Did you hear about the Iowans who went to the drive-in movie and got rowdy and ripped up the seats?
Did you hear about the Iowa coyote?
He chewed off three legs and was still caught in the trap.
Did you hear what happened to the Iowa ice hockey team?
They drowned during spring training.
The Iowan walks into the hardware store to buy a chainsaw. He says, “I want one that will cut down about ten trees in an hour.” So the clerk sells him one.
The next day, the Iowan comes in all upset and says, “Hey, this chainsaw only cut down one little tree in one hour!”
The clerk says, “Gee, let me take a look at it.”
He pulls on the starter rope, the saw starts up, and the Iowan says, “What’s that noise?”
Why don’t they take coffee breaks in Iowa?
It takes too long to retrain them.
What do they call 100 John Deeres circling a McDonald’s in Iowa?
Prom night.
The Iowan was asked to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
He said, “My sister has a sweater with ten buttons, but her chest is so big she can only fascinate.”
How do you know when an Iowan has been using your computer?
There are eraser marks on the screen.
How do you make an Iowan’s eyes light up?
Stick a flashlight in his ear.
Did you hear about the Iowan who stayed up all night to see where the sun went?
It finally dawned on him.
The Iowan checks into a hotel for the first time in his life and goes up to his room. Soon he calls the desk and says, “You’ve given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?”
The desk clerk says, “Sir, that’s absurd. Have you looked for the door?”
The Iowan says, “Well, there’s one door that leads to the bathroom. There’s a second door that goes into the closet. And there’s a door I haven’t tried, but it has a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on it.”
The Minnesota man and the Iowa man have just finished using the men’s room and the Iowan stops to wash his hands. He says, “In Iowa, we’re brought up to wash our hands after we pee.”
The Minnesotan says, “In Minnesota, we’re brought up not to pee on our hands.”
Did you hear about the Iowa woman who went to the department store to return a scarf?
She claimed that it was too tight.
They can’t get their heads in the jar.
The Iowan came to Minneapolis to see the sights and asked the hotel clerk about the time of meals. “Breakfast is served from seven to eleven, dinner from twelve to three, and supper from six to eight,” explained the clerk.
“Look here,” inquired the Iowan in surprise, “when am I going to get time to see the city?”
Two Iowans were sitting in the doctor’s waiting room. One of them was crying. The other Iowan asked, “Why are you crying?”
The first Iowan replied, “I came here for a blood test, and they had to cut my finger.”
Upon hearing this, the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked the other, “Why are you crying?”
The second Iowan says, “I’m here for a urine test.”
Why do Iowans use birth-control pills?
So they’ll know what day of the week it is.
And why do they stop using birth-control pills?
Because the pills keep falling out.
Why don’t Iowans make Jell-O?
They can’t figure out how to get two cups of water into those little bags.
Why can’t an Iowan dial 911?
He can’t find the eleven.
What about the Iowan who went to the library and checked out a book called How to Hug?
He got home and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopedia.
So this Iowan died and went to heaven. St. Peter said, “Before I let you in, you have to pass a test.”
“Oh, no!” said the Iowan.
St. Peter said, “Don’t worry. This is easy. Just answer this question: Who was God’s son?”
The Iowan thought. Finally, she said, “Andy!”
St. Peter said, “Andy?”
The Iowan said, “We sang it in church: ‘Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own.’”
Why do Iowans hate to make chocolate chip cookies?
It takes too long to peel the M&M’s.
On his first day at work, a recent University of Iowa graduate was handed a broom by his new boss and told to sweep the floor. He looked at the boss with disgust and said, “Hey! I’m a graduate of the University of Iowa, you know!”
The manager took the broom back and said, “Really? Sorry about that. Here, let me show you how it’s done.”
The Iowan walks down the road wearing one shoe. He meets a man from Minnesota who says, “How did you lose your shoe?”
“Didn’t lose a shoe. I found one.”