PART ONE
The Problem
PROVOCATION
Theresa Cousins had never been so mad at her husband, Jude.
Ironically, the comment that sparked her anger wasn’t really directed at her specifically and certainly wasn’t meant as criticism. In fact, he said it without malice or emotion.
If my clients ran their companies the way we run this family, they’d be out of business.
That was it.
But as a full-time stay-at-home mom, Theresa couldn’t help but feel like the target of the comment. Worse yet, she suspected that Jude might be right.
THERESA
The only sister among three brothers, Theresa Toscana considered herself a little tougher than most of her childhood friends. Receiving a partial scholarship to play volleyball at the University of Notre Dame, she chose mathematics as her major and made extra money by tutoring other athletes who were struggling with their freshman year calculus requirement.
One of those athletes was a tennis player who had a roommate named Jude Cousins, a fellow Californian who wasn’t having much trouble with math but did need occasional advice about women. Even after she finished her tutoring assignment with his roommate, Theresa and Jude found excuses to be around each other. The two became friends, though they never dated.
After graduation, Theresa returned to her family’s home in the San Francisco Bay Area, where she spent two and a half years in what she referred to as “accounting prison,” bored to tears doing tax audits for companies that held no interest for her. So she went back to school to become a junior high school math teacher, something she would come to love.
It was during her first year in graduate school that she also reconnected with Jude.
REUNION
Having quickly abandoned his aspirations to be a journalist in Chicago, Jude joined the herds of recent college grads moving west to work in high tech. After finding a job with a growing software company, he quickly began climbing the corporate ladder, or more accurately, being pushed up it by an industry on fire.
Living with some college friends in San Francisco, Jude spent many Saturday mornings at a local Irish pub watching Notre Dame football games with fellow alumni. It was there that he saw Theresa, and after watching a disappointing loss, he agreed to have dinner with her at her parents’ house that night.
Within a week, the old friends began dating, and five years later, to the relief of Theresa’s mother, they were finally married.
For the next few years, Jude and Theresa worked hard at their jobs and enjoyed life in the City, eating out with friends and going to movies whenever they wanted. As much fun as that sounded, quietly they were struggling to start a family. Finally, after two and a half years of trying, Theresa became pregnant—with twins.
CONTINUOUS CHANGE
Almost to the day that they received the doubly overwhelming news from their doctor, Jude decided to leave his high-tech job and start his own consulting firm, working out of the spare bedroom in the couple’s new little suburban home fifteen miles east of the City.
By the time the twins, Emily and Hailey, had their first birthday, Theresa had abandoned any plans for an imminent return to teaching, deciding that two infants would be more than enough work for a while.
And when she had Sophia a few years later, Theresa accepted that her teaching career would have to wait even longer, and that her role as a mother would be more than a full-time job. Besides, Jude’s practice had grown much faster than they could have imagined, which meant he would be home to help less than she might have liked and that they would easily be able to afford their modest lifestyle on only one income.
When Sophia was ready to start preschool, Theresa thought life would slow down and allow her to breathe, and maybe even dive back into teaching part-time. Then along came Michael, born on Theresa’s thirty-eighth birthday.
Just like that, Theresa Cousins found herself resuming a daily regimen that would fill her days and nights for the foreseeable future, with no achievable end in sight. It was more than she had expected, and would take its toll on her over the course of the next couple of years.
THE SCHEDULE
As the school year started and Theresa pondered the approach of her fortieth birthday less than four months away (on Christmas Eve), the Cousins family was in various states of full bloom. The twins were almost ten and were just beginning fourth grade, Sophia, nearly six, was entering kindergarten, and Michael, at one and a half, was still two years from preschool. The daily schedule at the Cousins household said it all.
Mondays were relatively easy, with swim practice and piano for the twins after school. Tuesdays were soccer practice for all the girls, which involved Jude coaching Hailey and Emily’s squad, and Theresa helping out with Sophia’s amoeba ball team. Wednesdays were the busiest days, with more swimming and a Girl Scout meeting for the twins, as well as Theresa’s Bible study. Thursdays were Theresa’s day to volunteer in the classroom, and another full soccer day, followed by a Friday that always seemed to involve a sleepover or a birthday party of some kind.
Saturdays were a logistics nightmare involving swim meets and soccer games and household chores, and an occasional recital, all with Michael in tow. Sundays were the calmest day of the week, reserved for church, and at least one soccer game or practice. And more often than not, Jude and Theresa had another family over for dinner or a barbecue, filling their house with no less than six kids, which was noisy but wonderful.
Add to that the daily homework, laundry, house cleaning, diapers, groceries, school board meetings, grandparents’ visits, business trips, and the random illnesses or emotional crises that befall any houseful of four children, and the Cousins family was hanging on for dear life, with Theresa doing most of the hanging.
FEEBLE ATTEMPTS
More and more frequently, Theresa and Jude found themselves engaged in a ritualistic conversation about the need to find sanity in their schedule. Somehow the discussion usually took place in the bathroom while Jude was shaving or brushing his teeth, and would be prompted by Theresa coming in to remind her husband about an unexpected or forgotten item on the schedule that day.
“Don’t forget about the parent-teacher meeting tonight,” or “The twins’ scrimmage in Walnut Creek starts at six-thirty.”
Jude would stop what he was doing, take a deep breath, and announce, “We have to cut back our activities.”
“I would love to,” Theresa would respond sincerely though somewhat hopelessly. “What can we stop doing?”
And then the husband and wife would proceed to review the various activities on their calendar, justifying each one as being important enough to keep doing, or lamenting a commitment that they had already made from which they couldn’t escape.
“Classroom volunteering keeps me involved at school, which I think is important,” Theresa would explain.
Jude would nod his head and ask, “Can’t we take the twins out of piano? What were we thinking when we signed them up for that?”
“Well, we’ve always said that the girls need some sort of music, and they really like it. At least Hailey does, and she won’t do it if Emily doesn’t.”
Jude would gently correct her. “Actually, I think it was you who always said that they need music lessons.”
She would pause, and change the subject. “Maybe we should stop swimming.”
Jude would consider it, for a moment. “But isn’t every one of the girls’ friends in swimming? That’s half their social life right there. And ours, for that matter.”
Theresa would agree and then add, “And I definitely don’t want to stop doing Bible study.”
“Absolutely not,” Jude would affirm. “In fact, I should start going too. I need to figure out how to free up my time on Wednesday mornings.”
Theresa would sigh, “I don’t know what else we can change. Sometimes I just want to move to the country and live like the Waltons.”
Jude would bow his head in a defeated sign of agreement, and then come to life as though he had a sudden brainstorm.
“Here’s an idea.” He’d pause, for effect. “Let’s stop changing Michael’s diapers! That will save us at least an hour a day. Sure, it will be messy, but I think it’ll be worth it.”
Theresa would laugh, and then Jude would look at the little clock in the bathroom. “Ooh, I’m going to be late.”
He’d kiss his wife and hustle out the door with a “See you at soccer!” or “I’ll pick up Sophia from swimming!” or “Remember, I’m out of town tomorrow night so I can’t go to the recital!”
And yet another day of chaos would begin.
Some days Theresa would find herself longing for what her father-in-law annoyingly called a “real job.” But she knew that this would be her full-time vocation for much of the next decade, and she had decided long ago to take it more seriously than any paid position she’d ever had.
Which is probably why the comment her husband was about to make set her hair on fire.
SENSITIVITY
They had just put the last of the kids to bed and were cleaning the kitchen. Theresa mentioned a missed dentist appointment and the fee they’d have to pay as a result. And that prompted Jude’s infamous remark.
“If my clients ran their companies the way we run this family, they’d go out of business.”
Knowing his wife’s passionate nature and her family’s Italian heritage, Jude wouldn’t normally have been surprised by a slightly fiery response to an offhanded comment. But the magnitude of Theresa’s reaction, especially given the absence of any malice on his part, caught him off guard.
After only a brief moment of icy silence, Theresa pounced. “And what is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing. It’s just that—”
She interrupted. “So you think you could do a better job at this, I guess?”
Jude was stunned by the unusually harsh tone in his wife’s voice. “I didn’t say that.”
“But you’d fire me if I were the CEO of one of your companies?”
Jude smiled, a little nervously, and made a weak attempt at a joke. “Well, first of all, they’re not my companies. They’re my clients, so I can’t fire anyone even if—”
“You know what I mean,” she interrupted.
Jude remained calm. “Second, I wasn’t saying that you’re doing a bad job. I’m just saying that everything is always so—”
He hesitated, searching for the right word. “Crazy.”
“And you think that’s my fault?”
Jude shook his head, took a deep breath, and did his best to calm the situation. “Now, wait a second, Theresa.”
It didn’t work.
“No, you wait a second. I bust my butt day after day after day, and you have the gall to compare me to one of your clients?” She didn’t wait for a response. “Let me tell you something, Jude. I don’t have an administrative assistant or a private jet or an expense account or a limo driver. It’s just me and four kids and a husband, all of whom think that everything just gets taken care of magically. Well it doesn’t. It’s hard work and it never stops.”
Jude hesitated, not wanting to further exacerbate the situation. Desperate for relief, he tried humor again. In a playfully sarcastic tone, he corrected his wife. “By the way, none of my clients have private jets.”
At first Theresa looked like she was going to blow again. Until Jude smiled sheepishly and forced her to do the same. For just a moment.
Calming down now, but still upset, Theresa explained. “You know what I mean, Jude. I have never worked harder at anything in my life, and it’s not working. You don’t think that’s hard to hear?”
Now she was on the verge of tears, so Jude chose his words carefully.
“What do you mean, it’s not working? I didn’t mean to put this all on you. I didn’t say ‘if my clients ran their companies the way you ran this family’; I said we.”
Theresa shook her head. “Come on. I know we’re partners here, but most of the stuff you’re talking about, the chaos, the stress, has to do with my part of the job. Your part of it is all tidy and neat. You make enough money for us, you come to the big events, you tuck the girls in at night. You’re their knight in shining armor . . . and I’m the warden of the jail.”
“That’s not fair, Theresa. You’re more than a warden.” He paused. “You’re also the cook, the janitor, the bus driver, the—”
Now Theresa hit her husband playfully in the arm, but with some force.
After more than a decade of marriage, Jude knew when to offer an apology, even if he hadn’t meant to do anything wrong. “I’m sorry, Theresa. I should have thought about what I was saying.”
He hesitated for a moment, unsure about whether he should say what he was thinking. “I know life is crazy for you. And I have to tell you, it is for me too. I come home every night, and between work and soccer and homework and everything else my head never seems to stop spinning.” He hesitated again before asking the next question. “But is it really that bad for you?”
Theresa sighed. “It’s not that it’s bad. It’s just overwhelming. And I don’t want to complain, because I realize how blessed I am. It’s just hard right now. I’ll be fine.”
Jude wasn’t quite convinced. “Are you unhappy, though?”
Theresa shook her head and took a breath. “How can I be unhappy? I actually enjoy most of what I’m doing. I’m just frustrated.”
Now Jude was relieved, but a little confused.
Theresa continued without pausing. “I mean, I love picking the girls up from school and talking to them in the minivan on the way home and making Michael laugh when I change his diaper and coaching Sophia in soccer and I wouldn’t even mind the laundry and cleaning if I had time to do it the way I’d like to, but throw it all together and mix in the distractions and the tattling and the surprise visits from relatives and the school politics and everything else and it gets so hurried and overwhelming that I can’t pause long enough to enjoy the moment.”
She finally stopped for a breath, exhausted and emotional just thinking about her life. “And that is the real shame. I’m not enjoying doing things I’ve always wanted to do.”
Jude put his arms around his wife and didn’t say anything for a long ten seconds. Finally he offered, “You know, I bet every other family we know is in the same situation. It’s just part of having a handful of active kids and living in this kind of environment.”
Though her anger at Jude had all but dissipated, Theresa wasn’t ready to let herself off the hook.
She pulled back a little so she could look her husband in the eye. “I don’t think everyone has this problem, Jude. Do you think that the Marshes do? Or the Horans? There is no way that Kelly Horan feels like I do.”
Jude smiled. “I bet you’d be surprised.”
At that moment Theresa decided she was going to find out for herself.
RESEARCH
Theresa couldn’t believe she was doing it. For the first time ever, she felt like her crazy Aunt Stella. Theresa was calling Kelly Horan to find out if her life was as out of control as her own.
Though they were acquaintances of the Cousins family, the Horans were certainly not close friends. Theresa had used Kelly as an example in her discussion with Jude because she had a reputation for being one of those perfect moms. That reputation made her the object of good-natured envy and humor among some of the mothers at school, all of whom knew Kelly to be consistently gracious, if not a little shy. The Horans had an immaculate house and yard. Kelly’s hair and clothes were never out of style or unkempt. Worse yet, her three kids, from the toddler to the teenager, always seemed to be well-behaved at school and at church.
Theresa would normally have felt more than a little awkward about asking another mom her secrets—especially one she didn’t know well—because she wouldn’t want to come across as nosy or desperate. But she was, in fact, desperate for help.
The call would be shorter than she could have imagined.
KIMONO OPENING
As soon as Theresa explained why she was calling, Kelly cut her off in her barely perceptible Mississippi accent.
“Theresa, I would be glad to help you. But I’m afraid that you’re going to have to come over if I’m going to be of any real use to you.”
As strange as that sounded, Theresa wasn’t in any position to turn down the offer, not after putting herself out there as she had. And so, eleven minutes later, she was parking her minivan in front of the Horan house, which, of course, was immaculate.
Kelly greeted Theresa more warmly than she had ever done at school or church, and seemed genuinely glad to have her in her home. It was as neat and clean as it was stylishly decorated.
How can this be? Theresa wondered as she surveyed the tidy kitchen and family room. She has three boys!
“So, you want to talk to me about how I run my home life?” Kelly seemed confused. “Is that right?”
Theresa nodded, a little embarrassed now. “Well, yes. I mean, I’m just wondering if there’s anything you do that helps you, I don’t know—”
Before she could finish, Kelly interrupted sweetly. “Why in heaven’s name did you decide to call me?”
Theresa paused to choose her words carefully. “Well, you are one of the calmest, most put-together people I know.”
Kelly digested the comment dispassionately. “Who else have you talked to about this?”
“About coming here?”
Kelly smiled. “No, who else have you asked advice from?”
Theresa shook her head. “No one.”
Now Kelly seemed genuinely shocked. “So you’re telling me that I am the first person you decided to talk to about how to improve the way you run your home and family?” She sounded delightedly incredulous.
Theresa nodded, prompting Kelly Horan to grab her by the hand. “Come with me, friend.”
Before she knew what was happening, Kelly was leading Theresa up a staircase and into a hallway with four closed doors.
Bringing her toward the door at the end of the narrow room, Kelly took a breath and smiled. “If you tell anyone about this, I will have to kill you.”
And with that she flung open her bedroom door.
After Theresa overcame a mild sense of shock, she took in the entire scene.
The bed was unmade, a tornado of sheets and pillows. Small stacks of paper and what appeared to be envelopes surrounded a wicker trashcan in the middle of the room. At least four piles of dirty or perhaps clean and wrinkled laundry covered the ground at the foot of the bed. Folded stacks of shirts, underwear, and socks covered a desk on the far wall.
The place was the definition of a mess.
Looking toward the bathroom, Theresa saw an unidentifiable structure that was covered with towels and sheets.
“That’s my treadmill,” Kelly explained. “I use it to dry towels when the dryer breaks. And you don’t even want to go into the bathroom.”
Theresa could not believe the words that came out of her mouth next. “Oh, yes I do.”
Kelly laughed out loud. “Okay. But enter at your own risk.”
Theresa made her way through the maze of clothes and debris in the bedroom, and arrived at the entrance to the bathroom. What she saw was impressive.
The counter next to the sink was covered with open mascara bottles and cotton swabs. At least half the drawers were open, revealing a random collection of toothpaste tubes, hair brushes, and a can of shaving cream. Magazines were scattered around the toilet.
Theresa turned and saw Kelly standing in the doorway, smiling ear to ear. “Like what I’ve done with the place?” They laughed.
Next, she brought her guest downstairs again, and opened a door near the kitchen. Again, Theresa had to look for a few seconds to believe what she was seeing.
It was the garage, but there were no cars inside. Instead, the room was filled, wall to wall and halfway up to the ceiling, with boxes and crates and Christmas lights and paint cans and sporting goods.
“If you look closely,” Kelly explained, “you can see a hidden path that allows you to make your way to the other side. But you have to be very flexible and athletic to get there.”
Finally, Kelly brought Theresa back to the kitchen where they sat down to talk. “So now you know how I keep the rest of the house clean.”
Theresa suddenly felt the need to match her host’s openness and counterbalance her admissions of guilt.
“Okay, so you’ve got a few messy rooms. I’ve got messy rooms of my own, but I’ve also got a filthy car, two years of Christmas cards that have never been sent, a blinking light on my minivan that says I’m two hundred miles late on my next oil change, a case of sleep deprivation that will take five years to unpack, two daughters who are suddenly fascinated with boys, another who won’t eat anything but Cheerios and tangerines, and a son who’s approaching two and shows no interest in talking. On top of that, one of my sisters is mad at me but won’t tell me why, I’m fifteen pounds overweight, I can’t decide if I’m being too tough or too lenient with my kids, and my husband thinks I’m lazy.”
Kelly tried not to laugh but couldn’t help it. “He didn’t really say you were lazy, did he?”
Theresa shook her head. “No. But sometimes I think he thinks it. Or maybe I just think it. I don’t know.”
Kelly smiled, but this time a little sadly. “Theresa Cousins, the things you don’t know.”
Theresa didn’t dare ask, but Kelly had already decided to tell her about the challenges in the Horan family. Their oldest son, a freshman, had been suspended from the high school swim team for drinking a beer at a party. The middle son was flunking third-grade math, and Tim, Kelly’s husband, needed to have his hip replaced at age forty-five. On top of that, they were waiting to find out if their identity had been stolen by someone with a penchant for buying jewelry on the home shopping network.
“Honey, no one has a perfect life.”
“I know, Kelly. And I don’t want mine to be perfect. I just want it to be more manageable.”
“Well, when you figure out how to make that happen, please make me your first phone call again.”
Theresa smiled and agreed, not realizing how soon she’d be calling.
DATA POINTS
Strangely buoyed by her visit with Kelly Horan, Theresa continued her research in spite of the mounting laundry and dishes and other daily responsibilities at home. Her next subject: Alison Marsh.
Taking a slight detour on her way home from Kelly’s, Theresa drove past the Marsh house and was pleasantly surprised to see Alison getting out of her Suburban with an armful of groceries.
Alison’s kids were older than Theresa’s, and five years earlier she had decided to go back to work part-time as a speech teacher at a local community college. The combination of her work life and all the activities in her family made it something of a rarity to catch her at home. As it turned out, this happened to be one of Alison’s rare days off, and she was using it to catch up on household chores and maintenance.
Theresa had a closer relationship with Alison than she did with Kelly, so she didn’t hesitate to pull over and say hello. Before she knew what was happening, she was in the house helping Alison put away groceries and telling her about the research she was doing.
As it turned out, the Marsh family was almost nothing like the Horans. And in some ways, very similar.
From a physical standpoint, Alison’s home was anything but perfect. A baseball glove and a bat on the front lawn. A little clutter here and there in the family room. Shoes and cleats discarded on the floor near the door going to the garage.
When asked about her approach to running the house and the family, Alison’s answer was typical of most parents, as Theresa would come to learn.
“Approach? I don’t know. We just do what needs to be done until everyone’s in bed and we can rest. Then we get up the next day to do it again.” She laughed, in a resigned kind of way.
The three Marsh kids were involved in as many activities as the Cousins’, if not more, which meant that Alison spent just about half her time in that Suburban. She complained about her husband signing the boys up for too many sports out of fear that they’d fall behind their friends, and leaving it to her to get them from one practice to another.
Scott Marsh was an orthopedist in San Francisco, which meant he kept regular office hours. Unlike Jude, whose consulting firm was located just a few miles from home and whose schedule varied greatly day to day, he was rarely available to help with any daytime responsibilities.
Alison vented. “Scott’s home less and less these days, and he can’t stand the managing doc—who’s driving the practice into the ground. On top of all that, his commute is a nightmare.”
“At least he doesn’t travel,” Theresa said wistfully. “When Jude’s out of town, it throws everything off. And when he comes home, it gets worse before it gets better.”
Alison agreed. “Yeah, we’ve all got our challenges. Except, I suppose, if you’re like Suzie Martin or Kelly Horan.”
Theresa smiled. “I think we’d be surprised.”
“Yeah. Now that you mention it, Suzie did say that they had a rough patch in their marriage last year, which shocked me because they always seem like the perfect couple with the perfect kids.”
“You know, sometimes I think it would be better if people stopped dressing up to go out and being on their best behavior in public. Then we’d all stop thinking everyone else was perfect.”
Alison considered it for a second. “And I wish they’d stop cleaning their house when someone is coming over to visit. Scott always comments on how clean people’s houses are, and I tell him that our house is always clean when people come over, too.”
“That’s the same conversation that Jude and I have, almost word for word.”
They laughed.
Theresa suddenly frowned in thought. “One more question, and then I’ll leave you alone.”
Alison waved her hand as if to say you’re not bothering me.
“Do you think this is just a function of having so many kids? I mean, do you think families with one or two manage to avoid all this stress?”
Alison gave it some thought as she put cans in her cupboard. “I don’t know. My sister has two little girls. She and her husband are as crazy as we are, and always complaining about how tired they are. I don’t think it really matters that much.”
“That makes sense,” Theresa added. “It’s not like things were any less hectic before Sophia was born.”
Alison laughed. “Yeah, we used to think we were tired before we had kids.”
Theresa laughed too, thanked her friend for her time, and headed home. As she drove she felt a bizarre mix of relief and hopelessness, a feeling that would last only until Sunday.
BARBECUE
As usual, it wasn’t until Saturday that Jude remembered to tell his wife that he had invited people over for a barbecue the next afternoon. Fortunately for him, Theresa was actually excited about the invitees, and so she let him off the hook with a gentle reprimand.
Rob Groninger was one of Jude’s most senior consultants at the firm, and one of his first hires. His personality was a rare combination of analytical skepticism and irrepressible optimism, something that suited him well for consulting. Rob and his wife, Linda, had two daughters of similar age to the Cousins twins, and though they lived in another town more than a half hour away, the families had become close friends and were always welcome guests.
Not long after the Groningers arrived, Theresa found herself in the kitchen with Rob putting chicken and vegetables on kabob spears. He knew her well enough to tease his boss’s wife. “So I hear that Jude stuck his foot right down his throat the other day.”
“He told you?”
Rob laughed. “If we’re talking about the ‘if my clients ran their companies the way—’”
She interrupted. “Yep, that’s the one.” She laughed too. “What exactly did he say?”
“Not much. Just that he didn’t realize that it would make you so—” he hesitated, and she finished the sentence for him.
“Pissed off?”
He laughed again. “In fact, I think that’s exactly what he said.”
“Yeah, I think I overreacted a little. But it was not the smartest comment in the world.”
At that moment Linda Groninger came into the kitchen. “What wasn’t the smartest comment?” She too knew Theresa well enough to be a little nosy.
Theresa tried to explain. “Oh, just something that Jude said to me a few days ago about—”
“You mean the ‘if my clients ran their companies the way you run this house’ comment?”
Theresa was a little surprised, looking at Rob. “So I guess you told her, too.”
He smiled. “Oh yeah, I told her. And we almost got into the same argument that you guys did.”
Theresa was animated now. “Oh, I’ve got to hear this.”
Rob and Linda did their best to recount the conversation, at times almost slipping back into the actual argument.
Eventually, the topic of the discussion shifted to the overwhelming nature of raising children.
Linda tried to explain the mystery of her stress. “I’ve always wondered why I’m so overwhelmed with just two girls to worry about, and why my parents seemed to do fine with five kids. And then I read an article last week that said raising two kids today is like raising four or five thirty years ago. Between the play dates and the formal activities and the academic pressure and the Internet, parenting is a lot harder than when my mom sent us out into the neighborhood and said ‘be home by dinner.’”
Theresa was glad to know that her struggle was not just about adding little Michael to the mix. She was also relieved to know that working moms like Linda had many of the same challenges as stay-at-home moms like herself.
Unfortunately, before they could get any further into the interesting conversation, Jude came in from the patio to remind them that dinner had to be cooked and the kids had to be fed. But the topic would not disappear for long.
THE RESURFACING
When dinner was over and the girls were in the den watching a movie and little Michael was asleep, the adults went to the living room to play cards. Linda didn’t hesitate to pick up the conversation from the kitchen, taking a jab at Jude.
“So, Jude. Exactly what is it that your clients do that we don’t?”
Jude was caught completely off guard. “What do you mean?”
Rob laughed. “We were talking about your big foot-in-mouth comment.”
Jude smiled. “Oh, you were, huh?”
Linda teased him. “I can’t believe you were so harsh.”
Jude defended himself by clarifying that he wasn’t trying to put the blame on Theresa. “I said, ‘the way we run this family.’”
“But you had to know that’s how she would take it,” Linda pushed back playfully.
Jude shook his head. “No, I guess I’m really that clueless. I honestly didn’t mean it that way, but I apologized, and I won’t do it again. Let’s play cards.”
Linda started shuffling, but Theresa wasn’t ready to let go yet. She turned to Jude.
“But what is it that your clients do?”
Jude was just a little defensive now. “Come on, Theresa. I said I was sorry.”
Theresa reached out and touched her husband’s knee. “I’m not asking because I’m mad, Jude. I really want to know.”
Accepting the sincerity of her intentions, Jude entertained the question. “But you already know what our clients do. You’ve been around since I started the firm.”
“Well, I guess I have an idea. But since Sophia was born, we actually don’t talk about it that much. And for all I know, you’re doing something completely new.”
“It hasn’t changed that much,” Jude explained.
Rob saved the day. “I tell you what. Come by the office sometime this week, and I’ll take you through our approach in a half hour.”
“What a gentleman you are, Rob.” Theresa looked at her husband as if to say, why didn’t you offer to do that?
Rob confessed. “Actually, I’m just sick of talking about it, and I want to play cards.”
Theresa relented and let the game begin, not realizing that she would be taking Rob up on his offer before lunch the next day.
CHAOS
It started at breakfast—when Sophia proceeded to throw up her Honey Nut Cheerios onto her little brother. After she and Jude cleaned the mess, Theresa called the doctor to make arrangements to take her in later that morning. While she was on hold, Jude returned to the kitchen pulling a rolling suitcase behind him.
“What’s that for?”
“I’m going to Vancouver.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“I sent you an e-mail last week, and it’s on the calendar.”
“Which calendar?”
“The one in the bedroom.”
Now she was annoyed. “That’s not the family calendar. The one over there is.” She pointed to the small desk in the kitchen.
“But I thought that’s where you keep the vacation schedule.”
“Yeah, the long-term stuff we put on the bedroom calendar. The day-to-day stuff goes out here. You know that.”
Jude sighed.
“When do you get back?” Theresa pressed him.
“Tomorrow. Late.”
“What about the school board meeting?”
“What about it? I’m not on the school board. You are.”
“Yeah, but I told them you’d talk to them about strategic planning.”
Suddenly Jude remembered. “Oh, right. I remember you saying something about that. I thought you called my office and had them put it on my schedule.”
“I thought I did too. Sometimes I’m not sure they follow through on that stuff. This is the third time this has happened.”
Jude took a deep breath. “Let me see if there is any way I can move my flight up and get back in time for the meeting. It’s not going to be easy, though.”
“Well, either way I need a babysitter. Can you ask Bill if one of his girls can do it?”
Jude was getting a little frustrated now. “I don’t even know if Bill’s in town and whether I can get ahold of him. And I’ve got a pretty full plate today. Why don’t you call Nora?”
Theresa responded sarcastically, as she cleaned up vomit from the table while holding her one-year-old. “You’re right, my plate’s not that full.”
“That’s not what I meant. It’s just that I’m—”
He looked at the clock.
“I’m going to miss my flight if I don’t get out of here. Listen, I’m sorry. This is a crazy day. We can talk about it tonight when I get to my hotel. Hang in there. I hope Sophia feels better.”
He kissed Theresa and moved toward the door.
“Have a good flight. Try to call before the girls go to bed so we can say prayers on the phone.”
“Will do.”
And he was gone.
Theresa looked at the clock, and then at her kitchen, and under her breath said, “Lord, please help me get through this day.”
APPOINTMENTS
Theresa’s beloved pediatrician, Dr. Robbins, agreed to see Sophia that morning, and so by ten o’clock they were sitting in the waiting room. Thankfully, Sophia was already looking better, flipping through some of the kids’ magazines in the play area.
Theresa decided to grab a few minutes of reading herself, and after sorting through a stack of Parents and People and Pediatrics Today and a host of other magazines that all seemed to begin with the letter P, she settled on one called Plain and Simple. She had seen it in the grocery store and had always been drawn to its neat, tidy, and orderly look and feel. Today was a day when orderliness was particularly attractive.
After flipping through the various ads and articles, Theresa came upon something that caught her eye. Titled “The Art of Balance,” it was a story about a Hollywood actress who, one year earlier, had given birth to twins. The point of the feature was that this busy actress was managing to balance her life of celebrity with her role as a mother.
The lead picture showed the ridiculously thin actress standing on a low balance beam, tranquilly smiling with her eyes closed, holding her babies in each arm, extended as though she were using them to keep herself steady.
The caption was a quote from the actress: “Soy and Raisin have given me a sense of peace that I never had when I was living for myself. They force me to be more disciplined, more focused.”
After she had stopped trying to figure out whether Raisin was the girl or the boy, Theresa forced herself to read the story. Though she was not accustomed to keeping up with the lives of the rich and famous, her curiosity was piqued because of the twins angle, and because she was desperate for some kind of balance in her own life. Maybe I’ll learn something, she thought to herself.
The article began by reviewing the film credits of the actress, and those of her husband, a director. Amazingly, during the year following the birth of the twins, the actress had filmed a movie and had already begun work on a second, while the father of the twins had been in Africa for three months making a movie himself. Coincidentally, he was directing his wife’s new film.
The writer of the article then described how the new parents had decided that raising their children and providing them with a loving home were their top priorities, but that they didn’t feel they had to sacrifice their careers in order to do that. The article went on to explain the secrets to their success, which is what set Theresa’s hair on fire.
The actress was employing two and a half FTEs. Luckily for Theresa, the writer provided an explanation for the acronym: Full-Time Equivalents. Essentially, Soy and Raisin had two nannies on staff at all times, and one that came in every other day for more focused ‘teaching.’ Beyond that, the starlet had a cook, a personal trainer, a driver, and a daily housekeeper to tidy things up when the family was in town.
Fortunately, before Theresa’s head exploded with frustration, a nurse came into the waiting room and announced that Dr. Robbins was ready to see Sophia.
DIAGNOSIS
After a quick examination, he determined that Theresa’s littlest girl was not really sick, but that her vomiting might be a function of some kind of food reaction. And when he found out that she also struggled with asthma, he recommended that she see an allergy specialist.
“How can she have a food allergy? She only eats Cheerios and tangerines.”
He smiled. “Just take her to Dr. Jacobs. He’ll take you through a battery of tests to determine what’s going on.”
Theresa knew Dr. Robbins well enough to vent a little. “Oh, terrific, another appointment.”
He smiled.
“And if she is allergic to something, then what?”
“Well, it’s probably nothing. But if it is a food allergy, she’ll have to avoid eating whatever’s causing it, of course. If she has a grass or pollen-related allergy, then you might be able to do a series of shots to reduce it.”
Theresa sighed. “Is that where she’d have to go to the doctor twice a week for a few months, and then once a week for a year, and then—” She didn’t finish the sentence.
“I’m afraid so. But after a couple of years, she’ll just need it once a month. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Go see Dr. Jacobs.”
Theresa thanked Dr. Robbins and apologized for her mood.
“Oh, I hear it all the time. Don’t worry. You’ve got the most stressful job in the world, and I think you’re entitled to complain from time to time.”
Theresa appreciated his understanding, but wasn’t as comforted by it as she would have liked to have been. As she climbed into her minivan for the drive home, she muttered to herself, I don’t want the most stressful job in the world.
“What did you say, mommy?” Sophia asked.
“Nothing, honey. Just talking to myself.”
DETOUR
The doctor’s office was less than a mile from Jude’s office, and Theresa would have to drive within a few blocks of it to get back to the freeway. So she decided to stop by and say hello to her husband, forgetting that he was out of town.
As she and Sophia came through the front door and approached the reception desk, Theresa saw Rob sitting in a conference room alone, apparently having a conversation with someone on a speakerphone. As soon as he saw her, he waved.
Nancy at reception greeted her guests with extra enthusiasm. “Well hello there, Sophia. Did you come in to have lunch with me?” Nancy had joined Cousins Consulting a few weeks before Sophia was born, and thus had developed a particular fondness for her boss’s red-headed five-year-old.
“No. We went to the doctor because I threw up on my brother.”
Nancy laughed. “Well I hope you’re okay.”
Theresa answered for her daughter. “She’s fine. But the doctor said she might have a food allergy of some kind.”
And then it dawned on Theresa that her husband was out of town. “Oh, I forgot that Jude’s in Vancouver today.”
Nancy pretended to be dejected. “Oh, and I thought you came in to see me.”
At that moment Rob exited the conference room and scooped up Sophia in his arms. “No way. She came to see me.”
Sophia giggled. “No, silly. I came to see my daddy.”
Theresa joined the conversation. “I forgot about his trip.”
With Sophia still in his arms he responded, “I thought you might be taking me up on my lecture offer from last night.”
It took Theresa a moment to remember what he was talking about.
Rob encouraged her. “I could do it right now, over lunch. We can bring in sandwiches, right, Nancy?”
“Sure, and Sophia can sit up here with me and color and help answer the phones.”
Sophia was sold. “Yes, yes, yes. Please, mommy.”
Theresa hesitated at first. “Well, I’ve got the sitter until one o’clock and, at this point, it doesn’t make sense for me to bring Sophia to school. Why not?”
Nancy took Theresa’s and Sophia’s orders for sandwiches, and as soon as Sophia was settled in with her crayons at the reception desk, Theresa made her way to the conference room for what would turn out to be one of the most important lectures of her life.