A conservative economist was lecturing to his class and he saw that one student had fallen asleep and he pounded on the table and the student woke up and said, “Cut taxes and reduce government spending.”
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday did not happen today.
A woman hears from her doctor that she has only half a year to live. The doctor advises her to marry an economist and to live in South Dakota. The woman asks, “Will this cure my illness?”
The doctor answers, “No, but the half year will seem pretty long.”
A party of economists was climbing in the Alps. After several hours they became hopelessly lost. One of them studied the map for some time, turning it up and down, sighting on distant landmarks, consulting his compass and the sun. Finally he said,“Okay, see that big mountain over there?”
The others agreed. “Well, according to the map, we’re standing on top of it.”
What’s the difference between an economist and a confused old man with Alzheimer’s?
The economist is the one with the calculator.
A mathematician, an accountant, and an economist apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks, “What does two plus two equal?” The mathematician replies, “Four.” The interviewer asks, “Four exactly?” The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says, “Yes, four exactly.”
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question: “What does two plus two equal?” The accountant says, “On average, four—give or take 10 percent—but on average, four.”
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question: “What does two plus two equal?” The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer, and says, “What do you want it to equal?”
Why was astrology invented?
To make economics seem scientific.
Three econometricians went out hunting and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired but missed by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired but missed by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn’t fire but shouted in triumph, “We got it! We got it!”
An economist is someone who didn’t have enough personality to become an accountant.
Economists have forecast nine out of the last five recessions.