There was something in the air. A certain stench of greediness that Julie Samuel could almost smell as she waltzed through the employee’s door of the Red Wolf Casino where she’d been working for more than six months as a bartender.
It was going to be a busy night. By the end of her shift, she’d have sore feet, burning eyes from the cigarette and cigar smoke, and hopefully a pocketful of tips to add to her stash for whatever the future held.
As she moved through the casino toward the employee’s break room, a woman in her seventies or eighties breezed right in front of Julie as if she hadn’t even seen her. The woman headed to a slot machine and settled herself in a chair for what would probably be a few hours of her retirement money being lost. In a way, the woman reminded Julie of Margaret, the old woman who owned the house where Julie rented a room. Margaret was a bit older and more fragile. And Margaret wouldn’t be caught dead in a casino. Julie still remembered Margaret’s reaction when Julie had told her where she worked.
“Now you take care of yourself, little girl. You’ll get no future with one of those men you meet in the casino. They’re probably married and cheating on their wives or they’re drowning their sorrows in their whiskey so they don’t have to go home and tell their wife they lost all the money to pay the mortgage.”
Julie smiled at the memory. She wasn’t interested in meeting men. Especially not here. But Margaret reminded Julie of a worldly old aunt with stories of the great depression and “the good ole’ days.” There was always a story with Margaret. Of all the places she’d lived, Julie had enjoyed living there the best.
She punched the time clock quickly and then deposited her purse in her locker. Glancing at her watch, she saw she had a minute to get to the bar before Gary, the other bartender she worked with most nights, noticed. And he would notice, Julie thought.
“Hey,” she said, walking behind the bar. Gary, a heavyset man in his mid-forties, could move faster than she could. Customers liked him. Right now he had a long line of cocktail waitresses at his end of the bar waiting for their orders to be filled.
He nodded to her. Then she went to work filling drinks for a few of the people who sat at the bar. They were easy enough; a few beers, a brandy neat, and a whiskey sour. She filled the unmixed drinks first and then headed to the ice machine to grab some ice for the whiskey sour.
“Whoa. The ice machine is almost empty again.” She grabbed what little ice was left in the machine, knowing the rest would be gone in the next five minutes given how busy the room looked, and poured it into a mixing cup.
“It broke this afternoon,” Gary said.
“Again?”
Gary shrugged. “It won’t be fixed until tomorrow. We have bags of ice in the freezer in the restaurant.”
“Oh, that is going to make things real convenient tonight.”
“I’ll get a few after I finish these drinks.”
“Nah, finish what you’re doing,” Julie said, as she quickly mixed the whiskey sour and dropped it in front of the woman sitting next to the man with the brandy neat. He handed her some bills and lifted his hand to indicate she should keep the rest.
After ringing up the sale and dropping the extra in the tip jar Gary and her would split at the end of the evening, she said, “I’ll grab two bags. You can get the next round.”
Gary nodded and went back to the long line of cocktail waitresses at the bar while Julie quickly darted through the casino toward the neighboring restaurant. With every step, the smell of steak and burgers filled her head, making her stomach growl. She walked up to the hostess and said, “I hear you guys are keeping bags of ice for us in your freezer.”
“For the bar? Yeah, Drew mentioned something about that. Just go into the kitchen. You’ll find Drew back there.”
Julie did as she was told and found the manager who helped place two bags of ice in Julie’s arms.
“I have a cart in the back,” Drew said. “I’ll bring it up so it’ll make the next few trips easier.”
Julie chuckled, and teased, “Sure, make it easier for Gary. Thanks for these.”
“No problem.”
She headed back through the restaurant and weaved around the casino patrons on her way back to the bar area. She nearly dropped both bags of ice when she spotted who stood in front of her as a group of people dispersed.
“Caleb,” she whispered. Her bottom lip wobbled a little even though she fought to keep her composure. It had been over twelve years since she’d seen her brother. She’d been in high school when he’d joined the military and went overseas. Two years after that, she’d left home and had never gone back.
Caleb’s expression registered shock. “Julie!”
He looked down at her with a mixture of surprise, relief and anger all rolled into one. For a second, Julie wanted to shrink down as she used to when she was a kid and her big brother was angry with her. She wasn’t a kid anymore. She was a woman, and she had all the scars to prove it.
“Caleb. What are you doing here?”
Her arms and chest felt numb from holding the two ice bags against her body. But the sudden glacial stare he cast on her made her shudder.
“Me? Where the hell have you been all these years?”
He’d raised his voice, and a few people turned to look in their direction, including Gary who frowned and motioned with his head in concern toward Caleb. Julie shook her head quickly to let him know she was okay, and not being harassed by some crazy person.
She drew in a deep breath. “I wasn’t aware that I needed your permission to do anything.”
Caleb frowned. “We’re not talking about permission, Julie. We’re talking about decency. I’m your brother, for cripes’ sake, and you disappeared from the face of the earth years ago.”
“You found me, didn’t you?”
“If I hadn’t seen you pass by while I was having dinner with Katie, I wouldn’t have seen you at all. So don’t get cute with me.”
“Why not? You always said I was cute kid. A brat, but cute.”
Katie. He was here with a girl but that girl didn’t seem to be anywhere in the vicinity.
Caleb shook his head and chuckled. But she could tell he was angry as much as he was surprised. “You’re my sister. Brat goes with the territory. Besides, I’m thinking you look more of a brat than cute right now with that snarky look on your face.”
“What am I supposed to have?” she whispered, leaning toward him. “You’re embarrassing me in front of my boss, and I need this job.”
Gary wasn’t exactly her boss. He was one of a few managers who worked in the bars for the casino. But word of this could easily get back to the floor manager if Gary chose to say something.
“You’ve been a few towns away from Sweet this whole time? You could’ve called.”
“Mom and Dad sold the house. And you were gone when I left. How was I supposed to call when I didn’t have your number?”
“Don’t give me that.”
“Aren’t you on a date? Where is this Katie person?”
He shook his head as if befuddled. “This Katie person? She was your best friend in high school. Or did you suddenly develop a case of amnesia for that as well as the use of a telephone.”
“Katie Dobbs? You’re with Katie Dobbs? Wait, you’re dating Katie Dobbs?” Julie looked around but couldn’t see any sign of Katie anywhere.
“Don’t change the subject. She’s still in the restaurant. You could have called Mom or Dad’s cell phone.”
“They were disconnected. They must have changed them when they moved out of state. Anyway, the last I remember, you were in the military, thousands of miles away. I had no way of knowing where you were or when you’d return to the States.”
“A letter. Anything. You could have contacted any of your friends.”
“I sent a letter to Katie. I never heard back.”
“You didn’t tell her where to find you!”
“Ssh. Keep your voice down.”
Her arms were frozen and the bags of ice were starting to melt against the heat of her body.
“You grew up in Sweet,” Caleb said. “People know you there. You could have easily just driven into town and talked to any number of people who know the family. A neighbor. Hell, even the Realtor who sold the house could have told you where Mom and Dad moved. You didn’t even try.”
She forced her shoulders to stay straight although she felt the weight of her actions pulling her down. Her body trembled from the cold.
“You have no idea what I’ve been through, Caleb,” Julie said.
“I do. It took me a long time to find out, but I know that you left here because you were pregnant.” He said those last words quietly but it sounded like a bomb going off in her ear.
“You do?” Her eyes were wide with surprise as she looked at her brother. “How?”
“Never mind how. I just found out.”
She thought for a second. “Katie? Did she tell you something?”
“She didn’t tell me. But she told me about your relationship with Hunter. The rest of it fell into place. You could’ve told me, Julie,” Caleb said.
“You were in Iraq.”
“Afghanistan. Thank you for remembering.”
Guilt stabbed at her. She’d been so preoccupied during that part of her life that she’d forgotten where her brother had been stationed. He could’ve easily been killed and she would never have known. She’d made sure of it. She didn’t want to hear about news from Sweet, Montana, her hometown. She wanted to start new, with no memories to hold her back. It hadn’t started out that way, but she’d had no choice.
“What happened to the baby?” Caleb asked. “I have a niece or nephew somewhere, don’t I?”
She felt the burning of tears behind her eyes. She glanced at Gary who was holding his own at the bar, but it was getting busy. He frowned and motioned to her to get to work.
She turned to Caleb and lifted her chin. “Leave it alone, Caleb. If you love me, then leave it at that.”
“What about Hunter? Doesn’t he have a right to know why you left?”
Oh, God. If Caleb knew, did that mean Hunter did too? No, it couldn’t be. She didn’t know how Caleb knew about the baby but why would he tell Hunter? He had no reason to see Hunter.
“I’m working, Caleb. I beg of you.”
“I’m not letting this go, Julie. I’ve been looking for you ever since I came home. If you don’t tell me where the hell you’ve been all this time then…”
“What? What are you going to do?”
His gaze bore into her. “Tell Hunter.”
Panic filled her until her face felt as though it was on fire. “Tell Hunter what?”
“Tell Hunter, or I will tell him I saw you. And you can deal with whatever blowback you get from him. Because I know one thing, we both deserve some answers.”
She glanced over at the bar. Gary lifted both arms and showed his impatience with a hard glare.
“I’ll call you tomorrow, Caleb. I have to go.”
He chuckled with no humor. “How? You don’t even know how to find me?”
Tears filled Julie’s eyes. “Yes, I do. You live in an apartment near the center of town in Sweet, Montana. Still. You never left like Mom and Dad did. I looked you up. I have your landline number.”
His anger melted away with her confession. “I kept a landline so you could find me.”
“It worked. I did. I’ll call you tomorrow. I don’t want to be fired. Please, just leave for now.”
She stomped away carrying the melting ice bags, and didn’t give Caleb another look. Gary was none too happy with her when she reached the ice machine.
“Your shirt is soaked,” he said, grabbing one of the ice bags, ripping it open and pouring the ice into the ice machine to keep it frozen. “Who was that guy giving you a hard time?”
She could lie and say it was nobody to make it easier. But Gary would know she was lying. “My brother, Caleb.”
“Oh. Well, brothers do that sometimes. Tell him not to bug you at work.”
She ripped open the other bag of ice and poured it on top of the other ice already in the ice machine. Glancing over toward the spot where Caleb had found her, she saw that he was still standing there. She’d missed him. She hadn’t realized how much until she saw him.
She’d have to ignore him the rest of the evening if he insisted on standing there. But when she took a second look, he was gone.
Her relief mixed with disappointment as she turned back to the bar and saw some people slide onto bar stools.
“What will you have?”
The couple ordered and she got busy making their drinks. She knew Caleb wasn’t watching her anymore. But she also knew he was not going to let this go. He’d find her again if she didn’t call him. Or he’d come back here and ask questions. That’s what cops did and she’d learned a few years ago that her brother was now a police officer. She didn’t want him asking questions here.
That meant he’d pull all the answers to those questions out of her. Good Lord, was she even ready for this? Julie knew this day made would eventually come. But now that it was here, all the memories, all the pain, all the reasons she’d left home came flooding back to her heart and her mind.
She pasted on the smile as she finished preparing the drinks and turned to place them on the polished bar. She had to focus on work. It might end up being her last night here, so she’d need all the tips she could get.
She glanced over to the spot where Caleb had been again. He still wasn’t there, but somehow she felt small and suddenly exposed, mostly because she knew he was right. She’d had no right to leave her family in the dark all this time. It was time to bring some light to the most painful ten years of her life.
* * *
Going to the Lone Creek Ranch to work on horses always felt like coming home. Hunter had had been regularly shoeing one of the boarded horses, Tenterhook, since the horse had been injured last winter during a barrel racing event with his owner, Tabby Swanson. The horse had thrown a shoe during competition, and had just been cleared by the large animal vet for additional training to strengthen his leg. Tabby was eager to get started.
Hunter had worried his business as a farrier would suffer when word got out about the accident, since he’d been the one to shoe Tenterhook the day before the accident. But the investigation into the murder of the Lone Creek’s ranch manager had proven it to be sabotage. Like always, Trip, the owner of Lone Creek Ranch, was a fair man. Despite his grief over the loss of his longtime friend, Trip had made sure the community ranches in the area knew the true story and didn’t fall prey to rumor that it might have been Hunter’s faulty work as farrier.
“I hear Tenterhook got the all clear for the next level training,” Brody said. Brody was the new ranch manager at the Lone Creek Ranch.
“Tabby is going to be elated,” Hunter said. “Trip’s on the phone with her now. To be honest with you, there were days she cried right here in his stall thinking that Tenterhook might need to be put down. But he’s doing well and is healing better than anyone expected.”
Brody nodded. “He’s a beauty. Do you think he’ll ever go back into competition again?”
“Beats me. Even if he doesn’t, he’ll be a good riding horse and live out his life.”
“It’s nice to hear good news.”
“I’m almost done shoeing him. He’ll be good to go.”
“Um, you have a visitor.”
Hunter glanced up at Brody as he tried to maneuver Tenterhook into a good position. “Visitor? Here?”
Something about Brody’s expression seemed funny, almost foreboding.
“Who is it?”
“Once you finish what you’re doing, come outside. I’ll keep her entertained until you’re done.”
Feeling a frown tighten on his forehead, Hunter stared at Brody as he made his way down the center aisle of the stable. That had to be the oddest conversation he’d ever had with Brody.
What the hell was that all about? Her? Why would someone come out to the Lone Creek to talk to him if they didn’t already belong here? If it were a client, they would have called and left a message.
Hunter finished shoeing Tenterhook and put his tools back in his case. He gave the horse a little nuzzle on his neck and then led him back to his stall. When he shut the gate, Tenterhook lifted his head over the top and whinnied. Hunter gave him another affectionate rub on the neck. They had become good friends over the years and he was happy his old friend was playful again.
* * *
It had been years since Julie had stepped foot on the Lone Creek Ranch. Even though she’d spent the night pacing the floor and changing her mind a thousand times, she’d woken that morning determined to take that first step. Dr. Matthews constantly talked to her in steps. That one step would lead to the next step and so on. It was the only way to heal.
Steps, my foot! Why had she come out to the Lone Creek Ranch? What good was it going to do either of them?
After telling Brody she was here to see Hunter, he’d disappeared inside the stable. She’d thought about getting back into her car and heading back to her small room at Margaret’s house. But before she could do anything, she heard boots coming closer. Her heart pounded in her chest as she thought of seeing Hunter after so many years. But it was Brody who’d emerged from the building.
“He’s just finishing up. He’ll be out the minute.”
She’d seen him before, but Julie couldn’t place him. She’d met so many people over the years that had just passed through her life and had been forgotten. She felt sure she should remember him. She just didn’t know why.
“Thank you. I’ll just wait here for him,” she said.
“You can sit over there on the bench while you wait,” he said. “You’d be out of the sun.”
For the first time since she’d climbed out of her car, Julie realized she was sweating profusely. Brody thought it was because she was standing in the sun. What a joke! Julie knew it was all nerves.
It had been over ten years since she’d seen Hunter Williams. Ten years of wondering what this moment might be like. She didn’t know what to expect. She’d imagined it at least a hundred times just this morning while she’d changed her outfit half a dozen times before finally deciding it didn’t matter what clothes she was wearing when she saw Hunter again.
Besides, Hunter was a ranch hand. Or used to be. Caleb said something about him shoeing horses for a living now. Regardless, he worked in a stable with horses and she knew what it was like to work on a ranch with horses. It didn’t matter if she were dressed up wearing a pair of shorts and a T-shirt or a ball gown. She’d get good and dirty.
“Thank you,” she said.
She started walking over to the bench under a large tree with wide branches. As soon as she was under the shade of the tree, she realized just how hot it had been standing in the sun by the barn door. She heard footsteps and glanced over her shoulder and noticed Brody was following her.
“You don’t have to wait with me. I’m sure you have work to do. I don’t want to keep you from your job.”
“It’s been a long time.”
“Yeah, it has,” she answered, not sure what he meant but not sure how to reply.
“What have you been up to?”
How could she relive the last ten years of her life in a few short moments before Hunter walked out of the barn and saw her? But then she realized that Brody really didn’t expect her to catalog every step of her life. It was just small talk. She’d somehow lost the ability to do that.
“I’ve been working at the Red Wolf Casino.”
His eyes widened. “Really? As a dealer?”
“No.”
“Ah. I haven’t been to the casino yet.”
She frowned. “Really? That surprises me.”
“Why?”
“I thought everyone within a five hundred mile radius had been out to the Red Wolf. It’s so close. I see millions of people every day.”
He smirked. “Millions?”
“It sure feels that way at the end of the night after serving drinks for eight hours.”
“A bartender.”
She chuckled at his surprised expression.
“Yeah, a bartender. Fully licensed.”
This year she was bartender. Last year she had been a waitress. The year before that she’d worked as a housemaid at one of the lodges in upstate Oregon. She hadn’t quite settled on the thing she wanted to do for life. Be a mother. That had been robbed of her.
“If you haven’t been to the casino, you should stop by. People have a good time,” Julie said, glancing at the open barn door to check for Hunter.
When she looked back at Brody, she saw a shadow had crossed his face. “I’ll take you up on that. But it will have to wait for a few months.”
“Why is that?”
“I’ve got a date on the calendar. After that date, I’m good to go.”
Before she could ask what he meant, she heard boots on the concrete aisle of the barn getting louder. Her pulse quickened as she stared at the open doorway.
“Looks like that’s Hunter,” Brody said.
Hunter appeared in the doorway, adjusting his cowboy hat and squinting toward the two of them to get a better look now that the light had changed. His eyes suddenly widened as their gazes locked.
“What are you doing here, Julie?” Hunter asked, glaring at her with anger she knew she probably deserved. He was surprised but the anger was there and it was potent.
“Guess I’ll just let you two visit,” Brody said. Then he turned to Hunter. “I’ll be taking Tenterhook out for a spin in the corral before Tabby gets here.”
Hunter waved him off and continued to stare at Julie as he slowly walked toward her. She waited until Brody was out of earshot to say anything.
“I saw my brother last night,” she said.
“So?”
Hunter propped his hands on his hips. Damn he was better looking that she’d remembered. And she’d remembered a lot. He’d been full of muscles and lean as a working cowboy should be when she’d been in love with him, and that hadn’t changed. He was still as handsome as ever. Even wearing his cowboy hat, she could see a few strands of gray starting at his temple. She longed to touch it and feel her fingers in his hair again. They’d both gotten older even though in many ways it had felt as if time had stood still.
“Caleb said he was going to tell you that he saw me unless I told you myself.”
He frowned. “That’s why you’re here?”
“Yes.”
Hunter seemed distant for a few seconds, looking around the ranch as if he were looking for someone. And it occurred to her that maybe he was. Caleb hadn’t mentioned anything about Hunter having a woman in his life. What had she walked into?
He finally lifted his gaze to her. “Okay, now I’ve seen you.”
“That’s it?”
He turned away and paced a few steps before turning back and looking at her. “What do you want me to say, Julie? You’ve been gone for ten years and you never once thought to call me or let me know where you were or that you were okay. Why should it matter now?”
She shrugged but suddenly felt embarrassed. “Look, I just didn’t want you to hear it from Caleb. I thought it might be best if I came here myself. But I guess I was wrong. So now that you’ve seen me…”
She shook her head and started to stalk away but heard the sharp curse he tried to keep under his breath.
“You’re leaving? Again?” he ground out.
She felt the weight of tears behind her eyes and wanted to run. She was good at running. Dr. Matthews always told her that. And she had been right. It was time to stop. Seeing Caleb had proven that.
Julie swung around. “I don’t know what else to say.”
“That makes two of us. But I know that there’s a whole lot more we need to say to each other. Don’t you think?”
“Fair enough. But… I’m not ready, Hunter.”
He looked at her is if she were crazy, and she actually did feel that way. She had felt that way for long time. Dr. Matthews had insisted she wasn’t crazy. She was just grieving. Just. As if it was a small thing.
Julie knew her therapist didn’t think her grief was a small thing. She did feel like Julie had spent years trying to marginalize it in order to cope, which was why she was here today. She had to stop doing that if she had any chance of moving on with her life.
“I’m here. Not in Sweet, but close by anyway,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “I don’t know what I thought this would be like. I knew it was never going to be easy or comfortable for either of us.”
“You could say that.”
She fiddled with her hands as she forced herself to look at the stricken expression on Hunter’s face. “I think it’s time we talk. But I think we should wait until we both have a chance to get used to the fact that we are seeing each other again.”
He shook his head. “We’re not seeing each other, Julie. You left. For a long time, I might add. Just because you show up here—”
“I don’t mean dating. You know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“This isn’t easy. Can we just leave this initial meeting as is, and say that we will talk in a few days so that each of us can get our bearings and then get some closure?”
“Bearings? I lost my bearings a long time ago when you left. Is that what you really want?”
“Yes.”
“And that’s the only reason you came back?”
She didn’t trust her voice anymore, so she nodded.
He kicked the dirt with his boot in frustration and cast a cold stare in her direction. “I had closure the day I found out that you left when you were pregnant with my child. And never bothered to tell me.”
Her mouth dropped open. Caleb hadn’t told her that Hunter knew.
“Yeah, I know about the baby,” he said. “And I want to know what happened.”
Tears filled her eyes. “There is no baby. Not anymore. I’ll call you in a few days.”
The look in his eyes shattered her heart. Would he have wanted their baby? Had he known all this time she’d been pregnant?
“Why bother? I think you just told me everything I need to know.”
Julie watched Hunter stalk into the barn. He had no idea how wrong he was. But she couldn’t tell him the truth today. Seeing his reaction, she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to get through telling him the truth without feeling a piece of her die.