Harper was running, just as her grandmother had said. It wasn't like it was after her parents died. This was different. The hole left inside of her when she realized her parents were gone was never going to heal. She knew that. She’d never give her mother and father a hug again. She’d never be able to call up her mother and tell her about the day she’d had. Her mother was dead.
Nash wasn't dead. Thank God neither of them were. But he was still gone from her life by his choice. He didn't want her. That was a nagging doubt she couldn't ignore.
Despite her being upset with him that night at the house, she understood what he was saying. This feeling was uncomfortable at times. But not in the way that he'd meant. It was uncomfortable for her to know that he was so close, and yet so far away from her.
It had been a week since the potluck and she didn’t feel any better. So as soon as her shift ended, Harper went home and pulled the lasagna she’d put in a container and frozen out of the freezer and shoved it on a foil plate in the oven. She had no idea how this lasagna was going to taste, but Nash had wanted to explain something to her. She just didn’t know what.
She was a glutton for punishment. She couldn’t believe that she was actually going to drive up to the cabin and see him again. But she’d give him his time, eat some lasagna, and then she’d leave. They’d both have closure.
Somehow, it didn't seem that easy. But her grandmother had said that running wasn’t going to change anything. The first thing she'd meet when she'd stop running was the feelings she was running away from. Her grandmother had been right like always. Luckily for her, as the lasagna baked in the oven and started to fill the house with that same aroma that had given her promise to a night she’d longed for with Nash, her grandmother had remained silent about what Harper was about to do.
Harper packed up everything and wrapped it tightly in tinfoil so the food would remain warm on the drive up to the cabin. She made sure to keep a good-sized piece aside for her grandmother. When she was ready to leave, she walked down the hall to her grandmother’s bedroom. The door was open but she still knocked to keep from startling her grandmother who was sitting in her favorite reading chair with a book in her hand. A cozy mystery probably. Her grandmother's favorite. It had been her mother's favorite too.
Her grandmother looked up as she walked in the door.
“I'm going out for bit. I left some lasagna wrapped up on the counter for you for dinner.”
Her grandmother nodded. “Thank you. I'm really into this book and now I won't have to stop reading to make dinner.” Then she smiled. “Have a good time. I'll see you in the morning.”
The drive up the mountain filled Harper with anxiety. It wasn't just seeing Nash again that put her stomach in knots. Flashes of memory appeared before her eyes as she rounded the corner where her car had gone over the side of the embankment. She kept thinking she was seeing an animal run in front of her, when there wasn’t anything there. It was just phantom images in her mind.
She hadn't really remembered much of the accident. She remembered rolling, being hit in the head with something that had been in her car that had gone airborne. And she remembered that feeling of hanging and being trapped in the seat belt. The rental car she had now took the road easy. She still wasn't familiar with it like she was with the car she’d been driving for years. The only difference between then and today was that the roads were now bare. There was still snow on the side of the road the higher she got up the mountain.
She finally reached the cabin and parked her car next to Nash’s truck. He had no idea she was coming. For all she knew, he was out hiking somewhere in the mountains and wouldn't be back for hours. Hiking in the dark didn't seem like something that bothered him or would disorient him the way it did so many tourists who ended up getting lost in the mountains. Harper couldn't even count how many calls she'd had over the years where someone had gone missing. Luckily most everyone was found a day or two later, worse for the wear, but alive. Most of them.
Rescuers found those people because someone cared enough to know that person was out there in the woods. They would call into the station worried if their loved one was late.
Who was worried about Nash? Who was making sure that he returned home safely? Maybe he called into his team and they kept track of his whereabouts. He hadn't been concerned at all when they'd been together during the blizzard. He could be out there struggling and stuck in the snow like they had been after the avalanche. But instead of it being precious minutes, it could be days or weeks before anyone found him.
“Knock it off, Harper,” she said as she climbed out of the car. “Leave the lasagna if he is not here. If he doesn't come back, then a grizzly will eat it.”
She pushed the door to the back seat open and grabbed the tray of lasagna on the floor. She should have thought of that. The grizzlies. There was an abundance of wildlife in the area. You couldn’t go hiking in the woods in the mountains without being startled by a grizzly on one of the hiking paths. She'd even once come down from a hike at another location and found a grizzly standing right next to her friend’s car in the parking lot. They were here. How would anyone know if Nash had fallen victim?
With the tray of lasagna in her hands, she shut the car door with her hip.
“He's a survivalist, Harper. For God’s sake, you sound like a lunatic.”
“We'll that's something new,” she heard Nash say from somewhere nearby.
Harper swung around and looked for him. He was close enough to hear her, but she couldn't see him. A few seconds later, he peered out from behind the cabin with a big grin on his face. “I don't recall you talking to yourself so very much when you stayed here.”
“You heard me?”
“Yes, I did.”
“Well, I never claimed to be sane.”
“I don't know if I would go that far,” he said.
An awkward silence fell between them. And then she remembered the tray in her hand.
“Since you didn't get a chance to sample some really good food, I thought I'd bring this over for you.”
“Oh, but I did.”
Her shoulders sagged. “That's right. You were at the potluck. There was lots of good food there.”
“I meant your food.”
She frowned. “You did?”
“Word was you made some pretty awesome chicken wings. Award-winning, I think one of the firefighters said. I managed to grab the last three left in the tray. I had some of that dessert you made too.”
He tapped his hand on the stomach as if eating three chicken wings and a little bit of trifle made him fat. There was nothing at all out of shape about this man. Nash Webber was lean, muscular, and so appealing that Harper almost had to look away because it was too painfully obvious what her reaction to him was.
“Well, then I guess you don't need the lasagna after all.”
“I never said that. I would never say that. I’ve been out all day and I’m really hungry. I'm glad you stopped by.”
He looked at her for a few moments. She recognized that look of appreciation in him. She’d seen it before. She’d been standing by the stove just putting a pot of water on to boil and he’d just looked at her from across the room.
“Are you just going to stand there letting that lasagna get cold or should we go inside and taste just how good it is?”
“It’s good.”
His smile widened. “That’s for me to decide.”
* * *
Harper thought it would feel awkward to be back in the cabin again after what had transpired between her and Nash. But in way, it felt strangely comforting, as it had the night Nash had brought her here after the accident.
It had to be the place, the memories, and everything familiar about the cabin that gave her courage now. Her parents were here. Their love surrounded her. All the anxiety she'd had driving up the mountain seemed to dissipate. She was a guest here, and yet, she still felt so comfortable even after everything that had transpired.
“It's a foil pan. We can set it on the wood stove for a little bit to heat up.”
“I'm sure it's fine. I turned the stove off this morning because it was going to be a nice day. I don't mind the house being cool.”
“You were so diligent about keeping the stove going when I was here.”
“That’s because you were here.”
She didn’t know what to say. He could be so sweet sometimes. And then he drove her crazy.
“Now that the solar panels are working, you can use the oven.”
He kept the foil on the tray, popped it into the oven and then he turned it on. It was going to take a few minutes for the oven to heat up. So Harper just stood there and watched. Nash turned and looked at her as if confused.
“Why don’t we sit down? That might take a while.”
She walked over to the sofa and sat down. “I reheated it before I left to come here.” Lame conversation. She hated small talk. This was getting old and was just avoiding the very thing that she'd come here for. Except she still didn't know exactly why she was here.
Oh yes, he said she hadn't understood him.
“Why am I here?” she asked as he joined her on the sofa.
His eyes bore into her. “You're the one that brought me the lasagna.”
She cocked her head to one side. “Don't play with me. You know why I'm here. You all but invited me to come talk to you. You said so yourself. You wanted to have coffee or ice cream. Well, I brought reheated lasagna. So I am asking you, why am I here? What is it that I don't understand? Because to be honest with you, I thought your words about not wanting to see me made things pretty clear.”
“I'm a coward.”
She sputtered. “You’re what?”
He shifted uncomfortably in the seat. She wasn't sure if it was because she'd laughed at him or his admission hit some sort of a nerve inside of him.
“I told you I don't do this well. In fact, I really don't do this at all.”
“You said that.”
He stared at her for a few seconds. “But I didn't tell you why. I suppose I owe you that.”
She lifted her hands and tried to wave them off. “You don't owe me anything. You saved my life and gave me shelter during the storm.” Then she laughed. “That sounds like some kind of rock and roll song from the radio. But it's true. You don't own me anything.”
“I was married once.”
Her eyes widened with his abrupt admission. The entire time they'd been together, he had never mentioned anything about a wife. Wait, he said once. That meant he was no longer married.
It wasn’t an extraordinary admission. She knew lots of people that she had graduated with who had already married and divorced. Katie Dobbs was one, but she had since found love and happiness with Caleb. It wasn't something shocking. It happened. Not every relationship was meant to be a forever relationship.
“You never mentioned being married before. Is that what makes you gun-shy about wanting to have a relationship with me?”
There was no room for beating around the bush. It was important to get everything on the table. She wasn't going to lay awake in bed at night and roll over every conversation, every look, and the few caresses and embraces she'd shared with Nash Webber. If this was going to be closure for them, then they needed to get to it. She wasn't going to drag this out and torture herself any longer than she had to.
“Carol died.”
Harper’s heart sank in her chest. She resisted the urge to reach out to him. She wasn't sure it would be welcome given how much he’d held back recently. “I'm so sorry. Was she sick?”
She'd question asking him even that. Clearly admitting that he'd been married and that his wife had died was something that was still painful given the stark look on his face.
He shook his head. “I don't think Carol had been sick a day in her life. She had incredibly good health. She reminded me of that all the time.”
“How long were you together?”
“About two years total. We'd met on a project we did together overseas. Given where we were and how remote it was, we honestly spent all our time together. The project lasted three months and by the time it was over, we were married. A whirlwind relationship is what I've heard people say, if you believe in those things.”
“You don't?”
He shrugged. “I loved her. When you know, you know. It's as simple as that.”
Harper thought about her grandmother and those words seemed like something she would say to Harper now. It was if she was saying them that day in the kitchen when the heart hurts, it hurts. It doesn't put a qualifier on it.
It was clear that Nash was still hurting now.
“How long has it been since she died?”
“Almost two years. It's hard to believe that she came and left my life so quickly. It seemed like she was so much a part of my life that it's always been hard to imagine my life without her. Until now.”
His words and their meaning were not lost on her. She hadn't imagined it. He did care for her. It wasn't just some random thing that they'd shared.
“Do you want to tell me what happened? You don't have to talk about it if it’s too painful.”
“It will always be painful. Because it was my fault.”