That night, I lie in my bed with only Jawsy to keep me company. I have put her on my night table because that’s the only time I’m home to spend any time with the poor little soul. Besides her, I have been sleeping alone since Gabe left, bar that one night when Henry slept in the armchair next to me and that one, unforgettable night spent together.
For now, I have to think about the immediate future, because, in a few months, if I apply for a working visa, I might be waking up in New York. New York, with entirely different opportunities. Getting out of my own rut. Starting new projects, meeting new people, having a refreshing take on things. Looking at the world with new eyes and all that. Of course I’d miss my people here, and I’m sure the minute we lift off and I see the last of my coast, I’ll start bawling like a baby. But I have to do something, anything, because at the moment I have reached a situation of complete stalemate.
I’d only stay for a short while in any case. Consider it a break, if not my professional break. A change would do me good, because I can’t see things getting any worse than they already are.
*
So when Travis calls the next day, I jump on the phone, relieved for any kind of distraction.
‘Hiya, pretty lady,’ he drawls. ‘You busy?’
I look around my flat. It’s taken me precisely forty minutes to do a completely thorough clean. It’s good to take a day off every now and then, but now I’m bored to the marrow. ‘Yes.’
He laughs. ‘You still gotta eat. How about lunch somewhere?’
‘Uhm, no thank you, Travis.’
‘I want to talk business with you.’
At that, my ears perk up. ‘Oh?’
‘And good business at that,’ he says. ‘Pick you up in twenty?’
Now I am intrigued, but I don’t want Henry to know. ‘Well… all right. Thank you,’ I answer, and I can’t help but notice the irony in the fact that only a few weeks ago I was dining with Henry. But Henry has chosen not to continue with me. He’s made his life choices and they obviously don’t include me.
*
Believe it or not, Travis is right on time.
We drive out to a tiny restaurant in Sennen Cove. There is a deck jutting out into the sea, and we are lucky enough to get the table at the very end.
‘I’m in the mood for fish,’ he says. ‘What about you?’
‘The scallops look great,’ I answer, recalling the last time I’d had scallops. Henry had brought me a beer with a wry comment he’d read on a sign at the bar, Beers as cold as your ex’s heart! And they’re not wrong about that.
‘Cool! Two scallops it is. What vegetables are you going to order?’ he asks, flipping through his menu.
‘I’ll just have a salad, thanks, Henry.’
‘Travis.’
I look up. ‘Sorry?’
‘You just called me Henry.’
‘Oh! I’m sorry. I’m just used to working with Henry every day and—’
Travis puts down his menu, studying me. ‘Is he really that hard to forget, Faith?’
Apparently, he is. I’m never going to be able to erase him from my mind. ‘There’s nothing to forget, Travis. I already told you, there’s nothing between Henry and me.’
‘Good, because if there is, I can’t take you to New York with me, because the last thing I wanna see is you pining for a guy you can’t have.’
‘I’m not pining for anyone, Travis. In any case, we agreed that you and I are just friends, and if my coming to New York is going to be a problem—’
‘Of course not, Faith. Who do you think I am, a filthy Hollywood producer?’
‘No, of course not. I’m sorry.’
‘You wanna be just friends? Fine. But you will change your mind because I’m a charmer and you just won’t be able to help yourself. And don’t say I didn’t tell you.’
Ha. ‘So, I’m putting my visa application together.’
‘Good. At first you’ll come out as a tourist, see if you like it, visit my offices, et cetera.’
‘I’ll love it,’ I reassure him. Anything to get away from Henry.
‘You will, and New York will love you. Because I have a business proposal. It’s a small thing to start with, but if you play your cards right…
‘I’m listening.’
‘I need someone to stage some new lofts I’m selling in New York. The paint isn’t even dry yet. You’d be perfect.’
I bite my lip. ‘You think so?’
He shrugs. ‘How can you not? Look at you, the typical delicate English rose. You reek of quaint Englishness.’
‘And people want that in a New York loft? I highly doubt it.’
‘Maybe not in the city, but once you’re done with that, there’s more property in the Hamptons, Martha’s Vineyard, Cape Cod. It will be your playground for as long as you like.’
I think about it. A chance to start all over again, away from all my mistakes. ‘That sounds lovely, Travis. Thank you.’
‘So you’re definitely in?’ he asks.
I nod. ‘I’m definitely in.’
Travis takes my hand, and I look up. He is confident, smiling, optimistic. ‘You and me, kid, are gonna do great things together.’
*
The next morning, with great trepidation, I fill in my crew about Travis’ offer.
‘Oh my God, you’re going international!’ Thea cries, jumping up and down.
‘Well, technically, I’m not going anywhere yet until I’ve made a decision. And in any case, I’d only be going for a holiday first. If they grant me a working visa, we’ll see from there. Obviously we’ll keep things going here as well,’ I reassure them.
Mike turns to me. ‘Are you sure this is what you want? Running away isn’t always the best solution, Faith.’
‘I’m not running away. I just want to see what else is out there.’
‘He who abandons the old for the new…’
‘Mike, leave her alone,’ Bob says. ‘She has the right to start all over again if she’s not happy here.’
‘But that’s not the case, I am happy here,’ I assure them. ‘I just want to – I just want to see what’s on the other side of the world, is all.’
Bill shakes his head. ‘Faith, Henry is almost done. After this job, you won’t need to see him at all.’
‘This has nothing to do with Henry! I just want a change of scenery. For a while, at least.’
‘Oh, you’ll do very well in New York!’ Thea assures me, but my muscle men don’t seem to think it’s a good idea.
‘Thank you, Thea. I’m leaving next month.’
Silence as gazes swing around in a circle. ‘How long will you be gone?’ Mike wants to know.
‘I don’t know. As a Brit I can’t stay without a visa more than ninety days, so…’
Thea nods. ‘Enough time to get the lay of the land.’
‘Exactly. Now, if you’ll all excuse me, I have work to do.’
I spend the rest of the day lying low, as bumping into Henry is the last thing I want to do now. But I can’t just leave without telling him. Even if I know he has no interest in me, how can I put an ocean between us without even saying goodbye?
‘Faith, I need to talk to you if you have a moment?’
I jump at the sound of Henry’s voice and turn to see him standing on the threshold. He’s back! ‘Henry! You scared me!’
‘Yes, well. Busy week?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘With Travis?’
I flinch. ‘He took me out to dinner, yes.’
His mouth snaps shut and he clams up again. When he finally speaks, his face is unreadable. ‘Well, I’m not here to discuss your social life. I simply need your approval for the kitchen accessories,’ he hastens to tell me.
Of course not. My social life is none of his concern, seeing that his own days and nights are all pretty much booked, having a son and a wife. What would he need me for?
‘Oh. Yes, of course,’ I say, following him into the kitchen where several boxes lie open. I take out some cupboard door handles and inspect them as he waits in silence. ‘Beautiful,’ I comment.
He nods. ‘No one questioned your taste.’
So what is it, then, that you questioned? I want to ask. How long you could get away with having me on the side as you got back with your wife?
‘I trust you had a good time with Travis?’ he asks.
I grind down onto my teeth so violently I’m sure I’ve cracked one.
‘No matter,’ he says when I fail to answer. ‘I assume you and Travis have a lot in common.’
‘Perhaps,’ I defend. ‘He’s a lot of fun and he makes me laugh.’
His eyes flash. ‘Good for you. I’m glad someone makes you laugh. Every other man seems to make you cry.’
The cheeky sod! How dare he! ‘Only the ones who are no good for me,’ I point out. ‘But Travis is good to me. He believes in me and, most importantly, has time for me.’
‘Time for what?’
I shrug. ‘Anything I need. And he’s invited me to New York. He’s going to introduce me to some of his clients.’ Seeing as none of Henry’s have materialised. There. Two can play at his game.
‘Travis?’ he repeats, incredulous.
‘Travis,’ I assure him. ‘I’ve applied for a visa, but in the meantime I’m going back with him.’
‘That’s very sudden.’
‘Yes, well, take the bull by the horns and all that.’
‘You don’t really know him well enough to take off with him into the sunset, do you?’
‘Firstly, I’m not taking off into the sunset with anyone. And secondly, I’ve known him for as long as I’ve known you. Besides, even people you know extremely well can hurt you. Look at Gabe. Look at…’ you, I almost say. ‘In any case, Travis and I have been spending a lot of time together lately and we have a lot in common.’
Silence. A long silence. ‘Then I wish you every happiness.’
‘Thank you. I’m sure I will be very happy.’ Better than now, in any case.