Four retired guys, two from California and two from Arizona, are walking down a street in Phoenix. Then they turn a corner and see a sign that says, “Old Timer’s Bar” “ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS!” They go in. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, “Come on in and let me pour one for you. What’ll it be, Gentlemen?” There seems to be a fully stocked bar, so the 4 men each asked for a martini. In short order, the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis and says, “That’ll be 10 cents each, please.” They can’t believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, “That’s 40 cents, please.” They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They’ve each had two martinis and so far they’ve spent less than a dollar. Finally one of the men couldn’t stand it any longer and asks the bartender, “How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?” “Here’s my story. I’m a retired tailor from Brooklyn, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime—wine, liquor, beer, all the same.” “Wow!! That’s quite a story,” says one of the men. The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn’t help but notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn’t have a drink in front of them, and hadn’t ordered anything the whole time they were there. One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, “What’s with them?” The bartender says, “They’re seniors from Minnesota. They’re waiting for happy hour.”
Why are most Iowa jokes so short?
So Minnesotans can remember them.
What do you call forty guys watching the Super Bowl on television?
The Minnesota Vikings.
The Vikings’ placekicker tried to commit suicide after they lost to Atlanta.
He got the rope around his neck, but he couldn’t kick the bucket out from under him.
Did you hear that their coach wouldn’t let the Vikings eat cereal?
When they get close to a bowl, they choke.
If a Palestinian and a Minnesotan get married, what do they call their child?
Yasir Yabetcha.
Guy #1: You know, once it got so cold in Minnesota…
Guy #2: How cold did it get?
Guy #1: So cold, I woke up in the morning and found these little chunks of ice in my bed, and when I warmed them up they went, “ppppppppppppppp!”
What did the Minnesotan say to the Pillsbury Doughboy?
“Hey, man—nice tan.”
Where do you find the trees in Minnesota?
Between da twos and da fours.
A boy worked in the produce section of the supermarket. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man was persistent. The boy said he’d go ask his manager what to do.
The boy walked into the back room and said, “There’s some jerk out there who wants to buy only half a head of lettuce.”
As he finished saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, “And this gentleman wants to buy the other half.”
The manager okayed the deal. Later the manager said to the boy, “You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet, and we like that around here. Where are you from, son?”
The boy replied, “Minnesota, sir.”
“Oh really? Why did you leave Minnesota?” asked the manager.
The boy replied, “They’re all just whores and hockey players up there.”
“My wife is from Minnesota,” the manager said.
The boy replied, “Really!? What team did she play for?”