To: Jonas Zebila
From: Abi Zebila
Subject: Purple Day
Monday, 25 May 2015
Dear Jonas,
Today is a purple day.
That’s what Lily-Rose told me, anyway. Not quite sure where she got that from, or what it means, but when I came in from work earlier that was the first thing she said to me. It made me smile and it made me think of you. And I had to ask you what you think it means. Today is a purple day. It’s also two years since you’ve been in touch and that’s long enough now, don’t you think?
Brother, dear brother, you’ve been gone from her for nearly half her life. You are her favourite uncle, she still talks about you. And I still think about you. We were a team, you and me.
I’ve read all this stuff online about how when a person decides to go ‘no contact’ with their family they have to cut everyone out, including the people you love because they’re the ones who drag you back into the toxic mess, and I get it, I really do. But it’s not fair. I didn’t do anything. Remember? I’m the one you actually like.
I have no one here, apart from Lily-Rose and Declan, obviously, but no one knows I’m still seeing him – they all assumed we’d finished, which is why I moved back here. Yes, I came back to live with Mummy and Daddy. Really, I moved back in because Gran’s seriously ill now and I decided to help Mummy with her meds and feeding her (most days she can’t do that for herself) and other stuff.
So, what’s new in the past two years apart from me living back here? Well, nothing much is the short answer. Ivor still lives here, and shows no signs of leaving – ever.
Mummy and Daddy are still the same. They don’t argue, argue, but they do snipe at each other a lot still. It’s definitely got worse since you left. Mummy blames him for you cutting us off but she won’t say it, and Daddy pretends it hasn’t happened.
The other bone of contention is that Mummy thinks Gran should be somewhere where she’ll get specialist care. I hear them talking about it sometimes. Daddy’s not having it. They talk quietly, but I swear, Daddy, when he speaks, raises his voice on words like ‘duty’ and ‘loyalty’ and ‘respect’. ’Course, he can say all that because he doesn’t have to do much. He talks to Gran whenever she makes it into the lounge, he goes in to say hello and goodnight to her most days. Yes, I wrote that right – most days he goes into her room. He has to pass her room to leave and enter the house but he doesn’t even make it in to see her every day. Denial about how sick his mother is do you think?
And then there’s Lily-Rose, Lil’ ‘Purple Day’ herself. She’s my entire world. You should see her now, she’s so big. Tall, beautiful, funny. Remind you of anyone?! You never got to know how funny she was, properly. The other day she disappeared and after I looked in all her favourite hiding places in the house – I eventually found her in Gran’s room, telling knock-knock jokes she’d made up. They were all pretty random, a lot didn’t make sense, but some were hysterical. I could tell it was just what Gran needed.
Look, please get in touch. Two years is long enough. You used to think life was too short to hold a grudge, that you should let bygones be bygones. I know Gran was terrible to you and Meredith, and the results of what she did were devastating, but deep down, don’t you still believe in not holding a grudge, especially against the people who didn’t do what she did? Aren’t you even a little bit curious about us, about Lily-Rose?
Today’s a purple day. What does that mean to you?
Love,
Abi
xxxxxx