CHAPTER 12
Facing Stress Head-on!
The more things you do, the more you can do.
—Lucille Ball
One of the best things you can do in life is to have a plan. If you’re going to make any progress in any area, it is important that you make a plan and then begin to put that plan into action. There will be times when you may have to make adjustments and alterations to your plan as you go (and it is always essential that you submit your plans to God), but you can’t have success unless you have planned for it in one way or another.
Imagine if a coach told his team before the big game how important it was that they win because the entire season was riding on this one game—but when asked by his players what the game plan was, he replied, “Well, I don’t know. I don’t really have a plan. Just try your best.” That wouldn’t make sense. That coach would be setting his team and himself up for failure.
Or imagine if a mother told her children that though college was expensive, she insisted they attend when they graduate high school—but when the kids asked how it would be paid for, she said, “Oh, I don’t know. Your father and I have never planned for it. But you still have to go.” That would be a frustrating and a possibly fearful thing for her kids to deal with. How would they accomplish the task with no plan in place?
Making a plan is an action step, and action is important. We can’t sit passively by and just wish that stress would go away. Nothing happens when we take a passive posture. It’s important that we are active in our faith if we are going to see spiritual and emotional progress. That’s why I believe, with God’s help, we can attack stress instead of sitting back, waiting for it to attack us. We can plan to make changes in our lives that will increase our joy by decreasing our stress.
When I first started thinking about this book—before any words were ever put on paper—I knew I wanted to make it very, very practical. Stress is a problem that so many people feel on a daily basis, so I wanted to make sure I offered real-life solutions that you can put into action each day. This chapter is no exception. It’s one thing to talk about the importance of taking action… but it’s another thing to actually put a plan into place and then execute that plan. So I want to help you do just that over the next few pages—let’s make a plan together!
The following suggestions are simple actions that have scriptural basis and practical application. It’s a seven-point plan, but don’t feel overwhelmed by the number of action points. You might gladly implement all seven changes or you might only adopt two or three. It’s not about the number of things you can do… it’s about doing something. With God’s help, you can customize an action plan for your life and begin decreasing your stress immediately.
1. Start Your Day by Spending Time with God
Far too many people start their day in a panic—hitting the snooze button, running behind, forgetting things, and eating on the go. No wonder they feel stressed. If you’ll take some time at the beginning of the day to spend time with God, it will give you a solid foundation for the rest of the day. You can actually start fighting the stresses of the day before they even have time to set in by taking time to talk to God and to study His Word.
John 10:10 tells us that Jesus came in order that we “may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).” What an amazing promise! God has given us the gift of life and He wants us to enjoy it. The very best thing you can do to enjoy your life is to have a close, personal relationship with God. But in order to get there, it begins with spending time with Him. It’s really not that complicated—the more time you spend with someone, the closer you feel to them. That’s true with God, too. God doesn’t want to just be the button we push when we have an emergency. He wants to be your very best friend! Without that relationship, the truth is we will always be in an emergency. It’s only with God in our lives, helping and protecting us, that we can decrease stress and enjoy life.
It’s pretty amazing when you think about it—you and I get to spend as much time with God as we want. We have an open invitation to invite the Creator of the universe into our lives each day. We can begin our morning speaking to Him personally and reading His promises and instructions. If you’re not already doing it, this is something you should absolutely add to your action plan.
2. Exercise
A lot of people tell me they don’t have time to exercise, but I’ve discovered we can always make time for things that are really important. If we can make time to watch a movie on television or talk on the phone, we can plan time to exercise and take care of the bodies God has given us. When we say, “Well, I don’t have time to exercise,” what we really mean is, “That’s not a priority for me.” Well, if it hasn’t been a priority for you, it’s time to move exercise up the priority list, because any type of exercise—and it’s important to find a type that you enjoy doing—helps lessen stress in your life.
If you want to join a gym, or if you have gym equipment at home, that’s wonderful, but thankfully, gyms aren’t the only places we can exercise. There are hundreds of ways to get good exercise, and many of them don’t cost money, require special equipment, or sidetrack your day. I know that if I’m going to exercise, it’s essential that it’s something I look forward to doing, and it has to be something I can fit into my day… even my really busy days.
That’s why, in addition to “traditional” exercise, it’s good to keep your body active in as many small ways as possible. Maybe you can walk to a friend’s house instead of driving. (If you think about it, Jesus was perhaps the greatest walker of all time. He routinely walked from Galilee to Jerusalem—a distance of about seventy miles.) You could use a push mower instead of a riding mower. If you, like many people, work at a desk or in front of a computer all day, find ways to get up every so often and get your body moving.
When you experience stress, one of the best things you can do is pretty simple: move! Exercise is a terrific physical solution to stress. It burns up the extra adrenaline your body is producing and gets you back to a relaxed state, which means you’ll be able to spend your night sleeping instead of seething. When we mention exercise, most people cringe, but it truly is a wonderful stress reliever and health builder.
I have been working out with weights regularly for ten years, but recently I added walking every day that I possibly can, and I have been truly amazed at the mental and physical energy it has given me. When we eliminate stress—and exercise does that—we always experience more energy.
That brings me to the next item in our action plan…
3. Make Sure You’re Getting Enough Sleep
The cure for a lot of the problems we deal with is getting more sleep. If you’re often frustrated, if you get sick a lot, if you’re weepy or on edge all the time, the first thing you may want to ask yourself is, “Am I getting the right amount of sleep each night?” If you don’t get the recommended eight hours of sleep each night, your mind isn’t functioning properly and your immune system is being compromised.
I think it’s fascinating that God created our bodies with the ability (and the need) to shut everything off and sleep. We go into a state of repair and renewal during our sleep, and we are refreshed physically, emotionally, and mentally for the next day. Some people have difficulty sleeping and need supplements or medication, but more often than not, our lack of sleep comes from a lack of discipline. We stay up too late doing other things, and we simply don’t plan enough time to sleep.
Learning how to plan your evening (including downtime) will help you sleep better. I need about three to four hours in the evening to relax before I go to bed. When I get it, I sleep very well 99.9 percent of the time. I have developed the discipline of going to sleep by 9:00 p.m. and getting up at 5:00 a.m. unless I am traveling and teaching, and that has worked well for the rest of my lifestyle. I believe it is one of the reasons I feel as good as I do and can accomplish as much as I can each day. Now, my schedule may not work for you, and I’m not suggesting you do exactly as I do, but it is important for you to establish a regular bedtime and try to get a healthy amount of sleep each night.
A lot of the people I talk to are tired, and they talk about their need to get some rest or some time off or some time to themselves. But remember, talk alone is passive and doesn’t help us improve our health. We must take action. Develop the practice of regular sleep and you will enjoy your life much more.
4. Take a Vacation
We talked in an earlier chapter about the fact that many people don’t schedule vacations, and I’m convinced this is a mistake. And it’s a mistake that is greatly contributing to the anxiety and frustration we often feel in our lives. No matter how busy you are or how tight the budget is, it is very important to take some time to get away from the job or the normal routine and have some fun.
Enjoying a vacation is a very active way to fight stress. It’s a strategically planned and executed event that will ultimately refresh your mind and your body. You don’t have to spend a lot of money or travel halfway around the world; in fact, sometimes the best vacations are “staycations,” when you stay at home from work and just enjoy local activities and fun things to do in your community. Whatever you choose to do—traveling cross-country, camping, going to theme parks, staying in a fancy hotel, spending a week at home in your pajamas, taking a trip to the beach—be intentional about enjoying the time off. If at all possible, resist the urge to answer work e-mails, take calls from clients, pay bills, or do the normally stress-related events in your life. When you’re on vacation… be on vacation. Don’t do so much on vacation that you need a vacation to get over your vacation!
I’m a very hard-working person; I actually really enjoy it. But I know it’s important that I not burn myself out. I’ve learned to plan for and schedule days when I do nothing that is work related. This is the healthy thing to do and, in the long run, it makes me a better and more productive worker. If I can take some days off, you can, too. Don’t let the pressures of your daily life be the only thing you ever experience. Find some ways to get away from the regular routine and enjoy some new places and experiences. Vacation is more than a company benefit; it’s a life benefit. Even a “vacation day” can be a huge benefit.
5. Give Yourself a Reward
You’d be surprised at the motivational and the inspirational power of simple (and even silly) rewards. There is a reason kids love rewards—they work! Treating yourself to dinner or buying the new pair of shoes you wanted after you’ve reached a goal may be an obvious motivational scheme, but it sure is a fun one. And there is nothing wrong with having a little fun in life. Never forget that it pleases God when you take care of yourself and enjoy the life He has given you. You are worth a reward in His eyes.
When you are setting short-term and long-term goals for your life, I think it’s a good idea to also write down some appropriate rewards for yourself at the same time. This will give you something to focus on when you’re struggling to complete those last minutes on the treadmill or when forcing yourself to study for that test. “Just thirty more minutes and I’ll treat myself to that movie night.” Make sure the rewards match the challenge—big rewards for meeting big goals and smaller perks for the smaller, daily accomplishments. Just the knowledge that you are successfully reaching your goals may be enough to motivate you, but give yourself a little reward anyway. It’s a great stress-reducer.
I do what I am encouraging you to do. When I sat down to write today, I planned to write for five hours and then go out on the patio and visit with my son and a friend of his who are grilling fish and steak for our dinner. Things like this give us something to look forward to in the midst of our work.
Celebration is an important part of this. Celebrations and parties help you see what you’ve accomplished and prepare you for the new challenges ahead. They also let your family and friends know how important your goals are to you, and having their support is always helpful. The Word of God is full of blessings, promises, feasts, and celebrations… your life can be, too.
6. Evaluate Your Influences
Let me ask you two important questions: (1) Who or what—the people, the books, the music, the events, the entertainment choices—is influencing your life? (2) Is that influence making your life less stressful or is it making your life more stressful? The answers to those two questions go a long way in determining the life you are going to live.
David surrounded himself with mighty men (see 2 Samuel 23). He knew that in order to be a successful warrior and leader, he needed people around him who could encourage, help, and strengthen him. You and I are no different. We need people in our lives who are going to be a benefit—people who will encourage, help, and strengthen us.
Now, there are some people and some things we encounter over the course of the day that we can’t avoid. We don’t get to pick our coworkers and we all face stressful situations that are not of our choosing. But a lot of the stressful people and things in our lives are of our own volition. In other words, a lot of the stress we’re under is because we opened the front door and let it in. This is why it is important to, on a regular basis, evaluate who or what is helping shape your opinions, feelings, and mind-sets. Because these people and these things can either be decreasing or increasing your stress levels.
I once had a friend whom I spent a lot of time with, but she had a tendency to pout if everything didn’t go just the way she wanted it to. Her personality was very difficult for me to deal with because I’m a peacemaker, so every time her mood became gloomy, I found myself feeling responsible to fix it. The only way to do that was to make sure she always got what she wanted and that left me feeling manipulated.
The relationship wasn’t healthy emotionally for me and it was very stressful. I finally realized that I would need to not be so involved in her life if I wanted to decrease my stress. It wasn’t an easy decision to make because I didn’t want her to be angry with me, but I finally did make it. You may be in relationships that are stressful, and although you can’t just walk away from all of them, if there are ones that you can eliminate, it might be wise to do so in order to decrease your stress levels.
Quite often the decisions we have to make in order to reduce our stress are not easy ones, but in the long run the benefit outweighs the difficulty.
7. Do Less, Not More
Do you have too much to do? This seems to be one of the major struggles I hear today. When I ask people how they are, about 80 percent respond, “I’m busy.” Common sense tells us that God isn’t going to stress us out and lead us to do more than we can. Therefore, if we’re being led by God’s Spirit, saying yes when He says yes and no when He says no, we should be able to accomplish what He gives us to do and walk in peace. Do you need to say no more often? We should be sure when our heart says no that our mouth isn’t saying yes. Sometimes trying to keep other people happy can make us very unhappy. A person who is a people pleaser must really make sure that what they are doing is pleasing God and not just people.
We have been given the power of the Holy Spirit to live without stress. God, however, won’t honor disobedience. If He’s telling us not to do something that we decide to do anyway, we’ll experience the painful loss of His anointing. Grace equals ability. God gives us grace to match our call. When we do our own thing, we do it on our own. When we follow His leading, He always supplies the energy.
Remember when God promised Abraham and Sarah a child? They got ahead of God and worked out a plan of their own that ultimately produced Ishmael. Finally, Isaac came according to God’s promise, but I am sure they created a lot of stress and loss of joy for themselves by not waiting on God. Ishmael’s name means “man of war.” Isaac’s name means “laughter.” We can discern from their names which child brought rest and joy and which one brought struggle and stress. Ishmael is a representation of works of the flesh, which always produce struggle and stress. Isaac, however, represents waiting for God’s promise, which requires faith and always brings rest.
God wants us to burn on, not burn out! Burnout comes from physical and emotional exhaustion, especially as a result of long-term stress. Stress depletes our bodies; our immune systems become weak, and sickness—even depression—can set in. Burnout causes you to be “out of control” and no longer producing good fruit. Ignoring God’s instruction causes burnout. You can’t overwork your mind, emotions, or your body and not eventually pay the price for excess. Whose pace are you moving at? Is it the pace God has set for you or someone else’s pace? Are you stressed out from trying to keep up with everyone else? Are you a people pleaser who makes others happy at the expense of your own peace? Do you worry a lot? There was a time in my life when most of these things were problems for me, but thankfully, I finally saw that I could make changes.
I believe we can live stress-free in a stressful world, but it will require some decisions—possibly some radical decisions. Allow God’s Spirit to lead you out of a stressful lifestyle and into one of peace and joy.
Things to Remember:
It’s important to take action in life. Sitting back and passively wishing stress would go away won’t work. Ask God to help you make a plan and then aggressively put that plan into action.
You can actually start fighting the stresses of the day before they even have time to set in by taking time to talk to God and to read His Word.
Exercise—one of the best forms of stress-relief possible—doesn’t have to be expensive or grueling. Find a physical activity you enjoy doing and work it into your schedule on a regular basis.
If you’re often frustrated, if you get sick a lot, if you’re weepy or on edge all the time, if you are tense and easily angered or frustrated, the first thing you may want to ask yourself is, “Am I getting the right amount of sleep each night?”
A vacation is a strategically planned and executed event that will ultimately refresh your mind and your body.
Rewards help you celebrate what you’ve accomplished and prepare for the new challenges ahead.
Who or what is helping shape your opinions, feelings, and mind-sets? These people, and these things, can either be decreasing or increasing your stress levels.
God wants us to burn on, not burn out!