ for us, Annie
And we are waiting for home
I squeeze his hand
Someday, Tim
we’ll all fly free
Sally Morgan was born in Perth, in 1951.
She has published books for both adults
and children, including her acclaimed
autobiography, My Place.
Sally is also a celebrated artist and has works
in many private and public collections.