CHAPTER 11
It Is Well with My Soul
Half of our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
—Will Rogers
When I first felt the leading of God to go into ministry, I started right away by teaching Bible studies, then working for a church, and then starting Joyce Meyer Ministries. I believed then (and by God’s grace, time has proven) it was God’s will for me to do those things. But when I first started ministering, I didn’t know the spiritual principles to decrease stress that we’re talking about in this book. And because of that, I nearly burned myself out and most of the time was not enjoying what I was doing. People are often surprised to hear that, but it’s true. There were many days I was just plain miserable.
Back in those days, my husband, Dave, did something that absolutely drove me crazy. It wasn’t a typical annoyance that wives often complain about. Dave didn’t throw his socks on the floor or leave his dishes sitting in the sink. To me, it was way more obnoxious than that—Dave enjoyed his life. He was always happy! I remember thinking, I’m miserable, frustrated, and upset—Dave should be, too! But no matter how grouchy I acted, how busy we became, or what challenges we faced, Dave was determined to stay joyful. He would tell me (and still reminds me today), “Joyce, just cast your care. God’s got everything under control.” And then he would put a smile on his face and go out and actually enjoy his day. How dare he!
I kid about that, but the truth is that Dave’s attitude was a great example to me. He showed me that we can choose to be joyful… we can choose to be content… we can choose to love life regardless of the circumstances around us. The more I watched Dave decide to love his life, the more I recognized that he wasn’t nearly as stressed as I was. We could be going through the same situation but have totally different attitudes and mind-sets. Mine normally involved a lot of stress, but his never did. Now, it’s true that our personalities are different, but this was something bigger than simple personality quirks—Dave was making a conscious effort to enjoy each day of his life. That was a great revelation to me. Peace and happiness are choices we get to make! And, believe it or not, we can decide whether we want to be stressed out or not!
That may sound like a foreign concept to you, especially if you are dealing with a traumatic situation or an overwhelming obstacle, but I want you to know that you don’t have to be a victim of your circumstances. No matter how minor or major the stress you are facing, it is only part of your journey. It will eventually pass and things will get better.
Philippians 4:4 says, “Rejoice in the Lord always [delight, gladden yourselves in Him]; again I say, Rejoice!” The apostle Paul wrote that verse while in prison, and the prisons in his day were worse than anything we could imagine. One of the key words in that verse is the word always. Rain or shine, good day or bad, when you’re on the mountaintop or in the valley, you can always rejoice. God’s promises aren’t dependent on what’s happening around us; He gives us hope and goodness to rejoice about every single day. While we are going through something difficult, we can rejoice that we are going through, and not stuck forever.
In this chapter, I want to address three questions that I’m often asked and you may be dealing with: (1) How can I be responsible for my own happiness? (2) Can I be content when I still have a long way to go? (3) Is it possible to enjoy life even in the midst of deep pain? If you’re ready to put fear, worry, stress, and anxiety in their place and take back control of your life, keep reading. I think this chapter is going to really help you.
How to Be Responsible for My Own Happiness
Which of these attitudes do you have most mornings? Do you greet each day with an aggressive, expectant, positive attitude about what the day holds, or do you feel like pulling the blankets over your head, dreading what awaits you outside your front door?
We can combat the dread that tempts us to stay in bed by keeping a positive attitude and mind-set. Our attitude is so important in determining how we view each day. Our level of joy is, to a great degree, shaped by our thoughts and actions. If we dwell on negative attitudes, expecting the worst, our actions will reflect those thoughts. Dread is a close relative of fear, and allowing it to remain in your mind sets you up for misery and robs you of joy. In order to enjoy your life, it is essential to give special attention to your attitude. You are not just the victim of circumstances, and you must take responsibility for your joy if you ever truly want to have it.
Once, I experienced a feeling of dread as we were planning a trip to speak in India. Don’t get me wrong, I was excited about the wonderful opportunity there, but I kept thinking about the long flight, the extremely hot weather, and the poor conditions that exist in that country. I’m grateful that I knew how to dispel those negative feelings with positive thoughts about what could be accomplished during our time there. If I had allowed myself to dwell on the negative aspects of the trip, it would’ve taken away the joy and excitement God wanted me to experience and potentially limit my effectiveness. Dread is a thief of joy! Dread is a trap, but you can be determined not to fall into it. If not being sure of the future or facing new things causes you to feel dread or fear, remember Philippians 4:13 says, “I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me.”
Enjoying life begins with enjoying yourself. You’re the one person you’re never going to get away from, so you’d better learn to like yourself. It’s impossible to love your life if you don’t love yourself. We have a well of wonderful things on the inside of us, and no matter what’s going on around us, we can find joy in holding on to the hope that is ours in Jesus.
There’ll always be roadblocks that try to keep us from enjoying the life God has provided for us. With all the stress and pressures of everyday life, we must make a decision that we’re going to enjoy life regardless of our circumstances. Every single day is filled with all kinds of situations that could upset you—like losing your car keys or having an appliance break—but you can choose to be in control, instead of letting your circumstances control you.
Control Yourself, Not Other People
We can make our days stressful by trying to control what everyone does. There was a time when I got upset and felt sorry for myself for days when Dave wanted to play golf. I didn’t play golf and I didn’t want Dave to play. I was being selfish and didn’t realize that it was a way for Dave to relax. I just wanted to control everything and make it to my liking. If you are like I was, this is a great time to face it and ask God to help you make a change. It is time to control yourself instead of other people.
It is not God’s will for any of us to control another individual. He wants each of us to be led and guided by the Holy Spirit. We can express our preferences if we do so unselfishly, but we must not try to manipulate and control. Doing so is one of the major causes of stress in relationships and can ultimately cause divorce if not corrected.
You can enjoy freedom in your life! Being free—and allowing others to do the same—is a healthy and positive approach to life that pleases God. If you are in a relationship with someone who tries to control you, it will be necessary for your sake and theirs to confront them in a firm but godly way. I grew up being controlled by my father, and all I remember from those years is stress and fear. These enemies stole my childhood, and I want to help make sure that they don’t steal your joy in life moving forward. Thankfully, I learned to give Dave freedom and he does the same for me. It brings peace into our relationship and helps us enjoy our journey through life.
How You Can Be Content When You Still Have a Long Way to Go
The expression “nobody’s perfect” is used or heard almost every day, and it’s true—I’m not perfect, you’re not perfect, nobody’s perfect. Hopefully, though, we’re all getting better and are on our way toward the goals God has given us. The important thing to remember is that even though we’re not yet perfect, we’re still okay. Just because we haven’t arrived yet doesn’t mean that we’re not on our way, and that is what we can rejoice in, even if we still have a long way to go.
It’s true that we all have a long way to go in different areas of our lives. I used to get discouraged about how far I had to go, and it seemed like I was reminded of it every day (sometimes every hour). For many years, I carried a nagging sense of failure—a feeling that I just wasn’t who I needed to be, I wasn’t doing enough, and I needed to try harder. But when I did try harder, I only failed again.
I’ve now adopted a new attitude: “I’m not where I need to be, but thank God I’m not where I used to be. I’m okay, and I’m on my way!” I now know with all my heart that God isn’t angry with me just because I haven’t arrived yet. He’s pleased that I’m pressing on and staying on the path. And the same is true for you! If you and I will just “keep on keeping on,” God will be pleased with our desire to please Him.
Keep moving forward by simply walking the walk one step at a time. This is an important thing to remember. It’s true that we have to keep pressing on, but thank God we don’t have to hate or reject ourselves while we’re trying to get to our destination. You don’t have to be stressed by how far you still have to go—all you need to do is keep going. If I invited you to take a walk, you’d think I was crazy if I became angry after the first few steps because we hadn’t yet arrived at our destination. We can understand ordinary things like this, yet we have a difficult time understanding that God expects it to take some time for us to grow spiritually. We should keep this in mind not only concerning ourselves, but also when it comes to our attitudes and dealings with other people.
The process can be difficult. Growing and learning are never easy, but the changes make us better people. We begin to think differently, then to talk differently, and finally, to act differently. This process develops in stages, and we must always remember that while it’s taking place, we can have an “I’m okay, and I’m on my way!” attitude. It is tragic not to enjoy our journey through life. We only get one life and we should maximize it!
So, enjoy yourself while you’re changing, growing, and becoming more like Christ. Enjoy where you are on the way to where you’re going. Enjoy the journey! Don’t waste all of your “now time” trying to rush into the future. Remember, tomorrow will have troubles of its own (see Matthew 6:34).
It’s important to remember that you can be extraordinarily happy while living an ordinary, everyday life. Expecting life to be one long series of exciting events is setting yourself up for disappointment—and that’ll increase stress and steal your joy! So decide to be content and live life as it comes. At our house we call it “going with the flow.” You will enjoy each day only if you decide to. Don’t wait for joyful feelings, but first make a decision and feelings will follow in due time. Start your days by saying, “This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. Good morning, Lord!” (See Psalm 118:24.)
Today you may be wrestling with anger, fear, or bitterness, thinking if you could be free in this area, everything would be all right. But the truth is, we are all usually dealing with something. We overcome one thing only to find another thing has taken its place and we are back in that same frame of mind again, thinking, If only I didn’t have this problem, I could be happy. We can learn to look at these things in a new way. We can be free to believe that we are, indeed, okay and on our way—not perfected yet, but pressing on. We can be free to enjoy life, enjoy God, and enjoy ourselves. I am now enjoying a lot of victory over things that were once big problems for me, but I am still learning to fast my words, be more patient, be less selfish, and many other things. We don’t have to focus on how far we still have to go and let it stress us out and steal our joy. We can celebrate how far we have come! We can enjoy the journey!
How to Enjoy Life Even in the Midst of Deep Pain
Horatio Spafford (1828–1888) was a wealthy Chicago lawyer who had a wife and four precious daughters. Everything seemed to be going great for Spafford. His legal practice was thriving, his family was happy, and, as a strong believer, his circle of friends included D. L. Moody, Ira Sankey, and other well-known ministers of the day.
Though Spafford had made terrific professional and financial gains, he also suffered terrible personal loss. In October 1871, the Great Chicago Fire destroyed nearly every real estate investment he had. But in typical fashion, Horatio didn’t get down. He and his wife, Anna, spent the next two years volunteering to help work among the refugees of the fire.
Two years later, devastating tragedy struck. The Spafford family had planned to join friends in Europe for some time away. Just before their departure, Horatio was detained with work. He persuaded Anna and his girls to go ahead without him; he would take another ship and meet them later. But Horatio would never see his daughters again. As his wife and daughters traveled across the Atlantic, the steamship they were traveling on, the Ville du Havre, collided with another ship and sank.
Out of the hundreds on board, Anna was one of only twenty-seven survivors. She was able to stay alive by clinging to floating debris until rescuers arrived. Overcome with sadness, she sent a telegram to Horatio with just two words on it: “Saved alone.”
As sad as this story is, there is something amazing about Horatio’s response I want you to see. Traveling across the Atlantic Ocean, the watery grave for his four daughters, to join his grieving wife, Horatio Spafford didn’t get angry, he didn’t give up hope, and he didn’t run from God. Instead, he took out pen and paper and wrote a hymn. He penned these familiar words:
When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll,
Whatever my lot,
Thou hast taught me to say:
It is well, it is well, with my soul
“It Is Well with My Soul” is still one of the most beloved hymns in churches today. What an amazing sentiment. In the most difficult circumstance imaginable, Spafford leaned on God and trusted that things could get better. Sure, he was hurting, and he certainly had suffered loss, but even in the midst of that pain he could say, “It is well with my soul.”1
I realize that I don’t know the depth of your pain today. Perhaps you’ve suffered an unthinkable loss like Horatio and Anna, or perhaps your trial has been less severe. Whatever you’re going through, pain is pain, and I know it can seem overwhelming. Oftentimes when we’re hurting, we think it is impossible to enjoy life—not only in the present but also ever again. I’ve experienced loss and I can relate to that feeling. But here is something I’ve learned: a struggle or personal loss doesn’t have to overshadow every part of your life. You can still have joy even in the midst of sorrow. As we said in a previous chapter, joy isn’t always extreme hilarity—sometimes joy is simply a calm delight. And you can delight yourself in God and in His promise to always be with you (see Deuteronomy 31:6) even when times are difficult… especially when times are difficult.
The key is to trust. God knows what you’re going through, and if you’ll trust Him, He will restore your joy. When I get bad news or when things look out of control, I say out loud, “God, I trust You.” I may not know how it’s going to work out or how I’m going to get over it, but I know God can do the impossible. And then if I get worried or if stress tries to steal my peace, I say it again: “God, I trust You.” I’ve found this is such a helpful exercise. I trust You… I trust You… I trust You. I may have to say it twenty times in a row, but it’s a reminder to my spirit that God is going to bring something good out of this situation. Romans 8:28 says it this way:
We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.
So I encourage you to trust God today. He knows what you’re going through, and He has a plan for your life. No matter what the circumstances may say, God is by your side, and He is going to see you through. Don’t get angry, don’t give up hope, and don’t run from God. Trust Him and allow Him to help you enjoy life, even in the midst of pain.
The Happiness Choice
We started this chapter by talking about how my husband, Dave, makes the choice to enjoy his life regardless of the environment around him. And I want to end it by reminding you that you can do the same thing. You don’t have to let stress have the final say. When others around you are fuming, when the situation looks bleak, when the frantic pace of life seems exhausting, you can still say, “I choose to enjoy my day. I choose to enjoy my family. I choose to enjoy my life.” It might not seem natural at first, but don’t give up. I think sometimes we feel guilty if we are enjoying life while difficulty exists, but we shouldn’t. Remember, our joy (enjoyment) is our strength to help us get through the difficulty.
Keep choosing happiness until it becomes second nature. It might annoy the people around you in the beginning—happy people are the exception, not the rule—but eventually they’ll come around. They’ll admire your determination and follow your example. But, more important, you’ll start to feel better. You will definitely have less stress. The daily struggles and pressures of life won’t preoccupy your mind anymore. You’ll finally be able to enjoy the life Jesus died to give you.
Things to Remember:
Peace and happiness don’t happen by accident. These are choices you get to make.
No matter how minor or major the stress you are facing, you can enjoy your life… every single day.
Dread is a close relative of fear, and allowing it to remain in your mind sets you up for misery and robs you of joy. In order to enjoy your life, it is essential to give special attention to your attitude.
Expecting life to be one long series of exciting events is setting yourself up for disappointment—and that’ll increase stress and steal your joy.
Trust God in the midst of trying times. He knows what you’re going through; He hasn’t left you; He has a plan for your life.
Did you know?
The hyper-arousal of the body’s stress response system can lead to chronic insomnia.2