To: Jonas Zebila
From: Abi Zebila
Subject: Update
Friday, 26 June 2015
Dear Jonas
I think it’s safe to say that this is a different place now. I thought things were about to get a whole lot worse when Daddy and Gran found out and I wasn’t sure how Ivor would take it, but I don’t know, it’s like someone has thrown all the windows open and a cleansing wind has blown through here and the heavy weight that was hanging over us – this secret our parents have had all these years – has been swept away.
It’s not one big love-in by any stretch of the imagination, but it feels like a more honest house. Ivor took the news pretty badly. When Mummy and Daddy told him, he looked so injured first of all. Like they’d betrayed him by having a child older than him or something. He sat and stared at them for the longest time.
‘Is there anything you want to ask?’ Mummy asked. And he just got up and walked out. Reminded me a bit of Clemency, to be honest. Since then, he’s not talked about it, changes the subject if someone tries to bring it up. It seems he really does feel this was done to spite him.
Now the secret is out, Gran, who seems more stable, just glares at Mummy a lot but doesn’t say anything. I hate to think of her doing this, but it seems like Gran has been using this big secret as a way to control Mummy all these years. Mummy still does everything for her, but it now seems to be on an equal footing. It’s hard to explain because it’s never been a blatant control thing, we all know what Gran is like, but now it’s not there any more it’s plain to see that it was there originally, if you see what I mean?
I can’t tell what’s going on with Daddy. He seems a bit shell-shocked but also a little relieved, almost. Maybe he hasn’t liked lying all these years and he’s pleased the truth is finally out. Him and Mummy haven’t rowed about it since the other night, not within my hearing anyway. They’ve stopped talking altogether, it seems. I mean, not in a nasty way, they seem to just stare at each other a lot and not find the right words. I think neither of them wants to be the one who starts that conversation about what they did all those years ago.
After Ivor walked out, I went over and hugged Mummy and she put her arms around me and held me so close. I don’t even remember the last time we did that. I also told Lily-Rose. I don’t think it’s fair that the adults know something so big and she doesn’t. Despite Mummy and Daddy’s rubbish example of being parents, I’m not going to do that. I want to be as honest as possible with my kids. I told her I had a sister that I had only just met and she said, ‘Does that mean she’s my sister?’
‘No, she’s your aunt, you’re her niece.’
‘Will she come to our house for her tea?’ she asked.
‘I hope so,’ I said. That was as honest as I could be. I’ve decided to leave it up to Clemency to get in touch and that decision is like a mild form of torture. I want so much to see her again. Just like I want you to get in touch.
You know what, though? Even if Clemency doesn’t get in touch, I got to hug Mummy for the longest time so, for that alone, I’ll be eternally grateful to Clemency.
Get in touch, please. Even if it’s a three-word email to tell me you’re alive, that would be enough.
I love you.
Abi
xxxx