A blonde went in the store to buy pink curtains for her computer monitor. The salesman said, “But computers don’t need curtains!” She said, “Hellllooooooooo! I’ve got Windows!”
Blonde: I’m having a problem with my computer. When I type in my password, all it shows are those little stars.
Computer Tech: Right. Little asterisks. That’s for your protection. So if someone were standing behind you, they couldn’t see what your password is.
Blonde: Okay, but they show up even when nobody is standing behind me.
The blonde got a present from her boyfriend, a cell phone, and the next day, while she was shopping, the phone rang and it was him. He said, “How do you like your new cell phone?” She said, “I just love it, it fits in my purse, and your voice is so clear. But how did you know I was at Walmart?”
A car was driving down the street when suddenly it started swerving. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, “Officer, I’m so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, and then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!” The officer looks at her, and then says, “Ma’am, that’s your air freshener.”
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde’s ear?
Data transfer.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead escaped from prison. The cops were chasing them when they stopped at a dock. On the dock were 3 gunnysacks. The redhead said they should get in them to hide, and they did. A cop kicked the one with the redhead in it, and she said, “Ruff, ruff, ruff!” The cop says, “It’s only a dog.” Then he kicked the one with the brunette in it and she said, “Meow, meow, meow!” The cop said, “It’s only a cat.” Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and she said, “Potatoes, potatoes, potatoes!”
One day, a blonde girl was running out to check her mail and a neighbor was watching. Five minutes later, she checked it again. This happened all through the day until the neighbor went outside and stopped her and asked her why she kept looking in her mail box and her reply was: “My computer keeps telling me I have mail!”
Once there was a blonde cowboy walking naked down the Main Street of Dodge. The sheriff said, “What happened, Blonde Cowboy?” The blonde cowboy said, “Well, I was with this cheap floozy and she took off her clothes and I took off my clothes and she said, ‘Now go to town cowboy…’ So here I am.”
What did Paris Hilton say when someone blew in her bra?
Thanks for the refill.
How do you make Paris Hilton laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday
How did Paris Hilton try to kill a bird?
She threw it off a cliff.
Paris Hilton took her Jaguar to the garage because it was running rough. The mechanic looked under the hood and then he said, “Just crap in the carburetor.” Paris said, “How often do I have to do that?”
What do you see when you look into Paris Hilton’s eyes?
The inside of the back of her head.
Why did Paris Hilton cross the road?
I don’t know.
Neither does she.
Why did Paris Hilton climb over the chain link fence?
To see what was on the other side.
Paris Hilton is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. Somebody asked, “Where did you get that?” The pig says “I won her in a raffle!”
Paris Hilton orders a pizza and the clerk asks if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. Paris said, “Six. I could never eat twelve pieces.”
The blonde got pregnant and had a maternity test to make sure it was hers.
Did you hear that a piece of gum once chewed by Jessica Simpson is up for bid on eBay? Now that she doesn’t have anything to chew, she will be able to walk again.
Why did the blonde have square boobs?
She forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
How are blondes like cowpies?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Why does a blonde nurse always carry a red pen?
To draw blood.
Why do blondes need transparent lunchboxes?
So they can tell if they’re coming home or going to work.
Why does it take blondes so long to drive to Florida?
Every time they see a sign that says, “clean restrooms,” they stop and do it.
The blonde was so proud because she finished a puzzle in 52 days that was labeled “2 to 3 years.”
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, “Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them.”
A friend says, “O.K., Wisconsin?”
The blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy, W.”
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
Knock on the hatch.
A blonde arrived at the emergency room with her finger all mangled. The ER doctor asked her how it happened.
“Well,” she said, “I wanted to commit suicide so I took a gun and I put to my chest and then I thought, I don’t want to ruin that $10,000 dollar breast enhancement surgery! So I put the gun in my mouth and I thought, I don’t want to ruin the $12,000 of dental work that gave me this beautiful smile! So I decided to stick the gun in my ear. Then I thought, you know, this is going to be really loud.”
Employer: I see you left some blanks on your job application, ma’am. Hair color. I see you’re a blonde.
Blonde: Oh. Right.
Employer: How old are you?
Blonde: (counting quickly under her breath) 22.
Employer: What is your name?
Blonde: (under her breath) Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…happy birthday, dear—Mandy.
The blonde looked at the other blonde who was wearing a nametag and she said,
“‘Debbie’…that’s cute. What did you name the other one?”
Why do so many blondes move to L.A.?
It’s easy to spell.
How do you keep a blonde occupied for hours?
Write “Please turn over” on both sides of a piece of paper.
Why don’t blondes breastfeed?
Because it’s so painful to boil your nipples.
A blonde decided to kidnap a kid so she went to the playground, grabbed a kid, and wrote a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the tree next to the slide on the playground. Signed, A Blonde.” The blonde pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting under the tree. The blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow blonde?”
A blonde walks into the hair salon with a pair of headphones on. The stylist asks her to take them off for the haircut, so she does, and a moment later she faints. The stylist picks up the headphones and there’s a little voice saying, “Breathe in…breathe out…in…out…in.”
A blonde walks down the street and sees a banana peel ahead, and she says: “Here we go again.”
A blonde wanted to buy personalized license plates but she couldn’t afford them. So she changed her name to JKM345.
A blonde and her father are walking down a street when the father says, “Look, a dead bird.”
And the blonde looks up and says, “Where?”
Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see “Closed for the Winter.”