Yo’ mama is so fat, she doesn’t have a tailor, she has a contractor.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she measures 36-24-36, and the other arm is just as big.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she was in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade…wearing ropes.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she went on a light diet. As soon as it’s light she starts eating.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she’s half Italian, half Irish, and half American.
Yo’ mama is so fat, when her beeper goes off, people think she’s backing up.
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sits next to everyone.
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she goes in a restaurant she looks at the menu and says, “Okay…”
Yo’ mama is so fat, she puts her lipstick on with a paint roller.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she has to pull down her pants to get in her pocket.
Yo’ mama is so fat, you have to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she has to wake up in sections.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she sat on a quarter and a booger popped out of George Washington’s nose.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she walked into the Gap and filled it.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she comes at you from all directions.
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she was growing up she didn’t play with dolls, she played with midgets.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she uses two buses for roller-blades.
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she goes to a buffet, she gets the group rate.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she doesn’t eat with a fork, she eats with a forklift.
Yo’ mama is so fat, Weight Watchers won’t look at her.
Yo’ mama is so fat, the last time the landlord saw her, he doubled the rent.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she put on some BVDs and by the time she got them on, they spelled “boulevard.”
Yo’ mama is so fat, I ran around her twice and got lost.
Yo’ mama is so fat, the shadow of her butt weighs 100 pounds.
Yo’ mama is so fat, the National Weather Service names each one of her farts.
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she’s standing on the corner, police drive by and say, “Hey! Break it up!”
Yo’ mama is so fat, she’s been declared a natural habitat for condors.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs.
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she goes to the zoo, the elephants throw her peanuts.
Yo’ mama is so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
Yo’ mama is so fat, they had to let out the shower curtain.
Yo’ mama is so fat that when she runs the fifty-yard dash, she needs an overnight bag.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she can’t even fit in the chat room.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she gets her toenails painted at Lucky’s Auto Body.
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat people holler, “Taxi!”
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down!
Yo’ mama is so fat, she could sell shade.
Yo’ mama is so fat, people jog around her for exercise.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she gets runs in her jeans.
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she wears a Malcolm X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she can’t even jump to a conclusion.
Yo’ mama is so fat that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
Yo’ mama is so fat, her graduation picture was an aerial photograph!
Yo’ mama is so fat, her job title is spoon and fork operator!
Yo’ mama is so fat, she left the house in high heels and when she came back, she had on flip-flops.
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.
Yo’ mama is so fat, her belly button doesn’t have lint, it has sweaters.
Yo’ mama is so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale.
Yo’ mama is so fat, a picture of her would fall off the wall!
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she gets on the scale, it says “To be continued.”
Yo’ mama is so fat, she sat on a dollar, and when she got up there were four quarters.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she fell in love and broke it.
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she takes a shower, her feet don’t get wet!
Yo’ mama is so fat, you have to grease the door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she goes to an all-you-can-eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
Yo’ mama is so fat, the sign outside one restaurant says, “Maximum occupancy, 512, or Yo’ mama!”
Yo’ mama is so fat, she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
Yo’ mama is so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
Yo’ mama is so fat, her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn’t get a menu, she gets an estimate.
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she was zoned for commercial development.
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she sings, it’s over for everybody.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she looks like she’s smuggling a Volkswagen.
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she was walking down the street and I swerved to miss her, I ran out of gas.
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she dances, she makes the band skip.
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she got her shoes shined, she had to take the guy’s word for it.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she gets group insurance!
Yo’ mama is so fat, she’s on both sides of the family!
Yo’ mama is so fat, she can’t reach her back pocket.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth!
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself to sleep trying to get up again.
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she was diagnosed with a flesheating disease, the doctor gave her ten years to live!
Yo’ mama is so fat, we’re in her right now!
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits around the house!
Yo’ mama is so fat, her bellybutton’s got an echo!
Yo’ mama is so fat, her bellybutton gets home fifteen minutes before she does!
Yo’ mama is so fat, she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she tripped over on Fourth Avenue, she landed on Twelfth.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she’s got her own area code!
Yo’ mama is so fat, when she talks to herself, it’s a long distance call!
Yo’ mama is so fat, she’s got smaller fat women orbiting around her!
Yo’ mama is so fat, whenever she goes to the beach, the tide comes in!
Yo’ mama is so fat, she was born on the fourth, fifth, and sixth of March.
Yo’ mama is so fat, she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world.
Yo’ mama’s so fat, she wears aluminum siding.
Yo’ mama’s so fat, she could fall down and wouldn’t even know it.
Yo’ mama’s so fat, she got hit by a VW and had to go to the hospital to have it removed.
Yo’ mama is so dumb, she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
Yo’ mama is so dumb, she asked for a price check at the dollar store.
Yo’ mama is so dumb, when she heard that 90 percent of all crimes occur in the home, she moved.
Yo’ mama is so dumb, she stole a car and kept up the payments.
Yo’ mama is so dumb, she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.
Yo’ mama is so dumb, she thought that Tupac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
Yo’ mama’s so dumb, she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
Yo’ mama is so dumb, when she saw the sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.
Yo’ mama is so dumb, she thought Boyz II Men was a day-care center.
Yo’ mama is so dumb, she sold the car for gas money.
Yo’ mama is so dumb, when she went to the movies and they said, “Under 17 not admitted,” she went home and got sixteen friends.
Yo’ mama is so dumb, when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
Yo’ mama is so dumb, she went up on your roof because they said drinks were on the house!
Yo’ mama is so dumb, she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing out the W’s!
Yo’ mama is so dumb, she only changed your diapers once a month because it said on the box “Good for up to 20 pounds”!
Yo’ mama is so dumb, she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!
Yo’ mama is so dumb, she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
Yo’ mama is so dumb, she bought a solar-powered flashlight.
Yo’ mama is so dumb, she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.
Yo’ mama is so dumb, it took her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
Yo’ mama is so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!
Yo’ mama is so dumb, she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
Yo’ mama is so dumb, it takes her an hour to cook Minute Rice.
Yo’ mama is so dumb, she cooked her own complimentary breakfast.
Yo’ mama is so dumb, when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran out with a spoon.
Yo’ mama is so dumb, she sold the house to pay the mortgage!
Yo’ mama is so dumb, she had to call the operator to get the number for 911!
Yo’ mama is so dumb, they had to burn down the school to get her out of second grade.
Yo’ mama is so dumb, when you stand next to her, you hear the ocean!
Yo’ mama is so poor, she went to McDonald’s and put a milk shake on layaway.
Yo’ mama is so poor, she waves around a Popsicle and calls it air conditioning.
Yo’ mama is so poor, when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, and she said, “Moving.”
Yo’ mama is so poor, when she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken, she has to lick other people’s fingers!!
Yo’ mama is so poor, when I ring the doorbell she says, “Ding!”
Yo’ mama is so poor, they ask for her I.D. when she pays cash.
Yo’ mama is so ugly, the psychiatrist makes her lie face down.
Yo’ mama is so ugly, for Halloween she can trick-or-treat over the telephone!
Yo’ mama is so ugly, if my dog looked like that, I’d shave his butt and walk him backwards.
Yo’ mama is so ugly, your father takes her to work with him so he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.
Yo’ mama is so ugly, they’re going to move Halloween to her birthday.
Yo’ mama is so ugly, all her neighbors chipped in for curtains.
Yo’ mama is so ugly, she makes onions cry.
Yo’ mama is so ugly, she went to the beauty shop and it took three hours…for an estimate.
Yo’ mama is so ugly, the Red Cross talked her out of being an organ donor.
Yo’ mama is so ugly, when she was a baby, her incubator had tinted windows.
Yo’ mama is so ugly, she’d scare a buzzard off a gut wagon.
Yo’ mama is so ugly, she looks like she’s been bobbing for french fries!
Yo’ mama is so ugly, when she walks into a bank, they turn off the cameras.
Yo’ mama is so ugly that when she sits on the beach, cats try to bury her.
Yo’ mama’s so ugly, when she entered an ugly contest, they said, “Sorry, no professionals.”
Yo’ mama is so ugly, she could scare the moss off a rock!
Yo’ mama’s so ugly, the only thing attracted to her is gravity.
Yo’ mama is so ugly, when she looks in the mirror, the reflection ducks!
Yo’ mama is so ugly, her face is closed on weekends!
Yo’ mama is so ugly, when she was born, the doctor slapped your grandma!
Yo’ mama is so ugly, they know what time she was born, because her face stopped all the clocks!
Yo’ mama is so ugly, when she cries, the tears run up her face.
Yo’ mama is so ugly, her mother had to feed her with a slingshot.
Yo’ mama is so ugly, she could scare the chrome off a bumper!
Yo’ mama is so ugly, when she talks, hairs fall out of my nose.
Yo’ mama is so ugly, your father kisses her with a stuntman.
Yo’ mama’s so ugly, at her wedding everyone kissed the groom.
Yo’ mama is so skinny, her eyes are single file.
Yo’ mama is so skinny, her pajamas have only one stripe.
Yo’ mama is so slow, her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
Yo’ mama is so old, she farts dust!
Yo’ mama is so old, she walked into an antiques store and they kept her.
Yo’ mama is so old, her driver’s license has hieroglyphics on it!
Yo’ mama is so old, she still owes Moses a quarter!
Yo’ mama is so old, when she was young, rainbows were black and white!
Yo’ mama is so old, when she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick!
Yo’ mama is so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
Yo’ mama is so old, when she was in school, they didn’t have history.
Yo’ mama is so old, when I told her to act her own age, she died.
Yo’ mama is so old, she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
Yo’ mama is so old, her birth certificate says “expired” on it.
Yo’ mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.
Yo’ mama is so old, she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.
Yo’ mama is so short, she poses for trophies!
Yo’ mama is so short, when she pulls up her stockings, she can’t see where she’s going.
Yo’ mama’s so short, you can see her feet on her driver’s license!
Yo’ mama’s arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.
Yo’ mama’s head is so small, she got her ear pierced and died.
Yo’ mama’s nose is so big, you can go bowling with her boogers!
Yo’ mama’s lips are so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray.
Yo’ mama is so lazy, I’ve seen her step into a revolving door and wait.
Yo’ mama’s house is so dirty, roaches ride around on dune buggies!
Yo’ mama’s house is so dirty, she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.
Yo’ mama is so dirty, she brushes her teeth with chewing tobacco.
Yo’ mama is so nasty, she joined the Four Horsemen: war, pestilence, death, famine, and yo’ mama!
Yo’ mama’s underarms are so hairy, she looks like she has somebody in a headlock.
Yo’ mama’s armpits stink so bad, she made Right Guard turn left.
Yo’ mama’s teeth are so yellow, when she smiles, cars slow down.
Yo’ mama is so cross-eyed, she dropped a dime and picked up two nickels.
Yo’ mama’s glasses are so thick, when she looks at a map she can see people waving.
Yo’ mama is so cheap, when she takes out a dollar, George Washington blinks at the light.
Yo’ mama is so tough, when carpenters buy a box of nails, they say, “Hand me some of those mamas.”