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Nisha sat near the dressing table staring herself in the mirror. It had been a warm sunny day at Disney Land, so she had taken off her sweater. Her hotel room in any case was—well air-conditioned.
Underneath, she had worn Raj’s favourite kurta—the shiny blue one with golden embroidery. Nisha’s mind was wandering and she could only see patterns of blue and gold in the reflection. Meanwhile Raj was packing up his carry-on.
“It’s so sad that the tour has to come to an end,” said Raj.
Nisha was silent.
“Tomorrow morning, we’ll be flying back to India,” said Raj. He appeared to be quite happy at the prospect.
Nisha still didn’t join in. She was looking out at the view from the hotel’s bay windows. Night had descended on Hong Kong. The skyscrapers were shimmering in the dark and the view was indeed breath-taking.
“Hah—but it was a great tour. We visited some really exotic locations. I’m sure we’ll have fond memories of the place,” Raj was blabbering on.
Nisha didn’t react. Raj suddenly sensed something was wrong. Maybe Nisha was not feeling too well. He moved towards Nisha and touched her forehead. It appeared normal.
“Darling—if you are feeling tired, you should lie down and rest properly,” said Raj.
She remained quiet.
“Nisha—is everything alright?” asked Raj, becoming more and more concerned.
“Nisha?” he said again.
“I think we should go our separate ways,” Nisha mumbled.
Raj couldn’t believe what he just heard.
“Nisha? Are you alright?” said Raj realising something was terribly wrong.
Nisha took a pause and then blurted out, “I want a divorce!”
Raj was flabbergasted.
Raj believed he had one of the happiest married lives in the world. And he was justifiably proud of the fact. The dreadful “D” word was the last thing he thought he’d hear after such a great vacation. For a few seconds he couldn’t believe what he had just heard.
“Pardon me? I’m sorry. What did you say?” asked Raj.
“I WANT A DIVORCE,” cried Nisha.
That hurt. Really hurt.
“But why? You’re my best friend, Nisha. Did I do anything wrong? If I have, tell me and I’ll make amends. But please don’t say ‘divorce.’ Please...” Raj was now panicking.
“I cannot see you destroying yourself like that. I cannot burden you so much,” said Nisha. Tears were flowing freely from her eyes.
“But what have I done?” asked Raj.
“You abandoned a wonderful three-movie deal. Just for me. Do you realise that you are finishing your career? And what for?” said Nisha.
“Nisha—all of us have to make sacrifices once in a while for our loved ones. My career, my life is nothing without you. I’ll have enough time to re-build my career but I won’t have enough time to spend with you,” said Raj.
“That’s exactly what the problem is. You are killing yourself. I’m dying Raj—but I don’t want you to die a slow death with me,” said Nisha.
Raj was silent for a few seconds.
“The world is ruthless, Raj. You won’t get a second chance. Your career, your life is not going to come back. I hope I die before that,” said Nisha.
“NISHA—” screamed Raj.
Nisha looked stunned. Raj had never screamed at her. Never. Like that before.
“Don’t you dare say those words again? Take it back right now. You have no business to be talking about my lovely wife like that...... How can you be so selfish?” Raj said sternly.
“Yes, I’m being extremely selfish. Fulfilling all my life’s ambitions—the exotic places I want to travel—the finest of cuisines I want to try—all the great things I want to do. It has become what ‘I’ want. I have forgotten that there is a ‘you’ too. You have a life, a career. How can I take all that away from you?” sobbed Nisha.
“No, you weren’t selfish. But now you have become one. You said it very rightly yourself. It has become what ‘I’ want. ‘I want a divorce.’ ‘I want to be alone.’ ‘I want to die.’ You have forgotten that there is a ‘me’ in the picture. Do you remember the seven vows you had taken with me when we got married? ‘You will always be on my side.’ ‘You will be my strength.’ ‘Your happiness will be my happiness.’ ‘Your sorrow will be my sorrow.’ ‘You will always love me no matter what happens.’ Where has all that gone?”
Nisha kept crying.
“How can you be so selfish? How did you forget that Raj and Nisha are inseparable? If Nisha is happy, Raj is happy. If Nisha lives, Raj will live. If Nisha dies, Raj will die with her. Please don’t say you want a divorce. You might as well wish that I die before you do,” said Raj. His eyes were welling up.
“That is your problem, Raj. Why do you need to die with me? I want you to live. You have such a great future. I want you to have a successful career. And now you are destroying it—all because of me. I won’t be able to forgive myself. No, no, no, it is all my fault...” said Nisha wiping her tears.
Raj was puzzled.
“It’s all my fault. I should have stopped you from abandoning those movie deals. But I didn’t. Because I was so selfish. I wanted to have fun. We cannot keep blowing all our money just like this. You know, Raj, money doesn’t grow on trees. You will have to find a way to support us. Us,” said Nisha.
“We’ll find a way out. I promise. We won’t die a pauper. I’ve only given new dates for my existing movies. But if that pisses them off, I can do some small commercials, some brand endorsements, some guest appearances on TV shows... That’ll keep the money coming in. I can do a one-movie deal in a year at least. I won’t let us starve, I promise,” said Raj. His tears were freely flowing now.
Raj raised both his arms and Nisha snuggled in. He kissed her passionately and she kissed him back.
“Then promise me that you won’t die with me,” said Nisha.
Raj nodded and said, “I promise you.” He kissed her again.
At this point Nisha looked at his eyes and noticed how bloodshot they had become. She remembered seeing those bloodshot eyes before. Something suddenly flashed at the back of her mind. She remembered asking him—why were his eyes so red?
And he’d told her that something had got inside his eyes and so he was splashing water on his face to get rid of the irritant. It suddenly hit her—Raj had lied to her. He was actually crying silently. All by himself.
She knew that Raj could always hide his emotions well. No one knew—what was on his mind. He smiled a lot. He appeared so normal. So calm. So cheerful. All the time.
But she realised that deep down within—he had emotional scars as deep as her cancer. They were eating him alive. He was actually far more devastated than she was. He was suffering more than she could ever imagine. And the saddest part—he was suffering alone. All alone. With no one comforting him.
She vowed, just then, that she will never ever hurt him. Never again will she talk about breaking up. She’ll soothe him as much as he soothed her, as long as she could manage.
So this was what the glittering lights of Hong Kong were teaching her—bring light into someone else’s life NOT darkness. She nodded.
Another image came to her mind. That of the Macau Goddess of Mercy. Nisha thought she had smiled at her...
Raj had moved to the bathroom and started splashing water on his face. The bathroom was well lit, with nice cream coloured tiles and a bathtub. It had all the comforts—that a five star hotel could provide.
Raj looked himself in the mirror. He looked horrible. His blood shot eyes made him look like a ghost. His mind was wandering with only one question: Was Nisha right?
Was he really killing himself with her?
His mind kept wandering. He nodded and then whispered to himself:
“Yes, may be Nisha is right. But I won’t let that happen.”
Raj came out and couldn’t help notice those glittering lights of Hong Kong. So why shouldn’t he think about light NOT darkness? Why should he NOT try to make positive changes in his career that can bring cheer to his family? Because light by its very nature is—illuminating. Life giving.
Raj nodded absent-mindedly. Just then he thought that the Macau goddess had smiled at him...
