7
“Where you been?” my aunt questioned me the moment I stepped into the apartment.
“Just hanging out with a friend.”
“A friend from school?” She stared at me.
“No. I thought you were going to be at your meeting.”
“I didn’t go tonight. I was tired. Preston said he saw you with one of these little hoodlums. Gab, these boys around here ain’t like the ones you used to in that fancy school. They will say anything and do anything to get what they want and after they get it they will pass you on to one of their friends.”
“That sounds just like my high school. It’s no different over there.”
“I thought you would learn from your mother’s mistake. These boys around here ain’t gonna do shit but leave you knocked up and on welfare.”
“What do you mean my mother’s mistake? You mean me?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying. She had dreams for her future and once she had you she turned all those dreams into dreams for you. You don’t want to let her down. She gave up everything to make sure you had a future. You willing to throw that away for someone with no future?”
“And how am I doing that? I’m going to school and getting good grades.”
“Yes, but you are also judged by the company you keep. Just being seen with that kind of boy can get you in trouble in this neighborhood.” The last thing I wanted her to find out now was about my run-in with Mika. Of course Preston would probably run and tell her anyway with his big-ass mouth.
“And does that apply to you or just me?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I didn’t say anything. I knew I had said more than I should.
“So you talking about Preston?”
I turned away so she couldn’t see the look of pure disgust on my face at the mention of his name.
“You got something to say then say it.”
“No, I don’t have anything to say. I need to do my homework.”
“What do you have against Preston? He thinks you don’t like him.”
“I don’t.”
“Look, I know that your mother never dated. Preston said that’s what it’s about. You’re not used to having men around or sharing the adults in your life. The women.”
“Oh, and what do you think, Auntie?”
“Gabby, I don’t know what the hell to think. This mother-aunt thing is new to me. I ain’t never had to think about anybody other than myself but I like him. You don’t know how hard it is once you done all the things I done to have a decent man give a shit about you. And he wants to be committed.”
“Moving in is not a commitment. It’s just a change of address for him. I think you can do better.”
“Well I been out there and I don’t. He loves me.”
“Then why isn’t he trying to marry you? He’s taking you off the market for free.”
“What do you know about grown-folk business? You been so sheltered you believe everything you see on television.”
“This is 2013. I don’t live under a rock. I got social media, friends, and eyes and ears. I know a lot more than you think. I seen all kinds of things. Just because people have good jobs and money don’t mean they’re not as messed up as poor people. You can’t shelter anybody anymore.”
“Well, I just need you to give Preston a break.”
“I need you to let me put a lock on my door. I need some privacy.”
“Fine.”
“Wait. What did you mean about my father being from around here? I thought they met when my mother was in college.”
“She was in college. He was slinging drugs on the avenue.”
“My father was a drug dealer?”
“Yeah. Ain’t that a good enough reason not to get all messed up with one?”
“Is that why he wanted nothing to do with me?”
“What?” She seemed genuinely confused. “Your mother didn’t tell him about you. I don’t think he even knows that he has a child.”
“She lied to me? She made it seem like he was the one who had rejected me. That she had no choice but to raise me on her own.”
“Maybe that’s how she felt because of what he did for a living.”
“What else do you know about my father?”
“I can’t talk to you about this. Your mother wouldn’t like it.”
“You already told me more than she ever did. Besides, my mother is dead. I’m seventeen years old and I don’t want to be treated like I’m some baby.”
“Big John Thompson was a legend around here. He owned the streets. Hell, the first time I ever got high was off-a some weed from one of his crew. I think because he was in love with your mother he always had a soft spot for me. Treated me real good, but once he went away the dealers who took over his territory didn’t give a shit about nobody. They were all about stacking paper by whatever means necessary.”
“My father was a drug dealer? What happened to him?”
“I think he’s upstate somewhere.”
“Hey, ladies.” I hadn’t even heard the door open when Preston entered the apartment. My head was swirling with all this new information. My mother had been lying to me all these years. I grabbed my bag and headed into my room.
“Don’t walk out of here without saying hello,” I heard Preston yell after me.
“Let her go.” My aunt actually sounded worried. “She finally heard the truth.”
“About what?” Preston asked. I closed my door, not wanting to hear the rest of their conversation about me.
I opened my computer and logged on. I needed to get more information about my father. All it took was a few clicks to catch up on the man I knew nothing about ten minutes ago. Big John Thompson was one of the key drug dealers taken down in a sting thirteen years ago. A photo of him popped up on my computer. I expanded the image and looked for similarities between us. I guessed we had the same eyes, and I did see a resemblance in the shape of our faces. God this felt weird that after all these years of not knowing here I was looking into the eyes of my father. He was handsome and I could see why my mother would find him attractive.
I wanted to call Maddie and tell her, but did I really want to share that my father was a convicted felon in prison for selling drugs to children? It said that he was doing twenty-five years to life. Did that mean he’d never get out of prison? That I’d never meet him? Apparently he’d earned a small fortune from his drug dealing but a large part of his assets were never recovered. It had something to do with off-shore accounts and the government not being able to confiscate his property. I guessed Big John was smarter than they expected.
Should I write him a letter and identify myself or should I pretend that he doesn’t exist? Could I even go back to the way it was before? I grabbed my phone to call D-Waite. He would know what to do, but I couldn’t call him. Not yet. He had his own trouble to deal with. And that was worrying me even more. I picked up the phone and called Maddie. I didn’t know what I wanted to talk about but I needed to hear a familiar and safe voice.
“Hey, I’m sorry about today.”
“You mean dumping me for that hoodlum? What are you doing messing around with someone like him?”
“You don’t know anything about him!” I defended D-Waite.
“I know that you and he have nothing in common.”
“We have more in common than you and I ever will.”
“What, because you’re both black? Really, Gab?”
“No, because we just do,” I argued.
“I got to go.” Maddie hung up the phone on me.
It wasn’t the first time we’d disagreed about things but something about this was different. I felt more alone than ever. I clicked back on the computer and stared at the picture of my father. Maybe I wasn’t as alone as I thought.